Depression

[Karl_b]

42 minutes ago, John102 said:

 

I was in this position myself. I found the first 3-6 months in particular of both of my boys really difficult. I got through the first by sitting on the toilet every half an hour with my head in my hands for 10 mins. When the second came along, i did finally have some medication (Citaloprolam), as i worried i was impacting my little boy, when i shouted at him. I think i thought i was going to take them and feel dead happy every day, so that was a shock when it didnt happen, but after a few weeks i did realise that every day was in fact normal and it was an absence of dips, rather than a presence of peaks, so to speak, that characterized the medication.

 

Just dont have any more kids and you will be sound.

 

Ha, sound advice! We have decided to just have the one, we're happy and content as a family. Plus, having a dog is like another kid anyway with the costs and logistics!

 

Yeah, the shouting - albeit rare - can be a trait of mine I don't like. I know where it comes from and I know where it lead to when I was a kid. I don't want to repeat a pattern with my daughter and I want her to get the best of me (although, honestly the "best" of me is probably gone but I might have 90% left!). 

 

Glad to hear that the meds worked for you mate, I'd like to feel fewer ups and downs, it feels like most of the time there is no middle ground, it's never just "alright" but brilliant or terrible. I'm becoming less resilient and I want that to change.

[Karl_b]

21 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

I should have taken more time off after my parents passed away. I took about a week off after each and in hindsight I don't think it was enough.

 

Problem now is, I'd feel a fraud if I got signed off with grief after this much time. I felt bad about having a day off about 6 weeks back when I had a bit of a breakdown.

 

Feeling like a fraud is bred into us if we haven't got a broken leg or had surgery or something.

 

There's no good way to grieve, no timescale and no predicting it. Take some time for yourself, mate. The doctor will give you it.

 

You're right in the bolded part - 9 months since, I just keep blaming have my bowel removed and nobody can argue with that!! I feel when Larry David's mother died.

 

"But...my bowel. I'm so sad...."

[Bjornebye]

12 hours ago, John102 said:

 

I was in this position myself. I found the first 3-6 months in particular of both of my boys really difficult. I got through the first by sitting on the toilet every half an hour with my head in my hands for 10 mins. When the second came along, i did finally have some medication (Citaloprolam), as i worried i was impacting my little boy, when i shouted at him. I think i thought i was going to take them and feel dead happy every day, so that was a shock when it didnt happen, but after a few weeks i did realise that every day was in fact normal and it was an absence of dips, rather than a presence of peaks, so to speak, that characterized the medication.

 

Just dont have any more kids and you will be sound.

 

11 hours ago, Karl_b said:

 

Ha, sound advice! We have decided to just have the one, we're happy and content as a family. Plus, having a dog is like another kid anyway with the costs and logistics!

 

Yeah, the shouting - albeit rare - can be a trait of mine I don't like. I know where it comes from and I know where it lead to when I was a kid. I don't want to repeat a pattern with my daughter and I want her to get the best of me (although, honestly the "best" of me is probably gone but I might have 90% left!). 

 

Glad to hear that the meds worked for you mate, I'd like to feel fewer ups and downs, it feels like most of the time there is no middle ground, it's never just "alright" but brilliant or terrible. I'm becoming less resilient and I want that to change.

Karl I recently started on citalopram (had previously tried setreline and it didn’t agree with me) after being very much against medication for 7 years. Just had my dose upped to 20mg after a month on 10mg and John is absolutely spot on about the absence of dips. It’s given me middle ground of thought and dealing with things, reacting. Things don’t seem to piss me off as much as they were, my mind doesn’t allow itself to worry too much about things and I’m finding it much easier to park things at the back of my mind that I can’t control. 
 

If you keep feeling rubbish mate id definitely speak to a gp and consider it. This is coming from someone who 6 weeks ago would have told a gp absolutely no to medication. Something had to give and I couldn’t be more thankful that I decided to give it a go.
 

It’s not the wonder solution that’s gonna see you strolling down the road like Kev’s Bart Simpson gif (that comes from your own actions) but it certainly gives you the platform you deserve to focus your mind more positively and not get dragged down by your anxiety and negative thoughts. I absolutely would have gone off the rails if I’d carried on and not seen the doctor last month. 

