Some Bastard has hidden my Toilet Roll i live 6 miles from shops

[Guest simon]

Hang on, you shat through a bottle? How the fuck is that gonna help you with the wiping part?

 

Wiped my ass popped with some old boxers popped them into a bottle and threw it into the woods.

[Duff Man]

Fair play mate, I missed the earlier post. Good emergency shitting.

[Trumo]

Wiped my ass popped with some old boxers popped them into a bottle and threw it into the woods.

 

Hang on! You live near some woods? Why couldn't you just shit in the woods and wipe your arse on some leaves? You'd have saved a pair of boxers. And a bottle.

[Jennings]

And when i say i live in the middle of nowhere i am the only house in the woods.

 

Sounds like a horror story scenario. Are you scared? There could be anyone out there!

 

Get a shower. You don't wanna be axe murdered if you haven't cleaned your botty properly!

[firemarshall]

If I lived in the only house in the woods I`d be shitting meself too.

[Section_31]

Done through the bottle in the woods.

 

You wiped your arse on a bottle and threw it into the woods??

[Guest simon]

Hang on! You live near some woods? Why couldn't you just shit in the woods and wipe your arse on some leaves? You'd have saved a pair of boxers. And a bottle.

 

I have a fobia about going for a crap anywhere other than my loo.Its quite a recent thing which is wierd i was round my mates trying to take a crap and stated Panaking Physicly couldnt strain because of my panaking, got home everything was fine and dandy was hard when i moved but i have to nominate a loo its wierd and had to explain but when i moved her i didnt have a shit for 3 days till i had no way of it staying in i went on the bog next to my room sat for about a hour and all was good i tried using another toilet later on and again started to panic its wierd.

[Edward.]

Why didn't you just have a poo in the hole you moved her to?

[dennis tooth]

Everyone is on fucking holiday, I cant use other Toilets what the fuck do i do i aint giving myself a brown hand i cant find anything that wouldnt Block the toilet.

 

ah, never been to Greece then.

[Guest San Don]

Fucking surreal or what!?!

 

Who takes an internet device into the bog then tells the whole fucking world they have no bog roll?

 

Oh, er, wait!

[Guest simon]

Fucking surreal or what!?!

 

Who takes an internet device into the bog then tells the whole fucking world they have no bog roll?

 

Oh, er, wait!

 

I wasnt stuck in the bog! I was needing a crap.

[Guest San Don]

I wasnt stuck in the bog! I was needing a crap.

 

Dont know what the commotion was about then, just take a shit, pull the old strides up and walk home like a cowboy!

[Wor Horse]

Boss.

[Frankenhooker]

Fucking epic, I'm actually crying with laughter.

[Guest davelfc]

I have a fobia about going for a crap anywhere other than my loo.Its quite a recent thing which is wierd i was round my mates trying to take a crap and stated Panaking Physicly couldnt strain because of my panaking, got home everything was fine and dandy was hard when i moved but i have to nominate a loo its wierd and had to explain but when i moved her i didnt have a shit for 3 days till i had no way of it staying in i went on the bog next to my room sat for about a hour and all was good i tried using another toilet later on and again started to panic its wierd.

 

I feel like pancakes now, not that this helps you though.

[stevebaby]

Go to a neighbours house who has a big dog like a doberman or alsatian and shit in the driveway.

 

The dog will get the blame and the owners will clean the mess up for you,jobbie done!

As a bonus, the dog can lick Simon's arse clean, forgoing the need for paper and possibly providing anal titillation of a high degree.

[Guest ShoePiss]

Wiped my ass popped with some old boxers popped them into a bottle and threw it into the woods.

 

Did they hide the bin too?

 

Raised by wolves, really crap ones that probably live in captivity and couldn't fend for themselves in the natural world.

[Guest simon]

Did they hide the bin too?

 

Raised by wolves, really crap ones that probably live in captivity and couldn't fend for themselves in the natural world.

 

I dont have an outside bin we have to take our Bags down 15 mins to the Cafe. I was not leaving it indoors.

[Guest ShoePiss]

I dont have an outside bin we have to take our Bags down 15 mins to the Cafe. I was not leaving it indoors.

 

Understood, you couldn't be arsed doing the walk. Here's a tip next time you're out foraging for interesting wild foods, it's not really a squesant egg, it's actually a shitty pair of boxers inside a bottle.

[Guest simon]

Understood, you couldn't be arsed doing the walk. Here's a tip next time you're out foraging for interesting wild foods, it's not really a squesant egg, it's actually a shitty pair of boxers inside a bottle.

 

Mate its been closed for 3 days Kitchen is being refurbed or something closed till monday.

[RoboRiise]

Does a Simon shit in the woods?

 

I will be using this phrase regularly from now on, especially in threads over on the dark side.

[neko]

just to change subjects for you simone - why do you now have a 'kitler' avatar ?

 

explain yourself, young man.

[Unrighteous]

Am I the only one wondering why he didn't just wash himself ... you know... with water and some soap after having a dump?

[Cardie]

 

Wiped my ass popped with some old boxers popped them into a bottle and threw it into the woods.

 

Good work, now you just have to hope their's no incidents in or near the woods that would lead to a police search for clues with your skiddy boxers showing up as evidence in a DNA manhunt.

 

But I wouldn't worry,as long as you can avoid being swabbed by the authorities for the rest of your life theirs no way they can pin it to you.

[Trucker Paddy]

 

I have a fobia about going for a crap anywhere other than my loo.Its quite a recent thing which is wierd i was round my mates trying to take a crap and stated Panaking Physicly couldnt strain because of my panaking, got home everything was fine and dandy was hard when i moved but i have to nominate a loo its wierd and had to explain but when i moved her i didnt have a shit for 3 days till i had no way of it staying in i went on the bog next to my room sat for about a hour and all was good i tried using another toilet later on and again started to panic its wierd.

 

Words fail me Simon