The "things that make you realise you're getting older" thread

[VladimirIlyich]

1 minute ago, Section_31 said:

My uncle's mate was being a smart arse once with a welding torch, instead of putting the mask on he took the black eye visor out and held it over his eyes while he welded something with his other hand. When he finished all his face was burned except for a perfectly rectangular patch around his eyes.

The classic cocky British tourist look.

[elvis]

1 hour ago, VladimirIlyich said:

Is this him?

Got a big chip in his front tooth , the dumbass 

[Jose Jones]

1 hour ago, Section_31 said:

 

What were you drinking though John Smith's?

Mostly Stone & Wood Pacific Ale, but also a couple of pints of Wolf of the Willows XPA.

 

Here’s the thing though, after my earlier 60th party post, I went to the shops. The girl in the green grocers asked me what I’d been up to over the weekend. “Went to a mates birthday party says I, bit depressing that I actually have a friend who is 60”.

”Oh, have you had your 60th yet?”

For fucks sake. 

 

[DalyanPete]

5 hours ago, elvis said:

Brother of mine , who fancied himself as an all-rounder in the building trade and in the absence of any wire strippers , and also believing the power was off decided it would be a good idea to bare a couple of cables with his teeth. 

You can guess the rest ! 

Fuckin hell

[DalyanPete]

5 hours ago, Section_31 said:

My uncle's mate was being a smart arse once with a welding torch, instead of putting the mask on he took the black eye visor out and held it over his eyes while he welded something with his other hand. When he finished all his face was burned except for a perfectly rectangular patch around his eyes.

In Turkey designer sunglasses are the welders go to eye protection.

They are however very good on h&s signage, no-one takes any notice. Not a compo culture here either.

[DalyanPete]

3 hours ago, Jose Jones said:

Mostly Stone & Wood Pacific Ale, but also a couple of pints of Wolf of the Willows XPA.

 

Here’s the thing though, after my earlier 60th party post, I went to the shops. The girl in the green grocers asked me what I’d been up to over the weekend. “Went to a mates birthday party says I, bit depressing that I actually have a friend who is 60”.

”Oh, have you had your 60th yet?”

For fucks sake. 

 

But I thought that was young girl code for, "I would slam you all over the place "

[AngryOfTuebrook]

[Carvalho Diablo]

Lawrence Fox can fuck off, the gozzy eyed nazi wanker.

[elvis]

4 hours ago, DalyanPete said:

Fuckin hell

I know, the shock of all fuckin shocks!

[Evelyn Tentions]

17 hours ago, Section_31 said:

My uncle's mate was being a smart arse once with a welding torch, instead of putting the mask on he took the black eye visor out and held it over his eyes while he welded something with his other hand. When he finished all his face was burned except for a perfectly rectangular patch around his eyes.

Australia's former PM who was heavily into cosplay publicity stunts had a go at welding 

[sir roger]

No name, Evelyn ?

Tensions Law ?

[Evelyn Tentions]

6 hours ago, sir roger said:

No name, Evelyn ?

Tensions Law ?

Tentions

I refuse to utter the sociopathic cunts name.

[Bruce Spanner]

Young lad I work with walked in this morning and told me he had a new job.

 

I went in for the handshake, he went for the Rocky/Apollo power shake.

 

Fly free, you sweet, young fledgling and leave this old man with his antiquated way far behind you…

[littletedwest]

Young people greet me with weird phrases  "what you saying ted?" Err hello

[VladimirIlyich]

2 hours ago, littletedwest said:

Young people greet me with weird phrases  "what you saying ted?" Err hello

The term 'Ted' used to be an insult. Punching them would show your age!

[redinblack]

49 minutes ago, VladimirIlyich said:

The term 'Ted' used to be an insult. Punching them would show your age!

A mate of mine refers to people as being "Teds" or "Bad Teds". I think its a brilliant insult.

[Section_31]

At this "reminisce" concert at the Echo arena. I reckon I'm the only person here that's not on beak or roids. It's like crab mating season on Christmas island with these assholes.

 

Spent the whole night wishing I was in the golden nuggets off Freemont Street sat down drinking knob creek and watching a latino Sammy Davis junior impersonator.

[manwiththestick]

4 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

At this "reminisce" concert at the Echo arena. I reckon I'm the only person here that's not on beak or roids. It's like crab mating season on Christmas island with these assholes.

 

Spent the whole night wishing I was in the golden nuggets off Freemont Street sat down drinking knob creek and watching a latino Sammy Davis junior impersonator.

One of those events that you couldn't pay me to go to just because of the amount of dickheads on show, present company excluded of course.

[Stouffer]

Checking the week's weather on a Saturday night to see if we'll be be able to hang any washing out.

[Captain Willard]

I wax standing in a tube carriage last Friday and caught the eye of a comely young lady. She gave me a brief smile then stood up and offered me her seat. Absolutely fucking crushed. 

[YorkshireRed]

When I work away from home these days, even if it’s only for one night, I always pack my slippers. 

[bossy]

48 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

When I work away from home these days, even if it’s only for one night, I always pack my slippers. 

Oh, first thing in the case.

[RJ Fan club]

When I’m driving on the commute I’ve ditched all other radio stations now, and I’m only ever listening to Radio 4.

 

I’m done 

[Section_31]

27 minutes ago, RJ Fan club said:

When I’m driving on the commute I’ve ditched all other radio stations now, and I’m only ever listening to Radio 4.

 

I’m done 

 

I've started listening to jazz fm.

[Mook]

27 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

 

I've started listening to jazz fm.

 

Your life is just beginning.