Whats your current aftershave

[Trumo]

All you need is a slash of Old Spice and it will be like Niagara Falls everywhere you go.

 

They're not all incontinent at the old people's home you know!

[Carvalho Diablo]

These young un's who must literally bathe in JPG Le Male, fucking hell, they need the Trotsky treatment.

[sir roger]

The hooky stuff on Greaty Market is worth checking out, got a few positive comments for my Tommy Middlefinger in work last week.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Think Paco Rabanne as been drinking his own elixir...

 

 

Wacko Paco

• The Guardian, Tuesday 1 June 1999

It's all there, in black and white, in the 10th quatrain of the 72nd centurio: during the solar eclipse of August 11 1999, the space station Mir will fall like an avenging angel from the skies, laying waste to Paris, City of Light, and wreaking grievous collateral havoc on some select and highly sought-after real estate in the southwest of France.

Thus spake Michel de Nostre-Dame, the 16th-century French seer better known as Nostradamus. Or at least, thus spake Michel de Nostre-Dame if you listen to the fashion designer, parfumier and multi-millionaire inventor of the all-metal miniskirt, Francisco Rabaneda-Cuervo, better known as Paco Rabanne.

According to the Basque-born haute couturier who for good measure also believes that, having been around for a little over 78,000 years, he is now experiencing his final life on earth, and that that's just as well because the antichrist is alive and well and living in London it's really quite simple.

"Mir in Russian means peace," he explains in his cheerful new book, 1999: Fire From Heaven. "Nostradamus talks a lot about peace and also, on page 109, about 'l'onde mur', the wall-like wave. If you invert the 'u' in 'mur', you get 'n', and capital 'N' in Russian is pronounced 'I'. So 'mur' = 'mnr' = MNR = 'Mir'."

Apocalyptic visions, of course, are not the sole preserve of eccentric fashion designers. James Ussher (1581-1656), the Archbishop of Armagh, calculated that the world would end on October 22 1996, while Aleister Crowley predicted curtains in April 1997. Sister Marie Gabriel, a Polish nun, foresaw a "cosmic explosion" as the headline event for July 16 1994, and America is peppered with sects awaiting the final triumph of the forces of evil.

Nor, as it happens, is this wacko Paco's first venture into cosmic cataclysmology. Back in 1994, his best-selling Has The Countdown Begun? confidently predicted Armageddon sometime around 1996. But so convinced is he of the accuracy of his predictions this time that he has made arrangements to be absent from Paris and the southwest in early August.

If the world-weary French capital is taking the would-be soothsayer's latest musings with a pinch of salt, the hitherto peaceful southwestern region of Gers is not so amused. According to Rabanne, at least five towns and villages in this unspoiled but increasingly desirable holiday destination are likely to be devastated by extraterrestrial debris come August 11.

The mayor of one of the threatened towns, Condom, told the local paper, in a tongue-in-cheek way, that he is quietly confident it will offer more than adequate protection to its inhabitants. But the chairman of the regional council, Philippe Martin, is determined not to take such an unwarranted attack on the area lying down.

"In our Sunday paper, Paco Rabanne, who is undoubtedly a better couturier than he is a prophet, let it be known that the fall of the orbital space station Mir would entrain the entire or partial destruction of large parts of this wonderful area," he said in an angry statement.

"At a time when tourism professionals and the whole of the population are gearing up to welcome a multitude of summer visitors to Gascony, this dire prediction cannot go unanswered. In consequence, and in the name of the community I have the honour to represent, I have decided to launch legal proceedings against Mr Rabanne for knowingly distributing false information likely to do irreparable damage to the local image and economy."

Rabanne, however, appears unrepentant. "I've thought about it for a very long time and decided to make my vision public for the common good," he says. "My personal conviction is total. I'm aware I'm staking my honour and credibility on this and I'd like nothing better than to be proved wrong. Nonetheless, I'm giving all my staff who are not already on holiday a few days' leave. And my shops will be closed."

The perfumes and clothes of Paco Rabanne have adorned some of the world's most beautiful women for the best part of 30 years. As a child, however, he was no stranger to global conflagration. A refugee from the Spanish civil war, where his father was shot by Franco's fascists, he escaped with his mother across the Pyrenees and reached France just in time for the Nazi invasion.

