'To Sit or to Stand' - The Great British Debate

[thechap]

Some years ago on hols with chums in Malta, I was walking past the doorless khazi and saw my mate sat having a cack. A minute later when I walked past again he was wiping his arse - BUT STANDING UP TO DO IT! Having never seen this before I was disgusted that he did not remain seated to polish his exhaust but he remained adamant that he was in the right to stand and perform this necesssary function.

 

On speaking many moons later to colleagues and friends I was amazed to find that around 70% of blokes stand to clean their bums.

 

I therefore think it fitting to conduct a survey to find out the truth. Please state your prefered method of botty cleaning and why you think that the way you do it is right.

 

For myself, I think that SURELY upon standing any brown gold that has clung on will become spread twixt ones' buns and make what leading physicians call 'a dirty shitty arse'? For this reason alone I remain seated to wipe.

 

Discuss.

[The-Sir]

not public? :whistle: i sit, btw

[Guest TK-421]

Its like REM said: stand.

[Sangria]

I am in no mans land, sort half sit - half stand. Sort of squat gets the arse cleaned better.

[Alan Sex]

lift cheek to separate and wipe while sitting. Unless you have a nice clean "floop" straight through the ring with no residuals on the hoop, standing is not an option unless you want the residuals squished and smeared.

[Sangria]

lift cheek to separate and wipe while sitting. Unless you have a nice clean "floop" straight through the ring with no residuals on the hoop, standing is not an option unless you want the residuals squished and smeared.

 

A nice clean "floop" straight through the ring is quite pleasing although very much a rarity. Infact since I have moved to Spain have become a thing of the past - like a childhood memory.

[Stouffer]

Thought only birds sat?

[Stu Monty]

People who stand are deviants. The term you were looking for is the "Shitty butterfly effect" as in when you put paint on paper and fold it to get that mesy paint butterfly.

 

You just lean to one side, it gives much better access.

[Paul Don]

Men who sit and wee are the true deviants.

 

I only do this when exceedingly legless and when standing would result in more of the piss on the floor than in the bowl.

Regarding the original question, I lean to one side, have a good wipe and if all is well (ie. no need for further wipage) then happy days. If stronger force is required then standing is an option.

[Stouffer]

If stronger force is required then standing is an option.

 

Better leverage!

[Stu Monty]

Better leverage!

 

Can I ask how it is easier to move your arm stood up than sat down?

[Guest TK-421]

Can I ask how it is easier to move your arm stood up than sat down?

 

There's more room to perform the wiping movement when stood up as the toilet bowl obtructs one in the sitty down position.

[Stu Monty]

There's more room to perform the wiping movement when stood up as the toilet bowl obtructs one in the sitty down position.

 

Then you lean a little bit. It's not that complicated really and stops the "Shitty butterfly effect".

[Guest TK-421]

Then you lean a little bit. It's not that complicated really and stops the "Shitty butterfly effect".

 

I'm not having that.

 

Real men stand up.

[Section_31]

I half sit half stand, as we all do if we're not ashamed to admit such unauthodox positioning. If you stand up completely your arse closes automatically and you can miss some, sitting down and you can't get your arm in the correct position. There's gotta be a degree module in here somewhere.

[Alan Sex]

 

Rorschack arse.

[thechap]

lift cheek to separate and wipe while sitting. Unless you have a nice clean "floop" straight through the ring with no residuals on the hoop, standing is not an option unless you want the residuals squished and smeared.

 

I think this has to be the near-perfect method. It ensures no squelching - 'Shitty Butterfly Effect', if you will - and the arm reaches around the rear with ease. Strangely, adamant 'standers' are impossible to convince that the arm does in fact successfully reach the arse in this way. Even if you demonstrate the action whilst sat on a chair.

 

Even stranger and perhaps disturbing, I have had the odd bird also confess to standing to wipe their arses. Now, if out on the pull, I ask "Do you stand to wipe your arse?" before I get to "Do you come here often, Bitch?" ( This may explain why only my Avatar has so far fallen for me)

[CharleyKnight]

I half squat to get my hand there. Give it a few wipes. Fold over twice wipe again. Get another piece of bog roll and pick any winnits out with it. Have a piss then I'm ready to face the day.

[Stu Monty]

I half squat to get my hand there. Give it a few wipes. Fold over twice wipe again. Get another piece of bog roll and pick any winnits out with it. Have a piss then I'm ready to face the day.

 

You wipe then piss...Mentalist!!!

[kop]

I didn't even know some were standing up. Shocking.

[thechap]

not public? :whistle: i sit, btw

 

Yes, I've just realised I fucked up. Sorry. Damn - I wanted the standers to be publicly shamed. :wallbutt:

[Guest TK-421]

Yes, I've just realised I fucked up. Sorry. Damn - I wanted the standers to be publicly shamed. :wallbutt:

 

I stand and I'm proud of it.

[Guest TK-421]

In fact I'm going for a dump now and then I'm gonna stand up and wipe away.

[Stouffer]

I'm on a kind of hover all the way through today as I've got a dodgy belly! I'm sure the missus is trying to poison me. Maybe I should have shaved that sarnie before eating it!

[kop]

For the standers; How does that work? Do you stand up completly, or do you have a slightly bend back, or maybe very bend? Hoping for the last of cource.