Something Fishy about Rishi

[Harry's Lad]

51 minutes ago, sir roger said:

 

Its Skem, more likely the woman bit the dog.

A regular occurrence. There's some real mongrels round here.

[Redder Lurtz]

Really looking forward to the scrawny little wanker taking all the credit for lowering inflation during PMQs today. 

[Gnasher]

31 minutes ago, Redder Lurtz said:

Really looking forward to the scrawny little wanker taking all the credit for lowering inflation during PMQs today. 

 

When it went up they blamed it all on the bank of England, who then blamed it on wage rises.  

[littletedwest]

11 hours ago, Harry's Lad said:

A regular occurrence. There's some real mongrels round here.

I remember getting off with a bird from skem when I was pissed. I went to meet her 3 days later and she'd put on about 5 stone.

[Scooby Dudek]

1 hour ago, littletedwest said:

I remember getting off with a bird from skem when I was pissed. I went to meet her 3 days later and she'd put on about 5 stone.

Shame eating ?

What did you do to her?

[Section_31]

2 hours ago, littletedwest said:

I remember getting off with a bird from skem when I was pissed. I went to meet her 3 days later and she'd put on about 5 stone.

 

Can't beat the bird I (literally) bummed from Leigh who only had three toes on each foot. I thought my drink had been spiked but it was legit. 

 

Kid in the next room but dildos under her bed big enough to plug the Hoover Dam. They don't make'em like that any more. Talked too much but what a piece she was, great ass - and game as they come. 

[Bjornebye]

12 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

 

Can't beat the bird I (literally) bummed from Leigh who only had three toes on each foot. I thought my drink had been spiked but it was legit. 

 

Kid in the next room but dildos under her bed big enough to plug the Hoover Dam. They don't make'em like that any more. Talked too much but what a piece she was, great ass - and game as they come. 

Me and a mate pulled two students and brought them back to ours once. They left the next morning and he mentioned the one I shagged having one arm shorter than the other. I was too pissed to notice. Turns out one arm was about 10 inches shorter than the other one. I wouldn’t mind but we were drinking with them for ages and back at ours in the kitchen and not once had I clocked it. She was a cracker and all.
 

Mind you, she was from the Isle of Wight so I should have done a full body analysis as soon as she told me. 

[Section_31]

3 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Me and a mate pulled two students and brought them back to ours once. They left the next morning and he mentioned the one I shagged having one arm shorter than the other. I was too pissed to notice. Turns out one arm was about 10 inches shorter than the other one. I wouldn’t mind but we were drinking with them for ages and back at ours in the kitchen and not once had I clocked it. She was a cracker and all.
 

Mind you, she was from the Isle of Wight so I should have done a full body analysis as soon as she told me. 

 

Bloke I used to work with once shagged a bird with Down's but didn't notice until he drove past her two weeks later. 

[Bjornebye]

25 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

 

Bloke I used to work with once shagged a bird with Down's but didn't notice until he drove past her two weeks later. 

Didn’t fancy a second crack? 

[Arniepie]

inflation goes up to 11%..tories..inflation is out of our control

inflation goes down to 3%..tories..the plan is working

[littletedwest]

2 hours ago, Section_31 said:

 

Can't beat the bird I (literally) bummed from Leigh who only had three toes on each foot. I thought my drink had been spiked but it was legit. 

 

Kid in the next room but dildos under her bed big enough to plug the Hoover Dam. They don't make'em like that any more. Talked too much but what a piece she was, great ass - and game as they come. 

You got a name? I may well know her.

[Bjornebye]

12 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

You got a name? I may well know her.

E.T 

[Anubis]

Quote

The cleverest question of the day came from the SNP’s Stephen Flynn, who found a zinger that managed to skewer the Conservative and Labour (the SNP’s main threat in Scotland). He asked Sunak:

 

With his backbenchers looking for a unity candidate to replace him, which of the now numerous born-again Thatcherites on the Labour frontbench does he believe best fits the bill?

 

 

Sounds about right. How faintly depressing.

[sir roger]

Me and a mate copped off with two young ladies from Widnes and as things accelerated I ended on the downstairs couch with mine  while he went upstairs with his. A couple of hours later I was shaken from my post-coital slumbers by my mate insisting we needed to go straight away and quietly.  He said his night had been going rather well and then she took off her jewellery, removed her blouse, removed her skirt and then, as the piece de resistance she removed her artificial leg. He hadn't had a clue and at least summoned the resolve to do the dirty deed to salve her feelings and wait until she fell asleep. We walked for ages trying to find a taxi while he was almost catatonic, his only utterance noting that ' Looking back she was a shit dancer now I think about it '.

 

Not sure what any of this has to do with fucking Sunak.

[Section_31]

I once pulled a bird so rough I had a panic attack. We'd gone back to hers and were watching Under Siege with a kebab with the understanding being I'd stay the night. Then I started struggling for breath and said I had to go home and get my inhaler, I thought maybe her cat had set me off. But when I got in the taxi my breathing went back to normal. 

