Housemates

[Jorge Borge]

I've been living in a shared house just these last few months. Was a last minute thing so I moved in with strangers. Recently one of them has moved back to Germany. He was a nice chap called Thomas who used to eat raw bacon and sleep with a hunting knife. His passion in life was "just making bullshit" and though at times he 'did things' he was a pleasant bloke who I can honestly say I shall miss.

 

I heard my landlord's voice today so went downstairs and was greeted by my new housemate, Russ, a mild-mannered looking chap with hair down to his waist and a sweet Axl Rose style headband. Russ, I later go on to find out is a politics student, as we make small talk over a cup of tea. he begins asking me about what we can use, "Plates, pans, no problems, man. If it's there use it," says I. "We'll hook you up with a cupboard and anything you need."

"What about the garden? Can we use the green bit?"

"What? The grass? Yeah, man. It's all ours."

A small pause.

"How come?" I enquire.

"Aah, I need to practise my wrestling moves," he says, just as I'm taking a sip of tea, the swine.

"Ye..yeah...no worries," I manage to get out. "So are you one of those backyard wrestlers you see on the internet?"

"Yep."

 

Sweet.

 

I never knew they existed in the real world. I now live with mild-mannered politics student, Russ by day but by night becomes 'Atilla' (I had to ask) a bonafide backyard wrestler.

 

Who wants to touch me?

[AVEEZ]

you must get pictures and post them on here at your earliest oportunity!

[She Knows It]

I want to live with a backyard wrestler called Russ.

[Jorge Borge]

You'll be pleased to hear my bedroom overlooks the back garden. I can't wait.

 

Seconds out. Round 1, "ding-ding".

 

I also told him the spinning clothes line was communal so you could hang dummies from it to practise defending flying attacks. He said "Yeah, or you could just pick it up and twat someone with it."

[AVEEZ]

i do not believe such people really exist..i need photo proof :(

[Jorge Borge]

I didn't before today but it just goes to show the internet never lies.

[Jorge Borge]

I want to live with a backyard wrestler called Russ.

 

Well it's easy to say that and the Russ part is fine. The Hun bitch queen alter-ego part, however, terrifies me.

[bobhorse]

is he built like Big Daddy or a drink of water ?

[Jorge Borge]

is he built like Big Daddy or a drink of water ?

 

Fizzy pop.

[Anny Road]

What an exotic lifestyle. Nelson Mandela has just fallen off the bottom of my dream dinner party invite list. You are next then the wrestler.

[Jorge Borge]

Haha!

 

I've just spent the evening conversing with my nemesis and I've found out his Achilles Heel. It turns out he has an irrational fear of large birds. "What like Big Bird from Sesame Street?" I ask.

"I hate that bastard," is the reply.

"What is it with them?"

"They can just...for me the Shoebilled Stork is the worst."

"Go on," I say.

"Have you seen it with it's wings outstretched? It flies like a human but it walks like a robot. They're five foot tall and they kill for fun. I once saw a video where one swooped down and broke a flamingoes neck just because it could."

 

I later find out they have made videos about this. "Have you put any on Youtube?" i ask.

"Soon," he says.

 

They will be yours when I hear more, I promise.

 

Night night.

[Jorge Borge]

What an exotic lifestyle. Nelson Mandela has just fallen off the bottom of my dream dinner party invite list. You are next then the wrestler.

 

You are first on my 'people I'd dry bum hard with an unripe squash' list. Your comical i-pod is next. My third is Nelson Mandela, also. Snap!

[WaltonRed]

I dont want pictures I demand videos from your bedroom window of him wrestling away.

[bri]

brilliant keep it coming, arguably book material

[rargh]

I've been living in a shared house just these last few months. Was a last minute thing so I moved in with strangers. Recently one of them has moved back to Germany. He was a nice chap called Thomas who used to eat raw bacon and sleep with a hunting knife. His passion in life was "just making bullshit" and though at times he 'did things' he was a pleasant bloke who I can honestly say I shall miss.

 

I heard my landlord's voice today so went downstairs and was greeted by my new housemate, Russ, a mild-mannered looking chap with hair down to his waist and a sweet Axl Rose style headband. Russ, I later go on to find out is a politics student, as we make small talk over a cup of tea. he begins asking me about what we can use, "Plates, pans, no problems, man. If it's there use it," says I. "We'll hook you up with a cupboard and anything you need."

"What about the garden? Can we use the green bit?"

"What? The grass? Yeah, man. It's all ours."

A small pause.

"How come?" I enquire.

"Aah, I need to practise my wrestling moves," he says, just as I'm taking a sip of tea, the swine.

"Ye..yeah...no worries," I manage to get out. "So are you one of those backyard wrestlers you see on the internet?"

"Yep."

 

Sweet.

 

I never knew they existed in the real world. I now live with mild-mannered politics student, Russ by day but by night becomes 'Atilla' (I had to ask) a bonafide backyard wrestler.

 

Who wants to touch me?

 

Ah, but wait until he asks to cover the roof of your car with thumb tacks, then elbow drop his opponent from your bedroom window ledge.

[hamstrung]

"Backyard wrestler" sounds like prison slang to me.

[Fugitive]

This could be a small taste of things to come.

 

YouTube - i.w.f insane backyard wrestling federation, by jim mckenzie!