AC Slatering

[El Rojo]

The art of dropping an A.C. deucee

 

by Ben Munson, of the Advance Titan

 

MySpace has become something that I dread. Every day my inbox is flooded with friend requests from girls located in the U.S. that want me to view their sexy pictures. But every once in a while one of my friends either adds a comment or posts a bulletin that not only piques my interest, but literally changes the way I view the world. Recently, this very thing happened to me and I instantly wanted to share the revelation with as many people as I could.

First off, let me tell you that I am a gigantic “Saved By The Bell” fan. Want to know what number Zack and Kelly’s song was on the jukebox at The Max? It’s A12. That’s right, I remember that. But, when I read my friend’s bulletin about his impending break-up with his girlfriend, it not only appealed to me on a “Saved By The Bell” level, but on a distinctly human level as well.

His story began with meeting his girlfriend’s parents for the first time, which I can tell you from personal experience can be an extremely complex and oftentimes treacherous undertaking. The pressure to impress not only your mate but also her guardians is enough to make many guys call it quits. But what took place next can only be described as either complete abandonment of common sense or the willingness to follow one’s heart whenever it calls.

To make a long story short, my friend changed what should have been a straightforward deuce into a catastrophic event that undoubtedly cost him his romantic relationship when his potential girlfriend’s mother caught him in the act of what he described as “A.C. Slatering.”

If you don’t know about A.C. Slater, he was a character on “Saved By The Bell.” He wore heavily pleated jeans and dominated the high school wrestling circuit. In addition, he was always the last of the gang on the show to turn up at The Max, a local diner and the gang’s main hangout. As a result, Slater would never get a seat at the booth where they were all sitting and would have to pull up an adjacent chair. Without fail Slater would always turn the chair around so he could sit on it backward, like any high school hard-ass would and should.

Taking a page out of Slater’s book, my friend seized the chance to flip the switch on his regular old bowel movement and turn it into a tribute to his favorite character on his favorite show. He approached the toilet backwards, fully knowing that he would have to remove his pants completely and potentially leave himself vulnerable to prying eyes, and proceeded to do his big work while sitting the opposite way. In an unfortunate turn of events, his girlfriend’s mother walked in on him and blew the whole operation wide open, turning what should have been a loving, albeit poorly timed, tribute into an alarming and possibly relationship-crushing incident.

So while I’m afraid it’s sour grapes for him, I can take what I’ve learned from his mistakes and really try to take A.C. Slatering to the next level. And the possibilities seem almost endless. But I have learned that certain limitations make it necessary to set parameters for the maneuver, specifically that A.C. Slatering cannot be done without completely removing one’s pants and thusly removing one’s shoes as well. You could try it with your pants on if you had a toilet without a tank on the back, but then you wouldn’t know whether you were backward or not and you’d be missing the point entirely.

Taking this into account, I have come to the conclusion that A.C. Slatering is probably best done in the privacy of one’s own home. And, of course, you have to be sure that you will not be disturbed. While anyone from our generation will fully appreciate the sheer brilliance of saluting the pivotal television series “Saved By The Bell” while pooping, most people over the age of 30 show little or no reverence for the show and therefore could never accept crapping backwards as a legitimate or even reasonable thing to do.

Once you get a feel for operating within these guidelines, the sky’s the limit. For instance, do you realize that the top of the tank on your toilet can hold more than boxes of Kleenex and scented candles? Once you start A.C. Slatering, you will find that you have something kind of like a desk right in front of you. This flat surface makes it possible to do a variety of things while your dropping the kids off at the pool. You could do a crossword puzzle, draw a picture or even balance your checkbook. No more wasting time on the toilet. I could have potentially written this entire column while sitting on the can. I didn’t. But even if I had, no one would have ever known the difference. And that’s the real beauty of A.C. Slatering: its ability to serve as not only a tribute to the king of Bayside High but also to salvage what used to be dead time. And time is money, my friends.

Consider those words and then consider A.C. Slater, a man who was totally money every day in every way. Suddenly it all starts to make so much sense. By simply emulating one of A.C. Slater’s most basic reflexes, we as humans can attain some of the enlightenment that guided him in his life. It is just further proof that “Saved By The Bell” is easily the greatest show ever made and that A.C. Slater was arguably the greatest figure of our, or any other generation.

If the next time I look at my MySpace page and find it not flooded with suggestive friend requests, but more and more comments and bulletins from the A.C. Slatering faithful out there, then I think that I would start looking forward to checking my profile. Maybe I could even do it while going number two.

[stringvest]

AC Slater rules, that take down at the start of the fight was textbook, Didn't he walk out on his wife for some other bird when she was pregnant ?

 

he dumped her. Backwards.

[Unrighteous]

Hmm... Is this thread sticky worthy yet?

[Brownie]

Quality!

 

I'll have to try it out a bit later on.

 

This thread is so funny I almost did a little po...*turns around on chair*

[Chris]

This is one of the all-time great GF threads, a rarity for this generation.

[CrouchieBoy]

easily the best pooing techniwue out there... blows the two feet on the bog roll technique robbief graced us with.

