What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Bjornebye]

50 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Sliced kidneys fried in salted butter are top drawer. You haven't fucking lived. 

You dirty, stupid scruffy twat 

[YorkshireRed]

2 hours ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Mrs Kurtz and youngest son are both away so the twins and I have taken advantage of the lack of diet police to have a proper breakfast. The eagle eyed amongst you will spot no beans and proper kidneys. Do your worst you bunch of Gordon Ramsey wannabes.

 

Absolute disgrace.

I prepare myself mentally to observe the general shambles, with a few exceptions, posted on this thread on a Sunday.

 

To see this on a Saturday is nothing short of a crime against humanity, to say nothing of the damage it’s doing to your children.

 

Young Kurtz: Dad is it acceptable to have kidneys on a breakfast?

 

Kurtz: Yes it is, it’s also fine to vote Tory, keep a fleet of Porsche cars and murder old ladies by throwing them down manholes.

 

Young Kurtz (to him/herself): I think my dad might be a serial killer. I bet that HP sauce contains poison. I knew I shouldn’t have said that some Labour Party policies seem fair and sensible to me. Good job he’s not forcing cups of tea on us. 

[Remmie]

13 minutes ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Ha ha. For the record I have only got one 20 year old Porsche, it is as rusty as fuck underneath and it is currently in the garage being welded back together so it can limp through another MoT. I am awaiting the bill with some trepidation.

The old lady is fine. It was a fucking GRAZE

I've never voted Tory in my life. You are conflating me with Mrs Kurtz.  

Apart from that you were spot on. 

 

This post tells me you've donated thousands to the Conservative party by selling your Porsche fleet while trying to steal an old ladies inheritance after trying to kill her to add to the donations. 

 

I expect your knighthood in the next honours list

[Evelyn Tentions]

40 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I went camping in the dales near settle for what should’ve been two nights from Thursday.

 

i made a superb camp breakfast with perfectly cooked (fried) basin and sausage, sliced up and stirred into a saucepan of beans, dished up into bowls and a perfect fried egg laid atop. All cooked on a gas camping stove in the rain.

 

i forgot to take a photo, but it was fucking bliss.

 

unfortunately while out walking up Ingleborough in the force 9 gales that afternoon, our tent was destroyed by similar winds on the ground, so we had to pack up and come home yesterday and I couldn’t bring myself to cook up the same again from the comfort of a kitchen so instead I had the leftover Spag Bol from previous evening camp culinary adventures instead.

That sounds fucking disgusting. The storm was the weather gods giving their opinion

[Bob]

You’re dead wrong. Sausage and bacon, beans and fried egg, in one delicious bowl, eaten in the rain. Heaven.

[Remmie]

2 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

You’re dead wrong. Sausage and bacon, beans and fried egg, in one delicious bowl, eaten in the rain. Heaven.

The water dilutes the disgusting bean taste? 

[Mudface]

3 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

You’re dead wrong. Sausage and bacon, beans and fried egg, in one delicious bowl, eaten in the rain. Heaven.

Too close to this muck-

 

[Anubis]

59 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I went camping in the dales near settle for what should’ve been two nights from Thursday.

 

i made a superb camp breakfast with perfectly cooked (fried) basin and sausage, sliced up and stirred into a saucepan of beans, dished up into bowls and a perfect fried egg laid atop. All cooked on a gas camping stove in the rain.

 

i forgot to take a photo, but it was fucking bliss.

 

unfortunately while out walking up Ingleborough in the force 9 gales that afternoon, our tent was destroyed by similar winds on the ground, so we had to pack up and come home yesterday and I couldn’t bring myself to cook up the same again from the comfort of a kitchen so instead I had the leftover Spag Bol from previous evening camp culinary adventures instead.

Negged for packing up in the face of a little breeze.

[Bob]

8 minutes ago, Anubis said:

Negged for packing up in the face of a little breeze.

Reasonable criticism.

[Barrington Womble]

13 minutes ago, Mudface said:

Too close to this muck-

 

I haven't had one of them for years. Muck is the right word, but I seem to remember liking them regardless. 

[Mudface]

Just now, The Gaul said:

I haven't had one of them for years. Muck is the right word, but I seem to remember liking them regardless. 

