Writing out a big fat cheque today

[Elmyn Noos]

Who said tax doesn't have to be taxing? Some lying mother fucker, that's who.

 

A friend of mine, let's call him Mister Meemee, being a man of the last minute, is today doing his returns online. Anyways, it transpires if he lies his arse off about his income,etc. He gets to pay less, which bearing in mind who is going to decide where his hard-earned is going to be spent, can only be a good thing.

 

However, he has been made aware of a potential downside. Lying to the revenue, as japes go, is apparently frowned upon.

 

Being a helpful sort, I said I would ask the good folk of the GF for advice. Does anyone here know:

 

a. what are the chances of getting busted

b. what are the penalties for getting busted

 

I would google the answers myself, for my friend, but you never know who's watching. Also, if anyone from HMRC is reading this WHY DON'T YOU FUCK OFF AND CHASE VODAFONE FOR THE BILLIONS THEY OWE, YOU COCKSUCKING WANKER?*

 

 

*From my friend of course, not me, sir.

[AVEEZ]

If there is a reward for grassing you up - the chances of your getting caught just trippled.. the penelties vary as such -

 

Penalties are based on the amount of tax you owe, and are payable in addition to the tax owed.

 

If you have taken reasonable care to fill in your return correctly, you’ll have no penalty to pay.

If you have been careless, the penalty will be between 0% and 30% of the extra tax owing.

If you have deliberately underestimated your tax, the penalty is between 20% and 70%.

If you have deliberately underestimated your tax and attempted to conceal the fact, the penalty will be between 30% and 100%.

[Elmyn Noos]

If there is a reward for grassing you up - the chances of your getting caught just trippled.. the penelties vary as such -

 

Penalties are based on the amount of tax you owe, and are payable in addition to the tax owed.

 

If you have taken reasonable care to fill in your return correctly, you’ll have no penalty to pay.

If you have been careless, the penalty will be between 0% and 30% of the extra tax owing.

If you have deliberately underestimated your tax, the penalty is between 20% and 70%.

If you have deliberately underestimated your tax and attempted to conceal the fact, the penalty will be between 30% and 100%.

 

Me? I think you mis-read. It is my friend we're talking about.

 

Is that it?? So it's effectively a double or quits gamble at worst? I thought there'd be jail-time. I'm liking those odds. I shall be quoting those figures to my friend but with a strong recommendation that he does not break the law just to save himself thousands of pounds with little risk of getting caught and no real penalty even if he does.

[captainharris]

If there is a reward for grassing you up - the chances of your getting caught just trippled.. the penelties vary as such -

 

Penalties are based on the amount of tax you owe, and are payable in addition to the tax owed.

 

If you have taken reasonable care to fill in your return correctly, you’ll have no penalty to pay.

If you have been careless, the penalty will be between 0% and 30% of the extra tax owing.

If you have deliberately underestimated your tax, the penalty is between 20% and 70%.

If you have deliberately underestimated your tax and attempted to conceal the fact, the penalty will be between 30% and 100%.

 

And a serious bumming in prison.

[Elmyn Noos]

On a serious note, in case HMRC is watching, my client, Mr.Elmyn Noos has already filed his return and as always has completed it fully and to the best of his knowledge as accurately as possible. He would like to point out that in the tax year to 5th April 2011, he did make a very small profit (£30) from selling on three small bags of coke at a tiny profit, but that that profit was wiped out in travel expenses to meet the dealer. These travel expense do feature fully in Mr.Noos accounts with a full explanation of why he had to travel 50,000 miles in that tax year to pick up the gear (dealers,eh?), resulting in £7000 deduction from taxable income.

 

Your sincerely

 

Mr. T.Dodger

Redknapp, Ferdinand & Mutu Chartered Accountancy practice

[Anny Road]

Who was the only 20 st man to ride a derby winner

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lester Pigots cell mate.