 

A.C. slatering is so ace

[Remmie]

My experience:

 

Needed to poop pretty badly so just dropped my strides and mounted AC style. Didn't consider that this would pin my legs back but by then it was too late. Let rip and the poop bobsleighed down the pan making a big poop splash soaking my hand which were keeping my pigs in check. Got the main load out there and had to switch position as I felt like I was in the walls of Jericho. After finishing off the last reminants my bowel could muster I went to wipe the filthiest poop whole in the history of browning out using the best part of a roll of toilet paper. Somewhat appropriate considering the shirt I was wearing:

 

Then I quickly texted Smithy to tell him of my news. Despite mainly negatives I will be trying this again.

[Unrighteous]

I have no tank on the back of my 'throne' so I can't AC Slater it correctly. Stupid build into wall toilet! =(

[stringvest]

I have no tank on the back of my 'throne' so I can't AC Slater it correctly. Stupid build into wall toilet! =(

 

That's no good. That's just a 'sulk shit' in those circumstances.

[El Rojo]

I'm trying it in my local pub's toilet tonight.

 

With the stall door unlocked for an added buzz.

[RJ Fan club]

My experience:

 

Needed to poop pretty badly so just dropped my strides and mounted AC style. Didn't consider that this would pin my legs back but by then it was too late. Let rip and the poop bobsleighed down the pan making a big poop splash soaking my hand which were keeping my pigs in check. Got the main load out there and had to switch position as I felt like I was in the walls of Jericho. After finishing off the last reminants my bowel could muster I went to wipe the filthiest poop whole in the history of browning out using the best part of a roll of toilet paper. Somewhat appropriate considering the shirt I was wearing:

 

Then I quickly texted Smithy to tell him of my news. Despite mainly negatives I will be trying this again.

 

 

A man with your size of pigs should never attempt AC Slatering, toilets should come with a Remmie warning.

[El Rojo]

This brother made two critical mistakes - door unlocked, kecks not removed.

 

 

 

[CrouchieBoy]

This brother made two critical mistakes - door unlocked, kecks not removed.

 

 

 

 

wait.. wtf

 

this brotha obviously fails hard at A.C. Slatering... either that or he isnt shitting which is even worse

[CrouchieBoy]

My experience:

 

Needed to poop pretty badly so just dropped my strides and mounted AC style. Didn't consider that this would pin my legs back but by then it was too late. Let rip and the poop bobsleighed down the pan making a big poop splash soaking my hand which were keeping my pigs in check. Got the main load out there and had to switch position as I felt like I was in the walls of Jericho. After finishing off the last reminants my bowel could muster I went to wipe the filthiest poop whole in the history of browning out using the best part of a roll of toilet paper. Somewhat appropriate considering the shirt I was wearing:

 

Then I quickly texted Smithy to tell him of my news. Despite mainly negatives I will be trying this again.

 

in tears over here... *standing ovation for Remmie*

[El Rojo]

My experience:

 

 

 

Then I quickly texted Smithy to tell him of my news. Despite mainly negatives I will be trying this again.

 

That's some hugely commendable dedication to the cause right there.

[Chris]

I thought about the AC Slater equivalent of pissing this morning. It'd be like a reverse AC. You could sit on the system and piss, but it could be tricky with the angles and trajectory of piss. You either end up with wet pigs or wet carpet.

[Chris]

My experience:

 

Needed to poop pretty badly so just dropped my strides and mounted AC style. Didn't consider that this would pin my legs back but by then it was too late. Let rip and the poop bobsleighed down the pan making a big poop splash soaking my hand which were keeping my pigs in check. Got the main load out there and had to switch position as I felt like I was in the walls of Jericho. After finishing off the last reminants my bowel could muster I went to wipe the filthiest poop whole in the history of browning out using the best part of a roll of toilet paper. Somewhat appropriate considering the shirt I was wearing:

 

Then I quickly texted Smithy to tell him of my news. Despite mainly negatives I will be trying this again.

 

There's the winner.

[Elmyn Noos]

Whilst varying one's posture over the porcelain is always going to be amusing, I feel obliged to point out that Saved by the Bell was about as funny as cot death.

[Chris]

Whilst varying one's posture over the porcelain is always going to be amusing, I feel obliged to point out that Saved by the Bell was about as funny as cot death.

 

The door is over there. Don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out.

[Karl_b]

Whilst varying one's posture over the porcelain is always going to be amusing, I feel obliged to point out that Saved by the Bell was about as funny as cot death.

 

Preppy.

[El Rojo]

Whilst varying one's posture over the porcelain is always going to be amusing, I feel obliged to point out that Saved by the Bell was about as funny as cot death.

 

You could say the same about Crime and Punishment, a work of comparable cultural import.

[RedKnight]

How can anyone not respect the man that is AC Slater? Did you not see the clip?

[Elmyn Noos]

The door is over there. Don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out.

 

Like you mate, I am much more likely to stick around and bitch about something I hate than I am to join a love-fest thread eulogising about something.

 

Also, the post on the forum that started this is almost certainly not true. I mean come on - a serious of hilarious mishaps which lead to an embarrassing discovery on the toilet by the girlfriend's mum?

[Elmyn Noos]

How can anyone not respect the man that is AC Slater? Did you not see the clip?

 

It's all a bit fucking Disney Club for me.

[Chris]

Like you mate, I am much more likely to stick around and bitch about something I hate than I am to join a love-fest thread eulogising about something.

 

Also, the post on the forum that started this is almost certainly not true. I mean come on - a serious of hilarious mishaps which lead to an embarrassing discovery on the toilet by the girlfriend's mum?

 

I don't care if it was true or not really. You're probably right. But it's like a scene from a comedy sketch and I'm definitely stealing it for a screenplay.