Featured: World Cup Round Up - Quarter Finals

[tlw content]

Can we just go back to the group stages, because this tournament has gone to shit since the knock out started. All the exciting teams and underdogs are going out and the dull ones keep boring their way through. Germany are the most exciting side left, which says more about the rest than anything else as the Germans haven’t really pulled up any trees since their opening game.

To be fair they didn’t need to do much to see off the disappointing French. The once again useless Benzema tamely shot wide after a few minutes, the big dope. Cost me a hundred quid that did as my bookies pay double odds for any goal inside the opening 20 minutes. He’s not going the right way about winning me over, that’s for sure. He was garbage once more. I don’t care if he scores 100 goals for Madrid next season, my mind is made up; he’s in the box marked ‘overhyped shite’ with Zlatan, Hulk, Cavani, Dani Alves & co

Hummels headed the Germans into an early lead and that was all she wrote. They didn’t look like adding to it and France looked even less like cancelling it out, the spineless fannies. Look at how the USA went out, throwing the kitchen sink at Belgium and giving them the fright of their lives. They left everything on the field. Same with Algeria. Then look at what the French did. Scandalously meek. Losing to Germany is acceptable. Not making them work for it is not.

It was so disappointing that game, on paper it looked like it could have been a cracker but I actually fell asleep for ten minutes just before half time. Maybe it was the heat that effected the players, as the afternoon games have not been played at anything like the same tempo as the later kick offs.

Brazil against Colombia that night being a case in point. The first half of that game was played at break neck speed, Colombia left themselves wide open and Brazil should have been out of sight by the break. If Hulk wasn’t so laughably shit they would have been. Hulk get ball. Hulk shoot. Hulk miss. He’s Djibril Cisse on steroids.

Brazil scored twice from set-pieces, which is basically the only way they were ever gonna score as from open play they did fuck all yet again. Fred is so bad I’m genuinely starting to wonder what he’s got on ‘Big Phil’. All piss taking aside there is no possible justification for selecting him, he touches the ball about five times a game and gives it away cheaply on four of them. Brazil must have at least a dozen better centre forwards than him. If he was in the Premier League, who would he be playing for. What’s his level? I’m gonna say West Brom is the best he could do.

Brazil were there for the taking but Colombia looked nervous. They took an age to settle and the flow of the game wasn’t helped by a ref who was blowing for free-kicks at almost a one a minute ratio but strangely wasn’t producing any cards.

The Brazilians kicked the shit out of James Rodriguez but the first time he committed a foul himself he was booked. The ref was absolutely terrible. The Colombians pulled one back from the spot but couldn’t find an equaliser. The two best teams to watch in the competition have been Chile and Colombia, and both have been undeservedly knocked out by these frauds claiming to be a Brazil side.

Afterwards Sideshow Bob and Alves were both consoling Rodriguez and telling the fans to applaud him. “What a classy gesture” people said. Luiz maybe, but Alves was probably tapping him up for Barca, that’s how they roll at Camp Nou. “More than a club” though you know.

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[Phoenix]

Van Gaal has explained it as Krul being a bigger presence and longer reach. So in essence psychological.  Costa Rica should have just played the ball in between their back four and not let the sub to happen.

 

PS how many of those Costa Ricans understand English to understand what the fuck Krul was on about.

[Pidge]

The thing that pisses me off about the insect is that no-one, NO ONE.... has actually confirmed what it is. Can't the BBC use any of their entomologists or wildlife dorks to help? That kind of thing pisses me off, it's begging for a wikipedia search to read up on the genome and local relations etc. I hate that kind of unanswered, otherwise irrelevant, point. It's not scary either, it'd make you jump when you first see it, but it's clearly not dangerous. Come on, man up. Bet you get the daughter to sort out spiders in the bath.

 

Some weird cricket seems the most likely, anyway Brazil's amazing, shame we're constantly killing off these odd species by the thousand through deforestation.

[Nunavut Patrick]

I reckon it is a new super breed from the fall out from the Fujika reactor.

 

Just look at...the wings, the coloured torso ( forget what the proper name is)...the thing is menacing yet looks intelligent.

 

And if there is one there is more...where are they all hiding? Can they fly over the Atlantic? Or worse, fly North?

 

 

[Trumo]

There's a blog created by somebody who went on a backpacking trip around Brazil, and he came across one of these bugs. He calls it a giant grasshopper so with no other reference that isn't linked to the Hamez story, I'll take his word on that. Here's a pic hidden behind spoiler tags.

 

 

 

[Nunavut Patrick]

There's a blog created by somebody who went on a backpacking trip around Brazil, and he came across one of these bugs. He calls it a giant grasshopper so with no other reference that isn't linked to the Hamez story, I'll take his word on that. Here's a pic hidden behind spoiler tags.

 

 

 

He was shortly attacked by his mates and the human was eaten.

 

Apparently 'grasshopper' is an insult to these man-eating insects.

[Pidge]

It looks like a grasshopper which has evolved to favour flying over hopping. Only in the tropics can there be so many bugs that the birds don't keep that bullshit under control.

[Frank Dacey]

It's called the 'Giant South American Grasshopper', apparently, which is a disappointingly prosaic name for such a creature. Still, at least Rooney wasn't the ugliest thing seen at the World Cup....

[Lightforce]

It's called the 'Giant South American Grasshopper', apparently, which is a disappointingly prosaic name for such a creature. Still, at least Rooney wasn't the ugliest thing seen at the World Cup....

The grasshopper would have lost the ugly contest hands down if Tevez was selected.

[dave u]

I'll see your Carlos Tevez and raise you a Frank Ribery.

[UnwelcomeinPeru]

I'm glad you mentioned the Palacios tail. My sandwich fell out my mouth the first time I saw that. Maybe he's a Tears for Fears freak.

[UnwelcomeinPeru]

I'll see your Carlos Tevez and raise you a Frank Ribery.

And I will raise you an Arturo Vidal.

 

When I first saw Chile one of the fellas watching muttered 'there's a few fellas there I wouldn't like to share a cell with'. Which produced a  quizzical look or two.

[Trumo]

Palacio has always had that tail apparently, even when he had longer hair. Evidently he's made a point of avoiding My-T-Sharp in Queens, New York. They'd have taken one look and made it "nice and neat", charging $8 for the privilege. 

[Boss]

I'm not a squeamish person, in fact i laugh at people who are scared of spiders, but if that thing landed on my shoulder i'd squeal like a little girl and run away from it as fast as my legs could carry me. My mind just wouldn't be able to process it, what are you? what actually are you? you fucking giant alien locust grasshopper fuck, get away from me.

 

Fuck it's scary, i don't even wanna look at it.

[Pidge]

Well, at least we know one professional footballer has a conscience...

 

[William_Ulsterman]

some poor fucker probably caught it, fried it and had it with a side of Salgado. He's probably still chomping on it.