Sledging

[Remmie]

Not that kind but in Cricket:

 

Rod Marsh & Ian Botham - When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?" Botham responded: "The wife's fine but the kids are retarded"

 

Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne - As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

 

Robin Smith & Merv Hughes - During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't fucking bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary - "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can’t fucking bat & you can't fucking bowl."

 

Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad - During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please," Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

 

Merv Hughes & Viv Richards - During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don’t you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say fuck off."

 

Glenn McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan - "So what does Brian Lara's dick taste like?"

Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath lost it: "If you ever mention my wife again, I'll Fucking rip your Fucking throat out."

 

Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock - After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: "It's red, round & weighs about 5 ounces." Unfortunately for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground. Ponting to Pollock: "You know what it looks like, now go find it."

 

Fred Trueman - While bowling the batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip,and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your fucking mother," he replied.

 

And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment that was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don’t get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat cunt!!!"

 

James Ormond (England) had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh(Australia).

 

Mark Waugh : "Fuck me, look who it is! Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England"

James Ormond : "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family"

The Catch: Mark Waugh's brother Steve Waugh was the Captain for Australia

 

Glen McGrath, employing gamesmanship tactics tried to get under the skin of Zimbabwe player Eddo Brandes. He ran up to Brandes during a follow through and enquired: "Oi, Brandes, why the hell are you so fat?" Without missing a beat, Brandes replied "Cos every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit"

 

The spontaneous retort sent even the aussie slip fielders into delirium who were seen lying on the ground clutching their stomach all the while as McGrath retraced his steps to the start of his run-up for his next delivery

 

Mervyn Hughes to Gooch after playing and missing at a number of consecutive deliveries: I'll get you a piano instead to see if you can play that.

 

Mark Waugh - I remember you from a couple of years ago in Australia, you were shit then and you're fucking useless now.

Adam Parore - Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut & now I hear you've married her. You dumb cunt".

 

Merv Hughes was one of the greatest exponents of the fine "art" of sledging. Once during a tour game in South Africa Hughes was bowling to Hansie Cronje. It was an especially flat wicket and Cronje was hitting Hughes for fours and sixes all over the place. After the umpteenth boundary, Hughes headed down the pitch, stood near Cronje, let out a fart and said: "Try hitting that for six."

[Guest PaddyBerger15]

That just made me snort....the Healy to Ranatunga comment and the Brandes to McGrath are pure fucking poetry.

[Stu Monty]

Brilliant. How anyone who loves sport can't appreciate the mental battle between batsmen and bowler I'll never know.

[Carradona]

Some of them are excellent.

[Remmie]

The McGrath wife ones are a bit harsh, I think she suffered from Breast Cancer, so was understandably sensitive to comments about her. I don't know why that makes it worse really, it just does.

[Spy Bee]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1NFbVx0uN8

[Kopite]

Not that kind but in Cricket:

 

Rod Marsh & Ian Botham - When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"

 

That's the one I heard.

 

Botham responded: "The wife's fine but the kids are retarded"

 

Hahahaha. That there is the "money shot".

 

Merv Hughes & Viv Richards - During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don’t you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say fuck off."

 

I love that one.

 

Glenn McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan - "So what does Brian Lara's dick taste like?"

Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath lost it: "If you ever mention my wife again, I'll Fucking rip your Fucking throat out."

 

Genius.

 

Fred Trueman - While bowling the batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip,and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your fucking mother," he replied.

 

Fred Trueman - legend.

 

Glen McGrath, employing gamesmanship tactics tried to get under the skin of Zimbabwe player Eddo Brandes. He ran up to Brandes during a follow through and enquired: "Oi, Brandes, why the hell are you so fat?" Without missing a beat, Brandes replied "Cos every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit"

 

And that one too.

 

The spontaneous retort sent even the aussie slip fielders into delirium who were seen lying on the ground clutching their stomach all the while as McGrath retraced his steps to the start of his run-up for his next delivery

 

There is nothing more satisfying than humiliating an Aussie in my opinion.

 

Mark Waugh - I remember you from a couple of years ago in Australia, you were shit then and you're fucking useless now.

