One night stands

[RedKnight]

I was annoyed that he rang me at 3 am and that my missus might have answered the phone thinking that I would have been prepared to go round even though I wouldn't, I would have spent 3 hours trying to convince her. Knowing my mates' very low standards I know I haven't missed out on anything.

 

Good work and recovery, dude. Tell your mate he's a dick and then go home and shag your missus.

 

Woof!

[Harry Squatter]

Good work and recovery, dude. Tell your mate he's a dick and then go home and shag your missus.

 

Woof!

 

He's obsessed with threesomes, the first night I went out with my missus he asked me to get her back to his for a threesome, I just laughed in his face and told him to stick to the local smackhead - and her daughter.

[Elite]

I am not a fan of one nights stands.

 

I have always kept in some form of contact with girls I have slept with.

[Sugar Ape]

Gotta love Doctor Troy threads.

 

Not really a one night stand, but...

 

I was in town a few years ago, was getting into this amazing bird, one of the best I've ever got into, she invited me back to hers and I went the bar to get us another bevy and bumped into someone I know, realised I'd been chatting to him for about 20 minutes, went back to find her and she'd gone.

 

I was gutted so told my mates I was getting off and went the chippy and got some gravy and chips then got a taxi back from town to Netherley. Just got in ours and my mate phones me and says he's pulled some bird and is back in her flat in Parr street in town, and her mate is there who said she'd been getting into his ' tall mate with the dark hair, but I lost him. '

 

He convinced me to get a taxi to her flat in Parr street at about 4 in the morning because she really wanted to see me, I get out the taxi ring the buzzer on the flat and my mate answers, walk into the living room and these two birds are sitting there who I've never seen in my life. One of them looks at me and goes ' it wasn't him, I'm going to bed in the spare room ' and fucks off.

 

I had to sleep on the couch in their living room listening to my mate banging this bird, then get the bus home the next morning about half 8. Realised I had gravy stains all down my white top as well when I was waiting for the bus.

[melons]

Meh, cheers for reminding me I've not lived. I'm 35 in December, I think i've a total of two one night stands.

 

One was average the other was utter, utter shite.

[manwiththestick]

I quite regulary stick it in the wife and then tip toe off to work the next day without saying a word. It reminds me of the good old days.

[Kevin D]

A couple of mates I know used to be well into going the grafton and pulling dirty slags. They also dared each other to nick "Memorabilia" from each place, one lad nicked a star trek chess set, DVD's a signed Rangers team photo and about 10 remote controls for TV's, DVD players and CD players. One lad tried to blag this slapper to join in with him and his mate but he got told to fuck off and wait downstairs. He waited for his mate to finish but went into the kitchen and wiped his knob on all the cutlery and got stuff out the fridge and walked round the living room with it down his keks and then put it back.

 

I've never walked into a thread started by you and left disappointed. That said, this, once again, raises serious questions about your social life.

[Kevin D]

Me and my mate were on holiday in Brazil and we went on a day trip to some tropical islands called Buzios. On the boat I spot some little fitty who I start to chat up - she was Mexican, looked like Salma Hayek and spoke perfect English as she lived in Canada, anyway her mate was a fucking minger who looked like the cleaner out of the Goonies. I managed to get the fit one to meet me that night in a club in Rio but was dead worried that her mate was going to fuck everything up. I told my mate that we were going out that night to meet 2 Mexican birds and his "bird" couldnt speak English. We both copped off but my bird turns out to be a staunch Catholic who didnt believe in sex before marriage whereas his let him bang the arse off her. He shook his head after we left their hotel and said "I know I'd shag a barbers floor most times but I feel fucking dirty after that, and it's all your fault you cunt for thinking you could shag Salma Hayek, don't ever do that to me again". All the fucking groundwork for nothing!.

 

She still e-mails him now with horrific photos of her obese frame in a swimsuit on speedboats in Cancun and Acapulco, he asked me to e-mail her once to say he'd been killed in a car crash.

 

Haha. Magnificent.

[Mathewbet1]

Golden rule of one night stands is get up up at 6 o clock in morning, wipe cock on curtains , then leave. (this obviously does not apply if you've taken her around your place or your parents)

[moof]

Meh, cheers for reminding me I've not lived. I'm 35 in December, I think i've a total of two one night stands.

 

One was average the other was utter, utter shite.

 

Fancy another average one?

[moof]

Fancy another average one?

 

I'm joking. I'd blow your fucking mind.

[melons]

I'm joking. I'd blow your fucking mind.

 

Tempting offer, though i'm sure if you were that good it wouldn't be a one night stand. Given i'm exceptionally good in the sack myself both of us know you'd be back for seconds and that sort of defeats the whole point of a one night stand. Sorry. x

[Paulie Dangerously]

Aw the gentle knock back. You're too kind Shezza

[Trumo]

Golden rule of one night stands is get up up at 6 o clock in morning, wipe cock on curtains , then leave. (this obviously does not apply if you've taken her around your place or your parents)

 

Obviously you wouldn't leave.

[melons]

Aw the gentle knock back. You're too kind Shezza

 

True though, the last time you had a boss intended one night stand, did it end at just one night or did you call her in the hopes of it being more then just one night. And i don't mean in affectionate terms, just animalistic mind blowing sex?

 

Last time i had an intended one night stand (intended to do it to get the man out of my system) it was still going on over a year later. I assume like a drug, knowing you're about to get an ace hit is too hard to resist. If it's going on like that you can hardly call it a one night stand, no?

[Carradona]

Rob (Doctor Troy) is easily the best poster on here when it comes to topics like these. Hilarious!

[Liverpool lad]

That's ace. It's a common topic of discussion with us girls - the fucking hysterical/offputting things men say when they come.

