The Porn Swap Shop

[General Dryness]

Wasn't exactly hard core was it though, the Red Shoe Diaries?

 

The kind of thing where the fella is pounding away for all he's worth and the camera accidentally catches sight of his floppy cock.

[John101]

Wasn't exactly hard core was it though, the Red Shoe Diaries?

 

The kind of thing where the fella is pounding away for all he's worth and the camera accidentally catches sight of his floppy cock.

 

We were only 8. I think at that point i still thought women shit babies out there arse. Plus my mates Ma was a bad prude. She taped days of thunder for my mate and paused the sex scene in it between Tom Cruise and his bird.

 

And yeah, i couldnt believe it when my brother grassed me up. To this day ive always thought he had some deviant, bestiality shit hidden somewhere and it was a ploy to throw my mum off the scent.

[Boss]

Haha Red Shoe Diaries on Bravo, those were the days. I used to sneak downstairs to watch that when everyone was in bed. It perfectly synced with the Television X ten minute preview as well.

 

I once stole a porno from my dads car, Ass-man 3 i think it was called. It was about some Czech girls getting walloped up the arse in a log cabin and then on a speedboat. I took the tape out of it's case and replaced it with a Walt Disney VHS so the next time he tried to watch it he must've been gutted. What could he do though? he couldn't bollock me for taking his hidden stash in front of my mum. Those who live by the sword die by the sword i'm afraid.

[Dr Nowt]

Haha Red Shoe Diaries on Bravo, those were the days. I used to sneak downstairs to watch that when everyone was in bed. It perfectly synced with the Television X ten minute preview as well.

 

I once stole a porno from my dads car, Ass-man 3 i think it was called. It was about some Czech girls getting walloped up the arse in a log cabin and then on a speedboat. I took the tape out of it's case and replaced it with a Walt Disney VHS so the next time he tried to watch it he must've been gutted. What could he do though? he couldn't bollock me for taking his hidden stash in front of my mum. Those who live by the pork sword die by the pork sword i'm afraid.

Ain't that the truth.

[Sugar Ape]

I think my worst porn related experience was:

 

In Magaluf with my mates when I was about 20 and we went into this shop selling hardcore porn DVDs the likes of which weren't easily available in England.

 

I'm standing in front of a display of DVDs when the bird behind the counter - fit as fuck, tanned, little pair of denim shorts and a bikini top - came round and asked if I needed any help.

 

I panicked and blindly grabbed a DVD and said I'll have this one. She took it off me without a word, glanced at the cover and gave it back to me telling me to bring it to the counter.

 

Had a look at the front cover on the way there and it was called ' My first cucumber ' and had a photo on the cover of a 50 year old woman bent over shoving a Courgette up her arse.

 

Never been so embarrassed in my life. Fucker cost me 20 Euros too.

[Fowlers God]

When we moved house around 6years ago my dad was setting up the DVD player, TV XBox ect in the front room. It was the last thing to be set up before we tucked into our fish and chips after a hard days moving.

 

Picture the scene, mum / Dad/ in laws and a couple of mates all sat in the front room when my dad plugs in the DVD player (that I hadn't used in a year, due to using Xbox) to see some bloke giving it stacks hanging out some birds arse.

[Bob]

I've obviously got a hidden level of porn deviancy that I won't go into, but my earliest porn related memory was all being round a mates house for one of those 'parents are away' type gatherings, and me getting a load of abuse for suggesting we turn the porn off to watch Dortmund in the European cup final. In 97, maybe?

 

I still to this day don't get why they preferred to watch a porno together than the footie.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Ah the ten minute preview, and the 4 seconds after where every single time you'd scream to yourself holy sweet lord it's fucking stayed on !!!!! I remember it stayed on for ten minutes more once, still the best 10 minutes of my entire life.

[Dr Nowt]

I think my worst porn related experience was:

 

In Magaluf with my mates when I was about 20 and we went into this shop selling hardcore porn DVDs the likes of which weren't easily available in England.

 

I'm standing in front of a display of DVDs when the bird behind the counter - fit as fuck, tanned, little pair of denim shorts and a bikini top - came round and asked if I needed any help.

 

I panicked and blindly grabbed a DVD and said I'll have this one. She took it off me without a word, glanced at the cover and gave it back to me telling me to bring it to the counter.

 

Had a look at the front cover on the way there and it was called ' My first cucumber ' and had a photo on the cover of a 50 year old woman bent over shoving a Courgette up her arse.

 

Never been so embarrassed in my life. Fucker cost me 20 Euros too.

Have you still got it?

[setreal]

The closest I ever got to a "Porn Swap" was in around 1990 when I lent my mate a 5¼-inch floppy disk (fnar) with Samantha Fox Strip Poker for the C64 on it. Never got it back as well.

