Meeting new people - some serious shit please...

[Tom R]

Getting fixated on all that is wrong in a relationship does bad things to the nicest of people.

 

'Obey all of her rules' could just as easily be inverted as, do you think she wants to be living with a doormat.

I may be a pain in the arse to some on here but I'm the only female voice the GF has at the moment, so on this subject, think on.....

 

Let me tell you a few things about women. Firstly, I probably know women better than you do - for a start, how many women have you bummed?

Just as I thought.... 

 

Men, on the whole, know women far better than they know themselves. You know why? Cos women don't really know a fucking thing about anything, least of all themselves. You're all indecisive, insecure yet bizarrely incredibly vain fucking weirdos. 

You lot don't even know what you want for fucking dinner, least of all what you want from a relationship in 5 years time - go on, tell ne with absolute certainty right now what you definitely want to eat later (I know you'll have a terrible argument with yourself before telling me you posted the first thing you definitley wanted).

You can't do that because you're a woman and it's impossible to decide what you want in a timely and un-annoying fashion. 

 

You don't know where you want to go out at the weekend, you don't know what to watch on telly or at the flicks and in 99 cases out of 100 you don't even know what fucking clothes to wear for fucks sake. 

 

Basically, women don't really know anything. You just flit from one disingenuous half-arsed decision to the next whilst telling yourselves that you're decisive and assertive and in control of your own lives.

You're not. 

 

Sorry to break this to you, sister, but it's us blokes who pretty much decide everything and anything that you do on a daily basis. The smart ones, like me, then make you think it was your decision all along. 

 

It's just management. x

[Champ]

You can do that by making her a card.

 

I'm not advocating letting the daughter draw a picture on the front of it, but a hand made card, with a few meaningful, special words inside will mean more to her than a shop bought one.

 

We'll agree to disagree, then

[Champ]

Let me tell you a few things about women. Firstly, I probably know women better than you do - for a start, how many women have you bummed?

Just as I thought.... 

 

Men, on the whole, know women far better than they know themselves. You know why? Cos women don't really know a fucking thing about anything, least of all themselves. You're all indecisive, insecure yet bizarrely incredibly vain fucking weirdos. 

You lot don't even know what you want for fucking dinner, least of all what you want from a relationship in 5 years time - go on, tell ne with absolute certainty right now what you definitely want to eat later (I know you'll have a terrible argument with yourself before telling me you posted the first thing you definitley wanted).

You can't do that because you're a woman and it's impossible to decide what you want in a timely and un-annoying fashion. 

 

You don't know where you want to go out at the weekend, you don't know what to watch on telly or at the flicks and in 99 cases out of 100 you don't even know what fucking clothes to wear for fucks sake. 

 

Basically, women don't really know anything. You just flit from one disingenuous half-arsed decision to the next whilst telling yourselves that you're decisive and assertive and in control of your own lives.

You're not. 

 

Sorry to break this to you, sister, but it's us blokes who pretty much decide everything and anything that you do on a daily basis. The smart ones, like me, then make you think it was your decision all along. 

 

It's just management. x

 

I wonder what you see in us at all...

 

I dont get your arsey schtick but if you'd read what I'd said you'd see that, in kinder words, we kind of agree with each other

[rubble-rouser]

This sounds like very similar to where I was between my eldest being abut 1 and my youngest being about 3. There are no easy answers, it is a real slog and my biggest earnings opportunities came at a time when the kids were tiny. It was great for me tbh because I could throw myself into work and avoid some (not all) of the tedious baby stuff like tantrums, teething etc.

 

All I can say is that you are at a massive advantage because you clearly both want to stay together. Work can seem like a sanctuary and a necessity at times, but I'm slowly learning that it is not the be all and end all. I have a mate in an almost identical position to you now.

 

The other thing is that it does get easier as the kids get older so you become more of a family unit.

 

Stuff like date nights and flowers are good ideas, although be careful of being seen just to throw money at it - something I did for a while to try to get the spark back, then ;leading to more resentment on my part when the Missus seemed to be acting ungrateful because she didn't particularly want to be in a Michelin starred place when she'd hardly had any sleep and felt like shit. Like I say, no easy answers, but just try to spend some chilled time together preferably in the UK - just a non-glamorous long weekend in the Dales with the kid is a start.

 

Respect to you for trying to sort it and tacking it head on.

[Bob]

In answer to a question or two that's been asked;

 

She works 4 days per week. She's told me when talking about it this week that's she's happier at work and looks forward to seeing her colleagues more than me at the moment. She has more fun with them.

