The Radcliffe worst place you ever took a dump...

[Nunavut Patrick]

Back of a UPS truck, on a rural delivery route. Had to pull into an old logging road, cacked on a map book, thank God it was only a two sheet wipe, because only had a couple of serviettes with my lunch; hoofed the map, serviettes and turd into the bush and drove to the next stop with the back doors open.

[kop]

A mate once took a crap in a toilet show room in a toilet exhibition. He actually thought it was a regular toilet. Some guards saw him and threw him out coz they thought he was doing it on purpous. Never laughed as mutch as when he was tripping over the floor with one of his hands trying to pull back on his pants and his other hand in the guards firm grip.

[aws]

Leaving aside the time I followed through on the white sheepskin rug of my girlfriend's parents,it would probably be behind a drystone wall,halfway up a mountain in the pouring rain with only my hanky to clean up afterwards.

[Total Longo]

In my kecks. It was dreadful.

[Bob]

in my room in a shoebox when i had the trots last year. A load of my mates were staying at ours on the lounge floor and i had been waking up roughly every hour in desperate need to go, then woke up thinking there no chance, i'll have to make do.

 

Had to carry the shoebox outside, stepping carefully over a load of sleeping bodies and nearly tripped!

 

Stupidly, i told them all the following morning and had the nickname of 'Shoebox' for the next 2 months til they got bored of it.

[bri]

couple of crap stories..........

 

good friend of mine.. honest, was pilled up in a club and ended up back at this birds house with a few mates, anyway hes off his tits upstairs trying to have a crap falling all round the bath room, ends up in the bath whilst havin a dump. Comes round thinks what the fuck am i doing starts running the tap to clear himself up, gets worse falls over in it all and out of the bath. Starts walking round naked upstairs and falls down the stairs stark bollock covered in wet turd. Cost him 300quid for the mess and no second date.

 

Another mate of mine at a wedding walked into his nieces bedroom got in the wardobe and crapped all over the floor, woke the whole house up and then had to dismantle the whole wardobe at 5am to clean it all up.

 

Other mate of mine..............................................

[Remmie]

That mate of mine story reminds me of an actual mate of mine...

 

He pulled a bit of a rough bint one night and she overheard him say to his mates that she was a bit minging but he wanted sopme sex. Anyhoo, and here's the bit I don't get, she took him back to HER house they still had sex. When he woke up in the morning she had taken a huge dump on his bare chest and fecked off to work. This story would surely make more sense if he took her back to his, so he took revenge by flinging her shit everywhere

[kop]

That mate of mine story reminds me of an actual mate of mine...

 

He pulled a bit of a rough bint one night and she overheard him say to his mates that she was a bit minging but he wanted sopme sex. Anyhoo, and here's the bit I don't get, she took him back to HER house they still had sex. When he woke up in the morning she had taken a huge dump on his bare chest and fecked off to work. This story would surely make more sense if he took her back to his, so he took revenge by flinging her shit everywhere

 

She probably had the key to her ex' place and told your mate she lived there. Now that would've been some revenge for whatever.

[Tom R]

not poo-related, but wee-wee. And just last night in fact!

 

got stupidly pissed and apparently i had a piss in the bedroom, all over the ironing board and up the walls.

My mrs was not best pleased with me. Apparently I was muttering something about it being a "sex wee," just for her and no one else.

She proceeded to clean it up whilst I giggled in my sleep in the corner.

[Dave H]

not poo-related, but wee-wee. And just last night in fact!

 

got stupidly pissed and apparently i had a piss in the bedroom, all over the ironing board and up the walls.

My mrs was not best pleased with me. Apparently I was muttering something about it being a "sex wee," just for her and no one else.

She proceeded to clean it up whilst I giggled in my sleep in the corner.

 

Pissing my self laughing :lol:

[Dr.Filth]

Ok guys, this one was actually me, not a 'friend'. It happened after my then girlfriend's cousin's wedding. I was only 19 and got fucking hammered as it was a free bar so her parents decided to let me stay in her brothers room rather than go home in such a state. Woke up bursting in the middle of the night and instinctively stumbled left into where the toilet would have been if I was at home. Unfortunately it was her parents room and I ended up pissing all over her Dad's head. Needless to say I ended up with a black eye and an ex girlfriend.

[Tom R]

God bless ye Vladi lad.

[Stu Monty]

wee related story:

 

I just wet myself reading these!!

 

A mate of mine went out on the piss and got blasted. Shit himself. Told his mates he had shit himself and was going home. Walked the 15 minutes home. Got in. Took his ubdies off...turned them round and put them back on. Walked the 15 mins back to the pub and was surprised that his mates told him he smelt like an open sewer and to fuck off.

[bri]

Back in the day we were in this club in leeds all high as kites on these monster pills. Were like "yall right phil these are fuckin great"

 

We get "yeah i know ive just shot me load" and walks off.

[BatChainPuller]

Bus station in Rawalpindi - busting for a crap after 6 hours on a bus and having eaten the fiercest curries ever (I ordered a korma thinking that would be a safe bet - took my head clean off was so hot). It was the most hideous smelly khazi imaginable - hole in the ground affair - remember trying to hold my breath, levitate, dump, and run. :sick:

[Kopite]

That mate of mine story reminds me of an actual mate of mine...

 

He pulled a bit of a rough bint one night and she overheard him say to his mates that she was a bit minging but he wanted sopme sex. Anyhoo, and here's the bit I don't get, she took him back to HER house they still had sex. When he woke up in the morning she had taken a huge dump on his bare chest and fecked off to work. This story would surely make more sense if he took her back to his, so he took revenge by flinging her shit everywhere

 

You still rule mate.

[Vincent Vega]

Don't take a shit in a field if a donkey is present:

 

http://www.big-boys.com/articles/painintheass.html