The world of a woman.

[Captain Turdseye]

9 hours ago, Elite said:

You're a proper peculiar bloke. Take it as a compliment as I mean it as one. Eating M&M's with a spoon, having 3 hour showers, etc. Keep it up. Ace.

Still got the picture on my phone from the M&M shop in London that I took for Tony. 
 

They sell M&M spoons! Presumably to use while you sit down to eat the M&M’s that your kids insist on having even though the bastards are charging £11 each for a medium sized cup.  
 

Moanero has basically revolutionised the entire chocolate industry with his fucked up ideas and then he has the brass neck to come on her and moan about them. 
 

 

[Karl_b]

I feel like I'm being set up this week. We've got carpet fitters coming in 10 day's time to do the two bedrooms, which means I need to get on and finish decorating this weekend. We've been making a plan all week (partly why we went on the excellent trip to IKEA), discussing colours, etc. I got up bright and early to get some general housework done whilst she had a lie in so that when she got up we could crack on.

 

She's just come downstairs and remembered she has to go get her hair done, so she's gone out and I'm left still needing to walk the dog and with a host of other jobs that need doing, rather than tag-teaming them as we'd planned. She's on school holidays so could have gone any day this week. Super.

[Davelfc]

8 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

I feel like I'm being set up this week. We've got carpet fitters coming in 10 day's time to do the two bedrooms, which means I need to get on and finish decorating this weekend. We've been making a plan all week (partly why we went on the excellent trip to IKEA), discussing colours, etc. I got up bright and early to get some general housework done whilst she had a lie in so that when she got up we could crack on.

 

She's just come downstairs and remembered she has to go get her hair done, so she's gone out and I'm left still needing to walk the dog and with a host of other jobs that need doing, rather than tag-teaming them as we'd planned. She's on school holidays so could have gone any day this week. Super.

Yeah you just failed another level of The Shit Test. On to the next level. 

 

Enjoy. 

[Rushies tash]

26 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

I feel like I'm being set up this week. We've got carpet fitters coming in 10 day's time to do the two bedrooms, which means I need to get on and finish decorating this weekend. We've been making a plan all week (partly why we went on the excellent trip to IKEA), discussing colours, etc. I got up bright and early to get some general housework done whilst she had a lie in so that when she got up we could crack on.

 

She's just come downstairs and remembered she has to go get her hair done, so she's gone out and I'm left still needing to walk the dog and with a host of other jobs that need doing, rather than tag-teaming them as we'd planned. She's on school holidays so could have gone any day this week. Super.

That'll be your fault for not reminding her.

[Josef Svejk]

1 hour ago, Karl_b said:

I feel like I'm being set up this week. We've got carpet fitters coming in 10 day's time to do the two bedrooms, which means I need to get on and finish decorating this weekend. We've been making a plan all week (partly why we went on the excellent trip to IKEA), discussing colours, etc. I got up bright and early to get some general housework done whilst she had a lie in so that when she got up we could crack on.

 

She's just come downstairs and remembered she has to go get her hair done, so she's gone out and I'm left still needing to walk the dog and with a host of other jobs that need doing, rather than tag-teaming them as we'd planned. She's on school holidays so could have gone any day this week. Super.

Don't forget to compliment her on her new 'do... 

[Bjornebye]

She’ll be sat in the hairdressers calling you a lazy cunt 

[Karl_b]

Just now, Bjornebye said:

She’ll be sat in the hairdressers calling you a lazy cunt 

Two cups of coffee, some egg on toast and hanging out with the dog later, she'd be correct.

[Bjornebye]

Just now, Karl_b said:

Two cups of coffee, some egg on toast and hanging out with the dog later, she'd be correct.

Hahaha too right. Get drunk. When she asks what your doing just say you forgot you’d planned to get pissed up today. 

[Stouffer]

My missus takes fucking ages to get out of the car, why is this?

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Stouffer said:

My missus takes fucking ages to get out of the car, why is this?

You try breaking out of the boot 

[Curly]

18 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

Two cups of coffee, some egg on toast and hanging out with the dog later, she'd be correct.

Hahaha

[Paulie Dangerously]

1 hour ago, Stouffer said:

My missus takes fucking ages to get out of the car, why is this?

Mine takes ages to lock it. You've got the keys in your hand, why do you put them in your bag then have to get them out to lock the car again?

[Harry Squatter]

Got to love a bit of female hypocrisy. Seen two sets of women on my Facebook going to parties where they have hired "naked butlers". Basically some young male model type just wears something covering up his knob and they pretend to clean the house for them Saw loads of photos of women old enough to be his ma salivating over the mere sight of a young man with barely any clothes on and a few grabbing his arse.