 

Also, one of her colleagues has just left his wife and two kids as it wasn't working, he wasn't happy and decided to do something about it. That hasn't helped.

 

On how she looks; she's never looked hotter. She's lost more than just the baby weight, but also the weight gained from us getting into the rut of married life and taking each other for granted. She looks amazing and fits easily into her wedding dress (married 5 years ago) which was a goal of hers.

 

I'm overweight still, significantly, which doesn't help.

 

She doesn't think I appreciate the way she looks, and I know I don't make enough effort to show her that appreciation. I now feel difficult and it's the birthday present dilemma again, will she believe me, or think I'm saying it/showing it because it's come to this.

 

This thread has been fucking great for me and I love you all.

 

Things I'm going to do;

 

1. I'm changing my prioritisation of work over family

2. I'm gonna make an effort to be a husband separate to a father

3. I'm gonna get more in my life than work and football - be a more rounded and interesting person

4. I'm going to show her how much i fancy her and how important she is to me

5. I'm going to simply try to be more positive about things. I'm a cynical negative bastard too much of the time and it drags people down.

 

I'll add to this in time, but for now its a start.

 

Edit:

 

6. I'm going to lose weight.

[rubble-rouser]

I was also well overweight - lost about 3 stone by cutting out snacks, running and replacing beer with wine - made me fell loads happier and made me realise what can be achieved, so look after yourself too.

[JagSquared]

I've not read all the thread but one thing that will get you out and about with the missus is coming up with 12 new things to do and then aim do one each month.

 

Me and other half make these our New Years resolutions it can be anything like going to the zoo, weekend away, going to a Michelin star place, even a holiday counts. You split the choices evenly and depending on the age of your kid get them involved too. The planning element is fun and just having something booked in gives you something to look forward to. you just have to take into account what she hates so you can avoid it.

 

As others have said there are plenty of country houses, parks and walks out there it's something you can do as a family and easy.

 

To make friends again the others have it on te nose clubs, charities and societies are good. Yoga, gym, fucking fencing whatever floats your boat.

 

 

[JagSquared]

I've not read all the thread but one thing that will get you out and about with the missus is coming up with 12 new things to do and then aim do one each month.

 

Me and other half make these our New Years resolutions it can be anything like going to the zoo, weekend away, going to a Michelin star place, even a holiday counts. You split the choices evenly and depending on the age of your kid get them involved too. The planning element is fun and just having something booked in gives you something to look forward to. you just have to take into account what she hates so you can avoid it.

 

As others have said there are plenty of country houses, parks and walks out there it's something you can do as a family and easy.

 

To make friends again the others have it on te nose clubs, charities and societies are good. Yoga, gym, fucking fencing whatever floats your boat.

 

 

[Captain Turdseye]

Bob, if you say f******l one more time, I'm rounding up a neg posse.

[Tom R]

Let me tell you a few things about women. Firstly, I probably know women better than you do - for a start, how many women have you bummed?

Just as I thought.... 

 

Men, on the whole, know women far better than they know themselves. You know why? Cos women don't really know a fucking thing about anything, least of all themselves. You're all indecisive, insecure yet bizarrely incredibly vain fucking weirdos. 

You lot don't even know what you want for fucking dinner, least of all what you want from a relationship in 5 years time - go on, tell ne with absolute certainty right now what you definitely want to eat later (I know you'll have a terrible argument with yourself before telling me you posted the first thing you definitley wanted).

You can't do that because you're a woman and it's impossible to decide what you want in a timely and un-annoying fashion. 

 

You don't know where you want to go out at the weekend, you don't know what to watch on telly or at the flicks and in 99 cases out of 100 you don't even know what fucking clothes to wear for fucks sake. 

 

Basically, women don't really know anything. You just flit from one disingenuous half-arsed decision to the next whilst telling yourselves that you're decisive and assertive and in control of your own lives.

You're not. 

 

Sorry to break this to you, sister, but it's us blokes who pretty much decide everything and anything that you do on a daily basis. The smart ones, like me, then make you think it was your decision all along. 

 

It's just management. x

 

Example A:

 

You’re at a restaurant with the Mrs. She’s being as indecisive and annoying as ever with her menu choice. “oooh, chicken salad or the risotto? Chicken salad or risotto? Hmm” etc. On and on it goes for up to 20 minutes.

You have, of course, settled on the Steak within 30 seconds. You’re hungry and you’re getting tetchy. You’re on the verge of losing your rag.