 

Whatever you decide I wish you all the best and as had been said, everyone’s on here rooting for you no matter what. 

[YorkshireRed]

Keep moving forward all. If you need help to move forward, take it. 
 

This thread shows that the TLW community remains greater than the sum of its parts. 
 

Currently at the hospital waiting for my cancer stricken sister to get a blood test (she’s doing ok). Our brother died right here, a little over two months ago. Our dad, a few years back. I lived here for two weeks in the spring with an infected knee of all things.
 

We still found time to laugh at the absurdity of it all though, and I’m enjoying a hot chocolate as I write.

 

Sometimes life is shit, occasionally it’s good, most often it just is. Good, bad, or ‘is’ we all need a little help to keep on keeping on. 

I’ve had that help on this thread in my time and I will always be grateful for that. I hope others feel the same.

[TheSire]

7 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

 

Karl I recently started on citalopram (had previously tried setreline and it didn’t agree with me) after being very much against medication for 7 years. Just had my dose upped to 20mg after a month on 10mg and John is absolutely spot on about the absence of dips. It’s given me middle ground of thought and dealing with things, reacting. Things don’t seem to piss me off as much as they were, my mind doesn’t allow itself to worry too much about things and I’m finding it much easier to park things at the back of my mind that I can’t control. 
 

If you keep feeling rubbish mate id definitely speak to a gp and consider it. This is coming from someone who 6 weeks ago would have told a gp absolutely no to medication. Something had to give and I couldn’t be more thankful that I decided to give it a go.
 

It’s not the wonder solution that’s gonna see you strolling down the road like Kev’s Bart Simpson gif (that comes from your own actions) but it certainly gives you the platform you deserve to focus your mind more positively and not get dragged down by your anxiety and negative thoughts. I absolutely would have gone off the rails if I’d carried on and not seen the doctor last month. 

 

Whatever you decide I wish you all the best and as had been said, everyone’s on here rooting for you no matter what. 

Good to hear sir! I imagine you have a bit more perspective and are able to step back and zoom out a bit as opposed to going from 0-60 in no time. I think these drugs are good for getting you on a stable ground and then you can look at resolving the underlying causes of mental health issues, just one step at a time and being aware of stressors etc.

 

*TLW Shuffle*

[Bjornebye]

43 minutes ago, TheSire said:

Good to hear sir! I imagine you have a bit more perspective and are able to step back and zoom out a bit as opposed to going from 0-60 in no time. I think these drugs are good for getting you on a stable ground and then you can look at resolving the underlying causes of mental health issues, just one step at a time and being aware of stressors etc.

 

*TLW Shuffle*

 

Spot on mate. 

[halewood pete]

[Champ]

On 17/08/2023 at 21:07, Karl_b said:

After a few years of being a "bit up and down", I recently got a diagnosis of depression and moderate-high anxiety. I feel like a bit of a fraud and I can't really articulate it - yet - but sometimes I just don't feel like me, I feel like shutting the world off. I think it might be stress related and a combination of physical health and work taking it's toll whilst wrestling with the highs and lows of early parenthood. For now, I've declined medication but we'll see how that goes. I feel both vulnerable and relieved. 

You’ve had a lot to deal with and your brain’s letting you know. What kind of things are you able to build into your life/change to help get you back into a calmer place?

Is there a reason you’ve declined medication?

[Champ]

On 17/08/2023 at 21:43, Creator Supreme said:

I should have taken more time off after my parents passed away. I took about a week off after each and in hindsight I don't think it was enough.

 

Problem now is, I'd feel a fraud if I got signed off with grief after this much time. I felt bad about having a day off about 6 weeks back when I had a bit of a breakdown.

 

Feeling like a fraud is bred into us if we haven't got a broken leg or had surgery or something.

You are hard on yourself, mister.

