Premier League Round Up (Dec 26-29 2022)

[tlw content]

Footy is back and while there were some surprising results on Boxing Day, at least you can count on Everton still being Everton. I need to start with that because it’s fucking hilarious.

 

It’s not just that they lost at home to Wolves. It’s not even that the winner came five minutes into stoppage time. No, the funniest thing about this was how it happened.

 

They led through a header by the returning Mina but Wolves levelled through Podence from a Trent-like ball by Moutinho.

 

Then the game is deep into added time and the final whistle is about to go, and the Blues are passing it around in their own half protecting the point, which might actually prove vital at the end of the season. After all, they only survived by a solitary point last year didn’t they?

 

But the crowd didn’t like it. They started booing and screaming for the ball to be played forward. So Tarkowski obliged and knocked it long, they lost possession and three passes later Wolves are at the other end and Traore is crossing for Ait-Nouri to win it with the last kick of the game. I’ll say again, Everton’s reality is funnier than any punchline I could ever write. That’s why I stopped doing ‘Trials & Tribulations of life at the Pit’ all those years ago.

 

When simply stating the facts without comment is funnier than any jokes I can make about it, that’s when you know it’s time to stop. Sometimes I feel like Everton can’t actually be real. If you wanted to create a football club with the specific goal of torturing an entire fanbase, this is it. Its abject misery at all times. Even the things they manage to find a crumb of pleasure in are things that would make most other fans embarrassed. Remember last season when some of them claimed that staying up was more enjoyable than winning a trophy? It’s easy to mock, but this is the result of decades of mental torture.

 

I said at the beginning of the season they were shite and they’d go down. I haven’t wavered from it, even if some people got taken in by the resilient performances they put in at the beginning of the season. It’s fair to say they did look like they’d added some organisation and doggedness that was missing last season, and that’s still true to some extent. They’re no pushovers. That’s all fine and dandy, but they weren’t winning and eventually ‘being hard to beat’ wears off. It wore off pretty quickly.

 

Bottom line, they would have gone down last season but for some appalling enabling by the likes of Chelsea, Arsenal and United. They survived by the skin of their teeth and it was largely off the back of heroics by Pickford at one end and Richarlison at the other. Well ‘Richy lad’ has moved onto bigger things and they haven’t replaced him, so how can they expect to be better than last season?

 

The longer Lampard stays the higher the chances are that they’ll go down. A competent manager might be able to get just enough out of that squad to keep them up, but Lampard certainly won’t so let’s hope he’s there a while longer.

 

There’s talk now that they might sell Pickford to raise funds to invest further forward. I hope they do because he’s their best player. By a mile. I’m not saying he’s great, but he is the best player at Everton. Some of the saves he made at the back end of last season were incredible. If they sell him they’ll waste the money on some shit striker who never scores (probably Welbeck or someone of that ilk) so fingers crossed that happens.

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[SasaS]

What is an "appalling Ealing"? A reference to comedy?

[mike23]

Newcastle are seriously starting to do my head in now as I also keep looking at the players they have and wondering how on earth they keep on winning every week. A team featuring Nick Pope, Dan Burn and Chris Wood shouldn't be strolling to easy wins week after week. It seems like no one ever even scores against them. I can't remember a team since Chelsea in Mourinho's first spell in charge keeping so many clean sheets, yet there'd be dozens of back fours and midfields since then that you'd take over what Newcastle currently have. I was until recently confident their results would soon start to revert to the mean, but they just seem to have so much momentum now that for the first time I am starting to wonder if they're just going to carry on like this for the rest of the season.

 

I miss last season when as well as us being awesome it also seemed like there was also the added bonus of everyone other than City being a bit shit. Now it just seems like all the other teams near the top win nearly every week. At least Everton are still doing their best to amuse us. 

[suzy]

I loved the Everton theme throughout this.

[alles ist gut]

Top, top expensive hair-plug analysis there, Dave.

[deiseach]

Quote

When simply stating the facts without comment is funnier than any jokes I can make about it, that’s when you know it’s time to stop. 

 

Might as well cancel my membership then, you putting the boot into Everton is the main reason to have it.

