Ante-natal class

[Rico1304]

We had our first class tonight, I was working down south today and left a 2 to get back for 6:30. Obviously some daft twat in a TVR decides to ram a people carrier about 10 mins after I hit the M40 and the motorway was closed for an hour whilst they sorted that. Half an hour later some other muppet decides to flip his car and close the motorway again. I arrive 30 mins late for the appointment, 5 hours after I started.

 

Now I'm not very good with anything medical and when the midwife starts talking about stitches and tearing periniums I get faint, propoer tunnel vision and start sweating. I was seconds from passing out before I got a glass of water and had to sit in the corridor. Didn't cover myself in glory.

 

Anyway, whilst I was in the corridor one of the mothers came out took the chance to have a fag. Unbelieveable - she's due in about a month, can hardly walk because she's so fat (and not because she's preggers), the poor kids got no chance.

[KMD7]

I'm depressed after reading this rico.

 

Congrats to you both though

[md1892]

X2 - both bits.

 

Made me think of breaking bad

[Bjornebye]

should have said something to her, horrible bitch.

 

ps - hope you enjoyed your pint before the class.

[macc]

Congrats to you both.

 

My wife had episiotomies with both ours, but i found when I was there I didn't really think about that I was just so excited that the baby was coming, even when they were stitching her up afterwards I had a chance to have a good hold of the baby.

 

If you stay away from the 'business' end and just concentrate on being up top and being there or your other half you will be fine.

 

Good luck

[Tossed and blown]

I only bothered going to the 'complications' one.

 

Madwife - 'OK, call out any complications you've heard of'

 

Me - "Death of the mother"

[jonnybastard]

Never been to one, never saw the point. At the birth I just watched, tried to wrestle the gas and air off the wife and let her squeeze my hand until my fingers turned blue. None of which requires any special training.

[Gav]

We had our first class tonight, I was working down south today and left a 2 to get back for 6:30. Obviously some daft twat in a TVR decides to ram a people carrier about 10 mins after I hit the M40 and the motorway was closed for an hour whilst they sorted that. Half an hour later some other muppet decides to flip his car and close the motorway again. I arrive 30 mins late for the appointment, 5 hours after I started.

 

Now I'm not very good with anything medical and when the midwife starts talking about stitches and tearing periniums I get faint, propoer tunnel vision and start sweating. I was seconds from passing out before I got a glass of water and had to sit in the corridor. Didn't cover myself in glory.

 

Anyway, whilst I was in the corridor one of the mothers came out took the chance to have a fag. Unbelieveable - she's due in about a month, can hardly walk because she's so fat (and not because she's preggers), the poor kids got no chance.

 

Mate..take it from me ,you'd want to pay attention at these things ...last thing you want is a emergency at home or in the car and you have shag all clue what to do.My second was a home emergency ,thanks be to fuck I paid attention in them classes

[Champ]

These sound like NHS classes? The ones I went to were very poor so second time round I signed up for some NCT (National Childbirth Trust) ones...a little more market shall we say. There was this conversation in my group with one of the women asking what we planned to do once the baby reached school age (all bar me and one other were not going back to work). When the first response was 'learn to play golf' I knew I was in the wrong place

[Alan Sex]

I went to Anti-natal classes but wound up having kids anyway.

[lifetime fan]

These sound like NHS classes? The ones I went to were very poor so second time round I signed up for some NCT (National Childbirth Trust) ones...a little more market shall we say. There was this conversation in my group with one of the women asking what we planned to do once the baby reached school age (all bar me and one other were not going back to work). When the first response was 'learn to play golf' I knew I was in the wrong place

 

 

I'm glad you agree with me that women have no fucking place on a golf course.

[Champ]

I'm glad you agree with me that women have no fucking place on a golf course.

I knew that's what you'd say....the world hasn't fallen off its axis after all

It was just one of those moments (can't imagine the look on my face) when I thought, I shouldn't be here/when two worlds collide

[Captain Turdseye]

Congratulations Rico. When's the baby due mate?

 

My bird did smoke 5 or so fags a day and a spliff maybe a couple of times a week. She knocked it on the head the day she found out she was pregnant. To be still smoking at 8 months gone is disgusting.

