How would you dispose of a dead body?

[Guest TK-421]

Phone an undertaker?

 

That's a really good suggestion, actually. The invoice could be paid from liquid assets in the estate of the deceased.

[Remmie]

Phone an undertaker?

Perhaps the 1st person not to assume they'd killed the victim themselves?

[She Knows It]

Id wait until the night before bonfire night.I would take the body in a wheelbarrow with some wood over it to a pre built bonfire(one of those big fuckers),Id put the body right in the middle in a bag and cover with more wood.

 

I would then kill a dog and stick it near to where the fire will be lit.Mid bonfire when someone spots the dead dog,some daft arse scal will throw the dog on for a laugh.

 

When they see bones the next day the thick bastards will think it was the dog.I then come along put water over the embers bag it and bin it,.cos Im doing my bit for the community

 

 

result !!!

 

I don't know your IQ Bri, and I'm sorry to have to break the news that spoils your cunning plan, but the majority of the population would be able to spot the difference between a human and a canine skeleton. The four legs might be the giveaway!

[Harry Squatter]

Bury it on Ainsdale Beach

[RJ Fan club]

Bury it on Ainsdale Beach

 

Fuck that, put it in the sinking sand, job done.

[jacco maccaco]

[zigackly]

This is an easy one. I would call Mr Wolf.

 

[Kevin D]

Teeth obviously would be the first thing to go. I'd then cut the body into several peices and proceed to burying them around the Uk. Places like the Isle of man and other quiet areas.

 

Either that or tell our favourite Chelsea midfielder that I've got dinner.

[Kevin D]

Did I mention I'd rape it first?

[TonyTNT]

A colleague of mine works for the mountain rescue, they had visit from the police who gave them a talk as they often find dead bodies in their line of work. The guy said that if your gonna go down the dumping the body in water route you need to wrap the body in chicken wire, not only does this weight the body down but because of the movement of the water it will rapidly rip small bits of flesh from the body and hence the little fishys will eat this, the skeleton will remain at the bottom of the seabed never to be discovered. This is obviously not going to fucking work if you dump it in your local swimming pool, but anyone with access to a boat is quids in.

[Tom R]

A colleague of mine works for the mountain rescue, they had visit from the police who gave them a talk as they often find dead bodies in their line of work. The guy said that if your gonna go down the dumping the body in water route you need to wrap the body in chicken wire, not only does this weight the body down but because of the movement of the water it will rapidly rip small bits of flesh from the body and hence the little fishys will eat this, the skeleton will remain at the bottom of the seabed never to be discovered. This is obviously not going to fucking work if you dump it in your local swimming pool, but anyone with access to a boat is quids in.

 

Why, I think we have a winner.

[Guest The Chimp]

Go up north - only applicable for Aussie mass murderers realistically though. There's miles upon miles of never before explored land. Hot weather to aid decomposition, and the beauty of thousands of crocs and a shit load of sharks to eat the remains. Basically, it's near impossible to fuck things up.

[RJ Fan club]

A colleague of mine works for the mountain rescue, they had visit from the police who gave them a talk as they often find dead bodies in their line of work. The guy said that if your gonna go down the dumping the body in water route you need to wrap the body in chicken wire, not only does this weight the body down but because of the movement of the water it will rapidly rip small bits of flesh from the body and hence the little fishys will eat this, the skeleton will remain at the bottom of the seabed never to be discovered. This is obviously not going to fucking work if you dump it in your local swimming pool, but anyone with access to a boat is quids in.

 

Bump.

 

This method still impresses me more than any other.

[Acid]

How to dispose of a body

 

http://ask.metafilter.com/7921/

 

First, be smart from the very beginning. Pulverize all teeth, burn off fingerprints, and disfigure the face. Forcing a DNA test to establish identity (if it ever comes to that) might introduce the legal/forensic hurdle that saves your ass down the line. An unidentifiable body can, in a pinch, be dressed in thrift store clothes and dropped in a bad part of town where the police are less likely to question it. I don’t reommend that disposal method, I’m just saying an easily identifiable body is an even bigger threat than the opposite.