After a somewhat calmer postwar studenthood at the Ecole des Beaux-Arts in Paris, Rabanne worked for Balenciaga, Givenchy and Dior, and then set about constructing an empire. His hugely successful perfumes for both men and women were accompanied by a daring range of couture collections best known for their pioneering use of chain mail, plastic and other radical materials.

All this we know. What few of us knew until very recently was that an out-of-body boyhood experience would, half a century later, propel an undisputed genius of style to take what appears to be temporary leave of his scents and to claim, as he does, to come "from the crystal planet in the constellation of the Eagle which orbits around the star Altair".

In Has The Countdown Begun?, Rabanne writes: "I was lying on my bed, half asleep, at the age of seven. My spirit rose slowly from my inert body and I was suddenly transported into the presence of a strong light whose source I could not make out. I was no longer conscious of my own existence... Instinctively, I knew that I was on the Seventh Vibratory Plane, where everything is simply Essence. I no longer had bodily shape. I was a simple entity, vibratory and luminous..."

Rabanne says his latest prognostications of death and destruction originated in a dream he had in 1951 of hundreds of people being burned alive, throwing themselves despairingly into the Seine in a benighted bid to beat the brimstone. Then, years later, a scientist told him the ageing Russian space-station would start to become a serious danger to mankind in 1999.

"Suddenly everything became clear on a closer reading of Nostradamus, whom I've studied for decades, and of other soothsayers," he told the local paper La Dép che du Midi, in a extensive interview last weekend that sowed panic across the southwest.

"In the last century, Marie-Julie Jahenny predicted the destruction of the City of Light 'on a day when the sun will wear a veil of mourning' that's quite clearly a reference to the eclipse. And in Tarot, the number 11 is blind strength. I'm afraid it's foretold: Mir will fall from the sky on August 11 at 11.22 am."

Rabanne's visions have attracted some weird disciples. Josiane Pasquier, a woman who stalked him for more than three years while convinced he was Satan, was given a suspended jail sentence last year after claiming he taunted her by telepathy whenever she decided to eat chocolate.

But other followers have been more successful: the best-selling French astrologer Elisabeth Teissier, a former Rabanne model and controversial adviser to the late François Mitterrand, has a big new book out this month that also forecasts horrific happenings from June onwards.

Teissier says that Nostradamus, whose 950 mystical quatrains have over the years been used to explain the fire of London, Louis Pasteur and Adolf Hitler, predicts numerous earthquakes and ecological catastrophes, the stockmarket crash to end all stockmarket crashes (at the end of July), the alliance of Belgrade with Moscow, and the unexpected and disastrous return to earth of the Cassini-Huygens space probe after a fateful 666 days in orbit.

Yet the man himself claims he is neither mad nor a pessimist. After a period of "terrible darkness", he believes, the abominations of mankind will finally be excised and a new age of enlightenment will begin. Post-planetary cataclysm, "a fine, soothing rain will sprinkle the earth. The great apocalyptic tribulations will be ended."

And despite the worries of his Cata lan financial backers, such proclamations are clearly no bad thing for business. His first book spent weeks on the French bestseller list, and he was deluged with mail from admirers fascinated by his previous incarnations. Since he began saying that the end of the world was nigh, in fact, his perfume sales have increased tenfold.

There's a boom, you might say, in doom.

 

 

http://www.theguardian.com/theguardian/1999/jun/01/features11.g22

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

That Creed Aventus is something else. Wow. I think I could survive (and it's at this point I realise I'm using the word 'survive in conjunction with niche, high end fragrances) forever with just Creed Aventus and Creed Green Irish Tweed. Fuck it, Aventus and Cool Water would do it.

[Section_31]

Got a few at the moment, my sister got me some Armani white which they don't make here any more, it's one of my favourites, I've also got some Paco Rabanne ultra violet which is ace.

 

Don't laugh but next do some nice stuff, there's one called Code Red I might get just for the office.

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

Anybody tried any of these Aventus clones? AB Spirit Silver gets a good shout and is 20 quid. There's others from the States like Afnan Supremacy Silver and some others, but it's nearly 50 quid. Of sooner pay for the real stuff at that point.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Anybody tried any of these Aventus clones? AB Spirit Silver gets a good shout and is 20 quid. There's others from the States like Afnan Supremacy Silver and some others, but it's nearly 50 quid. Of sooner pay for the real stuff at that point.

