Divorce - pros & cons?

[skend04]

I’m have about £100 left a month. I can’t afford a solicitor,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(But my mum can and will pay)

Most solicitors should offer you 30 minutes or an hour's free initial consultation. But I'd be going down the route of mediation before even considering formal proceedings, it's a last resort and sure to cause resentment.

[Rico1304]

I’m have about £100 left a month. I can’t afford a solicitor,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(But my mum can and will pay)

It’s the best investment you’ll make mate, you might get the first 30 mins free too.

[Fowlers God]

Most solicitors should offer you 30 minutes or an hour's free initial consultation. But I'd be going down the route of mediation before even considering formal proceedings, it's a last resort and sure to cause resentment.

Agreed. What is mediation and how do you get that?

[skend04]

Agreed. What is mediation and how do you get that?

There's a couple of links down towards the bottom of this page.

 

https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/family-mediation/

 

There might be costs involved but they'll be nowhere near what a solicitor would charge.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Father's have rights. More accurately, children have rights to spend time with their father AND Mother. She won't be able to cut you off from them without good reason. You'll see them, so don't worry about that. Form you argument based on what's best for them. Say you want week time and weekend time so you get so share the responsibility of school work and fun activities etc.

[Rico1304]

There's a couple of links down towards the bottom of this page.

 

https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/family-mediation/

 

There might be costs involved but they'll be nowhere near what a solicitor would charge.

Mediation is great, but when it fails you need representation. Go see a solicitor, she doesn’t have to know and you’ll have the advantage of knowing the process.

 

Family courts are hugely biased towards the mother, good advice and representation can help even it up.

[The Guest]

Turdseye is spot on. If I was you I’d be planting my feet. I don’t know you or the situation as in depth as the others but from what you’ve said it sounds like you’re very stable (not just financially) as you’re thinking things through and putting the kids first. I can be absolutely ruthless in these situations and I always try to encourage my mates to be the same.

 

To start with you know you’re right and you know it so tell her the way it is. The best thing for your kids is that you stay exactly where you are. You hold the cards here by being the bill payer. I know you mentioned that it’s difficult being in the house at the moment but the alternative is you leaving and not seeing your kids as much so tell her that as well. I don’t know all the legal ramifications around these things but a lot of the time it comes down to who stands their ground more before it ever gets that far. If she wants to leave you then tell her she can do. What I think you will find is that she won’t.

 

She’s probably got this image in her head of you walking out so she can have her imagined idyllic lifestyle. That’s not happening with you getting the shitty end of the stick.

[Remmie]

If you are going to live separately and your mum takes the kids to school on your days it has fuck all to do with your Mrs/ex, that's your time with them. It sounds like she is making most of the demands about where to live, who looks after them and when she has them - it's only fair you have your own expectations. Perhaps you need to decide what your priorities are and what you want so you are clear in your mind before presenting this to her and also considering what you are willing to negotiate on. For example if you agree to move out, perhaps you have more say about the days you look after them.

[Stouffer]

Mediation is great, but when it fails you need representation. Go see a solicitor, she doesn’t have to know and you’ll have the advantage of knowing the process.

 

Family courts are hugely biased towards the mother, good advice and representation can help even it up.

Bang on the money, solicitor up and do it quickly. If your mum is willing to help pay then just do it because at some point you're going to have to.

 

In my experience mediation is a load of rubbish.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Also, my solicitor was able to just bill me at the end, and had finance options to pay off as much as you could afford per month. So it won't be one big whack of a payment.

[Greycellgreen]

From personal experience, mediation is all well and good if both sides come to it with the same goals. In my situation there was no give and take from her at all, three sessions later nothing was achieved and it went down the legal route.

 

It’s the shittest of shit situations, but it gets easier and easier until eventually you realise it’s probably the best thing that could of happened. Obviously doesn’t ease any of the pain or (what I found) confusion in the here and now though.

[Champ]

More of a general point this one...I cant remember where I read this but I read recently about a couple who, when they split up, arranged that the children remained in the family home and the parents spent part of the week there with them and then had somewhere else to stay when they weren't looking after them. I dont know how it would work as a long term solution but I'm thinking it might reduce some of the upheaval so many kids experience when their parents separate

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

From personal experience, mediation is all well and good if both sides come to it with the same goals. In my situation there was no give and take from her at all, three sessions later nothing was achieved and it went down the legal route.

 

It’s the shittest of shit situations, but it gets easier and easier until eventually you realise it’s probably the best thing that could of happened. Obviously doesn’t ease any of the pain or (what I found) confusion in the here and now though.

Mine didn't show for two mediations. No warning, no text, no call.

[skend04]

Obviously people haven't had the best experiences with mediation here but I'd still say it's at least worth a try. Even in court you'll be banging heads, and that's at a considerably higher cost. I suppose if you do go straight to court you could represent yourself if you're a confident speaker and know what you want or try for a McKenzie Friend to help you.