 

I want to make the noise Ryu off Street Fighter 2 does, or even Guile, just for giggles.

[Randy Marsh]

Rob (Doctor Troy) is easily the best poster on here when it comes to topics like these. Hilarious!

 

Agreed, hilarious!

[Harry Squatter]

i love this thread

[Paulie Dangerously]

True though, the last time you had a boss intended one night stand, did it end at just one night or did you call her in the hopes of it being more then just one night. And i don't mean in affectionate terms, just animalistic mind blowing sex?

 

Last time i had an intended one night stand (intended to do it to get the man out of my system) it was still going on over a year later. I assume like a drug, knowing you're about to get an ace hit is too hard to resist. If it's going on like that you can hardly call it a one night stand, no?

 

Once women have had a dash of Dangerously they always want to come back for seconds.

 

They're only human

[moof]

Fuck, that's embarrassing. I knew I posted something in here last night but didn't think i'd cringe as much as I just have.

 

Sorry Melons!

[Faustus]

Me and a mate were out in the States earlier on this year and this one night, we were enjoying a few bevvies in this Irish bar in Baltimore. The barman heard our accents and said that there were these three Welsh birds further on down the bar who might enjoy talking to some fellow Brits so far away from home. We were both pretty wrecked at this point and thought it would be a good idea. Needless to say, everything went pretty much downhill at this point.

 

We got chatting to them and, in what has to be one of the most bizarre things that anybody has ever talked about to a group of birds in a bar in a foreign country, we started talking to them about Tranmere Rovers, because it turned out that they were over to visit their cousin who had just been released by them and was having a trial with DC United in the MLS. For some reason, they were buzzing over the simple fact that we'd heard of Tranmere Rovers, so we carried on having a few more drinks with them, before they went and invited us back to their hotel.

 

Anyway, me and my mate paired off with a bird each and left the third wheel to kip on the hotel floor. We each started going at with the bird we'd got lucky with in beds less than a few feet apart from each other. It must have resembled one of the opening scenes in Fargo, where Steve Buscemi and his mate are pretty much side by side nailing the two prossies they've both picked up. Pretty grim stuff, to be honest.

 

After we'd finished doing the deed, my bird nods off and, Christ, I have never heard snoring like it. I absolutely fucking shit myself. It sounded like something from The Exorcist and she had been possessed. Even now I sometimes hear it in my head and it makes my blood run cold. Everybody else in the room was asleep, so I got out the bed, got dressed and quickly scarpered out of the room. I must have woken my mate up as I was getting dressed, because halfway down the corridor, I turned round and saw my mate, stark naked, chasing aster me, coming out with all of these expletives and telling me I couldn't leave him on his bill. In the end, I agreed and headed back to the hotel room and sidled up next to Sleeping Beauty and got the worst night of sleep I've ever heard.

 

I woke up the next morning and turned to look at this bird. My memory was a bit fuzzy from the night before so I couldn't really remember what she looked like. Well, it turns out I'd just shagged a dead ringer for the bird off that Supernanny programme. I had a quick glance at the bird my mate had had a go of and she wasn't that much better either. Quite typically, the bird who neither of us went for and who kipped on the floor was an absolute stunner.

 

With all of us awake, the two birds we'd been with start talking to each other in Welsh. I was a bit pissed off with this, given that it was pretty obvious that they were talking about me and my mate. For some reason, probably down to the fact that I was still a bit bevvied, I shouted out the only Welsh word I knew at the top of my voice:

 

"ARAF!"

 

Awkward silence.

 

"What?"

 

"Araf... you know, that word you have on your roads. Slow, is it?"

 

"Oh... errrrmmm... yeah."

 

Both then ignored us and carried on their critique of the previous night's proceedings in Welsh.

 

At this point, me and my mate made our excuses and left. Certainly not a night to remember. In the taxi on the way back to our hotel, my mate hit the nail on the head with his succinct analysis:

 

"Fucking typical of us to shag the ugly sisters and leave Cinderella on the floor."

[lifetime fan]

:D

 

Ace! Gotta love some international relations. Some foreign birds are mentalists though, some dutch bird kept following me around in Puerto Rico last year, she'd tap me on the shoulder and say "Also I like you very much also, but also my boyfriend he is being very jealous also." Then she'd point behind her and sure enough, there was some angry looking Dutch blert stood there.

Strange shit.

 

 

I once had a strange Polish bird who looked like a parrot stalk me whilst I was on Camp America, she kept asking me what my travel plans were after the camp finished, I said I was meeting my mate, my mate lets me down at the last minute and she followed me all round New York State until I deliberatley got on the wrong train somewhere to get rid of her.

 

Memories...

 

Which camp you work at mate?

[Harry Squatter]

 

Memories...

 

Which camp you work at mate?

 

Camp lakota in upstate new york, it was full of rich jewish kids from new york city. Luckily i worked in thd kitchens so never had to look after the twats. We were off camp in a small run down house, shared it with 2 british lads and 2 czechs. We got gassed virtually every night!

[lifetime fan]

 

Camp lakota in upstate new york, it was full of rich jewish kids from new york city. Luckily i worked in thd kitchens so never had to look after the twats. We were off camp in a small run down house, shared it with 2 british lads and 2 czechs. We got gassed virtually every night!

 

I did Camp C.A.R.E. in up state New York, it was on lake Stahahe (sp) iirc. Ours was a camp run by a foster care agency called St. Christopher's for ferral shits from the Bronx and Brooklyn. It was fucking hard work but what a time.

 

At one point I had to go and see the nurse as I thought I'd caught a dose, I had sores and all sorts all over me best mate.

She gives it the once over and whilst trying not to laugh said;

 

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you just need to lay off having sex for a few days".

 

Turns out it was just really bad friction burns from this Cuban bird I'd been banging.