 

Yes, got a bottle of Fresco by Ilum Dean.

 

It's really nice for a cheapy and does emulate the fabled pineapple notes of Aventus really well. However, where Fresco falls down imo is it really lacks the depth and the deep red apple notes which is what I love about Aventus.

 

NV, the other Creed I own and really love is Original Vetiver. Get a sample of that to test out and see what you think. Fantastic for spring and summer, my other half loves it.

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

Yes, got a bottle of Fresco by Ilum Dean.

 

It's really nice for a cheapy and does emulate the fabled pineapple notes of Aventus really well. However, where Fresco falls down imo is it really lacks the depth and the deep red apple notes which is what I love about Aventus.

Yeah, Fresco is supposed to be the one that least lives up to Aventus. I don't know if I can justify spending £200 for Git/Aventus bottles. I'd like to buy one, then consider wearing something like Cool Water or a Aventus clone on 'normal days' and then use the better stuff for more formal occasions.

 

NV, the other Creed I own and really love is Original Vetiver. Get a sample of that to test out and see what you think. Fantastic for spring and summer, my other half loves it.

Will do.

[Trumo]

Cèdre & Oranger by L'Occitane en Provence is extremely good stuff. At £49 for a 75ml bottle, it's also better value than a lot of the designer brand stuff.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Yeah, Fresco is supposed to be the one that least lives up to Aventus. I don't know if I can justify spending £200 for Git/Aventus bottles. I'd like to buy one, then consider wearing something like Cool Water or a Aventus clone on 'normal days' and then use the better stuff for more formal occasions.

 

 

Will do.

 

30mls of Aventus £68. A little goes a long way.

 

http://www.fragranceexpert.com/creed-aventus.html?awc=5715_1422796400_7eada7a0b0e23646f230c954101d8dee&awin&utm_source=uk.affiliatewindow.com&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=affiliatewindow

 

Alternatively, get yourself over to the Basenotes website / forums, they are always selling genuine splits over there.

[RoboRiise]

Sorry lads but I'm fucking weeping here at this thread.  I was doing OK right up to when I saw the words 'Tom Ford Tuscan Leather' and then the sheer Partridge-like magnificence of those words overcame me and I ended up with coffee running down my nose.

 

Granted I only need to shave once a week so aftershave is never going to be a major priority in my life but some of the prices of this stuff is just fucking absurd, let alone the names, it's heading into full-on Sex Panther territory.  Only aftershave I've bought for ages is the D&G one in the blue velvet box, couldn't begin to tell you whether it has subtle topnotes of ferret and rape over a base of onanism and bright misery or whatever, I just like the smell.  That's about as much analysis as I think it needs to be honest.

[Carvalho Diablo]

[ZonkoVille77]

B O de toilette

[Pidge]

"topnotes of ferret and rape..."

 

*applauds*

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

30mls of Aventus £68. A little goes a long way.

 

http://www.fragranceexpert.com/creed-aventus.html?awc=5715_1422796400_7eada7a0b0e23646f230c954101d8dee&awin&utm_source=uk.affiliatewindow.com&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=affiliatewindow

 

Alternatively, get yourself over to the Basenotes website / forums, they are always selling genuine splits over there.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I can't afford to buy it, it's just that it feels really wrong to spend that much on a fragrance. I normally get the 120ml, and that link has it for £140. That's not so bad (fuck off you lot) but it still seems like I shouldn't be wearing it just for the crack. And, to be honest, I quite like having it in my bathroom (yeah, I heard it...), so I'll deffo have a bottle. I just don't want to be wasting it.

 

Here's the plan, I'm going to try a couple of these other clones - Lomani AB Spirit Silver for £20 first off - and see if it's a good substitute. Some of these fellas seem to think it's a good alternative. If I can't be doing with it, and I know I'm probably not going to be able to do it, then fuck it. I'll just admit I've got a problem and wear it. But when somebody mentioned a food bank, a little part of me will hurt. My soul, I think. If I have one left.

 

RoboRiise, you should hear some of the reviewers talking about 'fragrances'.

