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little things that annoy the shit out of you

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7 hours ago, magicrat said:

I may have ranted about this before but cunts that parade around the gym changing room in the bare smack.

Cunt yesterday oiling himself all over and slyly looking around to see if anyone was taking notice. Just fuck off you weirdos

Is "in the bare smack" some kind of regional expression? Never heard it before, sounds whack, Jeeves. 

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Having to destroy a spiders web because there's no other option especially when the resident spider is at home.

 

Had to do this today as the spider had used the wheely bin for structural support. In my defense, I received no planing permission.

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1 minute ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

Having to destroy a spiders web because there's no other option especially when the resident spider is at home.

 

Had to do this today as the spider had used the wheely bin for structural support. In my defense, I received no planing permission.

 Cunts should know better than to build them on wing mirrors and between gate posts.

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33 minutes ago, Elite said:

 Cunts should know better than to build them on wing mirrors and between gate posts.

What the fuck is it with spiders and wing mirrors? They can't get enough of them. Clear one out and  couple of days later they're back, bold as brass. Fuckwits.

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2 minutes ago, General Dryness said:

What the fuck is it with spiders and wing mirrors? They can't get enough of them. Clear one out and  couple of days later they're back, bold as brass. Fuckwits.

They must be vain fuckers.

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57 minutes ago, General Dryness said:

What the fuck is it with spiders and wing mirrors? They can't get enough of them. Clear one out and  couple of days later they're back, bold as brass. Fuckwits.

I'm no expert on the matter but my guess would be they like the added security of a dry place in the void behind the mirror in the event of a good downpour. I think they've learnt there lesson about seeking shelter up water spouts.

 

Just to reiterate, I'm no expert on the matter. 

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1 hour ago, Dougie Do'ins said:

I'm no expert on the matter but my guess would be they like the added security of a dry place in the void behind the mirror in the event of a good downpour. I think they've learnt there lesson about seeking shelter up water spouts.

 

Just to reiterate, I'm no expert on the matter. 

Not my words folks, the words of Professor D Do'ins, the worlds foremost expert on arachnid behaviour with specific regard to habitats and where they like to get their heads down.

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The new thing about attaching World Cup to all kinds of sports , to generate interest I  imagine , it seems to be one every other week. The Homeless World Cup looks good though .

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20 minutes ago, easytoslip said:

The new thing about attaching World Cup to all kinds of sports , to generate interest I  imagine , it seems to be one every other week. The Homeless World Cup looks good though .

Too many away games for me.

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Why is it that every-time your neighbours are having murder they always stop just as you get a good vantage point to listen. Selfish bastards. 

 

A couple who live down our road are always having murder, she starts screaming in the street calling him all sorts so I run upstairs where I've got the bedroom window open because I'm a nosey bastard and its always when they go in or he drives off. 

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32 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Why is it that every-time your neighbours are having murder they always stop just as you get a good vantage point to listen. Selfish bastards. 

 

A couple who live down our road are always having murder, she starts screaming in the street calling him all sorts so I run upstairs where I've got the bedroom window open because I'm a nosey bastard and its always when they go in or he drives off. 

When we moved in to our first bought house, we got woken up by the neighbours coming home about 3 in the morning, obviously steaming. When we heard, 'For fuck's sake, calm down you stupid cunt and PUT THAT FUCKING KNIFE DOWN', we knew we were in for a ride. Although it was actually the neighbours on the other side we ended up having to get a noise restraint order against.

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14 minutes ago, Mudface said:

When we moved in to our first bought house, we got woken up by the neighbours coming home about 3 in the morning, obviously steaming. When we heard, 'For fuck's sake, calm down you stupid cunt and PUT THAT FUCKING KNIFE DOWN', we knew we were in for a ride. Although it was actually the neighbours on the other side we ended up having to get a noise restraint order against.

