Footy People in 'real' Jobs?

[Section_31]

If you could force someone from the world of football to take a real job, who and what would it be and why?

 

I'd make Andy Townsend an ambassador to the United Nations, I always remember his comment to Ruud Gullit about the fact the Spanish team struggle in tournaments due to their regional bias, "You know you're saying the Catalans don't like them and the Basque's don't like the others and all the rest of it, well I'm sorry Ruud but that's just stupid! They need to just get on with it!"

 

"Itsh a bid more comlicaded than that Erndy."

 

haha, he'd go down a storm on the middle east would Andy.

 

Failing that I'd like to see Crouch as a jockey, just for comedy value.

[Redwooly]

I would send Garth Crooks to Iraq as he would attempt to patronise the Iraqi's into surrender and thus recieve a bullet through his chops!

[Plewggs]

Joey Barton………………..chairman of Question Time.

[sh#t waffle]

I'd reform the Black Panthers and make Ron Atkinson their spokesperson. And Alan Stubbs can become the new head of the European Union.

[Section_31]

I would send Garth Crooks to Iraq as he would attempt to patronise the Iraqi's into surrender and thus recieve a bullet through his chops!

 

Superb.

 

Garth Crooks as a war correspondant make me think of that black guy 'Theo' from Die Hard.

 

"What have we here gentlemen? And the police have got themselves an RV!"

[Monkeywool]

Mark Lawrenson - ambassador to Germany.

Kevin Keegan - Stress counsellor.

Glen Hoddle - Head of Mencap.

Arsene Wenger - CEO of specsavers

Alex Ferguson - Unemployable, not a redeeming feature about an alcoholic Scottish bully is there?

[ZC]

David Pleat does actually moonlight as a translator for pretty much every language. Universities also use recorded examples of his fine pronunciations, particularly of African and Middle Eastern names, as the perfect model for students to aspire to.

His numerous variations of the pronunciation of Sissoko for example (even within the same sentence) are particularly helpful in encouraging downsy students to at least pipe up and have a go. The most important thing being they at least get the vague sound of the word/name correct.

Also, before delighting the masses by signing up to the BNP, Ron Atkinson’s flourishing career as a surreal comedian reached it’s peak in 2003 when he declared that Liverpool would win the league by using Kewell’s far post heading ability which would be frequently picked out by Heskey’s pinpoint crossing.

[Plewggs]

David Pleat does actually moonlight as a translator for pretty much every language. Universities also use recorded examples of his fine pronunciations, particularly of African and Middle Eastern names, as the perfect model for students to aspire to.

His numerous variations of the pronunciation of Sissoko for example (even within the same sentence) are particularly helpful in encouraging downsy students to at least pipe up and have a go. The most important thing being they at least get the vague sound of the word/name correct.

Also, before delighting the masses by signing up to the BNP, Ron Atkinson’s flourishing career as a surreal comedian reached it’s peak in 2003 when he declared that Liverpool would win the league by using Kewell’s far post heading ability which would be frequently picked out by Heskey’s pinpoint crossing.

 

BFR is next in line to manage Newcastle.

He's already re-designed the kit.

 

 

 

 

[Rashid]

I want that cunt Christian Ziege mopping the streets outside Anfield.

[AL66GOLF]

Wayne Rooney - Male nurse in a female geriatric ward

[Stu Monty]

I'd make Diouf work at the lowest possible level at Tesco. Just long enough to kill his soul; about a decade would do.

 

I'd make Micheal Brown a physio helping people with horrific injuries to walk again.

 

I'd have Sam Allardyce driving the bus route through Wythenshawe and Moss Side; well into his sixties.

 

Javier Zanetti would be head of the UN. Oh yeah; hear the Zapatismo rising, brothers.

[JohnnyH]

I'd make Neil Webb a postman. hang on, I'm not getting the hang of this.

[Harry Squatter]

Joey Barton - Anger Management counsellor

 

Ronaldo - Salon manager at Herbert's

 

George Best - Tour manager for Bell's distillery

 

Quaresma - replacement for Micheal Flatley

[Hooch]

Superb thread this Section, Crouch as jockey would be funny as fuck.

 

How about Rafa as a psychiatrist and Jimmy Bullard as a news reporter

[Harry Squatter]

Rick Parry - Hostage negotiator

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Theo Walcott as a bouncer.

 

Didier Drogba as a tightrope walker.

 

Dani Pacheco as a guest on "Grumpy Old Men"

[Harry Squatter]

Peter Beardsley - Male model

 

Francis Jeffers - replacement FA Cup

 

Andrei Voronin - stylist

 

Benayoun - Muscles & Fitness cover model

[Harry Squatter]

Rafael Benitez - politician, brilliant at avoiding questions

[Section_31]

Wayne Rooney, University Challenge team captain.

 

"How many electrons are contained within a Hydrogen atom?"

 

Bzzzzzzz

 

"Burnley College, Rooney"

 

"Erm."

 

"No I'm afraid you lose five points."

 

"What is the capital of the United States?"

 

"Burnley College, Rooney."

 

"Erm"

 

"No, I'm sorry you lose another five points."

 

I could watch that shit for hours me.

[Chuck Fadanoid]

Tim Cahill - horse shit collector

[cochyn]

Cronaldo - Front line at Moss Side dole office. Everytime.