Meeting new people - some serious shit please...

[Nunavut Patrick]

Can somebody sum this up for me?

The Jews needed a homeland and the Americans offered up the state of Utah but sadly the Mormons kind of beat them to it, and since they already owned Manhattan but it was small the Brits decided to give them Palestine.

 

The Palestinians weren't interested in moving out. So a bunch of wars broke out. Then Bob got married but has hit a rough patch. The forumites who live in Leeds are going to take him out. There was also suggestions of card making, joining a gym and badminton.

 

TomR has sorted Champ's grocery list and next dinner out and he has made it think its all her doing.

 

Bob is very grateful for the advice and is going to drop a stone or two, pay more attention, bin off work and win the girl back.

 

Paul offered some very heartfelt advise and wise words that I imagine were typed as he wore slippers and took long puffs on a nice but not to expensive pipe because he is not the sort to flaunt wealth through his pipe.

 

It's going to come up trumps for Bob, but not so much for your average Gaza resident.

[aws]

Can somebody sum this up for me?

Gay is the way.

[Champ]

The Jews needed a homeland and the Americans offered up the state of Utah but sadly the Mormons kind of beat them to it, and since they already owned Manhattan but it was small the Brits decided to give them Palestine.

 

The Palestinians weren't interested in moving out. So a bunch of wars broke out. Then Bob got married but has hit a rough patch. The forumites who live in Leeds are going to take him out. There was also suggestions of card making, joining a gym and badminton.

 

TomR has sorted Champ's grocery list and next dinner out and he has made it think its all her doing. As if

 

Bob is very grateful for the advice and is going to drop a stone or two, pay more attention, bin off work and win the girl back.

 

Paul offered some very heartfelt advise and wise words that I imagine were typed as he wore slippers and took long puffs on a nice but not to expensive pipe because he is not the sort to flaunt wealth through his pipe.

 

It's going to come up trumps for Bob, but not so much for your average Gaza resident.

[stringvest]

The Jews needed a homeland and the Americans offered up the state of Utah but sadly the Mormons kind of beat them to it, and since they already owned Manhattan but it was small the Brits decided to give them Palestine.

The Palestinians weren't interested in moving out. So a bunch of wars broke out. Then Bob got married but has hit a rough patch. The forumites who live in Leeds are going to take him out. There was also suggestions of card making, joining a gym and badminton.

TomR has sorted Champ's grocery list and next dinner out and he has made it think its all her doing.

Bob is very grateful for the advice and is going to drop a stone or two, pay more attention, bin off work and win the girl back.

Paul offered some very heartfelt advise and wise words that I imagine were typed as he wore slippers and took long puffs on a nice but not to expensive pipe because he is not the sort to flaunt wealth through his pipe.

It's going to come up trumps for Bob, but not so much for your average Gaza resident.

Perfect.

[Dr Nowt]

All about being genuine and laying yourself completely open where the right women are concerned, Bob.

 

Once you learn to fake that perfectly you'll have them foaming like a toddler on speed.

 

Sincere best of luck* in among the glib wanker stuff mate, you won't die wondering by the sounds of it, and that warrants respect.

 

* Not faked.

[Tom R]

Bob, my brother. I've just seen you're in Leeds.

Come see me. We will drink and there's a good chance one of us will follow through.

 

But I promise you we will have a right laugh and we will both go home full of life and love.

 

Hell ,even bring your lovely Mrs and kid round to ours one Satdee or Sundee and just pretend you've known us for years. You kind of have anyway!

Do it.

 

07557916523

[Kevin D]

Bob, before you take that offer, it's worth remembering that Tom also once gave out his number, with a time to meet, to Durango...

[SoMuch4Gravity]

Actually kind of amazed at how much good advice is flying around this thread. I just remembered Tom round house kicking someone in the face in a thread from 7 years ago and it made me laugh.

 

Confidence. Doesn't matter what you look like. If you're confident and funny, the battle is won. If you feel like you need to get in shape, check out "Couch potato to 5k." I recommend trails, pavement fucking hurts.

