Guilty Secrets

[VladimirIlyich]

The opening post is not a guilty secret but Stig's(he never fails to keep us entertained) and NPs are excellent titbits(see what I did there NP?)

[Sut]

The worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theatre, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

[Nunavut Patrick]

Haha Sut...classic....

 

when i was a kid we used to go down to the frozen canal where people skated and put frozen dog turds in their boots inside the shack, which was heated by a pot belly stove.

 

Dog turds would thaw, skaters put their boots on and hilarity ensue.

[Nunavut Patrick]

I should add that poop and scoop laws and global warming have fucked all that fun off.

[RedKnight]

Stole a copy of FIFA 98: World Cup from Blockbuster after they left it in the yellow case on the shelf. Picked it up to rent it, realised the game was in it, took it. I felt bad after five minutes but by then it was too late to go back.

[RJ Fan club]

Stuck in a blizzard with a nurse, my then wife's best mate. The heat had given out and had to heat the flat with the stove. The house was so cold the dogs water dish froze over. I was wearing my Green Bay Packers cape just to keep warm.

 

She was staying over as there was no housing and the ex was away on a course. She got into the red wine and became shall we say quite frisky. She has massive tits, a size or two past DDs. She was in the kitchen standing over the open oven to get warm, I was going by to get something and she backed into me (kitchen is small) and said let's do it. She had been flirty all evening. it was very hard to resist, and began by engaging in some dry humping and got her tits out of her bra ( weirdly it didn't seem so cold anymore).

 

went into the living room on the couch and she had her tits in my face and between the two of us had managed to get my cock out which she stroked while i lost myself in her tits. Didn't take long for me , she was pretty pleased with herself making me cum so fast and she proceeded to get naked and said, Patrick do your thing to me. Only my her and my wife call me Patrick. I do know that my wife had told her that i was talented at the oral arts. while she was getting her three layers of pants off(if you are Canadian you know sex can be really awkward tring to getball the layersbof clothing off in the winter) the phone rang, i had to answer it as it was long distance and its usually one of my kids or the then-wife.

 

It was my wife...very awkward conversation about the heat going out, the storm, etc....the kids as one of them was stuck due to bad weather...by then the moment was gone and to be honest i was glad as in a Bill Clinton kind of way a suck and play with tits and get a hand job is pretty close to I did not have sexual relations....

 

Still see her all the time, we never had any awkward moments about it, my ex-wire and her are best mates.

Wearing a sideline cape will do that to a woman. Sends them mad, bitches on heat!

[Nunavut Patrick]

Wearing a sideline cape will do that to a woman. Sends them mad, bitches on heat!

I fucking love my sideline cape.

[Vincent Vega]

A good mate of mine used to enjoy shitting in mad places, it started in a club in the town where we live with a pat on the floor of a cubicle which some smelly (metal fan type) trod in, it moved on to the car bonnet of the bird of a mate of his brother's, but it ended with the doorstep of one of his best friends (he was this lad's best man when he married) in revenge for one of the most trivial reasons you can imagine, but it paid off spectacularly with this lad's missus slipping in the unholy mess he had left. A secret I belive that is held to this day. Fun with faeces he used to call it.

[Adebisi]

I once had a tug while sniffing my mate's fit older sister's panties..

At least I thought I did, turns out they belonged to her ugly mate. I found out the next day when I walked into the bathroom while my mate's sister was putting stuff in the washing basket it. 'Nice pants, Ebony' I said while smirking, feeling like a dirty, perverted God until she accused me of calling her fat because she was 'nowhere near a size 16' 

 

[RJ Fan club]

I fucking love my sideline cape.

And so you should. Having one of those is living for pleasure alone. Decadent, I'd love a Jets cape.

[Bjornebye]

I itch my arse with my birds hair grips

[Mook]

I itch my arse with my birds hair grips

 

I say itch instead of scratch too.