 

No-one else sees you as a fraud, least of all your doctor. As others have said, grief is a process and a vey personal and unpredictable one at that. If you need a bit of time off now, take it…there’s every chance it’ll come back and bite you somewhere along the way

[Karl_b]

4 hours ago, Champ said:

You’ve had a lot to deal with and your brain’s letting you know. What kind of things are you able to build into your life/change to help get you back into a calmer place?

Is there a reason you’ve declined medication?

 

It's mostly because I want to try talking therapy first. I've spent the last 20 years of my life on medication for physical ailments; the last 9 months is my longest medication free period as an adult so perhaps I've built up an aversion to it. I've had a short spell of counselling before so I want to see how it plays out this time, if it doesn't work for me then I'll revert back to my GP and consider meds, no doubt.

 

You're right on your first point, I need to do exactly that and am taking steps to do so (which also feeds in to me not wanting to try medication just yet).

[Creator Supreme]

5 hours ago, Champ said:

You are hard on yourself, mister.

 

No-one else sees you as a fraud, least of all your doctor. As others have said, grief is a process and a vey personal and unpredictable one at that. If you need a bit of time off now, take it…there’s every chance it’ll come back and bite you somewhere along the way

Nah Cath I am a fraud. I'm an excuse for a human!

[Champ]

16 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

Nah Cath I am a fraud. I'm an excuse for a human!

Not having that

[Creator Supreme]

1 hour ago, Champ said:

Not having that

Nothing but the truth!

[Fugitive]

10 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

Nothing but the truth!

When it comes to the FF, I think you’re clueless hahaha but that’s just opinions. In the real world, you are worth so much to so many.

 

I have suffered from depression and severe anxiety for the past two years since my marriage broke down and felt worthless and I’m not afraid to say it now that I was at the point of ending it a while back. 
 

I didn’t realise it at the time but I changed when my dad died 5 years ago and he was literally my best mate but I held it all in and it affected everything that came after. 
 

It does not matter how long after you lose someone, grief can hit you like a train and you need to take some time out. See the doctor and get signed off work. Take as long as you need and it will benefit you in the long run. Trust me on this, I figured that out too late but I’m getting there now.

 

Don’t worry about taking time off work, they don’t give a fuck about you so just do what you need to do. You are not a fraud, you are human and we all deal with things differently. Just acknowledge the signs your body is giving you and focus on you.

 

You will get there, mate. Also, don’t discount medication, I did at fist but gave in and listened to the doctor. I was terrified by the thought of taking medication but it helped so much and I’m now completely off it and feel back to my old self.

[elvis]

Anyone taking mertzapine? 

I'm on 30mg at night  but I'm considering upping the dose , think 45mg  the max. 

Been on these for about 3years now, I originally started when my marriage hit the rocks , now it's pretty much toast. 

I can live without the relationship but leaving the home , my daughter starting uni and sharing her issues as well with me , is starting to take its toll. My wife wants to buy me out of the house, and that's given me a pretty lonely and bleak outlook right now 

[Poor Scouser T]

1 minute ago, elvis said:

Anyone taking mertzapine? 

I'm on 30mg at night  but I'm considering upping the dose , think 45mg  the max. 

Been on these for about 3years now, I originally started when my marriage hit the rocks , now it's pretty much toast. 

I can live without the relationship but leaving the home , my daughter starting uni and sharing her issues as well with me , is starting to take its toll. My wife wants to buy me out of the house, and that's given me a pretty lonely and bleak outlook right now 

I was taking Sertraline for a while and Marilyn Monroe could have sat on me naked and still would not get a hard on. Avoid if offered.

[Bjornebye]

30 minutes ago, elvis said:

Anyone taking mertzapine? 

I'm on 30mg at night  but I'm considering upping the dose , think 45mg  the max. 

Been on these for about 3years now, I originally started when my marriage hit the rocks , now it's pretty much toast. 

I can live without the relationship but leaving the home , my daughter starting uni and sharing her issues as well with me , is starting to take its toll. My wife wants to buy me out of the house, and that's given me a pretty lonely and bleak outlook right now 

 

Sorry to hear about this mate, keep your chin up as best you can. 

[Fowlers God]

I am struggling massively. 