 

* points to subconscious, "thanks again big guy."

 

 

[Mudface]

8 minutes ago, sir roger said:

Not sure what any of this has to do with fucking Sunak.

 

I know, I bet he's a cracking shag.

[lifetime fan]

13 minutes ago, sir roger said:

Me and a mate copped off with two young ladies from Widnes and as things accelerated I ended on the downstairs couch with mine  while he went upstairs with his. A couple of hours later I was shaken from my post-coital slumbers by my mate insisting we needed to go straight away and quietly.  He said his night had been going rather well and then she took off her jewellery, removed her blouse, removed her skirt and then, as the piece de resistance she removed her artificial leg. He hadn't had a clue and at least summoned the resolve to do the dirty deed to salve her feelings and wait until she fell asleep. We walked for ages trying to find a taxi while he was almost catatonic, his only utterance noting that ' Looking back she was a shit dancer now I think about it '.

 

Not sure what any of this has to do with fucking Sunak.

A mate of mine used to go out with a girl who lost her leg to polio as a kid. Lovely girl, really sound. He said the sex was fucking great and he’d never been able to go so ‘deep’ with any other bird. 

[Harry's Lad]

My late brother in law told us a story about one of the lads in his old platoon. They were on a weekend leave and had all gone out on the lash and this lad copped off with some bird.

She was all over him and he ended up going back to hers where he rattled her all night. 

Anyway, he falls asleep and when he wakes up in the morning, the shagging resumes. He flips her over and is banging her doggy style and there's her ring piece all in all its glory winking at him. Complete with worms.

 

I thought it a likely story until years later when we were on his stag night and a few of his old platoon mates were there, all reminiscing and telling funny stories when it got confirmed.

It turned out that the lad concerned had had his tongue up her hoop and had to go and see the Medical Officer after developing them himself.

 

[an tha]

This has been main headline on bbc site all night.

 

Can't wait for it to be questioned like fuck all day tomorrow....

 

 

 

[Arniepie]

11 minutes ago, an tha said:

This has been main headline on bbc site all night.

 

Can't wait for it to be questioned like fuck all day tomorrow....

 

 

 

 

[an tha]

44 minutes ago, Arniepie said:

 

Nods

[Mudface]

10 hours ago, Harry's Lad said:

My late brother in law told us a story about one of the lads in his old platoon. They were on a weekend leave and had all gone out on the lash and this lad copped off with some bird.

She was all over him and he ended up going back to hers where he rattled her all night. 

Anyway, he falls asleep and when he wakes up in the morning, the shagging resumes. He flips her over and is banging her doggy style and there's her ring piece all in all its glory winking at him. Complete with worms.

 

I thought it a likely story until years later when we were on his stag night and a few of his old platoon mates were there, all reminiscing and telling funny stories when it got confirmed.

It turned out that the lad concerned had had his tongue up her hoop and had to go and see the Medical Officer after developing them himself.

 

 

I need to stop reading this forum when I'm having breakfast.

[Fugitive]

10 hours ago, Harry's Lad said:

My late brother in law told us a story about one of the lads in his old platoon. They were on a weekend leave and had all gone out on the lash and this lad copped off with some bird.

She was all over him and he ended up going back to hers where he rattled her all night. 

Anyway, he falls asleep and when he wakes up in the morning, the shagging resumes. He flips her over and is banging her doggy style and there's her ring piece all in all its glory winking at him. Complete with worms.

 

I thought it a likely story until years later when we were on his stag night and a few of his old platoon mates were there, all reminiscing and telling funny stories when it got confirmed.

It turned out that the lad concerned had had his tongue up her hoop and had to go and see the Medical Officer after developing them himself.

 

 

[Section_31]

11 hours ago, Harry's Lad said:

My late brother in law told us a story about one of the lads in his old platoon. They were on a weekend leave and had all gone out on the lash and this lad copped off with some bird.

She was all over him and he ended up going back to hers where he rattled her all night. 

Anyway, he falls asleep and when he wakes up in the morning, the shagging resumes. He flips her over and is banging her doggy style and there's her ring piece all in all its glory winking at him. Complete with worms.

 

I thought it a likely story until years later when we were on his stag night and a few of his old platoon mates were there, all reminiscing and telling funny stories when it got confirmed.

It turned out that the lad concerned had had his tongue up her hoop and had to go and see the Medical Officer after developing them himself.

 

 

Holy fuck. I learned the hard way that anything arse related isn't like the movies. Nowt like the site of a brown nodder to put you off your dinner.

[Harry's Lad]

Sorry about your breakfasts lads!

 

He was a character my brother in law, funny as fuck and could hold an audience.

A small addition to that story is after that incident the lad was known as Bob.

Short for Bob Martin.

Squaddie humour.