[Jenson]

If/when you split FG, you are going to see your kids less than you do now. That's just a fact. If you leave the house you're going on your own, if she leaves she's taking the kids with her.

 

The best thing to do imo is try to work out some sort of schedule/rota so that both of you know when each of you is having the kids. You can also have flexibility within that schedule though so it's not completely rigid (this is the arrangement I have with my ex-wife). Also (Remmie is right) when the kids are in your care, you decide who can look after them/take them to school etc if you need a hand, not her. I would also look to share weekends, rather than you looking after the kids every Saturday & Sunday. You have a life too, and if you work during the week, you need downtime/time with mates as well.

 

I can't imagine any family court giving you, as the Father, full custody over the Mother unless there is a extremely good reason to do so. Also to go down that route will destroy any resemblance of a relationship/friendship/contact with your wife in the future, probably for good.

 

Go to see a solicitor, you will get a free initial consultation, and it will give you an idea of what rights and options you have. You can still try to arrange things with your wife between you (this is by far the best thing to do) but you'll at least have your eyes wide open a little bit and it will help you so that she can't just dictate terms to you.

 

In terms of finance, you will have to pay maintenance based on the number of children you have, your salary and the number of nights they stay with you. To find out how much use the Government calculator, https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance. In terms of her rent/bills if you live apart I think that would have to be an arrangement between the two of you but I don't see why you should carry on paying everything/anything for her (even if you could). Also as a single mum, she will have access to various benefits (housing benefit, income support) depending on her salary/amount of hours worked.

[Rico1304]

Obviously people haven't had the best experiences with mediation here but I'd still say it's at least worth a try. Even in court you'll be banging heads, and that's at a considerably higher cost. I suppose if you do go straight to court you could represent yourself if you're a confident speaker and know what you want or try for a McKenzie Friend to help you.

Skend - no offence but suggesting someone represents themselves in any court is bad advice. Particularly in a family court with kids involved.

[Shitty Arse]

You have to at least attempt mediation anyway before going to court. You then get a letter from them which says you attended and don’t wish to pursue it. Then you send that off with the court papers

[Fowlers God]

I’ve booked an appointment with a Family Lawyer in Leighton Buzzard next Monday. I don’t want to start any proceedings but it’s a half an hour assessment so that I am able to know my rights and be prepared for the worst.

 

I appreciate all of the messages and input.

[skend04]

Skend - no offence but suggesting someone represents themselves in any court is bad advice. Particularly in a family court with kids involved.

I perhaps should have added that you would need a prepared position statement beforehand via a solicitor but forgot because I was in the middle of the set to with A Red.

 

I had to go on my own several times, but it's probably not advised on the first visit nor a final hearing. Anyways good luck to the fella, it's a right fucker getting mixed up in family courts. And don't make any friends, you don't know what they are there for. I got talking to one guy and it turns out he was walking around with a hard on in front of one of his kids amongst other questionable things.

[Josef Svejk]

I’ve booked an appointment with a Family Lawyer in Leighton Buzzard next Monday. I don’t want to start any proceedings but it’s a half an hour assessment so that I am able to know my rights and be prepared for the worst.

 

I appreciate all of the messages and input.

Leighton Buzzard would be a great name for a lawyer.

 

 

 

 

(Sorry, FG: couldn't resist.)

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Leighton Buzzard, specialist in Bird Law.

[Fowlers God]

I have just phoned our letting agents as well and she won’t fulfill the criteria to be able to keep the house. At least I’ve got everything in my back pocket and the ammo now to deal with things when and if they come round.

[Stouffer]

Don't expect much advice in half an hour, it will take them that long just noting down the details. You'll need an hour appointment I reckon.

 

Payment wise they'll want the 30 minutes extra and probably a £100 on account to start the ball rolling. You can put off paying it but you're going to need to at some point.

[Fowlers God]

Don't expect much advice in half an hour, it will take them that long just noting down the details. You'll need an hour appointment I reckon.

 

Payment wise they'll want the 30 minutes extra and probably a £100 on account to start the ball rolling. You can put off paying it but you're going to need to at some point.

It’s £79 for the half an hour. But I have bank of mum and dad behind me in the long term.

 

I just want to to be prepared and ahead of any game so that I can fact behind any expectations that I have and can legally justify them.

 

I don’t want to be here at all. I thought my marriage would always be here. I only ever intend to do it once but life unfortunately hasn’t played out that way so for the best interests of my children and I, I need to Be versed.

[Jenson]

It’s £79 for the half an hour. But I have bank of mum and dad behind me in the long term.

 

I just want to to be prepared and ahead of any game so that I can fact behind any expectations that I have and can legally justify them.

 

I don’t want to be here at all. I thought my marriage would always be here. I only ever intend to do it once but life unfortunately hasn’t played out that way so for the best interests of my children and I, I need to Be versed.

 

Is this a solicitor that has been recommended to you or one that you've found yourself? Because the initial consultation is almost always free. Charging you £79 for a first consult is a pisstake.