Man used penis to assault female police officer

[Flying Pig]

I can't believe you're not allowed to do this anymore! Killjoys.

 

 

BBC News - Man used penis to assault female police officer

 

A man who assaulted a female police officer with his penis has been fined.

 

Marium Varinauskas, 28, tried to strike the officer on the head with his penis when she was called out to his flat, but she got out of the way.

 

Lithuanian Varinauskas admitted a charge of assault at Aberdeen Sheriff Court and was fined £600.

 

The court heard he had been drinking heavily and could not remember committing the offence at his home in Aberdeen.

 

Police were called to his home by his girlfriend, who had complained about him being drunk last November.

 

They arrived to find the self-employed engineer sitting on the sofa wearing a pair of underpants.

 

He apologises profusely and is extremely embarrassed

 

John Hardie

Defence solicitor

Fiscal depute Elaine Lynch said: "The accused got to his feet and was standing over the police officer exposing his penis and thrusting it in her face, forcing her to take evasive action to avoid getting struck."

 

Defence solicitor John Hardie said: "He was sitting on the couch drunk with his pants on.

 

"He can't remember anything but accepts that if that's what the police say then that's what happened.

 

"He has never been so drunk before that day and accepts he has to take full responsibility. He apologises profusely and is extremely embarrassed."

 

His not guilty plea to committing a breach of the peace by uttering offensive and sexual remarks was accepted by the Crown.

 

Sheriff Annella Cowan was told that the Lithuanian had now quit binge drinking because of the incident.

[dirty_sanchez]

The official term for hitting a woman with your cock is "gunderthumping". Fact.

[odris]

Thrusting is a great word.

[Malarkey]

Thrusting is a great word.

 

I also like the phrase "Evasive action". It makes the woman Police office sound like she jumped out the way as if her life depended on it.

[odris]

In slow motion.

[Charles Penrose]

Think she needed to wrap her knuckles across that bad boy and stop making a fucking fuss.

 

Lith-u-WAHEY-nian

[Unrighteous]

Hahaha!

[Mel Wood]

Should the headline have been 'Cops and throbbers'?

 

Was the charge 'possession of swollen goods'?

 

Did he present it in a vein attempt to get away?

 

etc etc

[RedinSweden]

In Sweden they have a word for touching something with the top of your cock, "olla".

 

Gunderthumping is a brilliant word.

[Catch22]

Haha, i just googled "Gunderthumping" to read the Urban Dictionary/Profanasarus entry on it as i had never heard it before

 

This thread was the 2nd link!

[Trumo]

Gunderthumping was quite a catchy song back in the day.

 

I get knocked down

But I get up again

You're never gonna keep me down.

[Red Mist]

Deport him. We don't need drunk Europeans assaulting our cops.

[Charles Penrose]

Support him. We need drunk Europeans promoting their cocks.

[Mel Wood]

Fined just £600, no custodial? Seems fair, but apparently the policewoman was expecting something stiffer.

 

Apparently he did have some kind of defence but he couldn't make it stand up in court.

 

Good to see he accepted the charge with good grace and didn't get all teste about it.

 

Etc etc

[Elmyn Noos]

How big must the bloke's cock have been?? He was in a seated position and he tried to hit the copper on the head with it? That is some impressive weaponry right there. After a few jars as well - I doff my cap.

[Wor Horse]

He was doing cartwheels. That's how he hit her.

[Mendoza]

Most female cops would be flattered surely? Must be a lezza.

 

Also his tadger never touched her noggin, so i fail to see how it qualifies as assault.

[Crazyhorse7778]

Gunderthump - n. The harsh thwapping of a male's genitalia against an unsuspecting and/or deserving recipient's supple face.

 

Awesome.

[aws]

That's one poke in the eye for the forces of repression.

[Charles Penrose]

Most female cops would be flattered surely? Must be a lezza.

 

 

Also his tadger never touched her noggin, so i fail to see how it qualifies as assault.

 

Technically the 'assault' is in the apprehension of immediate unlawful violence. The actually striking is the 'battery' element. Ergo you can be assaulted without being struck.

[Thants]

To slap your offensive weapon at someones face it's always best to be standing proud. A flacid cock slap provides no momentum at all, like fighting a slug.

 

I haven't cockslapped Lady Thants for months. After reading this she got a fine night ahead of her.

[a stoner]

He attacked me with his truncheon your honour.

Why did he have a truncheon?

No your honour, not A truncheon, HIS truncheon.

 

Man I would have loved to have sat in on that hearing.

[god knows]

Was she hit on the head with a Bobby's helmet?

[a stoner]

what's the difference between a Lithuanian drunks cock and a policemens truncheon?

One's for cunning stunts and the other is for aprehending criminals.

 

I know back in the corner.

[Mel Wood]

Technically the 'assault' is in the apprehension of immediate unlawful violence. The actually striking is the 'battery' element. Ergo you can be assaulted without being struck.

 

His penis had a battery element? Did he get it from Ann Summers?