Joke!

[brucespanner]

I was frantically trying to clean the spunk off my sisters duvet when my mum walked in. She took one look at me and shouted "YOU'RE DISGUSTING!!". "I'm disgusting?" I replied "She's the one who spat it out!!"

[redheart]

How many G4S staff does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

6 soldiers and a policeman

[brucespanner]

Thinking of writing my own filthy book like fifty shades, so far I have got,,,"i gently ran my hands down her front until i found the smoothness of her pussy, she was wetter than a spastics chin"

 

What do you think?

[stevebaby]

Thinking of writing my own filthy book like fifty shades, so far I have got,,,"i gently ran my hands down her front until i found the smoothness of her pussy, she was wetter than a spastics chin"

 

What do you think?

"...and tighter than a sheep's arse." I'd go with the Welsh theme. they're a very literary race and will buy a lot of books if there's even a hint of sheep-fucking.

The German translation will buy you a nice little pile in the country and an Aston Martin.

[Remmie]

Thinking of writing my own filthy book like fifty shades, so far I have got,,,"i gently ran my hands down her front until i found the smoothness of her pussy, she was wetter than a spastics chin"

 

What do you think?

Not very PC, change it to wetter than Jamie Oliver's chin.

[Trumo]

An Indian man was arrested earlier today for beating his wife. Chinder Gudanproppa said he was innocent.

[bizzle10]

An Indian man was arrested earlier today for beating his wife. Chinder Gudanproppa said he was innocent.

 

hahaha

[taliesin08]

The Chinese are unbeatable in the Olympic pool. They have improved greatly since Morecambe Bay 2004...

[halewood pete]

Thinking of writing my own filthy book like fifty shades, so far I have got,,,"i gently ran my hands down her front until i found the smoothness of her pussy, she was wetter than a spastics chin"

 

What do you think?

How about this for next paragraph?

'After what seemed like ten minutes humping the arse off her,i pulled out and pumped the vast contents of my overflowing nutsack all over her face leaving it looking like a plasterers radio '

[stringvest]

Olympic sailing results are in - Great Britain took the gold, New Zealand took the silver, and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth.

[halewood pete]

The Somalian olympic team have issued an apology saying that they didnt realise the sailing and shooting were seperate events !...

[Captain]

Excellent!

[halewood pete]

Usain Bolt,the fastest running man in London since John terry heard Wayne bridges key in the door !

[halewood pete]

ITS A BOY,!ITS A BOY ! I cried,the tears streaming down my face,I Can't believe ITS A BOY .

and I swore to myself there and then,I would never,ever visit a Thai brothel again. !....

[halewood pete]

Going to be quite honest with you all now.up until two weeks ago,I knew fuck all about the olympics. Now I can't wait for next years!

[Captain Turdseye]

The wife came home with a pack of nappies and a bag of baby clothes.

 

"Is there something you want to tell me?" I asked.

 

"Yeah," she said, "Gary Barlow's having a car boot sale."

[laswe]

good joke please add more no's..ha ha aha aha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[halewood pete]

7 wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD 40

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it

[lifetime fan]

Rooney was disappointed to learn 50 shades of grey was not a menu at the local whore house.

[halewood pete]

Paralympic update;

Twenty three spectators dead watching the epileptic clay pigeon shooting event ....!!

[AngryOfTuebrook]

I was in hospital yesterday getting a mole removed from my penis, the docs said it went well. But the RSPCA say if I do it again they will prosecute.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

[Melchett]

A horse walks into a bar.

And the Barman says, 'why the long face?'

The horse replies, 'they just killed my wife, twenty years she was pulling that Milk Float and when she got too old they took her down to the Knackers yard and shot a whacking great bolt through her head.'

'No, you've ruined it now,' said the barman, 'the whole crux of that joke is that it hinged on the interplay between somebody having a long face because they are sad and the fact that a horse has got a naturally long face because of its bone-structure. As touching as I found your 'bolt through the head' story to be, by giving a valid reason for a horse to have a long face you have taken away the shock value which is inherent in the joke and brought out by having a barman (such as myself) ask a typical question but having the reason for asking the question come from a non-typical source.'

'You wouldn't say that if they had just made your wife into a pot of glue' said the horse.

[DT]

Woman walked into a bar and asked the barman for a double entendre.

 

So he gave her one.