[Bjornebye]

I meant scratch

 

 

 

A house I lived in for a few years backed on to another house behind and you could see right into the bedroom of ones of the girls. They were students. I used to watch her get up to all sorts. shagging, naked dancing, getting dressed/undressed etc. One night I came back pissed and noticed her in getting undressed, it was 3am so she was quite clearly as pissed and gagging for it as me. I decided to go and knock on her house so ran round there expecting her to open the door in her nightie and agree that yes we both should in-fact be having sex right now. Instead I knock the wrong door and asked for the girl in the window and some fella chased me back up the road. I had to run in the opposite direction so he didn't know exactly what house was mine. Never walked down that road again. Still watched the bird get changed though and stuff though. If only i'd got the right door. we would still be on her bed now doing all sorts.

 

Best thing about it was I had a missus at the time but was so bored of her i'd let her fall asleep before going in the back bedroom for my nightly perv.

[Sputnik1]

Right, I couldn't be arsed with the bum fight or the highlights of that other sport that draws us all here tonight, so decided to watch something I've had on my Sky + for months but not got 'round to watching, Jeff Lynne's ELO at Hyde Park. Fuck me, what a great gig. I saw Black Sabbath at the same venue last summer, and this was on a par.

 

ELO were pioneers, All Over The World, Evil Woman, Mr Blue Sky, Sweet Talkin' Woman, Living Thing, 10538 Overture, etc, etc!

 

Not fashionable, but fucking tremendous. They even did a Travelling Wilburys track, awesome.

 

Oh yeah, the thread title. ELO are hardly hip, hence the thread title. Anyone else can think of anything else where the cap fits, get posting.

 

 

 

What a fucking great night I just had watching ELO at the Echo Arena. Brilliant, just brilliant. 

 

[matt1983]

Come back on ELO and carry on playing

[Vincent Vega]

What a fucking great night I just had watching ELO at the Echo Arena. Brilliant, just brilliant. 

 

Going to watch them in Leeds on Saturday, staying over and making a night of it, can't wait.

[Sputnik1]

I wish I'd bought more tickets to more shows. You'll have a great time. My daughter text me before the concert, said she hoped I enjoyed it. I replied that I would, that was guaranteed, and it was. 

[VladimirIlyich]

What a fucking great night I just had watching ELO at the Echo Arena. Brilliant, just brilliant.

 

Probably the first band I ever got into music with. Shame that not all the original members are still with us today.

[Sputnik1]

I was in primary school when I first heard of them, must admit I said I didn't like them at the time. Then years later I bought the 'Time' album and I loved it, that was me converted. I had a tape of that album with a few tracks from Xanadu on it. Which is why years later I wondered why "Don't walk away" wasn't on the Time album when I was listening to it recently. 

 

For me (and other people's opinion may be different) Jeff Lynne is ELO. Nice that he started the tour here in Liverpool. 

[VladimirIlyich]

I was in primary school when I first heard of them, must admit I said I didn't like them at the time. Then years later I bought the 'Time' album and I loved it, that was me converted. I had a tape of that album with a few tracks from Xanadu on it. Which is why years later I wondered why "Don't walk away" wasn't on the Time album when I was listening to it recently.

 

For me (and other people's opinion may be different) Jeff Lynne is ELO. Nice that he started the tour here in Liverpool.

Time was the last of their albums I bought and is the pinnacle of their music for me,it was years ahead of its,ahem..'time' and a fantastic concept album that I still listen to right up until today.

Jeff Lynne is a brilliant musician and arguably responsible for the greatest supergroup of our time,The Traveling Wilburys,too.

[Shitty Arse]

Between the dates of February 1977 and November 1980, in the counties of West and South Yorkshire, I attacked and killed 13 women.

[ZonkoVille77]

Taken a bit of a turn, this one.

[Shitty Arse]

Oh sorry. Wrong thread.

Mr Blue Sky though. What a tune

[Tony Moanero]

I used to eat Woolworths Pick 'n' Mix without paying for it.

 

I once had a wank in the toilet in The Blob Shop.

 

I used to throw eggs at people's windows.

 

I stole an Action Force figure and a Micro Machine car from WH Smith.

 

I fucked my wife in the accessible toilet in The Asda in York and on a grass verge by the side of the road in Hythe, Kent. I had a wank in the car as I watched a Milf with huge tits pack her shopping into her car in a Sainsbury's car park.

 

I used to eat crisps purchased from a supermarket

in the pub.

[Furmedge]

I was on the last train home from town and needed a piss, so found an empty burger box and slashed in that, closing the box and apologising to an empty carriage in case I was being recorded by a security camera.