 

Love yourself, it helps you love other people. Just be awesome all the time. "Like" Andrew W.K. on facebook if you need frequent reminders how be awesome. 

 

Listening is kind of iffy. My wife NEVER says what's on her mind. It's like a fucking crime novel to get to the bottom of what she actually wants. But, if you start loving yourself, making yourself available to the family, and doing things to improve yourself, she's going to want to be a part of that. Be the resource (you're doing it w/ work, you just need to do it emotionally), be available (you don't have to have the answers, you just need to be there), and be awesome. People like awesome people.

 

As for the birthday, the most you can spend on anyone is time. 

[moof]

Don't take her round Tom R's he's clearly the epitome of manliness. Take her over xerxes' or Tony Manero's and then she'll realise she's got it good with you.

 

Then ditch her and come to mine and we'll go out and slay some sluts to get your confidence up. Once she sees the new confident spunkmouse she'll be frothing at the gash.

[SoMuch4Gravity]

Don't take her round Tom R's he's clearly the epitome of manliness. Take her over xerxes' or Tony Manero's and then she'll realise she's got it good with you.

 

Then ditch her and come to mine and we'll go out and slay some sluts to get your confidence up. Once she sees the new confident spunkmouse she'll be frothing at the gash.

 

Christ on a bike dude...

 

niccccce.....

[moof]

You don't have to LISTEN to what she's saying at all. Like the guy above says, just be a boss. Seriously fucking get to the gym and start feeling good about yourself.

[Nunavut Patrick]

If you're going to Tom's, bring your sister, or your missus sister, or just some random bird.

 

Or a live animal he can grill. Preferably not a cat, they taste like chicken.

[Paul]

Best thread in a long time this: forumite pain as entertainment. But in a good way.

[Bob]

Bob, my brother. I've just seen you're in Leeds.

Come see me. We will drink and there's a good chance one of us will follow through.

 

But I promise you we will have a right laugh and we will both go home full of life and love.

 

Hell ,even bring your lovely Mrs and kid round to ours one Satdee or Sundee and just pretend you've known us for years. You kind of have anyway!

Do it.

 

07557916523

This is possibly the greatest thing. See you soon brother.

[Bob]

If you're going to Tom's, bring your sister, or your missus sister, or just some random bird.

 

Or a live animal he can grill. Preferably not a cat, they taste like chicken.

If Tom is willing to bum my sister, that is some serious dedication.

[Bjornebye]

"Theres a good chance one of u will follow through" hahaha spat my alpen out

[VladimirIlyich]

"Theres a good chance one of u will follow through" hahaha spat my alpen out

After a bowl of Alpen you will also be following through.

[Captain Turdseye]

I don't live in Leeds but I might ring Tom R anyway just to hear the sound of his voice.

[Champ]

After a bowl of Alpen you will also be following through.

 

I had no idea people ate it any more

[morgan]

I had no idea people ate it any more

What did you think people did with it, Champ?

[Bjornebye]

I had no idea people ate it any more

 

i'm getting sick of you being such a fucking food know it all. stick your bourgeois attitude right up your carrot's and hummus. 

[Champ]

What did you think people did with it, Champ?

 

Nice to meet you, morgan.

 

Well, its just a bit, old fashioned, isnt it? A 1970s notion of 'continental' when its just full of refined sugar and milk powder. I see it on the shelves in supermarkets but never see anyone actually buying it

[Skidfingers McGonical]

I don't live in Leeds but I might ring Tom R anyway just to hear the sound of his voice.

 

I reckon it would be like hearing God's voice. Something that would kill you because of it's awesomeness.

[Champ]

i'm getting sick of you being such a fucking food know it all. stick your bourgeois attitude right up your carrot's and hummus. 

 

Ouch! Better not read my reply to morgan, then

[PestiRed]

Nice to meet you, morgan.

 

Well, its just a bit, old fashioned, isnt it? A 1970s notion of 'continental' when its just full of refined sugar and milk powder. I see it on the shelves in supermarkets but never see anyone actually buying it

It is basically sweetened cardboard