The world of a woman.

[Captain Turdseye]

My Dad got run over by a milk float when he was 3, he had to get skin grafts from his leg on to his foot, which has been pretty fucked ever since.

 

It's no laughing matter in my parent's house, not when he's in the room anyway.

Blimey, I bet the point of impact was the longest twenty minutes of his life.

 

Nice one, Mook. I’ve got it out of my system now.

[Mook]

Blimey, I bet the point of impact was the longest twenty minutes of his life.

 

My Grandpa always reckoned it semi-skimmed his foot anyway.

[Champ]

My Grandpa always reckoned it semi-skimmed his foot anyway.

You're milking it now, Mook

[Karl_b]

Awful that, one of those moments when life flashes pasteurise.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Milk

[General Dryness]

To be fair, he was distracted by the orange juice.

 

Well it did say "concentrate" on the carton.

[VladimirIlyich]

My Dad got run over by a milk float when he was 3, he had to get skin grafts from his leg on to his foot, which has been pretty fucked ever since.

 

It's no laughing matter in my parent's house, not when he's in the room anyway.

Hy-sterry-cal.

[manwiththestick]

Surely hysdairycal?

[VladimirIlyich]

Nothing gets past your eyes.

[Nunavut Patrick]

When I was six I used to help the milk man and I cut my knee open on a milk float.

 

Dangerous things.

[PestiRed]

We have a Miele C3 Cat and Dog Powerline vacuum cleaner - unbelievably powerful. My wife attached it to the baby’s nose hoover on the most powerful setting and it unsurprisingly over-heated and stopped working after attempting to suck all its power through a 2mm opening. Fortunately this happened before it got close to my daughter and her brains were sucked out of her nostrils. I tried to explain the concept of pressure being higher through narrower openings and got told that physics is bollocks and the vacuum must be crap if it can’t cope with sucking snot.

 

Unsupervised use of the nose hoover is now banned

[lifetime fan]

Hahahahahaha

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

We have a Miele C3 Cat and Dog Powerline vacuum cleaner - unbelievably powerful. My wife attached it to the baby’s nose hoover on the most powerful setting and it unsurprisingly over-heated and stopped working after attempting to suck all its power through a 2mm opening. Fortunately this happened before it got close to my daughter and her brains were sucked out of her nostrils. I tried to explain the concept of pressure being higher through narrower openings and got told that physics is bollocks and the vacuum must be crap if it can’t cope with sucking snot.

 

Unsupervised use of the nose hoover is now banned

 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

.

[VladimirIlyich]

We have a Miele C3 Cat and Dog Powerline vacuum cleaner - unbelievably powerful. My wife attached it to the baby’s nose hoover on the most powerful setting and it unsurprisingly over-heated and stopped working after attempting to suck all its power through a 2mm opening. Fortunately this happened before it got close to my daughter and her brains were sucked out of her nostrils. I tried to explain the concept of pressure being higher through narrower openings and got told that physics is bollocks and the vacuum must be crap if it can’t cope with sucking snot.

 

Unsupervised use of the nose hoover is now banned

What is a nose hoover?

[Mook]

What is a nose hoover?

[PestiRed]

What is a nose hoover?

One of these. They are disgusting and slightly scary but very effective. Watch the video, it’s incredible how much snot a baby can produce

 

http://www.babyvac.co.uk

[VladimirIlyich]

One of these. They are disgusting and slightly scary but very effective. Watch the video, it’s incredible how much snot a baby can produce

 

http://www.babyvac.co.uk

So,an expensive handkerchief in other words?

[Rico1304]

Thigh gap

[General Dryness]

Thigh gap

 

Is that still a thing? I thought they'd moved on to the next pointless obsession.

[Rico1304]

Is that still a thing? I thought they'd moved on to the next pointless obsession.

I believe it’s one of Pesti’s requirements

[General Dryness]

I believe it’s one of Pesti’s requirements

 

Ahhh I see. That and elementary use of a vacuum cleaner.

[PestiRed]

Doesn’t seem an unreasonable pair of requirements

[VladimirIlyich]

Thigh gap

Is this a new shop?

[Tony Moanero]

Mine does this. I haven't even got fucking Sky, so it's a cold day in hell when there's any footie on terrestrial TV but if I say I want to watch it she moans like a bitch.

 

Conveniently forgetting the fact she watches Emmerdale, Corrie and EastEnders every night...

Nowadays, when my wife wants to watch football, I moan like a bitch. I can't stand Eastenders but I do like Corrie.