Definitely true things you've heard about Footballers

[cloggypop]

Star of the classic 1970s Dutch team Johnny Rep not only has a Cork based indie band named after him but was also the first person to ever compliment somebody else on the internet.

[Trumo]

Star of the classic 1970s Dutch team Johnny Rep not only has a Cork based indie band named after him but was also the first person to ever compliment somebody else on the internet.

 

I once got negged by Dutch legend Johnny Rep.

.

[cloggypop]

Ha ha!

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Hope Powell is Kloppite's mum.

 

She calls him a lovely person.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I heard that Brendan Rodgers playing days were so shit he took up playing Monopoly to while away the hours. Unfortunately the dog chewed the houses and Hotels but Brendan wasn't bothered, instead of sobbing like a baby he took it as a positive omen. 

 

One evening whilst brushing his teeth he thought about what had happened, 3 hours and 2 toothbrushes later he hatched his idea of buying shit tips and renting them out for big bucks. 

 

True story lads. Laura Whitmore told me one evening whilst I was banging her from behind with my pint of cider balanced on her arse. 

[SammyAftershave]

When his football career came to a premature end Ronnie Goodlass ghosted Ian Anderson's flute solo's at Jethro Tull live gigs while concealing himself behind the stage curtain and standing on one leg in in green tights.

[cloggypop]

Harry Kane has a happy family of goldfinches nesting in his mouth.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Billy Bremner turned down a role in The Hobbit stating the little bastards weren't angry enough. 

[Bjornebye]

Join Mitchell is actually Keith Curles Dad

[Trumo]

Zlatan Ibrahimovic will be appearing in the 2016 Christmas edition of Celebrity Mastermind. His chosen specialist subject is The Life of Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

[VladimirIlyich]

Hope Powell is Kloppite's mum.

 

She calls him a lovely person.

I thought she played for the other team?

[Trumo]

Former Spurs striker Clive Allen once went on holiday to Club Tropicana and he hated it, because he had to pay for his own drinks, it was boring and pissed it down all the time. Then he caught a cold off the sea air and when he left, it was still pasty.

[Gym Beglin]

Who cares if anyone is racist? Christ, the Tories are killing everyone and you want to take someone to task for some oblique racism on a thread that is designed for people to say daft things to try and get a laugh? All a bit depressing.

[Trumo]

At school, Daniel Sturridge won awards for 100% attendance.

[Lee909]

At school, Daniel Sturridge won awards for 100% attendance.

But always had a note for the PE teacher

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Who cares if anyone is racist?

Fucksake.

[Trumo]

Leicester's Austrian left back Christian Fuchs runs a Japanese rice wine producer along with his three brothers. The company is called 4 Fuchs Sake.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Midfield dynamo Joey Barton is actually run on batteries. Being from Huyton the size is " aye aye aye "

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Everton superstar James McCarthy makes snow angels in his spare time. Regularly going to Iceland in pursuit of his hobby. If it's shut he goes to Heron.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Gary Neville turned down the starring role in Ratatouille. Apparently they would not employ Phil as his understudy.

[Stouffer]

Mike Hooper doesn't believe in rain.

[Ginny]

Not sure if I've mentioned this before but I was having a bevy in the Chepstow on county road years ago when Franny 'the fox in the box' Jeffers was playing for Everton. He was slouched against the wall outside absolutely smashed smoking a ciggie. He had about 5 blue mates around him - the type that drink in the Royal Oak - about 30-50 year old with those long black coats on. I glanced over towards Jeffers and one of the fellas was proper in my grill " worra ye lookin at lad" then saying to franny "don't worry lad we're blues we've got ye back" then they were about to weigh me in. I got on toes as I was trying to tell them I couldn't give a fuck about Jeffers and I'm a red. Anyway it was common to see him down the road every now and then just fuckin smashed smoking ciggies. Bellend

[Bjornebye]

Phil Jevons was once a professional footballer. He now works in a furniture store in Dagenham and is their 2nd top salesperson. 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Jonas Olsson owns over 200 Care Bears; each has a name and a tragic, yet heartwarming, back-story.

 

His wife once bought him a vintage 1920s Steiff teddy bear, but it frightened him and made him cry, so she gave it away to Claudio Yacob.  It has never been seen since.

[Bjornebye]

Harry Kane will only wipe his arse with a daily sport.