[lifetime fan]

The One.

[RoboRiise]

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I can't afford to buy it, it's just that it feels really wrong to spend that much on a fragrance. I normally get the 120ml, and that link has it for £140. That's not so bad (fuck off you lot) but it still seems like I shouldn't be wearing it just for the crack. And, to be honest, I quite like having it in my bathroom (yeah, I heard it...), so I'll deffo have a bottle. I just don't want to be wasting it.

 

Here's the plan, I'm going to try a couple of these other clones - Lomani AB Spirit Silver for £20 first off - and see if it's a good substitute. Some of these fellas seem to think it's a good alternative. If I can't be doing with it, and I know I'm probably not going to be able to do it, then fuck it. I'll just admit I've got a problem and wear it. But when somebody mentioned a food bank, a little part of me will hurt. My soul, I think. If I have one left.

 

RoboRiise, you should hear some of the reviewers talking about 'fragrances'.

 

Oh I have mate and it prompts the same reaction, the whole highfalutin' absurdity of it all amuses me greatly.

 

Just on the cost issue by the way, you and I are obviously fishing at different points of the river when it comes to disposable income and the same is true for some other posters on here, I mean I know there are lads who post on here with six figure salaries.  Despite that I won't ever criticise someone for the way they choose to spend their money, only criticism I ever make is of people who spend money they don't have.  The fact I think the prices they charge for some of this stuff are insane doesn't necessarily mean I wouldn't buy it, surely part of the point of drawing a decent wage is being able to enjoy it.  It's jealousy but with a very small 'j' in my case and no unkindness - like most people I'd like more disposable cash, but I don't begrudge it other people unless they're total cunts.

 

Wait. I forgot.  You're a total cunt.

 

Bastard.  I hate you.

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

Oh I have mate and it prompts the same reaction, the whole highfalutin' absurdity of it all amuses me greatly.

 

Just on the cost issue by the way, you and I are obviously fishing at different points of the river when it comes to disposable income and the same is true for some other posters on here, I mean I know there are lads who post on here with six figure salaries.  Despite that I won't ever criticise someone for the way they choose to spend their money, only criticism I ever make is of people who spend money they don't have.  The fact I think the prices they charge for some of this stuff are insane doesn't necessarily mean I wouldn't buy it, surely part of the point of drawing a decent wage is being able to enjoy it.  It's jealousy but with a very small 'j' in my case and no unkindness - like most people I'd like more disposable cash, but I don't begrudge it other people unless they're total cunts.

 

Wait. I forgot.  You're a total cunt.

 

Bastard.  I hate you.

You just redeemed yourself at the end there. Nearly negged you, cunt.

 

For me, it's a bit like when you taste something really nice from Waitrose or M&S and whilst begrudge paying the extra 4 quid, or whatever, you've done yourself no favours. You should have stuck to Morrisons own brand and been grateful. There's not much going back, because after having the Waitrose stuff, it feels a bit horrible eatings the stuff you'd liked before hand. Knowledge isn't a good thing.

[RoboRiise]

...and all is well with the world once more.

[Harry Squatter]

Go the Welkin/Wetherspoons in town. Usually there are a few scalls in there who rob everything out of boots in Lord Street. I got Armani original for £20 (saved 28.50) and my mate got Paco Rabanne 1 Million for £25, a saving of £30. Rip off Britain.

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

Go the Welkin/Wetherspoons in town. Usually there are a few scalls in there who rob everything out of boots in Lord Street. I got Armani original for £20 (saved 28.50) and my mate got Paco Rabanne 1 Million for £25, a saving of £30. Rip off Britain.

Calling the rozzers.

[King Emlyn]

Got a few at the moment, my sister got me some Armani white which they don't make here any more, it's one of my favourites, I've also got some Paco Rabanne ultra violet which is ace.

 

Don't laugh but next do some nice stuff, there's one called Code Red I might get just for the office.

 

 

 

Code Red is just a weaker Invictus, there is absolutely no difference other than strength, and price obviously

[Section_31]

Code Red is just a weaker Invictus, there is absolutely no difference other than strength, and price obviously

Yeah it's only 9 quid so might get some.

[Duff Man]

I use soap with organic lemon zest in it. It's £1 a bar from my local health food shop.