 

Assuming you have it inside a house where you can work on it a bit, the first thing you want to do is drain it of fluids. This will make it easier to cut up, and slow decomposition a little bit. The best way to do this quick and dirty is to perforate the body with a pointed knife, and then perform CPR on it. Cut the fronts of the thighs deep, diagonally, to slit the femoral arteries. Then pump the chest. The valves in the heart will still work when dead, and the springback of the ribcage can put apply a fair amount of suction to the artria. Do this in a tub. Plug the drain, and mingle lots of bleach with the bodily fluids before unplugging the drain to empty the tub. This should help control the stench of death, which would otherwise reek from your gutter gratings. Do everything you can to control odors. Plug in an ionizer, burn candles, leave bowls of baking soda everywhere. Ventilate the room in the middle of the night, but otherwise keep it closed. Keep the body under a plastic sheet while it’s in the tub.

 

If you want to bury, I recommend seperating the body into several parts, and burying them seperately. For one thing, it’s easier to dig a deep enough hole for a head than for an entire body. this reduces your chances of being discovered while you are actually outside and digging the grave.

That is the one thing you can’t do inside the doors of your house, and represents a vulnerable moment you want to keep brief, under 2 hours. Do it between 3 and 5 am. It’s also less likely for someone to call the police if their dog digs up some chunk of meat, than if they dig up an enitre body. They may assume it’s an animal carcass disfigured by decomposition, and leave it alone or dispose of it. It’s also more likely that the dog will consume all of it before anyone knows the difference. A whole skeleton is another story. You can cut a body into 6 pieces faster than you think. It’s not much different than boning a chicken, but it takes more work, a big knife, and time. A hammer will be useful for pulverizing joints or driving the knife deep where it doesn’t want to go. Anyway it’s wise to crush as much of the skeleton as you can along the way. It will aid in making the body less identifiable for what it is as it decomposes.

 

Don’t return to the same site 6 times for 6 burials.You’ll attract suspicion from anyone nearby, and you’ll wind up placing the body parts close enough together to be found by any serious investigation. Put them in plastic bags with lots of bleach, and store in a freezer until you have enough time to bury them all.

 

Depending on what tools you have available, you may find that you’re get really good at deconstructing the body. You might prefer to slowly sprinkle it down a drain without leaving your house. This avoids the long-term risk of discovery associated with burial, and the overwhelming supply of bacteria in a sewer accellerates deconomposition, whil e providing a convenient cover smell.

 

Truly grinding down a body takes a lot more work, and you run the risk of fouling your plumbing and calling in a plumber. So don’t try it unless you know how to clear bones and meat out of a drainpipe. A good food processor can be useful. But don’t over-use it, or power drills or saws. They’re noisy and they attract attention. And forget the kitchen sink. It’s better if you actually remove one of the toilets in your house from its base, which will give you direct access to one of the largest sewer pipes that enters your house. Follow any disposals with lots of bleach and then run the water for 5 or 10 minutes on top of that. And plug that pipe when you’re not using it, to prevent any sewer gasses from backing up into your house. Usually, a U-trap inside the toilet does that for you.

[Acid]

How to dispose of a body

 

http://ask.metafilter.com/7921/

 

First, be smart from the very beginning. Pulverize all teeth, burn off fingerprints, and disfigure the face. Forcing a DNA test to establish identity (if it ever comes to that) might introduce the legal/forensic hurdle that saves your ass down the line. An unidentifiable body can, in a pinch, be dressed in thrift store clothes and dropped in a bad part of town where the police are less likely to question it. I don’t reommend that disposal method, I’m just saying an easily identifiable body is an even bigger threat than the opposite.

 

Assuming you have it inside a house where you can work on it a bit, the first thing you want to do is drain it of fluids. This will make it easier to cut up, and slow decomposition a little bit. The best way to do this quick and dirty is to perforate the body with a pointed knife, and then perform CPR on it. Cut the fronts of the thighs deep, diagonally, to slit the femoral arteries. Then pump the chest. The valves in the heart will still work when dead, and the springback of the ribcage can put apply a fair amount of suction to the artria. Do this in a tub. Plug the drain, and mingle lots of bleach with the bodily fluids before unplugging the drain to empty the tub. This should help control the stench of death, which would otherwise reek from your gutter gratings. Do everything you can to control odors. Plug in an ionizer, burn candles, leave bowls of baking soda everywhere. Ventilate the room in the middle of the night, but otherwise keep it closed. Keep the body under a plastic sheet while it’s in the tub.

 

If you want to bury, I recommend seperating the body into several parts, and burying them seperately. For one thing, it’s easier to dig a deep enough hole for a head than for an entire body. this reduces your chances of being discovered while you are actually outside and digging the grave.

