The Mormons

[Faustus]

Just had them knocking round at ours.

 

Gang of bell ends.

[Thants]

[Faustus]

 

Ha ha- my mate's shit scared of them for some reason! He also wears pyjamas in bed and he's a 20 year old man.

 

I think he has issues.

[Ginny]

A mormon was in my tutor class when i was in uni. He was a sound lad intil you mentioned certain things him. We said we were goin for a pub lunch once for dinner in between lectures, none of us were drinking but he said he didnt go in pubs because there full of bad people. This was a pure student pub and was full of pure pecae loving hippies.

 

They view the world in a very fearful and paranoid way and would like you to join them so they can sleep easy at night knowing you are as fearful and paranoid to make their existence more tolerable and easy to swallow.

 

He wasnt allowed to drink caffine either. His life was basically controlled by some gang of douche bags. He was a sound lad though.

[melons]

They are also pleasing to the eye, well the male ones the yanks send over.

[Flying Pig]

The Mormons are all big divvies, in fact I called them The Morons.

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

 

I should be on stage, I'm hilarious tonight.

[god knows]

Dead easy way to get rid of Mormons at your front door. They are always young men told by their church to go out and spread the word. But because they are young men out in the bad wide world, their church makes them wear a truss on top of their bills so they cant get a hard on. FACT. So do what I do. When they knock next time and start bothering you just as you are having your tea, ask to see their undies. Say you will accept the Lord Our God into your life as long as they let you have a little sneaky peak at their undercrackers. End of conversation. FACT.

[RobbieOR]

They always stop me in the street and ask me if I'm religious and tell me they can offer me salvation. Who need's salvation

[snez1]

South Park Mormon episode fucking rules. DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB!

[JMARKH]

I have a couple buried under the patio.

[Paulie Dangerously]

I remember I had gone home with some bird and ended up kippin in a manky student house by the ASDA in aigburth and was getting a bus back into town when some fella in a suit got on the bus and sat behind me. Leant over the chair with a book in his hand

 

Mormon: How are you today brother?

Da Pmantis: Don't mate, please

M: Don't what? I'm just talking here

DP: Well I'm not talkative on buses

M: Have you heard of the Mormon church?

DP: ...

M: Well what do you know about them?

DP: You have many wives

M: (laughs manically) No no that's not true, we have mass weddings, but only one wife, like you brother!

DP: I'm seriously not interested

M: Ok brother, peace

 

He then got off the bus leading me to believe he had specifically targeted me for saving

[Section_31]

I feel slightly sorry for them. The young american lads get sent out 'into the world' as part of their training. Can you imagine coming from Salt Lake City and ending up in digs in Salford?

 

"Hey there buddy you heard the good news?"

 

"Get out my way right or I'll shoot yoh!"

 

"Thank you sir - have a nice day!"

[MAC5]

I had a friend who was a Mormon when i was younger, he was so fuckin good at football it was unreal, i tried to get him to play for the team i played for on a Sunday but he was'nt allowed to leave his house on a Sunday apart from Church in the morning, shame really because he was that good. Bunch of fucking wierdo's.

[JagSquared]

I feel slightly sorry for them. The young american lads get sent out 'into the world' as part of their training. Can you imagine coming from Salt Lake City and ending up in digs in Salford?

 

"Hey there buddy you heard the good news?"

 

"Get out my way right or I'll shoot yoh!"

 

"Thank you sir - have a nice day!"

 

Funny you picked that location. When I worked in HR on my placement year I interviewed a load of Mormons who decided that Telemarketing was their calling (including one outragously hot one) anyway, All the young ones chip a few grand into a community pool and then are sent out on missions to various parts of the world. However they dont get a say in where they end up they just get given a location and head off to the mission there.

 

One of the chaps I hired was sent to Salford for his mission and was hit in the head by a rock after trying to convince some scallies that the Mormon church would save them (the niavety of these fuckers is incredible).

 

When I asked him about the fact that he paid thousands and ended up in Salford he just replied "Thats where I was meant to end up", compare that to his brother who ended up in Mozambique and his cousin that went to some beautiful Islands in the Pacific.

[Anubis]

I've heard the Mormons carry rolling pins around to effect conversion...

[Anubis]

He then got off the bus leading me to believe he had specifically targeted me for saving

He knows something you don't. Better get your arse to church pronto!

[taliesin08]

Burn them all.

[Alan Sex]

Just had them knocking round at ours.

 

Gang of bell ends.

 

You absolute twat. I bet you didn't ask them about their magic underwear, did you? Gets them every time!

[Original202]

I've never met one. In fact, I've barely heard of them before. I must live a very sheltered life.

[Alan Sex]

 

Is this a gang bang where she is going down the line sucking their "rolling pins"?

 

POLICE RAID!

[Randy Marsh]

They are also pleasing to the eye, well the male ones the yanks send over.

 

We had two young yank lads knock on our door last week. Both where dressed in suits and i thought they where salesman, until they started going on about the book of Mormon. Had a living room full of lads who could hear every word they where saying, whilst i was at the door trying to keep a straight face. The mormons then asked to come in, and seen as i had a house full of student lads playing PES at the time, i thought "Fuck it, why not?". So they then came in and spent 20minutes sat talking to the 7 of us about prayer and the meaning of life. Was some seriously funny shit seeing the looks on the lads faces. They then left a phone number, which was the biggest mistake they couldve made as the next two morning at around 6am, one of our lads decided to give them a call after we'd all came in bladderd and had a few spliffs. Funny as fuck.

[She Knows It]

They're gentle, peaceful and extremely polite people. I might not hold with their preachings, but I certainly don't think it makes them dumb, or nob heads, or cunts.

[briefs]

Well said SKI :)

 

Jehovah's Witnesses on the other hand piss me right off and I have been known to hide under the kithen table, well out of sight, when they come knocking. The ones that I have encountered just didn't know when enough was enough and were pretty bloody rude!

[Alan Sex]

Well said SKI :)

 

Jehovah's Witnesses on the other hand piss me right off and I have been known to hide under the kithen table, well out of sight, when they come knocking. The ones that I have encountered just didn't know when enough was enough and were pretty bloody rude!

 

I'm telling you, ask about the magic underpants!

 

[YOUTUBE]KsXzHLiHTOU[/YOUTUBE]

[Stu Monty]

They're gentle, peaceful and extremely polite people. I might not hold with their preachings, but I certainly don't think it makes them dumb, or nob heads, or cunts.

 

I'm afraid it does make them dumb. Doesn't make them cunts or bad people but if you believe what they believe and hold it as the central core of your being that dictates your actions then it makes you at least a little dumb.

 

And what's with that Christian minister ripping the piss out of their superstition. Hello, Mr Pot, call from Mr Kettle for you.