Adam Parore - Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut & now I hear you've married her. You dumb cunt".

 

My new favourite.

 

Merv Hughes was one of the greatest exponents of the fine "art" of sledging. Once during a tour game in South Africa Hughes was bowling to Hansie Cronje. It was an especially flat wicket and Cronje was hitting Hughes for fours and sixes all over the place. After the umpteenth boundary, Hughes headed down the pitch, stood near Cronje, let out a fart and said: "Try hitting that for six."

 

Merv Hughes - another legend, even though he looked like the cop out of Village People.

 

Thanks Remmie.

[Kobayashi Maru]

A few more to add to this distinguished list...

 

On the most recent ashes series, the aussie would greet Peitersen to the crease by calling him "fig jam". The acronym for "fuck i'm good, just ask me.

 

Ian Healy & Arjuna Ranatunga

Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."

 

Ravi Shastri vs the Aussie 12th man (don't remember who)

Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single. This guy gets the ball in and says, "If you leave the crease I'll break your fucking head."

Shastri: "If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the fucking 12th man."

 

Malcolm Marshall & David Boon

Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall: "Now, David, are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"

 

Viv Richards v Greg Thomas

This incident took place during a county championship match between Glamorgan and Somerset. Glamorgan paceman Thomas had beaten Richards' bat a couple of times and informed him: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering."

 

The very next ball Sir Issac Vivian Andrews Richards gave him the royal treament and smashed the ball out of the ground, into a nearby river - at which point he piped up: "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and fucking fetch it."

 

Trueman and Aussie batsman

In an England v Australia Test during early 1960's Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilion. As a new batsman came out he turned to shut the gate, Trueman said "Don't bother son, you won't be out there long enough."

 

Healy & Hansie

In one of the tour matches in South Africa, Australia played Hansie Cronje's province. Cronje was at the non strikers end, there was a short chubby batsman on strike. Ian Healy yelled to Warne, (I think) "Bowl a Mars Bar half way down...We'll get him stumped" The Aussies and Cronje were all in hysterics. the batsman's retort: "Nah, Boonie fielding at short leg will be onto it before I can move."

 

David Hookes & Tony Greig

Centenary Test in Melbourne 1977. A young David Hookes makes his way to the crease in his debut test. The English captain was South African born Tony Greig.

Greig : "When are balls going to drop sonny"

Hookes : "Don't know but at least I'm playing Cricket for my own fucking country"

 

Viv Richards to Gavaskar

Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening position and come in at no 4 for that test. But, Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2. And he thought there would be less pressure! Viv Richards says "Man, it don't matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero."

 

Waugh Vs Jamie Siddons:

In a Sheffield Shield game between NSW and SA, a Waugh twin (not sure which) was taking an enternity to take guard, asking the umpire for centre, middle and leg, two legs - the whole lot. Then he steps away towards leg side and has another look around the field, before re checking centre. Jamie Siddons is at slip, and decided enough is enough. He yells out. "For christ sake, it's not a 'f*ckin test match."

Waugh replies: " Of course it isn't … You're here. "

 

Healy & Atherton

Michael Atherton, on his first Tour to Australia was adjudged not out on a caught behind appeal.

At the end of the over Ian Healey walked by and announced "You're a fucking cheat".

Athers replied very politely "When in Rome dear boy......."

[Paul]

The McGrath wife ones are a bit harsh, I think she suffered from Breast Cancer, so was understandably sensitive to comments about her. I don't know why that makes it worse really, it just does.

 

Maybe - but if you dish it out, you've got to be able to take it too.

[Remmie]

Waugh Vs Jamie Siddons:

In a Sheffield Shield game between NSW and SA, a Waugh twin (not sure which) was taking an enternity to take guard, asking the umpire for centre, middle and leg, two legs - the whole lot. Then he steps away towards leg side and has another look around the field, before re checking centre. Jamie Siddons is at slip, and decided enough is enough. He yells out. "For christ sake, it's not a 'f*ckin test match."

Waugh replies: " Of course it isn't … You're here. "

I believe Siddons then replied: Well at least I'm the best Cricketer in my family!