That is the one thing you can’t do inside the doors of your house, and represents a vulnerable moment you want to keep brief, under 2 hours. Do it between 3 and 5 am. It’s also less likely for someone to call the police if their dog digs up some chunk of meat, than if they dig up an enitre body. They may assume it’s an animal carcass disfigured by decomposition, and leave it alone or dispose of it. It’s also more likely that the dog will consume all of it before anyone knows the difference. A whole skeleton is another story. You can cut a body into 6 pieces faster than you think. It’s not much different than boning a chicken, but it takes more work, a big knife, and time. A hammer will be useful for pulverizing joints or driving the knife deep where it doesn’t want to go. Anyway it’s wise to crush as much of the skeleton as you can along the way. It will aid in making the body less identifiable for what it is as it decomposes.

 

Don’t return to the same site 6 times for 6 burials.You’ll attract suspicion from anyone nearby, and you’ll wind up placing the body parts close enough together to be found by any serious investigation. Put them in plastic bags with lots of bleach, and store in a freezer until you have enough time to bury them all.

 

Depending on what tools you have available, you may find that you’re get really good at deconstructing the body. You might prefer to slowly sprinkle it down a drain without leaving your house. This avoids the long-term risk of discovery associated with burial, and the overwhelming supply of bacteria in a sewer accellerates deconomposition, whil e providing a convenient cover smell.

 

Truly grinding down a body takes a lot more work, and you run the risk of fouling your plumbing and calling in a plumber. So don’t try it unless you know how to clear bones and meat out of a drainpipe. A good food processor can be useful. But don’t over-use it, or power drills or saws. They’re noisy and they attract attention. And forget the kitchen sink. It’s better if you actually remove one of the toilets in your house from its base, which will give you direct access to one of the largest sewer pipes that enters your house. Follow any disposals with lots of bleach and then run the water for 5 or 10 minutes on top of that. And plug that pipe when you’re not using it, to prevent any sewer gasses from backing up into your house. Usually, a U-trap inside the toilet does that for you.

[Liverpool lad]

I was having a think about it and I reckon if I killed a burgular I would just chop him and bury him in the garden, and burnt the evidence over the course of a couple of years. Jobs a good'un

[RJ Fan club]

On 14/02/2008 at 21:11, RJ Fan club said:

We undertook an experiment in College on how to dispose of organic matter by concentrated sulphuric acid (H2SO4). We replicated the levels of water, carbon, sugars etc. at smaller but proportionate levels

 

We dissolved it in a glass beaker and a bath, cast iron one would defo hold it for the needed time. The most surprising thing was how the matter expanded and turned black and stank to high heaven. The mixture expanded upward in the beaker and popped over the rim, I can only describe it as thick bubbling black sausage.

 

So if you go the acid route sulphuric concentrate would be a good dissolver, but it would be a hell of a clear up job afterwards and you'd need a good ventilated area. Our tutor told us about an incident of how someone got caught because the acid never dissolved the gold teeth and the police found them in the u-bend. So remove any teeth.

Bump...

 

this is what I was on about

 

 

[Jennings]

Patio. :wink:

[TheHowieLama]

Throw it on the pile with the rest of them

[Bjornebye]

 

 

[Kevin D]

4 hours ago, RJ Fan club said:

Bump...

 

this is what I was on about

 

 

 

 

Thanks for bumping this thread, RJ.

 

With the ongoing crisis, I've been weighing up the possibility of running as an independent in the next election, but this is an excellent reminder that the 20,000 posts I've accumulated on this forum make that quite a difficult prospect.

[Kevin D]

Wait.

 

Hang on.

 

Hasn't Code got like 30,000+ posts on here, and isn't he banned from like 5 different Liverpool forums, and still got 60% of the vote?

[TheHowieLama]

3 minutes ago, Kevin D said:

Wait.

 

Hang on.

 

Hasn't Code got like 30,000+ posts on here, and isn't he banned from like 5 different Liverpool forums, and still got 60% of the vote?

30k??!! Maybe on one account.

 

We can get you over the line fella. What is your campaign slogan?

[Kevin D]

2 minutes ago, TheHowieLama said:

30k??!! Maybe on one account.

 

We can get you over the line fella. What is your campaign slogan?

 

My exploratory committee are workshoping a few, you know how politics is.

 

We're down to "Guillotines for some, miniature flags for others" and "We will save everyone who votes for us from Corona, and to hell with everyone else".

[Vector Sigma]

5 hours ago, RJ Fan club said:

Bump...

 

this is what I was on about

 

 

 

https://youtu.be/LD0k7cnj384