 

Can you imagine the fume if a group of fellas got some semi naked young girl to come round and be a maid?.  Then loads of photos got posted on Facaids of men far older than her drooling over her and pretending to grab her arse?. You'd get called a perv/just see women as sex objects and a total danger to be around.  

 

This particular woman who posted tye photos went mental once when she found out that her husband had gone to a lapdancing bar in Las Vegas on a stag party and threatened to throw him out. 

[YorkshireRed]

The wife had a rant earlier over who would be paying for the bags the golfers are using at the Olympics (country branded, rather than the usual sponsors logos).

 

She thinks they should be buying their own bags. 
 

I was unsurprised to note how her rant moved swiftly from commentary on traditional Olympic values to me snoring loudly in bed one night about seven years ago. 

[lifetime fan]

Ever since I bought my car she’s been making comments about it; “it’s an old mans car, it’s a tank, it’s too big, it’s not practical, she won’t ever drive it, it’s far too wide to drive down a country lane, I should have bought something smaller and cheaper” etc…
 

I’ve repeatedly pointed out to her I spent less than two grand on it, it’s only a mondeo and not a fucking hummer but she never listens. 
 

We went camping last week with friends of hers and their kids. They turn up in a brand new Mitsubishi L200 and she’s all over it. That’s lovely that, that’s so practical, look at all the room they have, you should have got one of them, I’d have happily driven that! 
 

At this point I’m struggling to not lose it and just scream at her in front of the kids - she can pick up the mood I’m in as I’m not talking to her and just having a beer and doing the BBQ. 
 

So she comes over and and starts “it’s even narrower than your car”. 

“Fuck off love, don’t talk to me, just fuck off”. 
 

So for the rest of the evening there’s snide comments from her and her mate.

 

I’m getting really close to losing it properly when she starts again; “I know you don’t want to admit you’re wrong but you should have bought something smaller, cheaper and more suitable. 
 

“You could have got something like Tom’s truck so I could drive it as it narrower than yours or you could have bought your mums car”. 
 

Me mam was selling her fiat 500 for 9 fucking grand or I could have bought a 4 wheel drive truck as they’re smaller than a fucking mondeo. 
 

I don’t have enough hair left to be pulling it out listening to that level of fucking stupidity. 

[lifetime fan]

And then the next morning she’s going on about how late I had stayed up, not gone to bed with her and why did you drink a bottle of gin? 
 

“Because there wasn’t two bottles of gin” took her a while to get as well. 

[General Dryness]

Might want to hold off on marrying this one Col. I hope this advice hasn't come too late.

[lifetime fan]

11 minutes ago, General Dryness said:

Might want to hold off on marrying this one Col. I hope this advice hasn't come too late.

Fuck that! 
 

We’re both very happy unmarried. 

[General Dryness]

7 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

Fuck that! 
 

We’re both very happy unmarried. 

Congratulations! 

[tokyojoe]

We've got people coming tomorrow to fix replacement wardrobe doors in the main bedroom which same company fucked up last time.

 

So what's she doing? Hoovering the stairs, landing and said bedroom. All of which will be traipsed all over tomorrow.

 

Words fail me.

[Rico1304]

We have a dishwasher. We don’t have is a waste disposal in the dishwasher.  Scrape. The. Fucking. Plates. 

[Waitak]

Why would she do that when you're around to clean the filters every few days ? 

[redinblack]

Her - "What time do we have to leave?"

Self  - "5 minutes ago"

........

Self from another room..."Are we going now?"

......

Walks into room...she is dusting and polishing......"just do this before we go"

Self - "shall I just cancel then?"

Her - "We wont be late"

Self - go and sit in car and fume gently......

 

[Davelfc]

8 hours ago, Waitak said:

Why would she do that when you're around to buy the latest new one  

This is probably more like it. 

 

Most blokes here if they're being honest have undoubtedly thought when their partners mention replacing something, 'There's nothing wrong with what we have already'

 

Men, trying to save the planet one roll of wallpaper/tin of paint/appliance at a time.

[Preston Red]

2 hours ago, redinblack said:

Her - "What time do we have to leave?"

Self  - "5 minutes ago"

........

Self from another room..."Are we going now?"

......

Walks into room...she is dusting and polishing......"just do this before we go"

Self - "shall I just cancel then?"

Her - "We wont be late"

Self - go and sit in car and fume gently......

 

The wife did exactly the same yesterday. Looked after the grandkids while the stepson and his girlfriend went to a wedding. The 5 year old was going swimming at 5 and had to be there at 5 to 5, latest, so the wife decided to go and get her car at half 4 (we only live round the corner from them) to take her swimming.

 

In her infinite wisdom, she decides to take her hair extensions to the hair dressers that she's bought for the stepsons wedding this weekend. Rolls back up to the house at 4:52 to get the 5 year old ready and wonders why I didn't do it while I was looking after a 3 month old who's screaming the house down because he's teething.