I vaguely remember having one with a bad hangover, it really didn't improve things, horrible stuff.

[Barrington Womble]

Just now, Mudface said:

I vaguely remember having one with a bad hangover, it really didn't improve things, horrible stuff.

I'm hopefully out for a fry up tomorrow, Ifni wasn't I might have bought a can to try it out. I might still buy a can and save for a rainy day. 

[Mudface]

1 minute ago, The Gaul said:

I'm hopefully out for a fry up tomorrow, Ifni wasn't I might have bought a can to try it out. I might still buy a can and save for a rainy day. 

Heh, it'll end up like that dwarf bread in Terry Pratchett's books, you'll never go hungry with it because you'd eat anything else instead.

[Mudface]

Just now, Colonel Kurtz said:

Yes but how did you get this picture ? That's the suspicious part. Pretty much the breakfast thread equivalent of those people who are caught with kiddie porn on their laptop and claim they didn't know it was there. 

There's a marvellous invention called Google, which lets you search for stuff. Although in this case I was searching for dog vomit porn.

[Mook]

4 hours ago, Colonel Kurtz said:

Mrs Kurtz and youngest son are both away so the twins and I have taken advantage of the lack of diet police to have a proper breakfast. The eagle eyed amongst you will spot no beans and proper kidneys. Do your worst you bunch of Gordon Ramsey wannabes.

 

Get fucked.

[TheHowieLama]

2 hours ago, Remmie said:

ARdja used to get reps for the absolute monstrosities he'd pay £30 for, I am disappointed that the tradition of repping any breakfast submission before absolutely massacring it. 

Rem knows.

 

I had a wild night with a 20 year old Porsche in my youth - she was quite a ride.

 

Blurtz - the kids are ok there but get a mask on that plate fella.

[Pidge]

2 hours ago, Remmie said:

This post tells me you've donated thousands to the Conservative party by selling your Porsche fleet while trying to steal an old ladies inheritance after trying to kill her to add to the donations. 

 

I expect your knighthood in the next honours list

Knighthood? With Boris about it'll be Lord Kurtz before long.

[Trumo]

"Little Mpupu is just 8 years old, but every morning he has to walk 10 miles to a river to collect water for his family. That water is teeming with parasites, diseases and animal waste, yet it is all Mpupu and his family have to drink. He often goes without food for days on end, and is suffering from hunger and malnutrition. We showed Mpupu the breakfast thread on TLW, and Mpupu decided that he would rather remain happy in life as he is right now. He even offered to give us our £3 a month back so he never ever has to eat that swill. Be like Mpupu. Save a life."

[Guest]

TLW Liver Aids.

[lifetime fan]

Reckon I can do worse than Kurtz. 
 

Had to make the bird a ‘slimming world fry up’ this morning. 
 

 

 

[YorkshireRed]

6 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

Reckon I can do worse than Kurtz. 
 

Had to make the bird a ‘slimming world fry up’ this morning. 
 

 

 

I suppose as it’s slimming world and you’re trying to do a nice thing for your bird then any criticism should reflect that.

 

Other than the sausages, bacon, tomatoes, fried potatoes, beans and scrambled eggs it’s absolutely fine. 

[Tony Moanero]

10 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

Reckon I can do worse than Kurtz. 
 

Had to make the bird a ‘slimming world fry up’ this morning. 
 

 

 

Cherry tomatoes are for salads. I was once banned from a poncy cafe for saying I didn’t like my scrambled eggs gooey like that. 

 

Them: “That’s the only way you can cook scrambled eggs.”

 

Me: Rubbish, you can cook them how ever you like.”

[mgw100]

Chips are my go to option as well if I'm trying to lose weight

[Bjornebye]

28 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

Reckon I can do worse than Kurtz. 
 

Had to make the bird a ‘slimming world fry up’ this morning. 
 

 

 

Don’t ever speak to me again. 

[Guest]

30 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

Dog tongues? Pony cocks? Vomit? Pigs trotters? Camel teeth? Red-Eyed Tree Frog's eyes?

 

I'd chuck that in the bin and called it a 'Slimming World Fuck Up'.