Little Things You Find Amusing, But Others Think You're A Dickhead?

[Bruce Spanner]

Just told the wife I wanted to get buried in a Kiss officially licensed coffin, don't particularly like Kiss, but think it would be hysterical.

 

She's looking non plussed whilst I chuckle to myself about all the poor fuckers I outlive looking on confused.

[ZonkoVille77]

I repeatedly say "Who are you up for?" In any scenario to my wife and friends, no matter the subject. Could be a rowing couple in a film, Ant versus Dec, Superhero films - anything really. I get a chuckle when they get that incredulous look on their faces. 

[Pete]

25 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

Just told the wife I wanted to get buried in a Kiss officially licensed coffin, don't particularly like Kiss, but think it would be hysterical.

 

She's looking non plussed whilst I chuckle to myself about all the poor fuckers I outlive looking on confused.

Tell her that of you order it now you can use it as a beer cooler.  

[manwiththestick]

I often call my 15yo son to come downstairs, usually he's online gaming so when he comes down and I ask him something like if he had to pick one would he rather be a screwdriver or a spanner he gets a right cob on and huffs back up the stairs whilst I'm chuckling away like a mad person.

[Raymond Duck]

2 hours ago, manwiththestick said:

I often call my 15yo son to come downstairs, usually he's online gaming so when he comes down and I ask him something like if he had to pick one would he rather be a screwdriver or a spanner he gets a right cob on and huffs back up the stairs whilst I'm chuckling away like a mad person.

I’ll try that. 

 

I regularly say to the kids Can I ask you question? Have you always been a Wally or just lately?

 

I normally get a No you can’t now. I ask anyway, tickles me every time. 
 

[Preston Red]

I like to go up to rest of the lads at work, while they're doing a really shit job, and say "You're good at them/that you".

 

The usual response is "Fuck off".

[Bjornebye]

One of my Dads Glaswegian mates used to take great pleasure when I'd go up there as a kid in patting me on the shoulder everytime he saw me and going "alright big man". He was about 6ft 7 with hands like sherman tanks and I would have been about 8 stone piss wet through. Dickhead. 

[Rico1304]

When using the lift at work the automated voice says ‘Going down’ and I always have to say ‘Mr Tyler’. Gets me funny looks but I can’t help it.  Must have done it over 400 times before lockdown.  

[Megadrive Man]

When my Mrs lost her purse a while ago, I asked her if she'd tried ringing it?

 

It didn't go down well.

[Lee909]

All sorts of stupid shit

 

At work we had a older guy, great fella but would bite if he had the arse. And he did when we voted the hours to change to 6:30 to 6:30 rather than 7-7. So he cones in with the arse and I kept throwing a tennis ball against the unit above his head whole he was signing in pissed of cUse it was 6:30. He lost his shit grab the thing nearest to him and lobbed it at my head. Missed me by a mile and it went 15ft out the door. 

 

 

The next morning I saw him leave the building on camera, it was only him in the building. So I cancelled his pass before he could get back. He wasn't impressed. 

 

Oh and one night I lightly tapped a plastic cup with a little water above so it would fall on his head when he came back in. 

 

 

Mind you our supervisor got the arse with a twat that used to eat any food he could find in the fridge or any crisps etc that people brought in for the team. He wouldn't bring fuck all in. So he made a massive chocolate cake and loaded it with laxatives and fucked off. By the time he got back after hearing him shouting down the radio he'd shit himself 

[Total Longo]

Literally every single time i am in a work based meeting or training session and at the end someone says "any questions?" i have to restrain myself from throwing my hand up and saying "how do i get out of this chickenshlt outfit?" 

 

As soon as it gets asked my mate gives me "the glare"

 

[tokyojoe]

16 minutes ago, Total Longo said:

Literally every single time i am in a work based meeting or training session and at the end someone says "any questions?" i have to restrain myself from throwing my hand up and saying "how do i get out of this chickenshlt outfit?" 

 

As soon as it gets asked my mate gives me "the glare"

 

Just say 'please sir, can I go to the toilet?'.

[Section_31]

21 minutes ago, Total Longo said:

Literally every single time i am in a work based meeting or training session and at the end someone says "any questions?" i have to restrain myself from throwing my hand up and saying "how do i get out of this chickenshlt outfit?" 

 

As soon as it gets asked my mate gives me "the glare"

 

Class.

 

I had to chair a meeting at my old place and when I finished just said.

 

"Any questions?"

 

"Anyone....anyone...Bueller?"

[Clem H Fandango]

On my teams meetings, which regularly amuse due to home workers and their bandwidth issues.

Someone always says 'can you hear me'

 

I always reply 'Yes i can hear you Clem Fandango'. No-one has yet twigged.

[Pete]

10 hours ago, Rico1304 said:

When using the lift at work the automated voice says ‘Going down’ and I always have to say ‘Mr Tyler’. Gets me funny looks but I can’t help it.  Must have done it over 400 times before lockdown.  

I do the same! It's ingrained in my head now. The wife just rolls her eyes at me these days. 

[Bjornebye]

9 hours ago, Lee909 said:

All sorts of stupid shit

 

At work we had a older guy, great fella but would bite if he had the arse. And he did when we voted the hours to change to 6:30 to 6:30 rather than 7-7. So he cones in with the arse and I kept throwing a tennis ball against the unit above his head whole he was signing in pissed of cUse it was 6:30. He lost his shit grab the thing nearest to him and lobbed it at my head. Missed me by a mile and it went 15ft out the door. 

 

 

The next morning I saw him leave the building on camera, it was only him in the building. So I cancelled his pass before he could get back. He wasn't impressed. 

 

Oh and one night I lightly tapped a plastic cup with a little water above so it would fall on his head when he came back in. 

 

 

So basically you're a bully. 

[VladimirIlyich]

I dont understand most of these 'pop culture' references either. Its like an episode of Billions.

[magicrat]

8 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

I dont understand most of these 'pop culture' references either. Its like an episode of Billions.

What the fuck is Billions ? 

[Bruce Spanner]

Just now, magicrat said:

What the fuck is Billions ? 

A thousand millions.

[magicrat]

2 minutes ago, Bruce Spanner said:

A thousand millions.

Used to be a million x million back in the day

[Lee909]

14 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

So basically you're a bully. 

Not a all

The old boy was one of my best mates there and we still go out for a meal even though hes long retired. 

[Rico1304]

1 hour ago, VladimirIlyich said:

I dont understand most of these 'pop culture' references either. Its like an episode of Billions.

Love in an Elevator by Aerosmith

 

 

[tokyojoe]

1 hour ago, magicrat said:

Used to be a million x million back in the day

Is correct. A million millon was the British billion, a thousand millon was the American billion.

 

Makes it easier to become a billionaire I suppose.

 

Fuck knows waht a trillion was.

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Lee909 said:

Not a all

The old boy was one of my best mates there and we still go out for a meal even though hes long retired. 

I bet he flinches when you reach for the salt mate 

[Elite]

Not done it for years but putting water in cups that are above eye level in cupboards, whoever grabs it will naturally turn the cup downwards and get soaked.