I'll be honest its one of the reasons I am back on the Forum. - Just to speak to someone other than Col' (who I will stand up now and say if it wasnt for him I may not be here now- Hes a cunt but one of the good ones)

 

I have nobody- I moved down here 15yrs ago and I have had a group of 3 friends. 1 Got married last year and hasnt been seen again. 1 got married 5yrs ago and is seen once a year and the other one who lives round the corner is just a bit wet and ive found not drinking that we actually dont have a lot in common. 

 

Theres no one checking in on me. Theres no one asking me to go and do anything and I have the prospect of losing my job in 2 months through redundancy. 

 

At 36 yrs old I am actually jealous of my kids man- WTF is that all about- They all have a great friendship groups and I am left sat on my sofa re watching series from 10yrs ago with no one to relate to anymore. 

 

Can you even make friends at 36? Is there like a Tinder for mates? 

 

Shit aint it

[Fowlers God]

801 days Alcohol and cocaine free- Maybe I should fuck it all off and start going back out again. May not have been real mates but at least I did stuff.  

[Poor Scouser T]

5 minutes ago, Fowlers God said:

801 days Alcohol and cocaine free- Maybe I should fuck it all off and start going back out again. May not have been real mates but at least I did stuff.  

Know how you feel mate. i can go a fortnight without a conversion with another human. Bar thanks in the shop. I go the gym but that is usually about 5/6am and no one else is there. My best pals are Kodi and Prime. I don't do friends and those I did have was just for golf pissups. I'm used to it now but it is hard going at times. Booze aint the answer.

[Champ]

20 minutes ago, elvis said:

Anyone taking mertzapine? 

I'm on 30mg at night  but I'm considering upping the dose , think 45mg  the max. 

Been on these for about 3years now, I originally started when my marriage hit the rocks , now it's pretty much toast. 

I can live without the relationship but leaving the home , my daughter starting uni and sharing her issues as well with me , is starting to take its toll. My wife wants to buy me out of the house, and that's given me a pretty lonely and bleak outlook right now 

Have you discussed this with your doctor?

What are you hoping to gain from increasing your medication?

 

If not your GP, is there someone else you could discuss your situation with?

 

I recognise that life stage you’re describing; it’s a time of huge change in your roles and responsibilities. You may not be able to change a lot of what is happening, which also contributes to that sense of a loss of control, meaning, but you have choices about the way you respond to what’s going on around you.

Your post reads as if you’ve been unhappy for a long time and more of the same isn’t going to change that. What things could you do to look after yourself? What’s the worst that could happen?

You don’t have to reply to any of this, just ask yourself the questions.

 

It didn’t come quickly but things did change in my life and along the way I have got a lot better at looking after myself and I have also learned to recognise when things are sliding and take action. I may still take a low dose medication but I have never been happier.

 

 

 

[redinblack]

On 31/08/2023 at 21:24, Creator Supreme said:

Nah Cath I am a fraud. I'm an excuse for a human!

No way mate. Not ever.

[Creator Supreme]

@Fowlers God

@Poor Scouser T

@elvis

 

You're all cunts, but you're our type of cunts. Sorry you're all having a shit time at present, but you know us bunch of pricks plus Cath (@Champ) are always here for you.

13 minutes ago, redinblack said:

No way mate. Not ever.

Oh yes I am. I can live with it (at the moment anyway).

[Poor Scouser T]

The big thing for me was simply changing my expectations and asking what does actually make me happy. For years I chased money. Bigger house bigger car, fancy holidays. I was miserable as fuck. Now I have scaled back. I have the minimum. Limited income but next to no overheads. I only do as much work as is absolutely necessary. Got my cars which are my 1 luxury but other than that not much else. Except I eat pretty well. Don't go out, don't do takeaways don't spend anything on shit. Guess what life is so much less complicated. Go the gym, come home, nice dinner Netflix on chill out and repeat.

Building links with extended family. Parents died this last year or so left money and a house. Gave it all away, set my kids up. Made me happier than buying a fancy motor.

Simple is happiness for me.

[elvis]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

 

Sorry to hear about this mate, keep your chin up as best you can. 

Thanks