What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Jose Jones]

On 09/10/2021 at 23:15, Captain Willard said:

Just finished this in the Oaks Park cafe. This is in the grounds of the now demolished mansion built by the chap who started both the Oaks and Derby horse races. 

£6.99 including tea.  I didn’t realise that the sea of beans were included so now I feel dirty and sordid.

 

It’s granary toast with butter because I’m middle class. 

 

Lovely spot all the same though the ambience is slightly ruined by the fact that some poor chap broke into the park at night and hung himself from a tree within sight of the cafe. The grieving family have erected a shrine with a photo which stares across as you eat. Puts my complaints about beans into some sort of context.  

The ultra shiny reflector egg is freaking me out.

What is up with that?  

[Total Longo]

On 09/10/2021 at 13:15, Captain Willard said:

Just finished this in the Oaks Park cafe. This is in the grounds of the now demolished mansion built by the chap who started both the Oaks and Derby horse races. 

£6.99 including tea.  I didn’t realise that the sea of beans were included so now I feel dirty and sordid.

 

It’s granary toast with butter because I’m middle class. 

 

Lovely spot all the same though the ambience is slightly ruined by the fact that some poor chap broke into the park at night and hung himself from a tree within sight of the cafe. The grieving family have erected a shrine with a photo which stares across as you eat. Puts my complaints about beans into some sort of context.  

The egg looks like a sting ray and that has put me off because it's made me think of poor old Steve Irwin. 

 

[DalyanPete]

On 06/10/2021 at 16:36, Carvalho Diablo said:

50 odd year old butter knife, one of a pair 

Youngsters just wouldn't understand that.

[Anubis]

22 hours ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

We require address of the establishment that offers up this abomination. So that we can burn it to the ground.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

On 02/10/2021 at 22:24, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

Full English Cyprus €8.99. The toast was as white as anything I've ever seen yet at the same time broke like a cracker, which was a cute touch.

I'm a committed pro-beaner, but that makes a powerful argument against them. I'd also argue that whatever the fuck the pink rectangles are don't belong on a breakfast.

[Bob]

I deserve to be kicked in the bollocks this morning. 
 

didn’t cook the bacon enough, and somehow failed to adequately reheat the beans from last nights tea.

 

(the beans are homemade as a tin of chopped tomatoes, tin of borlotti beans, chopped onion, paprika, Tabasco and cumin).

 

 

[Bjornebye]

How did you get the pig to stay still for the picture Bob? 

[Carvalho Diablo]

Those beans look rather ace Bob.

[Bjornebye]

6 minutes ago, Carvalho Diablo said:

Those beans look rather ace Bob.

Everytime I look at them I just hear Smythe saying "Hello Lassie" to Murron in Braveheart 

[Ezekiel 25:17]

1 hour ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I deserve to be kicked in the bollocks this morning. 
 

didn’t cook the bacon enough, and somehow failed to adequately reheat the beans from last nights tea.

 

(the beans are homemade as a tin of chopped tomatoes, tin of borlotti beans, chopped onion, paprika, Tabasco and cumin).

 

 

 

Never thought I'd see the day where I'd be swayed towards the no bean perverts on here, but here it is.

[Bob]

25 minutes ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

 

Never thought I'd see the day where I'd be swayed towards the no bean perverts on here, but here it is.

If I’d warmed them through the beans would’ve been the star on the plate.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

8 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

If I’d warmed them through the beans would’ve been the star on the plate.

Not with onions in them they wouldn't.

[Jarvinja Ilnow]

22 minutes ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

Not with onions in them they wouldn't.

A bean Ultra? Seen it all now.

[Curly]

2 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I deserve to be kicked in the bollocks this morning. 
 

didn’t cook the bacon enough, and somehow failed to adequately reheat the beans from last nights tea.

 

(the beans are homemade as a tin of chopped tomatoes, tin of borlotti beans, chopped onion, paprika, Tabasco and cumin).

 

 

Have you placed the egg, directly on top of another egg, including the yolk? Did you?JUST TELL US WHAT YOU DID!

 

 

[Bob]

5 minutes ago, Belarus said:

Have you placed the egg, directly on top of another egg, including the yolk? Did you?JUST TELL US WHAT YOU DID!

 

 

One egg is indeed atop a second egg, but not atop the yolk. That was in fact hidden under the bacon, hoping the residual heat in the egg might help finish cooking the bacon off.

 

Some things had to share a spot, I served up on a side plate.

[Bob]

33 minutes ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

Not with onions in them they wouldn't.

The onion helps add a bit of sweetness that’s much needed.

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

One egg is indeed atop a second egg, but not atop the yolk. That was in fact hidden under the bacon, hoping the residual heat in the egg might help finish cooking the bacon off.

 

Some things had to share a spot, I served up on a side plate.

How big was that bottom egg then???? This is unravelling quicker than a Si thread this 

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Bjornebye said:

How big was that bottom egg then???? This is unravelling quicker than a Si thread this 

The bacon saw the egg as it's prey. It's nature finding a way. 

[Bob]

5 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

How big was that bottom egg then???? This is unravelling quicker than a Si thread this 

It’s an artists impression, but “about that big” is your answer…

roughly the same overall area, just longer and thinner than it’s rounder cousin.

 

[Curly]

14 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

One egg is indeed atop a second egg, but not atop the yolk. That was in fact hidden under the bacon, hoping the residual heat in the egg might help finish cooking the bacon off.

 

Some things had to share a spot, I served up on a side plate.

A side plate? You covered the yolk of an egg with other food, which could have been avoided if appropriate crockery was used? Did you have a stack of washing up soaking in the bath? Had you allowed things to get that bad?

[Bjornebye]

32 minutes ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

It’s an artists impression, but “about that big” is your answer…

roughly the same overall area, just longer and thinner than it’s rounder cousin.

 

 

 

[Remmie]

2 hours ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

 

Never thought I'd see the day where I'd be swayed towards the no bean perverts on here, but here it is.

 

[Bob]

1 hour ago, Belarus said:

A side plate? You covered the yolk of an egg with other food, which could have been avoided if appropriate crockery was used? Did you have a stack of washing up soaking in the bath? Had you allowed things to get that bad?

I eat bacon and egg - or a variation of - every morning for breakfast and always use a side plate. 
 

it feels instinctively right. I can’t say why.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

2 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

I served up on a side plate.

Fucksake, it goes from bad to worse.

[TheHowieLama]

Sometimes it is easier to figure out a problem like this by identifying what doesn't constitute the perfect cooked breakfast.

 

Thanks for your help here @Bob Spunkmouse