little things that annoy the shit out of you

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

2 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Shit tissues. We normally keep a box in the living room but we ran out a few days ago. I had to nip in the corner shop this morning anyway and I noticed they had some on offer. 50p for a box or two for a pound. Never one to miss out on a bargain, I picked up the two boxes. 

 

As it happens I’ve got a runny nose today so I tried one of these tissues. Fucking woeful. I’ve never known anything like it. Couldn’t even withstand one nose blow before it fell to bits. 

 

I reckon you’d need, and this is a conservative estimate, at least 15 of them if you were planning a wank.  

Bashing The Bishop Tissue Issue.

[Tony Moanero]

4 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Shit tissues. We normally keep a box in the living room but we ran out a few days ago. I had to nip in the corner shop this morning anyway and I noticed they had some on offer. 50p for a box or two for a pound. Never one to miss out on a bargain, I picked up the two boxes. 

 

As it happens I’ve got a runny nose today so I tried one of these tissues. Fucking woeful. I’ve never known anything like it. Couldn’t even withstand one nose blow before it fell to bits. 

 

I reckon you’d need, and this is a conservative estimate, at least 15 of them if you were planning a wank.  

Runny nose?

 

Tissues?

 

Use your sleeve, you posh sod.

[Bjornebye]

9 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Shit tissues. We normally keep a box in the living room but we ran out a few days ago. I had to nip in the corner shop this morning anyway and I noticed they had some on offer. 50p for a box or two for a pound. Never one to miss out on a bargain, I picked up the two boxes. 

 

As it happens I’ve got a runny nose today so I tried one of these tissues. Fucking woeful. I’ve never known anything like it. Couldn’t even withstand one nose blow before it fell to bits. 

 

I reckon you’d need, and this is a conservative estimate, at least 15 of them if you were planning a wank.  

What could go wrong 

[Captain Turdseye]

6 minutes ago, Trumo said:

 

I think you did there.

 

 

3 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

Runny nose?

 

Tissues?

 

Use your sleeve, you posh sod.

 

Going on the school run now with a square of kitchen roll in my arse pocket. They’re like giant tissues that posh cunts have in kitchens.  

 

Those cheap fuckers can’t be trusted. 

[magicrat]

10 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Shit tissues. We normally keep a box in the living room but we ran out a few days ago. I had to nip in the corner shop this morning anyway and I noticed they had some on offer. 50p for a box or two for a pound. Never one to miss out on a bargain, I picked up the two boxes. 

 

As it happens I’ve got a runny nose today so I tried one of these tissues. Fucking woeful. I’ve never known anything like it. Couldn’t even withstand one nose blow before it fell to bits. 

 

I reckon you’d need, and this is a conservative estimate, at least 15 of them if you were planning a wank.  

 

Lucky you weren't wiping your arse with it then . Glass half empty mate

[Captain Turdseye]

1 minute ago, Bjornebye said:

What could go wrong 

 

Fucking hell. Two of you. 

 

Whoosh. 

[Champ]

8 hours ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Shit tissues. We normally keep a box in the living room but we ran out a few days ago. I had to nip in the corner shop this morning anyway and I noticed they had some on offer. 50p for a box or two for a pound. Never one to miss out on a bargain, I picked up the two boxes. 

 

As it happens I’ve got a runny nose today so I tried one of these tissues. Fucking woeful. I’ve never known anything like it. Couldn’t even withstand one nose blow before it fell to bits. 

 

I reckon you’d need, and this is a conservative estimate, at least 15 of them if you were planning a wank.  

That’s a man’s bargain, that is.

 

We’ve had this countless times at home. A bargain’s only a bargain if you know the thing’s any good 

[Trumo]

When your team loses on your birthday. Doesn't happen very often thankfully.

[Dave D]

Little party sausage rolls that you have to brush with milk before cooking.