[dave u]

19 hours ago, SasaS said:

What is an "appalling Ealing"? A reference to comedy?

 

No idea, must be a typo but I can't remember what it was supposed to say.

 

Edit: Enabling.

[Chocoholic]

Moyes: West Ham are in a fight for European places, not a relegation fight. 

 

Fuck me, that's some delusional statement, when one game on, Everton, universally acknowledged to be in a relegation dogfight, are now currently above West Ham.

 

You can take Moyes out of the scabby fuckers, but you can't take the scabby fuckers out of Moyes.

[Razoray]

Leicester have been poor at home all season. Away record is good though. Might explain their results this week. I thought the same on the Daka penalty shout. Should be given. He scores if Pope doesn't take him out.

Agree totally on Mitrovic. Captain Scott "Scotty" Parker only started him in 13 of their games in 20/21 as he wanted them to run around more, and he only scored 3 goals. A waste. Can't believe he is still only 28 though. Ream's goal stood as I think the handball rule has changed now and now it is only ruled out if the scorer has handled it. If any of the other attackers has accidentally handled it in the build up, it is allowed.

100% on the Nathan Jones like an assistant line. He talks about himself a lot. As if he is trying to big himself up because he needs to. He won't last the season. When I first heard him speak he reminded me of the Scottish fella that the Venkys of Blackburn appointed when they sacked Fat Sam. Just checked - Steve Kean (couldn't even spell his name correctly) - currently academy director at Hibs, awarded "substantial", but undisclosed, damages to Allardyce after Kean had been recorded in a bar in Hong Kong, after alleging that Allardyce had been sacked from his post at Blackburn Rovers because he was a crook. On 15 August 2011, Kean was convicted of drink driving at Macclesfield Magistrates' Court. The Court rejected his defence that his drinks had been spiked following a match against Manchester United. He was banned from driving for 18 months and fined £1,800. He doesn't come across as a cunt at all. May have been correct about Allardyce obviously.

[DaveT]

I thought both Tompkins booking were harsh. The first one was a nothing foul deep into Fulham's half and on the touch line. Leicester got away with hacking down our players twice on Friday when we had overload situations down our right and near the box - and neither foul resulted in  a booking. The usual yellow card lottery, as random as you can get.

 

Michael Oliver has gone from being the best of a bad bunch a few years ago to being as dog shit as the others. 

[dave u]

1 hour ago, DaveT said:

I thought both Tompkins booking were harsh. The first one was a nothing foul deep into Fulham's half and on the touch line. Leicester got away with hacking down our players twice on Friday when we had overload situations down our right and near the box - and neither foul resulted in  a booking. The usual yellow card lottery, as random as you can get.

 

Michael Oliver has gone from being the best of a bad bunch a few years ago to being as dog shit as the others. 

 

I was saying to the lads before the game that Oliver is crap these days, but the Tomkins bookings were both clear for me. He had two handfulls of shirt on the first, which is (or is supposed to be) an automatic yellow. The second was just idiotic, no need to do it.

[Razoray]

On 01/01/2023 at 06:41, Razoray said:

100% on the Nathan Jones like an assistant line. He talks about himself a lot. As if he is trying to big himself up because he needs to. He won't last the season. When I first heard him speak he reminded me of the Scottish fella that the Venkys of Blackburn appointed when they sacked Fat Sam. Just checked - Steve Kean

I posted this a few weeks ago. The man is some bluffer. He will be sacked over the weekend. 1 nil up and Wolves down to 10 men and lose 2-1, with 40% possesion and 2 shots on target

[dave u]

Steve Kean! He was great. Pretty sure he was one of 'my boys' at one point during the round ups. I liked the completely irrational confidence he had despite clearly being way in over his head. This Jones fella is defo giving off the same vibe, so fair play for spotting that so quickly.

[Razoray]

1 hour ago, dave u said:

Steve Kean! He was great. Pretty sure he was one of 'my boys' at one point during the round ups. I liked the completely irrational confidence he had despite clearly being way in over his head. This Jones fella is defo giving off the same vibe, so fair play for spotting that so quickly.

Looks like our boy Nick was on here tonight