One night stands

[WaltonRed]

:D

 

Ace! Gotta love some international relations. Some foreign birds are mentalists though, some dutch bird kept following me around in Puerto Rico last year, she'd tap me on the shoulder and say "Also I like you very much also, but also my boyfriend he is being very jealous also." Then she'd point behind her and sure enough, there was some angry looking Dutch blert stood there.

Strange shit.

 

 

I once had a strange Polish bird who looked like a parrot stalk me whilst I was on Camp America, she kept asking me what my travel plans were after the camp finished, I said I was meeting my mate, my mate lets me down at the last minute and she followed me all round New York State until I deliberatley got on the wrong train somewhere to get rid of her.

 

 

why do you have that blue nose as your avater?

[Harry Squatter]

 

 

why do you have that blue nose as your avater?

 

He can't be a blue nose - he's not from county road or prestatyn.

[Harry Squatter]

Anyway I've changed it now - just for you

[Elmyn Noos]

Long time ago before I was married me & a mate copped off with 2 girls from Widnes & ended up getting a cab back to one of their houses ( after a discussion about the gains involved versus the cab fare involved ). Once settled , my mate went upstairs with his girl & I got involved on the downstairs couch with mine.

 

About 2 hours later I was awoken from a doze ( after a massively impressive performance obviously ) by my mate looking a bit shaken & saying we needed to get off.

 

As we cleared off he let me know the problem. He said they laid down on the bed & everything had being going fine & then the girl had then stood up by the side of the bed & started a striptease. He sat back for the performance as the shoes came off , the blouse came off , the bra came off , the trousers came off , a bit of fumbling and then her right leg came off.

 

He hadn't a clue what to do & she hadn't mentioned having a prosthetic limb. She gets back on the bed as if it was the most usual thing in the world. He'd lost the urge but not wanting her to think he was a bastard , he did the dirty deed & then again before she had finally fallen asleep.

 

We got a cab & he sat almost catatonic in the back , his only utterance being

' I thought she was a shit dancer '.

 

To add insult to injury our pooled money only got us to town & we had to walk to Walton & Croxteth respectively.

 

That made me laugh out loud.

[Elmyn Noos]

You're wrong. Utterly wrong. There are hundreds of new members who have brought untold benefits to this forum, have been really funny, and have ended up becoming close friends of mine in a short space of time. It's just you. Just you. I'm not the only one who thinks this way, far from it.

 

And really, could you be any more obvious with your attempted internet dating there?

 

*coughs* ahem?

[Unrighteous]

One night I was in the bar at the Opus Hotel in Vancouver and I was having a few when this bird that I had a threesome with two weeks earlier was sat by the bar. I say hello and give her a smooch then excuse myself to get a drink.

 

Whilst I'm getting my usual bevvy, this fit asian bird gives me a big smile and I return the smile. I say a few hellos to my mates behind the bar and glance at the asian bird again, and this time she smiles and waves me over!

 

So, I head over there and shes standing right by the (first mentioned) bird. I take my coat off and tap the first bird on the shoulder and say, "Mind if I put my coat on your chair?" she was ok with it so I did and then she turned to me but I already turned and was chatting up the asian bird!

 

The asian bird goes to leave shortly afterwards so I walk her to the taxi, we snog and she gives me her number and says to call her and she'll pop by one tuesday to mine. So I am like... SOUND.

 

Anyway, I go back in the bar and say hello to the first bird again and she was like, "If you talk to her for ten minutes more, I think I'd take someone else home."

 

Being Captain fucking Obvious at this point... I give her proper attention and shag her senseless that evening.

 

(Interesting side script, she was seeing someone and at one point woke me up for another go and then enquired about what time it was... It was 8am, and she was all, "I AM IN SO MUCH TROUBLE" and makes like she is going to go but I drag her back to bed for a bit more rub and tickle and we fall back asleep. We have another go before she leaves at noon and is like, "I am SO in trouble"...

 

Yeah, she was living with her fiance... Classy)

[Harry Squatter]

My mate told me today about another bird he's shagged in work, he was still living at home with his mar and sharing a room with his brother, he brings her back to his about 3am and runs upstairs to tell his brother to "keep a low profile" while he is banging this bird in the bed next to him, she was too pissed and it was too dark for her to see his brother when they got down to business, she was also too pissed to hear his brother peeking out from the covers saying "Fuckin hell lar, her tits are massive"

[Harry Squatter]

My mate rang me last niight at 3am and asked me to go round to his house because he'd pulled some little dirt who wanted a threesome, as I live 15 miles away from him and I was in bed with my bird at the time I pretended he was a knob who'd rang the wrong number by accident. My bird woke up and asked me who i was on the phone to then fell back asleep. My mate texted me this afternoon saying me what "My fucking problem was" last night and that I'd missed out on a great shag.

[RedKnight]

Are you annoyed you missed out and would you have gone round if your missus hadn't been there? Crucial questions for your moral fibre.

[Harry Squatter]

Are you annoyed you missed out and would you have gone round if your missus hadn't been there? Crucial questions for your moral fibre.

 

 

I was annoyed that he rang me at 3 am and that my missus might have answered the phone thinking that I would have been prepared to go round even though I wouldn't, I would have spent 3 hours trying to convince her. Knowing my mates' very low standards I know I haven't missed out on anything.