[Remmie]

. Cricket.

[gazelle]

excellant thread

[rargh]

Ian Botham to Australian Passport Control.

 

Aussie Passport Control: "Have you got a criminal record?"

Botham: "I didn't know you still needed one."

[windass]

Not that kind but in Cricket:

 

Rod Marsh & Ian Botham - When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?" Botham responded: "The wife's fine but the kids are retarded"

 

Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne - As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

 

Robin Smith & Merv Hughes - During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed: "You can't fucking bat". Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary - "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can’t fucking bat & you can't fucking bowl."

 

Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad - During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Tickets please," Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

 

Merv Hughes & Viv Richards - During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don’t you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say fuck off."

 

Glenn McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan - "So what does Brian Lara's dick taste like?"

Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife." McGrath lost it: "If you ever mention my wife again, I'll Fucking rip your Fucking throat out."

 

Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock - After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock told Ponting: "It's red, round & weighs about 5 ounces." Unfortunately for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground. Ponting to Pollock: "You know what it looks like, now go find it."

 

Fred Trueman - While bowling the batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip,and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your fucking mother," he replied.

 

And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment that was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don’t get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat cunt!!!"

 

James Ormond (England) had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh(Australia).

 

Mark Waugh : "Fuck me, look who it is! Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England"

James Ormond : "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family"

The Catch: Mark Waugh's brother Steve Waugh was the Captain for Australia

 

Glen McGrath, employing gamesmanship tactics tried to get under the skin of Zimbabwe player Eddo Brandes. He ran up to Brandes during a follow through and enquired: "Oi, Brandes, why the hell are you so fat?" Without missing a beat, Brandes replied "Cos every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit"

 

The spontaneous retort sent even the aussie slip fielders into delirium who were seen lying on the ground clutching their stomach all the while as McGrath retraced his steps to the start of his run-up for his next delivery

 

Mervyn Hughes to Gooch after playing and missing at a number of consecutive deliveries: I'll get you a piano instead to see if you can play that.

 

Mark Waugh - I remember you from a couple of years ago in Australia, you were shit then and you're fucking useless now.

Adam Parore - Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut & now I hear you've married her. You dumb cunt".

 

Merv Hughes was one of the greatest exponents of the fine "art" of sledging. Once during a tour game in South Africa Hughes was bowling to Hansie Cronje. It was an especially flat wicket and Cronje was hitting Hughes for fours and sixes all over the place. After the umpteenth boundary, Hughes headed down the pitch, stood near Cronje, let out a fart and said: "Try hitting that for six."

 

Sledge...A bloke constantly pulled by old dogs!

[Dermot]

Healy & Atherton

Michael Atherton, on his first Tour to Australia was adjudged not out on a caught behind appeal.

At the end of the over Ian Healey walked by and announced "You're a fucking cheat".

Athers replied very politely "When in Rome dear boy......."

 

My favourite. That was always the best thing about Atherton, he always seemed to stay so calm.

[Dermot]

How did we end up with an ad for 'GayThugDating' on this thread?

[Roast Beef]

They're all quality but they've been variously attributed to every single cricketer who's ever played for Australia. Healy to Ranatunga is still the best.

[ted tucker]

Inzamam Ul Haq to Brett Lee:

 

'Stop bowling off spinners'

[Chuck Fadanoid]

There was one from an Aussie, might have been Shane Warne, when he was the 10th man in a world cup final. He edged it to one of the slips but it was dropped, so he turned around and said, 'How does it feel to drop the world cup son?'

[RoboRiise]

They're all quality but they've been variously attributed to every single cricketer who's ever played for Australia. Healy to Ranatunga is still the best.

 

Correct, I folded up the first time I heard that one. Although it wasn't on the field of tourney, Botham's crack to passport control was also pretty sharp.

 

Unfortunately every good sledge I've ever heard is already on this thread so I have nothing to add.

 

 

Inzamam Ul Haq to Brett Lee:

 

'Stop bowling off spinners'

 

That's also very, very good.

[Tom R]

Sledging

[RedBrian84]

My favourite is the Ricky Ponting/ Shaun Pollock one. Genius.