little things that annoy the shit out of you

[cloggypop]

The Somalian junkie that keeps forgetting he asked me for money half an hour ago.

[General Dryness]

The Somalian junkie that keeps forgetting he asked me for money half an hour ago.

 

If the sex was any good, just pay him so he can be on his way.

[cloggypop]

If the sex was any good, just pay him so he can be on his way.

I'm generally polite when I tell them no thanks. I can see this one getting told to get to fuck.

[Carvalho Diablo]

I'm generally polite when I tell them no thanks. I can see this one getting told to get to fuck.

Poor old Nightcat.

[boots123]

Pigshit thick tv reporters saying "atherletes". 

 

It's spelt and pronounced "ATHLETES" you fucking stupid cunts.

or the Irish saying filims instead of films

[Rico1304]

I seem to go through life banging my head.

 

Not in frustration just banging my head. I open the blind in the morning for which i have to lean over the kitchen sink and i bang my head. I open the boot of my car and bang my head. I go out the front door , which is slightly lower than my height, i bang my head. If theres a chance of banging my head , ill bang my fucking head.

 

Im 6ft 1 and dont live in a dolls house and I'm fuckin sick of banging my head

Have you started to go bald or cut your hair very short?

 

One of the advantages of hair is that it gives you an extra inch of warning before you bang your head.

[Dave D]

When you need to pop out and grab something at the shop.  you chuck on anything, maybe you havent shaved for about a week, your knackered from work, your wearing a big coat with shorts and flip flops  ....who cares, your only going to be 5mins?

 

You step into the shop and walk straight into your ex. Who happens to look as though she's just stepped out of a salon having just been on holiday.

 

You stand there with your tin of beans trying to play it cool.....

 

Not so much...

 

More..........

 

[Bobby Hundreds]

Food critics especially Masterchef arrogant bellends.

[Furmedge]

I have no core hours in work so can come and go as I please as long as I do 38 hours a week. I take the kids to school of a morning so get in about 9.15am and stick it out until about 6pm to finish early later in the week, yet there's still a prick in work who looks at his watch as I come in and shouts, "Afternoon!" simply because a lot of the people I work with have grown up kids and have no responsibilities in the morning apart from dressing themselves.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

I have no core hours in work so can come and go as I please as long as I do 38 hours a week. I take the kids to school of a morning so get in about 9.15am and stick it out until about 6pm to finish early later in the week, yet there's still a prick in work who looks at his watch as I come in and shouts, "Afternoon!" simply because a lot of the people I work with have grown up kids and have no responsibilities in the morning apart from dressing themselves.

 

These "office jokes" are the reason people want come in with automatic weapons. Why in the fuck would anyone think that shit would be funny in the first place, never mind repeating it every day for decades now.

 

When he leaves early he just goes home to his favourite wanking sock.

[manwiththestick]

These "office jokes" are the reason people want come in with automatic weapons. Why in the fuck would anyone think that shit would be funny in the first place, never mind repeating it every day for decades now.

 

When he leaves early he just goes home to his favourite wanking sock.

The same type of people you don't want to see when washing your car or mowing the lawn.

[manwiththestick]

These "office jokes" are the reason people want come in with automatic weapons. Why in the fuck would anyone think that shit would be funny in the first place, never mind repeating it every day for decades now.

 

When he leaves early he just goes home to his favourite wanking sock.

The same type of people you don't want to see when washing your car or mowing the lawn.

[Paulie Dangerously]

I have no core hours in work so can come and go as I please as long as I do 38 hours a week. I take the kids to school of a morning so get in about 9.15am and stick it out until about 6pm to finish early later in the week, yet there's still a prick in work who looks at his watch as I come in and shouts, "Afternoon!" simply because a lot of the people I work with have grown up kids and have no responsibilities in the morning apart from dressing themselves.

 

How are you?   "Ok...for a monday!"

You ok? "           Will be...at 5 o'clock!"

"payday, more like PAYING OUT DAY"

 

 

FUUUUCCCCCKKKK OOOOFFFFFFFF

[lifetime fan]

Putting the kettle on, want a drink?

 

Yeah mines a vodka and Diet Coke.

 

 

 

 

Fuck off and die.

[Jenson]

I have no core hours in work so can come and go as I please as long as I do 38 hours a week. I take the kids to school of a morning so get in about 9.15am and stick it out until about 6pm to finish early later in the week, yet there's still a prick in work who looks at his watch as I come in and shouts, "Afternoon!" simply because a lot of the people I work with have grown up kids and have no responsibilities in the morning apart from dressing themselves.

 

To which your stock reply should be "Fuck off bellend!"

[Dave D]

How are you?   "Ok...for a monday!"

You ok? "           Will be...at 5 o'clock!"

"payday, more like PAYING OUT DAY"

 

 

FUUUUCCCCCKKKK OOOOFFFFFFFF

 

I was off sick one day and my boss text me-

 

"How ill are you?"

 

How do you answer that, on a scale of 1-10?! Cant remember what I put but its company folklore now amoungst the staff to text the same to whoever is off, taking the piss 

 

He once asked one of the girls in the office if she could could send in a picture of the "rash" she said she had after calling in sick.

 

If only he'd ask someone who's off with the shits for a picture...... 

[The Golden Eel]

The way the bottom of a box of washing powder goes hard

[Pureblood]

The way the bottom of a box of washing powder goes hard

 

People still use powder?  Futuristic looking pouches are the way to go.

[Captain Turdseye]

People still use powder? Futuristic looking pouches are the way to go.

I don't think they've got them in Northern Ireland yet.

[The Golden Eel]

People still use powder?  Futuristic looking pouches are the way to go.

 

Have a word with yourself.

 

I don't think they've got them in Northern Ireland yet.

 

Reported for racism.

[Kloppite]

For lightly soiled clothes liquids are find but for heavy soiled clothes powers are much more effective.

 

This is why the liquids are better off the environment.

[The Golden Eel]

For lightly soiled clothes liquids are find but for heavy soiled clothes powers are much more effective.

 

This is why the liquids are better off the environment.

 

And seeing as I frequently soil myself heavily, powder is the only option

[Trumo]

Liquids is the way to go. All the cleaning power of those gel pouches but you can choose the amount you use depending on how much washing you have. Don't use those little plastic dispenser ball things that you put with your clothes, unless you don't mind your washing machine sounding like a tombola.

[Alan Sex]

The way the bottom of a box of washing powder goes hard

Stop talking dirty to it.

[Dave D]

I found washing powder boxes weirdly interesting as a kid.

 

Think its because they reminded me of cereal.

 

Well thats what the shrink said.

 

We were very much an Ariel family