The not-smart man(ager) says something like, “oh for God’s sake, will you just decide, I’m starving here”.

She will feel patronised and (quite rightly) a bit stupid that she can’t even pick some fucking food off a menu properly like a real person (a man)

She then gets annoyed (with you, but mostly with herself if we’re being honest – it just manifests with her take it out on you), so you have a small argument. You don’t get to bum her that night as it’s leaves a slightly sour taste at the very start of what could have otherwise been a very pleasant evening.

You will forget it almost instantly, of course, but remember she will hold on to this moment like she would hold on to Herpes; FOREVER.

 

The smart man(ager), however, says something like: “Ooh, risotto eh? Remember when you had that really nice Risotto when we were at [insert a nice memory or lcoation here]…” and then say nothing, turning back to your menu, smiling nicely. Allow the pause to sink in. The power of the pause is a special tool indeed with these simple creatures.

10 seconds later she will say, “yes, I think I will have the risotto” and slam her menu shut with a calm authority and pride. In her mind she will now be telling herself what a strong, decisive, independent woman she is and what a calm and patient, loving partner she has across the table from her, when the reality of course is that she is an easily led, gullable, indecisive, borderline simpleton who you will be bumming senseless within 2 hours from now and you are just a very good manager. 

[Champ]

She looks hot and you do not? Well, that's not very fair, is it? And thats how much you care about her? She's not going to find it easy fancying you if you're not in such great shape and more importantly are feeling that too. No more anti aphrodisiac than someone who's feeling sorry for themselves

[Tom R]

I wonder what you see in us at all...

 

I dont get your arsey schtick but if you'd read what I'd said you'd see that, in kinder words, we kind of agree with each other

 

Classic case of being female here! 

 

Going on the defensive and lacking a sense of humour. x

[Tom R]

She looks hot and you do not? Well, that's not very fair, is it? And thats how much you care about her? She's not going to find it easy fancying you if you're not in such great shape and more importantly are feeling that too. No more anti aphrodisiac than someone who's feeling sorry for themselves

 

This is bang on. 

 

Even very fat, very ugly men can be sexy. But a very fat, very ugly miserable man? NEVER

[VladimirIlyich]

Tom R is ruling this thread.

Fist pump bro. (Not in the gay way of course.)

[Bob]

She looks hot and you do not? Well, that's not very fair, is it? And thats how much you care about her? She's not going to find it easy fancying you if you're not in such great shape and more importantly are feeling that too. No more anti aphrodisiac than someone who's feeling sorry for themselves

Got a million excuses for why I'm not, but that's all they are. Its on my list.

[markcd]

you could ask her if she fancies getting bikes? I bought a bike a while ago after some excellent GF advice, and it's ace. Get a bit fitter, while doing some nice family stuff. Get a seat for the little'un on the back and off you go. two birds and all that....

[Paul]

Tom Ross really does know. Don't be put off by the awesomeness. Wisdom lies below.

[Trumo]

No advice, but it seems to me that this is just another case of living to work rather than working to live. It's the latter that helps increase longevity of life, leads to more pleasurable relationships with others, and provides a generally sunnier outlook. It's the former which is easier to fall into and harder to get out of.

[moof]

Get down the gym or something mate, you're clearly lacking in confidence. Confidence is the most powerful tool a man can possess, if you have it in spades then you're golden. If you don't have it then you seriously need to do something to change that.

[Bjornebye]

Tom knows.

 

I’ve always found that the best way to win a girl (in the first place or back) is to make her do the chasing. Once they don’t feel like you are their fucking doormat they soon change their tune. 

[Champ]

Tom knows.

 

I’ve always found that the best way to win a girl (in the first place or back) is to make her do the chasing. Once they don’t feel like you are their fucking doormat they soon change their tune. 

 

I suspect Bob's talking about something more serious...the point where she's decided, wittingly or not, to concentrate on the bits of her life that she does find rewarding. He knows he's got some work to do. I wish him well; the stakes are huge

[TheHowieLama]

Stop making lists - it is bogging you down.

[Bjornebye]

I suspect Bob's talking about something more serious...the point where she's decided, wittingly or not, to concentrate on the bits of her life that she does find rewarding. He knows he's got some work to do. I wish him well; the stakes are huge

 

Make her un-decide 

 

I wish him well too though and have every faith 

[Champ]

Make her un-decide

 

I wish him well too though and have every faith

Absolutely. But not by neglecting her and their relationship

[Captain Turdseye]

Sit down together and read some of the hall of fame threads on here.