The world of a woman.

[KMD7]

MIght have said this one before but my brother used to run a gym a few years back and had a class of women a couple of nights a week some who were pretty overweight.  Proper workout, advice on nutrition, hydration, etc.  After he'd finish up for the night he'd be walking through town on his way home and passing the local chippy would find the same women stuffing their faces with burgers and curry chips. 

[stringvest]

curry chips.  I'd kill for some of that right now.

[Harry Squatter]

MIght have said this one before but my brother used to run a gym a few years back and had a class of women a couple of nights a week some who were pretty overweight. Proper workout, advice on nutrition, hydration, etc. After he'd finish up for the night he'd be walking through town on his way home and passing the local chippy would find the same women stuffing their faces with burgers and curry chips.

They all do it mate. I used to go to one in Huyton, these two birds in their twenties wandered round all night doing fuck apart from 5 minutes on a stepper and using the smallest kettle bells for two minutes. All the fellas in there are hammering the weights and the treadmills. I drive out knackered covered in sweat and those two are coming out the chippy opposite the leisure centre in their gym gear with two big bags of takeaway.

[Mook]

The ones in offices who stuff their face all day and then have a diet coke.

 

Aye, that'll help, fat arse.

[Harry Squatter]

I think I posted this ages ago but my Mrs pretended to go on a diet ages ago. I made her a Bacon butty for breakfast and of course she never turned that down. She then went off her head because I had put butter on it instead of margarine then refused to eat it because butter has more fat in it. She moaned her arse off all day about it saying I was doing nothing to help her lose weight. She stormed off to her mates at tea time and stayed there. I get a phone call about 10.30. "Hi, I'm on my way home, haven't had any tea so I'm going the chippy, do you want anything?". I just burst out laughing and she slammed the phone down on me. I got called a twat when she got home accusing me of not helping her and taking her seriously. Whilst eating three spring rolls and chicken fried rice.

[Rico1304]

You can't make this shit up, they're on low calorie hot chocolate this morning.

With fucking squirty cream and flakes.

I desperately need to get a new job!

If you and Stig get new jobs this place will be shit.

[lifetime fan]

If you and Stig get new jobs this place will be shit.

I need a new job with some fit birds.

[Rico1304]

I need a new job with some fit birds.

Permission to leave granted.

[Champ]

You can't make this shit up, they're on low calorie hot chocolate this morning.

 

With fucking squirty cream and flakes.

 

I desperately need to get a new job!

You're making it up now

[lifetime fan]

You're making it up now

I couldn't if I tried.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Some girl in her 20s is on that juice diet in work but almost every day nips over the cafe and gets a sausage baguette (whole baguette) because she's starving

[lifetime fan]

Some girl in her 20s is on that juice diet in work but almost every day nips over the cafe and gets a sausage baguette (whole baguette) because she's starving

 

That, or if they last the 3 days they then eat 6 days worth of food in 3 because they're so hungry and they've 'done so well'.

[Paulie Dangerously]

There's the new 5:2 diet in which you have 500 calories for two days a week and eat 3 maccies a day for the other 5 'shit this diet it doesn't work. It's just not fair I try so har...HEY that's my chicken nugget!'

[setreal]

Well, the popcorn-diet is also a real thing.

[Mook]

Is there a way you can tell a woman she's putting on weight without getting in trouble?

[Harry Squatter]

Woman in work was that fat that no one noticed any change in her appearance when she was having a kid

[PestiRed]

Is there a way you can tell a woman she's putting on weight without getting in trouble?

Replace her clothes with the exact ones but two sizes smaller, remembering to change the size labels as well. It's cruel and expensive but it will definitely work and you won't get the direct blame (you'll still catch hell from her moods though). A cheaper method might be to shrink them in the wash and tumbler but it's not guaranteed

[Mook]

Replace her clothes with the exact ones but two sizes smaller, remembering to change the size labels as well. It's cruel and expensive but it will definitely work and you won't get the direct blame (you'll still catch hell from her moods though). A cheaper method might be to shrink them in the wash and tumbler but it's not guaranteed

 

Creased myself reading that, brilliant mate.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Is there a way you can tell a woman she's putting on weight without getting in trouble?

 

Make subtle hints that aren't direct references to her weight, but things that contribute to her weight. Give her larger portions at dinner time. When she asks why, just say something delicate like "oh no reason, you fucking whale".

[Mook]

Make subtle hints that aren't direct references to her weight, but things that contribute to her weight. Give her larger portions at dinner time. When she asks why, just say something delicate like "oh no reason, you fucking whale".

 

Glad I asked now, the advice is shite but that's twice I've pished myself laughing.

[stringvest]

I've always found the "Darling, you're a couple of inches short of your ideal height for that weight" conveys the message with sensitivity, and may just give you enough time to make it to the door.  

[Elite]

When you give these women advice that will work (consistent calorific deficit!) They always know better and will stick to their fad diet.

[Trumo]

I've always found the "Darling, you're a couple of inches short of your ideal height for that weight" conveys the message with sensitivity, and may just give you enough time to make it to the door.  

 

Unless she's blocking it.

[Fugitive]

Take the bathroom scales to a computer shop and see if they can program them to say 'fat cunt' when they go over a certain weight.

[Bjornebye]

Leave a chocolate cake on the side in the kitchen. Underneath the cake leave a sign saying "you are a fat cunt"

 

Its up to them then.