A few weeks ago the couple in my original post were having a blazing row with the front door open. We only live in a small side street that you either live down or deliver too to ever go down so its quite nice, most people know each other. Apart from these two. She shouted "you dirty fucking cunt!" proper loud so I was leaning up against the window to see what he had done and yet again she slammed the door shut. It used to be every few weekends late at night but lately it all and any hours. She screams at her kids every morning in the street, poor fucking things going to school with that ringing in their ears. A few months back a car pulled up and she was twitting fuck out of it. Heard a week or so later that it was her fellas sister coming to get him. I think she batters him.

 

Other than that pretty much everyone in the street is sound. Its a fairly nice area. 

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1 minute ago, Bjornebye said:

Other than that pretty much everyone in the street is sound. Its a fairly nice area. 

Ah, we lived in Hull at the time. It used to be a nice area (near the Avenues if anyone knows Hull), but they moved one of the colleges to elsewhere in Humberside and suddenly there were a ton of houses that landlords couldn't easily rent. So they ended up renting out to utter scumbag twats, like the dickheads on either side of us.

 

The one we got a noise abatement order on was a morbidly obese single mother who worked at a club in town. She used to get home about 3 or 4 o'clock from Wed to Saturday with a couple of ratboys in tow and start partying- fuck knows how her poor 10 year old daughter managed to get any sleep. I'd go round night after night and ask them to knock it off and get threatened by one of the little scrotes.

 

The night we called out the council officer, he said he could hear the music from a street away. We moved to a village outside Brough after about 8 months of this shit, and ended up selling to a buy to let landlord. We had to declare the abatement order to the buyer, who apparently said, 'if those cunts cost me tenants, I'll sort them out meself'...

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4 minutes ago, Mudface said:

Ah, we lived in Hull at the time. It used to be a nice area (near the Avenues if anyone knows Hull), but they moved one of the colleges to elsewhere in Humberside and suddenly there were a ton of houses that landlords couldn't easily rent. So they ended up renting out to utter scumbag twats, like the dickheads on either side of us.

 

The one we got a noise abatement order on was a morbidly obese single mother who worked at a club in town. She used to get home about 3 or 4 o'clock from Wed to Saturday with a couple of ratboys in tow and start partying- fuck knows how her poor 10 year old daughter managed to get any sleep. I'd go round night after night and ask them to knock it off and get threatened by one of the little scrotes.

 

The night we called out the council officer, he said he could hear the music from a street away. We moved to a village outside Brough after about 8 months of this shit, and ended up selling to a buy to let landlord. We had to declare the abatement order to the buyer, who apparently said, 'if those cunts cost me tenants, I'll sort them out meself'...

Disrespectful cunts. 

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Airing your dirty laundry in public is a cunts trick anyway. I'd sooner walk away than argue in the middle of the street.

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25 minutes ago, Elite said:

Airing your dirty laundry in public is a cunts trick anyway. I'd sooner walk away than argue in the middle of the street.

I think thats what the fella tries to do the selfish bastard. 

 

 

Nah I agree. Some people have no shame. 

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7 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

I think thats what the fella tries to do the selfish bastard. 

 

 

Nah I agree. Some people have no shame. 

Some people love drama, it's in their DNA. They are usually gobby and fat, must be a link in there somewhere.

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On 07/02/2016 at 12:12, Captain Turdseye said:

I always thought I'd become more tolerant of other people's kids once I'd had one of my own. I was wrong. If anything, it's made me hate them even more.

 

On 23/09/2015 at 12:44, Captain Turdseye said:

Yeah, Paulie, I feel your pain with the soft play centres as well. I thought I'd become more tolerant of other people's kids when I became a dad myself. If anything I've gone the other way.

 

On 10/04/2018 at 15:04, Captain Turdseye said:

I’m at one of those soft play centres. I’m too busy thinking about how I’d love to strangle some other people’s kids to worry about a shitty game of football.

 

I will however be stopping at Sainsbury’s for Guinness on the way home.

 

On 04/09/2017 at 11:50, Captain Turdseye said:

You know what's worse than looking after other people's kids? When people bring their kids round to your house and then sit there ignoring them whilst they proceed to trash your living room and break your kids toys.

 

Fucking grinds my gears, that.

