The world of a woman.

[lifetime fan]

My brother took over 10 attempts to pass his test, we actually lost count in the end.

 

He did fail one test due to road rage, getting out of the car and threatening to lamp some bloke that had cut him up.

 

Daft cunt.

[Bob]

Pork belly>custard.

I accidentally found out about 10 christmas's ago, that pork belly tastes fucking amazing when coated in custard.

 

So,

 

Pork belly and custard > pork belly > custard

[Bob]

My brother took over 10 attempts to pass his test, we actually lost count in the end.

 

He did fail one test due to road rage, getting out of the car and threatening to lamp some bloke that had cut him up.

 

Daft cunt.

You lose count after 10? Why admit that, here of all places.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Oh, my sister in law came out with a new one during dinner the other night. She got my missus to make her some custard for desert, after eating the custard, which was shit by the way. The sister in law says. "Oh I used to really like custard, but I much prefer, pan, panche, panchetta" me, "you mean panacotta don't you?

 

Masters degree my fucking hole.

 

You sure ?

 

 

Pan Handling

When a hobo gives another hobo a hand job.

"Dude, I was out the other day and I walked by this alley where to hobos were pan handling each other."

"They were asking each other for money?"

"Nah dude, nah!"

 

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=panhandling

[Carvalho Diablo]

[lifetime fan]

They try and win you over with sex morning, night and day. They joke about how they'll destroy you and you won't be able to keep up.

 

Less than 3 weeks later it's the 'I'm tired, sex like that is at the beginning'.

 

Well guess fucking what love.

[Trumo]

No longer a member of the Wide Awake Club then.*

 

 

 

*How long before the Timmy Mallett stuff gets annoying Col?

[lifetime fan]

No longer a member of the Wide Awake Club then.*

 

 

 

*How long before the Timmy Mallett stuff gets annoying Col?

 

She woke up with it in her mouth.

[PestiRed]

Just texted me to tell me that her arse has been whistled at by a bunch of kids in a car.

 

Now if I whistled at a woman's arse, all hell would break loose. If it had been a carful of middle-aged builders, all hell would break loose. However, because they are teenagers, the world is now an ace place.

 

On the bright side, I'm definitely getting it tonight.

[Champ]

Just texted me to tell me that her arse has been whistled at by a bunch of kids in a car.

Now if I whistled at a woman's arse, all hell would break loose. If it had been a carful of middle-aged builders, all hell would break loose. However, because they are teenagers, the world is now an ace place.

On the bright side, I'm definitely getting it tonight.

One for the 'you realise you are getting older thread'

 

I'd take the car full of middle aged builders

[Dr Nowt]

Not literally, one hopes.

[setreal]

One for the 'you realise you are getting older thread'

 

I'd take the car full of middle aged builders

 

I can provide one.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

One for the 'you realise you are getting older thread'

 

I'd take the car full of middle aged builders

 

All at once?

[Skidfingers McGonical]

She stuck my phone in the washing machine yesterady.

 

Fucking bellend.

[Bjornebye]

She stuck my phone in the washing machine yesterady.

 

Fucking bellend.

An ex did that to me years ago. Fucking brand new phone as well.

 

Cunts with tits

[Harry Squatter]

Why are they so indecisive?. Had a day off with my daughter today and I said to the Mrs that I didn't mind where we go as long as we all spend time together. In the space of 25 minutes last night we went from going to Gullivers World, then to Thorpe Park where she wanted my son to have a sick day off school as we got free tickets for 4 people. Changes her mind about my son being off. Then decides the three of us should go to Liverpool One and going on the big wheel then to the cinema. Changes her mind again and decides that she wants to take her to Legoland in the Trafford Centre but then changes her mind and we ended up going to see a kids film in the Trafford Centre.

[Barrington Womble]

 

 

 

Cunts with tits

You're talking about their only attributes there.

 

 

[Trumo]

She stuck my phone in the washing machine yesterady.

 

Fucking bellend.

 

An ex did that to me years ago. Fucking brand new phone as well.

 

Cunts with tits

 

As daft as these women are, I'm sure they didn't just take your phone and deliberately put it in the wash. Well, Stig's might have as let's face it, he's bound to have pissed her off at some point. Is it a case of them throwing clothes in the wash without checking if there is anything in the pockets, or are you the sort of cunts that leave your phone anywhere and everywhere?

[Harry Squatter]

Woman I worked with a few years ago thought she was really clever because she got some wank degree and her al fella was a high ranking copper.

 

She got a job interviewing asylum seekers and I was assigned to mentor her. She came out with some absolute classics. She had to interview an Iranian and I gave her some Christianity questions to help her in the interview. She just looked at me and said "why are you giving me these, Iran is a Muslim country for fucks sake"

 

She interviewed a Chinese applicant once who said he had 3 kids and she spent 20 minutes arguing with him about it calling him a bare faced liar because "it's well known that China has a one child policy". She was always ridiculously aggressive with them probably because she thought she was being like her copper Dad. She would be in there 4 hours and you'd still be none the wiser why someone had left their own country as she'd argue the toss over the colour of shite.

 

She always referred to Robert Mugabe as "Mugambi" and didn't question how some fella got a direct train from Kinshasa to Dubai. She said "we'll I didn't know they were miles away from each other"

[Bjornebye]

As daft as these women are, I'm sure they didn't just take your phone and deliberately put it in the wash. Well, Stig's might have as let's face it, he's bound to have pissed her off at some point. Is it a case of them throwing clothes in the wash without checking if there is anything in the pockets, or are you the sort of cunts that leave your phone anywhere and everywhere?

I left it in my pocket the thick cow

[Skidfingers McGonical]

As daft as these women are, I'm sure they didn't just take your phone and deliberately put it in the wash. Well, Stig's might have as let's face it, he's bound to have pissed her off at some point. Is it a case of them throwing clothes in the wash without checking if there is anything in the pockets, or are you the sort of cunts that leave your phone anywhere and everywhere?

 

I wouldn't mind but the phone wasn't anywhere near any washing. 

[Trumo]

I left it in my pocket the thick cow

 

That makes you both as daft as each other.

 

I wouldn't mind but the phone wasn't anywhere near any washing. 

 

She wants to kill you.

[Trumo]

Woman I worked with a few years ago thought she was really clever because she got some wank degree and her al fella was a high ranking copper.

 

She got a job interviewing asylum seekers and I was assigned to mentor her. She came out with some absolute classics. She had to interview an Iranian and I gave her some Christianity questions to help her in the interview. She just looked at me and said "why are you giving me these, Iran is a Muslim country for fucks sake"

 

She interviewed a Chinese applicant once who said he had 3 kids and she spent 20 minutes arguing with him about it calling him a bare faced liar because "it's well known that China has a one child policy". She was always ridiculously aggressive with them probably because she thought she was being like her copper Dad. She would be in there 4 hours and you'd still be none the wiser why someone had left their own country as she'd argue the toss over the colour of shite.

 

She always referred to Robert Mugabe as "Mugambi" and didn't question how some fella got a direct train from Kinshasa to Dubai. She said "we'll I didn't know they were miles away from each other"

 

She could join UKIP with that level of arrogance and ignorance.

[Harry Squatter]

She could join UKIP with that level of arrogance and ignorance.

Defo, she also repeatedly referred to Zimbabwe as Rhodesia even though she was pulled up about it loads of times.

[stringvest]

Defo, she also repeatedly referred to Zimbabwe as Rhodesia even though she was pulled up about it loads of times.

Easy done. I'm still like that with Dorset and Wessex