[RedKnight]

I was annoyed that he rang me at 3 am and that my missus might have answered the phone thinking that I would have been prepared to go round even though I wouldn't, I would have spent 3 hours trying to convince her. Knowing my mates' very low standards I know I haven't missed out on anything.

 

Good work and recovery, dude. Tell your mate he's a dick and then go home and shag your missus.

 

Woof!

[Harry Squatter]

Good work and recovery, dude. Tell your mate he's a dick and then go home and shag your missus.

 

Woof!

 

He's obsessed with threesomes, the first night I went out with my missus he asked me to get her back to his for a threesome, I just laughed in his face and told him to stick to the local smackhead - and her daughter.

[Elite]

I am not a fan of one nights stands.

 

I have always kept in some form of contact with girls I have slept with.

[Sugar Ape]

Gotta love Doctor Troy threads.

 

Not really a one night stand, but...

 

I was in town a few years ago, was getting into this amazing bird, one of the best I've ever got into, she invited me back to hers and I went the bar to get us another bevy and bumped into someone I know, realised I'd been chatting to him for about 20 minutes, went back to find her and she'd gone.

 

I was gutted so told my mates I was getting off and went the chippy and got some gravy and chips then got a taxi back from town to Netherley. Just got in ours and my mate phones me and says he's pulled some bird and is back in her flat in Parr street in town, and her mate is there who said she'd been getting into his ' tall mate with the dark hair, but I lost him. '

 

He convinced me to get a taxi to her flat in Parr street at about 4 in the morning because she really wanted to see me, I get out the taxi ring the buzzer on the flat and my mate answers, walk into the living room and these two birds are sitting there who I've never seen in my life. One of them looks at me and goes ' it wasn't him, I'm going to bed in the spare room ' and fucks off.

 

I had to sleep on the couch in their living room listening to my mate banging this bird, then get the bus home the next morning about half 8. Realised I had gravy stains all down my white top as well when I was waiting for the bus.

[melons]

Meh, cheers for reminding me I've not lived. I'm 35 in December, I think i've a total of two one night stands.

 

One was average the other was utter, utter shite.

[manwiththestick]

I quite regulary stick it in the wife and then tip toe off to work the next day without saying a word. It reminds me of the good old days.

[Kevin D]

A couple of mates I know used to be well into going the grafton and pulling dirty slags. They also dared each other to nick "Memorabilia" from each place, one lad nicked a star trek chess set, DVD's a signed Rangers team photo and about 10 remote controls for TV's, DVD players and CD players. One lad tried to blag this slapper to join in with him and his mate but he got told to fuck off and wait downstairs. He waited for his mate to finish but went into the kitchen and wiped his knob on all the cutlery and got stuff out the fridge and walked round the living room with it down his keks and then put it back.

 

I've never walked into a thread started by you and left disappointed. That said, this, once again, raises serious questions about your social life.

[Kevin D]

Me and my mate were on holiday in Brazil and we went on a day trip to some tropical islands called Buzios. On the boat I spot some little fitty who I start to chat up - she was Mexican, looked like Salma Hayek and spoke perfect English as she lived in Canada, anyway her mate was a fucking minger who looked like the cleaner out of the Goonies. I managed to get the fit one to meet me that night in a club in Rio but was dead worried that her mate was going to fuck everything up. I told my mate that we were going out that night to meet 2 Mexican birds and his "bird" couldnt speak English. We both copped off but my bird turns out to be a staunch Catholic who didnt believe in sex before marriage whereas his let him bang the arse off her. He shook his head after we left their hotel and said "I know I'd shag a barbers floor most times but I feel fucking dirty after that, and it's all your fault you cunt for thinking you could shag Salma Hayek, don't ever do that to me again". All the fucking groundwork for nothing!.

 

She still e-mails him now with horrific photos of her obese frame in a swimsuit on speedboats in Cancun and Acapulco, he asked me to e-mail her once to say he'd been killed in a car crash.

 

Haha. Magnificent.

[Mathewbet1]

Golden rule of one night stands is get up up at 6 o clock in morning, wipe cock on curtains , then leave. (this obviously does not apply if you've taken her around your place or your parents)

[moof]

Meh, cheers for reminding me I've not lived. I'm 35 in December, I think i've a total of two one night stands.

 

One was average the other was utter, utter shite.

 

Fancy another average one?

[moof]

Fancy another average one?

 

I'm joking. I'd blow your fucking mind.

[melons]

I'm joking. I'd blow your fucking mind.

 

Tempting offer, though i'm sure if you were that good it wouldn't be a one night stand. Given i'm exceptionally good in the sack myself both of us know you'd be back for seconds and that sort of defeats the whole point of a one night stand. Sorry. x

[Paulie Dangerously]

Aw the gentle knock back. You're too kind Shezza

[Trumo]

Golden rule of one night stands is get up up at 6 o clock in morning, wipe cock on curtains , then leave. (this obviously does not apply if you've taken her around your place or your parents)

 

Obviously you wouldn't leave.

[melons]

Aw the gentle knock back. You're too kind Shezza

 

True though, the last time you had a boss intended one night stand, did it end at just one night or did you call her in the hopes of it being more then just one night. And i don't mean in affectionate terms, just animalistic mind blowing sex?

 

Last time i had an intended one night stand (intended to do it to get the man out of my system) it was still going on over a year later. I assume like a drug, knowing you're about to get an ace hit is too hard to resist. If it's going on like that you can hardly call it a one night stand, no?