[Sugar Ape]

Have you still got it?

My mate got one called Lollipop festival and I swapped that for My first cucumber. Still the best bit of business I've done.

 

I believe he left it in the Wetherspoons in Walton vale so the bar staff would have had a nice surprise when they cleaned up.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

My mate got one called Lollipop festival and I swapped that for My first cucumber. Still the best bit of business I've done.

 

I believe he left it in the Wetherspoons in Walton vale so the bar staff would have had a nice surprise when they cleaned up.

 

Especially if he knocked one out. 

[Alan Sex]

Anyone want a used fleshlight?

[Mike D]

I had a few with a pornstar called Raquel Darrian in, she was tasty. Never seen them again after lending them out.

[Bruce Spanner]

To this day we don’t know if my childhood next door neighbour, Gary, had his extensive collection of questionable jazz mags, stored in our adjoining shed, deliberately set alight or if it was an act of god, but one thing we do all know is that we’ve never seen a man as bereft as that night as he was trying to put out the flames,  as his moose of a wife watched on pouring scorn on both Gary’s hobby and emotional outpouring.  

 

I often think of Gary, I assume he’s not thought of me since that night as he’s only been consumed by the idea of vengeance. 

[Bjornebye]

 

 

 

[Bruce Spanner]

It’s never a bad idea to bump this thread and see how far we’ve come as a species.

[Bjornebye]

The bumping of this thread in 2016 coincides a bit with FG stopping posting. 

 

A few of us know big Dan (FG) from away games and it would not surprise me if he has sent some seriously unhinged material out. 

 

Top lad by the way. 

[Elite]

Still into to grannies shagging cucumbers @Sugar Ape?

[halewood pete]

[KMD7]

Back in the late 90's pre-internet I had a Vhs Jenna Jameson tape and had given it to a few of the lads on the line in the factory I worked in the time. Anyway this small quiet innocent looking lad came up to me enquiring about it, asked me was it good to which I assured him it was (fucking was as well). So he took it off me. 

 

Next day he came back to me with it. 'You enjoy that?' I asked. ' Fucking Shite' he said. 'I have a load at home, the guys hand up to here (pointing to his elbow) in the woman, proper stuff' before dumping the video onto my worktop and strolling away leaving me lost for words.

 

He was forever known to the rest of is as The Gimp from Pulp fiction after that.  Cheeky perverted fucker. 

[Sugar Ape]

1 hour ago, Elite said:

Still into to grannies shagging cucumbers @Sugar Ape?

Nah, that was years ago mate when I was a young lad. 
 

I’m more into Parsnips and Asparagus now I’m older and have more refined tastes. 

[lifetime fan]

19 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

The bumping of this thread in 2016 coincides a bit with FG stopping posting. 

 

A few of us know big Dan (FG) from away games and it would not surprise me if he has sent some seriously unhinged material out. 

 

Top lad by the way. 

Dan is a definitely a top bloke. 

[Harry Squatter]

I used to share a house with my brother and he would always buy shit porn from the Sunday papers.

 

He spent 60 quid on a load of DVDs that were all shite, basically two birds in a bath rubbing each others tits for 30 minutes or some bird pretending to suck a fella off by bobbing her head up and down by his groin. He was too ashamed to take it back to the post office to return or to say to the company they were shite so threw them all in the bin. 

 

When I moved out I didn't see him for ages but went down to collect some stuff, basically every drawer in the living room and kitchen had hardcore gangbang porn DVDs bursting out of them. He walked in and went off his head when I asked if he had found a more reliable porn source. 

 

He had also invited some bird back and he put some porn on but she wasn't interested in watching Anal Assault 7 with him and phoned a taxi instead  

[Mook]

38 minutes ago, Doctor Troy said:

I used to share a house with my brother and he would always buy shit porn from the Sunday papers.

 

He spent 60 quid on a load of DVDs that were all shite, basically two birds in a bath rubbing each others tits for 30 minutes or some bird pretending to suck a fella off by bobbing her head up and down by his groin. He was too ashamed to take it back to the post office to return or to say to the company they were shite so threw them all in the bin. 

 

When I moved out I didn't see him for ages but went down to collect some stuff, basically every drawer in the living room and kitchen had hardcore gangbang porn DVDs bursting out of them. He walked in and went off his head when I asked if he had found a more reliable porn source. 

 

He had also invited some bird back and he put some porn on but she wasn't interested in watching Anal Assault 7 with him and phoned a taxi instead  

Do I...

 

A - Dim the lights & put some smooth jazz on or...

B - Stick with the tried & tested Anal Assault 7 DVD