 

On 10/04/2019 at 11:12, Captain Turdseye said:

Other people’s kids. 

 

Mrs Turdseye’s hairdresser mate has come round to do their hair and just dumped two kids under five in my living room. They’ve dragged every toy out and seem determined to break whatever they can. No doubt it’ll be me putting everything away again when they’ve gone.

 

I wasn’t consulted about this. I want the hairdressing money back for babysitting these little pricks. 

 

On 28/05/2019 at 11:30, Captain Turdseye said:

 

If they were other people’s kids that had come into their house and started moving loads of things out of their usual places, spilling drinks, jumping all over the furniture and breaking toys then it’d be much easier to understand. 

 

I’m feeling murderous just thinking about it. 

 

Consistency, (other people’s) kids. 

 

Here’s a new one. Other people’s dogs. Got my sister in law’s dog here for the next two nights and again for a week from Wednesday. Nice enough dog but not only does he want to hog all the attention, he’s hairy as fuck, he’s bigger than our dog and he keeps jumping up on my leather couch and slobbering on it. Our dog knows the rules and I can’t help but feel he’s being led astray. The couch is a strict no-go zone for anything with paws. 

 

They’re also doing my head in chasing around after each other up and down the stairs in an effort to see who can keep hold of a tennis ball for longer and every time I stand up they both appear and dance around my feet expecting me to wrestle the thing away from them and throw it out into the garden. I just want to go for a piss without being tripped over. Sit down and shut up, for fuck sake. 

 

I’ve decided that Wednesday is the day I’m gonna fuck off up north for a few days. 

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20 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Consistency, (other people’s) kids. 

 

Here’s a new one. Other people’s dogs. Got my sister in law’s dog here for the next two nights and again for a week from Wednesday. Nice enough dog but not only does he want to hog all the attention, he’s hairy as fuck, he’s bigger than our dog and he keeps jumping up on my leather couch and slobbering on it. Our dog knows the rules and I can’t help but feel he’s being led astray. The couch is a strict no-go zone for anything with paws. 

 

They’re also doing my head in chasing around after each other up and down the stairs in an effort to see who can keep hold of a tennis ball for longer and every time I stand up they both appear and dance around my feet expecting me to wrestle the thing away from them and throw it out into the garden. I just want to go for a piss without being tripped over. Sit down and shut up, for fuck sake. 

 

I’ve decided that Wednesday is the day I’m gonna fuck off up north for a few days. 

Its a fucking Dog mate. You are being arl'arse. 

 

And don't be coming back up here either. 

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2 hours ago, Mudface said:

Ah, we lived in Hull at the time. It used to be a nice area (near the Avenues if anyone knows Hull),

My ex brother in law lives down Bricknell Ave and sister in law down Chants Ave. More of a Beverley man myself

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Just now, A Red said:

My ex brother in law lives down Bricknell Ave and sister in law down Chants Ave. More of a Beverley man myself

Ha, I lived in Chants Ave when I first moved there, right next to the chippie near the garage. The events above were in Ella Street, off Newland Ave. Nice place, Beverley- we moved out to Brough in the end.

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58 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Consistency, (other people’s) kids. 

 

Here’s a new one. Other people’s dogs. Got my sister in law’s dog here for the next two nights and again for a week from Wednesday. Nice enough dog but not only does he want to hog all the attention, he’s hairy as fuck, he’s bigger than our dog and he keeps jumping up on my leather couch and slobbering on it. Our dog knows the rules and I can’t help but feel he’s being led astray. The couch is a strict no-go zone for anything with paws. 

 

They’re also doing my head in chasing around after each other up and down the stairs in an effort to see who can keep hold of a tennis ball for longer and every time I stand up they both appear and dance around my feet expecting me to wrestle the thing away from them and throw it out into the garden. I just want to go for a piss without being tripped over. Sit down and shut up, for fuck sake. 

 

I’ve decided that Wednesday is the day I’m gonna fuck off up north for a few days. 

Ace- dogs are just like kids really.

 

So they should be treated like kids- batter it and chain it to a drainpipe until it 'relaxes'.

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