The drunk thread.

[General Dryness]

Sorted, missus sky plussed it.

[Elite]

Jeremy Kyle is must watch TV. Serious, I love it.

[General Dryness]

I went through a phase of it, went off it after a bit though. Still have a look on YouTube now and again like.

[Total Longo]

Jeremy Kyle is must watch TV. Serious, I love it.

 

The only plus point to watching Jeremy Kyle is that it re-inforces 1) how handsome I am and 2) how gloriously uncomplicated my life is (for the most part).

 

I think most will agree with this, unless you look like Sloth out of The Goonies.  

[Elite]

The only plus point to watching Jeremy Kyle is that it re-inforces 1) how handsome I am and 2) how gloriously uncomplicated my life is (for the most part). 3) I want to hold hands with big Steve.

 

I think most will agree with this, unless you look like Sloth out of The Goonies.

Fair points.

[Captain Turdseye]

If I'm in and there's (relatively) normal people on there I won't bother watching it. If they're shouty weirdos that I think could end up punching each other, I'll sit down with a brew.

[Elite]

I went through a phase of it, went off it after a bit though. Still have a look on YouTube now and again like.

I find it highly entertaining and like to see if I can guess whether they are lying cunts or not.

[Total Longo]

Ive just googled Big Steve. I should have put safe search back on first. 

[Total Longo]

 

I rest my case.

[Elite]

Ive just googled Big Steve. I should have put safe search back on first.

Haha

[Captain Turdseye]

 

I rest my case.

Don't forget Mad Dog Deon with the skull face tattoo.

 

 

I was friends with him on Facebook for a while. You'll be surprised to hear that he comes across as a bit of tit on there.

[Total Longo]

 

Gummy Joe and "chomper" there.

[Rico1304]

To anyone staying in room 429 at the Leeds Novotel I apologise for the piss stain on the carpet. I got stuck in the curtains and couldn't escape.

[Mook]

My missus is saying I got in at half 5 this morning but the last reported sighting of me was at 2am, I have absolutely no idea where I was until that time.

 

I can't wait 'til the bairn goes to bed so I can have a couple of cans, this is chronic.

[Atticus Finch]

My missus is saying I got in at half 5 this morning but the last reported sighting of me was at 2am, I have absolutely no idea where I was until that time.

 

I can't wait 'til the bairn goes to bed so I can have a couple of cans, this is chronic.

[Atticus Finch]

8Ace

[SammyAftershave]

Whilst under the influence in my youth I was once arrested for attempted theft of a light aircraft and possession of two suspected stolen fireman's helmets at Blackpool airport. It's a long story. I may well have told it before, I'm afraid I was very, very drunk at the time.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Whilst under the influence in my youth I was once arrested for attempted theft of a light aircraft and possession of two suspected stolen fireman's helmets at Blackpool airport. It's a long story. I may well have told it before, I'm afraid I was very, very drunk at the time.

 

A very good friend and myself were arrested by the German cops one dark evening. We were walking back from town to our barracks (about a 3km walk) and couldn't be arsed walking. We first noticed these crossed flags (German and Portuguese, probably due to a mixed wedding) above a house door, so stole them. We then came across a field with two horses in it. We thought it would be great if we could mount said two horses and ride back to the barracks with the flags draped over our shoulders. I needed a piss first but unfortunately the fence was electrified, even though I was pissed out of my head it wasn't pleasant. My mate egged me on to help him trap these two horses who proceeded to kick the fuck out of us. The Police turned up and in all honesty probably saved us from getting trampled to death. We were emptied out of a German police van before the camp gates covered in mud, blood and bruises. We were both reduced in rank, fined 500 quid (this was 1986, shit loads of money then) and had to help this cunt of a farmer for two weeks, anglo German relationship bollocks, I did get to fuck his daughter though. 

[SammyAftershave]

Haha. Wunderbar!

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Haha. Wunderbar!

 

His daughter had a fit body but a minging face, it was indeed an angry fuck more than anything else. The cunt thought he was an SS officer whilst getting us to muck out the stables. 

[SammyAftershave]

Sounds like you had a bit of a mare there mate.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Sounds like you had a bit of a mare there mate.

 

It would have been worse if she were indeed a Stallion..............

[cloggypop]

My missus is saying I got in at half 5 this morning but the last reported sighting of me was at 2am, I have absolutely no idea where I was until that time.

 

I can't wait 'til the bairn goes to bed so I can have a couple of cans, this is chronic.

This footage from Edinburgh taken around half two Friday night may help fill in the gaps.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2XeVs4wqdE

[easytoslip]

I wish mate. On the piss again last night until 5am, two days on the lash and I've been dying all day, getting too old for this drinking lark.

Exactly but i try my best though i seem to end up like a subetteo player after 8.

[lifetime fan]

https://www.facebook.com/Justhumourofficial/videos/1521206918002199/