 

Then the bastards superglue themselves to the baking tray anyway  

[Babb'sBurstNad]

Buying some cheap frozen food that you think is microwavable, only to find it needs to go in the oven. I'm not pre-heating for 15 minutes for a mini pizza that's about four mouthfuls.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

16 hours ago, Trumo said:

When your team loses on your birthday. Doesn't happen very often thankfully.

Once a year unless you’re the Queen.

[Anubis]

17 minutes ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

Buying some cheap frozen food that you think is microwavable, only to find it needs to go in the oven. I'm not pre-heating for 15 minutes for a mini pizza that's about four mouthfuls.

You could try checking the box before you buy it. Just a helpful suggestion...

[General Dryness]

2 hours ago, Dave D said:

Little party sausage rolls that you have to brush with milk before cooking.

 

Then the bastards superglue themselves to the baking tray anyway  

The milk is just to make them go brown.

 

You need to lightly grease your tray with some butter to stop them sticking.

[Babb'sBurstNad]

1 hour ago, Anubis said:

You could try checking the box before you buy it. Just a helpful suggestion...

 

 

[Trumo]

19 minutes ago, General Dryness said:

The milk is just to make them go brown.

 

You need to lightly grease your tray with some butter to stop them sticking.

 

Or just put some greaseproof/baking/parchment paper on the tray first.

[General Dryness]

8 minutes ago, Trumo said:

 

Or just put some greaseproof/baking/parchment paper on the tray first.

Yes that's another option.

 

 

[Dave D]

16 hours ago, Trumo said:

 

Or just put some greaseproof/baking/parchment paper on the tray first.

Life changing advice right there.

 

Not keen on the butter idea as would impair the flavour of these culinary masterpieces 

[General Dryness]

1 hour ago, Dave D said:

Life changing advice right there.

 

Not keen on the butter idea as would impair the flavour of these culinary masterpieces 

I said lightly. Greasing a baking tray doesn't affect the flavour of what you're baking on it.

 

Each to their own, I prefer this method. 

[Babb'sBurstNad]

Popped a letter to post in my bag, forgot about it, wandered past a dozen post boxes, and then remembered it just as I arrived home.

 

Bastard.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Family birthday parties I fucking hate and people annoy me so much at them.

Got a 40th tonight, my cousin, she is ok but her thick as pigshit wannabe friends get on my tits so i’ve decided to give it a miss. Will be full of pretend wags real mutton dressed as lamb types.

Felt a bit guilty earlier so checked my cousins Facebook to wish her a happy birthday, first post some fat ugly munter waffling on about being my cousins ‘ bezzie ‘. Now a persons looks don’t normally bother me but she is one horrible natured, selfish self centred twat.

 

” Me Bessie’s bday so day an goon for a tan, getting me hair done an me nails, can’t wait for De party of the year “ 

 

Fuck off. Lager and films for me tonight.

 

More of a rant but....

[Bjornebye]

3 hours ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

Popped a letter to post in my bag, forgot about it, wandered past a dozen post boxes, and then remembered it just as I arrived home.

 

Bastard.

Racist 

[sir roger]

The bus stops at The Gyratory having those electronic timetable displays which show the next bus due & the time it should arrive , which then just disappears off screen when the bus hasn't appeared by the appointed time but gives no apology or a semblance of a suggestion where it went or when it might eventually fucking turn up.

[Bjornebye]

14 minutes ago, sir roger said:

The bus stops at The Gyratory having those electronic timetable displays which show the next bus due & the time it should arrive , which then just disappears off screen when the bus hasn't appeared by the appointed time but gives no apology or a semblance of a suggestion where it went or when it might eventually fucking turn up.

It went past mate but the driver was on the ale

 

[Elite]

When you are driving at night and you can't tell if the cunt behind you has flashed you or gone over a bump.

[El Rojo]

4 hours ago, Babb'sBurstNad said:

Popped a letter to post in my bag, forgot about it, wandered past a dozen post boxes, and then remembered it just as I arrived home.

 

Bastard.

If your bag is a battered old plastic Lidl effort, you have my sympathy. If it’s a man bag, you’ve gotten your just desserts.