The Garth Crooks Wisdom Thread

[Carvalho Diablo]

Convinced that if I accidentally tripped and fell on Crooks then he would make a little squeaking sound.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

There's an informative feature in the latest Viz - "Who is the best Garth: Brooks or Crooks?"

[3 Stacks]

" Liverpool's season is over which makes me curious about Jurgen Klopp's remarks about his players needing to 'wake up'. I don't know if Klopp is in charge of transfers but he is certainly responsible for selecting the team.

 

He has continually refused to fix an inadequate defence [if he had done, the title was there for the taking] and had no appreciation of how seriously teams in this country take the FA Cup. And he has the audacity to tell his players to wake up."

 

[VladimirIlyich]

" Liverpool's season is over which makes me curious about Jurgen Klopp's remarks about his players needing to 'wake up'. I don't know if Klopp is in charge of transfers but he is certainly responsible for selecting the team.

 

He has continually refused to fix an inadequate defence [if he had done, the title was there for the taking] and had no appreciation of how seriously teams in this country take the FA Cup. And he has the audacity to tell his players to wake up."

 

Yeah,teams really do take it seriously,like not entering the competition at all despite being champions and allowing the final to be switched to 5.30pm on a Saturday and letting the Premier League season's end fixtures become the football season's showpiece ending.

[Carvalho Diablo]

I'd love to see Durango sit on Crooks, the insane fat cunt.

[3 Stacks]

On Eric Bailly:

Those of you who partake in social media (I don't) might know that I was on a train from Manchester to London and spent longer than normal (because of a delay) talking to a number of Manchester United fans. They seemed reasonably satisfied with the win against a very dangerous Watford and after a little more probing they suggested that Eric Bailly might be a candidate for my team of the week.

 

Taken aback by this level of impertinence and their intrusion into my team of the week, I thought I would make further inquiries about Bailly's performance to see if they had a case! I must say I don't normally take fans' comments seriously, but in this instance they were spot on. It's always a pleasure taking to genuine football fans who actually know their stuff.

 

On Juan Mata:

You think at this point it's only a matter of time before Mourinho moves Mata on once more. Not only does Mourinho mess the Spaniard about with tactical substitutions that only he understands, and at moments in the game that seem insignificant, Mata always seems to rise above it which often shows Mourhino to be a bit of a brute.

 

On Ryan Bertrand:

Bertrand has come a long way since his days at Chelsea dreaming of being the next Ashley Cole. By leaving Stamford Bridge for Southampton, the England international has done something far more rewarding than that. He's actually found himself which is far more worthwhile than trying to be someone else.

 

On Manolo Gabbiadini:

His second goal was sensational and reminiscent of his Italian countryman Filippo Inzaghi at his best. There is so much about Gabbiadini's game that reminds me of Inzaghi - not least his finishing.

[magicrat]

I love the delusion of the man . As if the Garth Crooks team of the week has the tiniest relevance to anyone interested or involved in the game. I'm sure he thinks it's a massive honour  for the players and there are legions of fans eagerly awaiting word of his weekly selections, An enormous mental buffoon,

[KMD7]

On Ryan Bertrand:

Bertrand has come a long way since his days at Chelsea dreaming of being the next Ashley Cole. By leaving Stamford Bridge for Southampton, the England international has done something far more rewarding than that. He's actually found himself which is far more worthwhile than trying to be someone else.

 

 

Crying with laughter here. That's just incredible

[KMD7]

Actually, the Mata Mourinho piece is even better.

[Skrtel Milk]

On Eric Bailly:

Those of you who partake in social media (I don't) might know that I was on a train from Manchester to London and spent longer than normal (because of a delay) talking to a number of Manchester United fans. They seemed reasonably satisfied with the win against a very dangerous Watford and after a little more probing they suggested that Eric Bailly might be a candidate for my team of the week.

 

 

[Iceman]

Crooks has got the right name. The rotund buffoon has been stealing a living for years. 

[magicrat]

Crooks has got the right name. The rotund buffoon has been stealing a living for years. 

 

I actually think he's one of the few not stealing a wage, He entertains which is more can be said for 90 % of the other agenda driven cock dribblers than infect the airwaves with their pointless offerings on the beautiful game, 

[KevieG]

I have to disagree lads, everyone looks forward to his Team of the week, the big mentalist.

 

Swansea left back at right mid this week. The man is a genius.

[magicrat]

I have to disagree lads, everyone looks forward to his Team of the week, the big mentalist.

 

Swansea left back at right mid this week. The man is a genius.

OK for comedic reasons . I should have made that proviso .

He provides a service to the viewing public unlike the rest of the tossers I think is the executive summary. Lawrenson can only dream of being Garth Crooks

[Trumo]

I'd love to see Durango sit on Crooks, the insane fat cunt.

 

Harsh on Durango that. Mind you, it was even harsher on that chair. You normally have to go to the Amazon rainforest to see timber collapse like that.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

He's a fucking clown, another one of these dictionary swallowing footballers who like to think they're great intellects. You get more sense from Robbie Savage, which us pretty damning.

[magicrat]

He's a fucking clown, another one of these dictionary swallowing footballers who like to think they're great intellects. You get more sense from Robbie Savage, which us pretty damning.

Just chill and enjoy the buffoonery. Savage is a just a gobshite , Crooks is entertainment 

 

We are drowning in football pundits and commentators , Quite how BT shoehorn the legions of whoppers they employ into the box is a mystery, You can probably count on the fingers of one hand the number of journos and broadcasters that over the years have enhanced the experience of watching or listening.

 

In the words of Bob Dylan " you don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows"

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Just chill and enjoy the buffoonery. Savage is a just a gobshite , Crooks is entertainment 

 

We are drowning in football pundits and commentators , Quite how BT shoehorn the legions of whoppers they employ into the box is a mystery, You can probably count on the fingers of one hand the number of journos and broadcasters that over the years have enhanced the experience of watching or listening.

 

In the words of Bob Dylan " you don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows"

And in the words of Richie Benaud " sometimes it's better to say nothing than waffle shite in your commentary " or something like that.

[magicrat]

And in the words of Richie Benaud " sometimes it's better to say nothing than waffle shite in your commentary " or something like that.

 

Richie Benaud said it was OK to waffle shite if no-one took it seriously and was funny

You can ask him if you like ..... or maybe not !!

[ZonkoVille77]

He's immune to the effects of magic mushrooms.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Richie Benaud said it was OK to waffle shite if no-one took it seriously and was funny

You can ask him if you like ..... or maybe not !!

Benaud was the best commentator ever. Crooks is Alan Partridge's black cousin.

[magicrat]

Benaud was the best commentator ever. Crooks is Alan Partridge's black cousin.

 

These two statements are not mutually exclusive and I agree with both.

 

Can i just add that I am massive fan of Alan Partidge

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

These two statements are not mutually exclusive and I agree with both.

 

Can i just add that I am massive fan of Alan Partidge

Me too mate. I picture Crooks with a dictaphone recording all his musings and ideas formulating in his head. " Message to self, find a way to include 3 keepers in this weeks team of the week "

[Trumo]

There's an informative feature in the latest Viz - "Who is the best Garth: Brooks or Crooks?"

 

Algar.

[magicrat]

Me too mate. I picture Crooks with a dictaphone recording all his musings and ideas formulating in his head. " Message to self, find a way to include 3 keepers in this weeks team of the week "

 

Yep,  Also have him out to lunch with the production team of Final Score coming up with bonkers ideas to get himself a contract extension, "Great idea for my team of the week guys,

I'm going to pick 11 players that wear glasses or contact lenses"