The world of a woman.

[Harry Squatter]

Yep. Even the women who don't want or have kids.

 

The fella I work with had a knee operation last year and stayed off for a week yet his Mrs left him a load of jobs to do every morning on a piece of paper. She had an operation in January and never moved out of bed once in two weeks apart from going to Cheshire oaks with her mum.

[Fowlers God]

Asked my Mrs if it was ok to go round my mates last night to play a game of Risk, which she agreed. (yeah I'm a cool mother fucker) now I'm an inconsiderate fuck who hates spending time with his wife and only enjoys getting pissed with his mates.

[DJLJ]

The wife forgot to close the door, so the battery got drained and I got called to jumpstart the car. No biggie, can happen to everyone.

 

I get out there and park my car in front of her car, about a foot or so apart. Get the cables out and go to put them on, while I tell her to put her car in neutral and to prepare to start her car, when I have connected the cables to each car and have started mine. 

 

She goes in to start her car, without putting it in neutral, so now we have 2 cars with broken headlights after it really jump started...

 

FFS!

[Dougie Do'ins]

The wife forgot to close the door, so the battery got drained and I got called to jumpstart the car. No biggie, can happen to everyone.

 

I get out there and park my car in front of her car, about a foot or so apart. Get the cables out and go to put them on, while I tell her to put her car in neutral and to prepare to start her car, when I have connected the cables to each car and have started mine. 

 

She goes in to start her car, without putting it in neutral, so now we have 2 cars with broken headlights after it really jump started...

 

FFS!

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2z6unh

[Nunavut Patrick]

Asked my Mrs if it was ok to go round my mates last night to play a game of Risk, which she agreed. (yeah I'm a cool mother fucker) now I'm an inconsiderate fuck who hates spending time with his wife and only enjoys getting pissed with his mates.

But did you achieve world domination?

[Fowlers God]

But did you achieve world domination?

Fuck yeah

[Paulie Dangerously]

Recommend giving @mumsnet_madness a follow on twitter

 

 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Recommend giving @mumsnet_madness a follow on twitter

 

 

 

Repped, an absolute gem of a find. Just went to one of the threads mentioned and read through it on mumsnet. Breathtaking.

 

Although in fairness, it was an AIBU (am i being unreasonable) thread and the vast majority of women seemed to respond with reasoned replies. I wonder where they all live, because I sure as shit haven't found them.

[Dr Arthur De Sabre]

https://www.facebook.com/Dose/videos/1103726906388513/

[lifetime fan]

Why the fuck do they call you when they're on their way home for a 'chat'?

 

You know they'll just tell you exactly the same bollocks all over again when they get in.

 

Her: I'm just leaving work now so I thought I'd call for a chat.

Me: About what?

Her: Nothing. Just wanted some company on the way home.

 

Fuck off!

[Tj hooker]

Why the fuck do they call you when they're on their way home for a 'chat'?

 

You know they'll just tell you exactly the same bollocks all over again when they get in.

 

Her: I'm just leaving work now so I thought I'd call for a chat.

Me: About what?

Her: Nothing. Just wanted some company on the way home.

 

Fuck off!

Hahaha who said romance was dead

[Preston Red]

Why the fuck do they call you when they're on their way home for a 'chat'?

 

You know they'll just tell you exactly the same bollocks all over again when they get in.

 

Her: I'm just leaving work now so I thought I'd call for a chat.

Me: About what?

Her: Nothing. Just wanted some company on the way home.

 

Fuck off!

I know you're enjoying peace and quiet but I'll ring you and talk to you about nothing...

[tokyojoe]

Why the fuck do they call you when they're on their way home for a 'chat'?

 

You know they'll just tell you exactly the same bollocks all over again when they get in.

 

Her: I'm just leaving work now so I thought I'd call for a chat.

Me: About what?

Her: Nothing. Just wanted some company on the way home.

 

Fuck off!

If she's driving ring up the cops, that's six points on her licence. That'll learn her.

[Harry Squatter]

The need to be in constant contact. She gets a cob on when she rings me in work and I've got stuff to do yet she wants to discuss something that can wait until I get home. Also gets a mood on if I'm not all "hiya babe" when I need to get on with something. Will then stew over it all day and bring it up as soon as I get home.

[lifetime fan]

How's your day been? Fine.

Traffic is bad. Okay.

I need to call my mum tonight. Okay.

Can you walk the dog? I always do.

Can you cook? When was the last time you did.

Shall I leave you as you're not very chatty? YES!

[Mook]

I fucking hate those phone calls, you get the house to yourself for about 20 minutes a day when you get home from work & they want you to spend it on the phone to them, when they're on their way home anyway.

 

"How was work?"

"Fuck off I'm trying to have a wank here."

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

I fucking hate those phone calls, you get the house to yourself for about 20 minutes a day when you get home from work & they want you to spend it on the phone to them, when they're on their way home anyway.

 

"How was work?"

"Fuck off I'm trying to have a wank here."

 

Suggested fix:

 

 

"How was work?"

"Either talk dirty or fuck off, I'm trying to have a wank here."

[KMD7]

I fucking hate those phone calls, you get the house to yourself for about 20 minutes a day when you get home from work & they want you to spend it on the phone to them, when they're on their way home anyway.

 

"How was work?"

"Fuck off I'm trying to have a wank here."

 

I read that bit in the voice of David Brent

[Furmedge]

She's got a cob on now because I forgot to get paracetamol from the shops. The fact I asked her what she wanted from the shops and she said just milk has completely slipped her mind.

[Mook]

Got on my train this morning, looked a girl up & down, turned round & who was sitting staring right at me?

 

My Mum.

 

Be warned, they're everywhere.

[Harry Squatter]

Moans at me for making my son wear jeans that are too small for him because he has grown out of 7-8 clothes as it quite clearly states the size on the label.

 

But who washed them, ironed them and put them back in his cupboard?

[Harry Squatter]

Never seen so many units move so fast as I have this morning. There is a cake sale on so loads of them must have been "good" this week.

[Nunavut Patrick]

Got on my train this morning, looked a girl up & down, turned round & who was sitting staring right at me?

 

My Mum.

 

Be warned, they're everywhere.

Hahaha...I was eyeing up a co-worker the other day, and not the best looking woman you'll see and the younger woman sat next to me, good workmate..she's basically my work wife, ..grabs my arm and says, "Glen, has it really been that long for you?"

[lifetime fan]

Got on my train this morning, looked a girl up & down, turned round & who was sitting staring right at me?

 

My Mum.

 

Be warned, they're everywhere.

Ahahahahahahaha

[Scott_M]

When we got married, my parents got my wife and I some expensive Swarovski champagne flutes to use on special occasions.

 

Up until last weekend, we'd only used them once (when we got out daughter home from hospital) and seeing we'd just moved house, we decided to use them to toast the house.

 

Anyway, no prizes here, she was washing up and dropped hers and broke the stem, glass and crystals everywhere.

 

She was really upset about it & close to tears so despite being pretty pissed off about it, I kept quite.

 

So the next day, we go back to our old flat to pick up the last couple of things, of which we're some 4-for-£4 wine glasses and the such, which I decided to pack up.

 

'Be careful with those glasses, make sure you don't smash them'.

 

I'm still not sure how I didn't say 'Maybe you should take your own fucking advise'.

 

Anyway, I called Swarovski and am getting a replacement flute, which she's bitching about having to pay £125 to replace. 'Can't we get a 2nd one off eBay?'

 

How about no we fucking can't. My parents didn't splash out on a really nice present / keepsake for one of them to be a cheap knock off.