 

Should I be definitely going to some classes then? I'll be honest, they hadn't even crossed my mind. Still early days like, the midwife gave us an estimated due date of the 3rd of June. We'll get the proper one at the scan on the 19th of this month.

[Rico1304]

I'll definitely keep going, next week is the one entitled 'when nature needs a hand' so ill make sure I concentrate.

 

Champ - yes, it's NHS. I suggested NCT after similar recommendations but the wife didn't fancy it. We've got 2 months to go so she may change her mind this week.

 

The final bit of the class was about relaxing during the birth and things that'd help the mum to remain calm. People were calling out massage, soft music etc. when I said "a fag" all heads swivelled to the fat cow.

[melons]

Went to NHS ones in Ormskirk, ended up meeting the midwife that went on to deliver the baby in the classes, 18 years ago mind. Urgh!!

 

At the end of the day labour is unpredictable, don't build up any idealistic vision of what the birth will be like as the majority of even subsequent births don't even go that way.

 

 

There's one piece of advice i would hand towards all women, sack of any idea of a birth plan. They're on the most part destined to fail and quite often they have high expectations, women to go on feeling they didn't get the birth they wanted.

 

 

Oh and another - an epidural, for the love of god start suggesting this now so if she's not liking the idea of one she can start to ponder it, labour hurts, you're tired, hot and irritable. Epidurals are the most amazing thing, ever. I've had 4 children and even when I had my fourth i was seriously pissed off that i didn't have time to get one. I've done 2 without any pain relief and 2 with an epidural, i would never in my life plan to go through labour and delivery without one, ever.

[Chip Butty]

You get shit on the bed as well. All that pushin, somethings gotta give.

[Champ]

We had our first class tonight

 

Now I'm not very good with anything medical and when the midwife starts talking about stitches and tearing periniums I get faint, propoer tunnel vision and start sweating. I was seconds from passing out before I got a glass of water and had to sit in the corridor. Didn't cover myself in glory.

 

Anyway, whilst I was in the corridor one of the mothers came out took the chance to have a fag. Unbelieveable - she's due in about a month, can hardly walk because she's so fat (and not because she's preggers), the poor kids got no chance.

 

 

Firstly, my apologies for not having offered my congratulations last night. Congratulations to you both!

 

So much material in your OP. Firstly, to address the general, I like other posters it would seem, have this most unliberal instant revulsion to any pregnant woman I see smoking. Cant help it. No apologies

 

Re your own situation, it was a good thing to have had the reaction you did last night, better that than at the main event. My advice, stay away from the business end (you've done the damage down there already) and make sure you've had enough to eat an drink (I have experience in this department!)

 

Re classes, its horses for courses and the quality of classes do vary but my experience is that NHS one tend to focus much more on the mechanics of pregnancy and birth and the NCT ones are a bit more touchy feely. If you are new to this game and/or if family and friends are a long way away classes can be a great source of support before and more importantly after the baby's born....especially for the women.

 

In this respect my experience of the NHS classes were that they didnt offer too much about what happens after the baby is born...the bit when you are on your own and responsible for this tiny life!

 

I found books a good source of practical information and advice..dont just read one...you'll discover that its more an art than a science

 

No-one can prepare you for the sleep deprivation, the loss of spontaneity in your life, the cost but there arent many that would change any of it!

 

Good luck and Enjoy!

[Champ]

 

At the end of the day labour is unpredictable, don't build up any idealistic vision of what the birth will be like as the majority of even subsequent births don't even go that way.

 

 

There's one piece of advice i would hand towards all women, sack of any idea of a birth plan. They're on the most part destined to fail and quite often they have high expectations, women to go on feeling they didn't get the birth they wanted.

 

 

This. This. And. This

 

They were a Big Thing when I had my first and wasnt that commited to the idea, even in my ignorance, but it really is the most 'animal' thing and no amount of planning and trying to organise things like loads of do in the rest of our lives is much use when the shit hits the fan.....literally!

 

Are you still having fun?

[VladimirIlyich]

The missus never went to one in the 3 and a bit years we had our three kids and despite an 11lb 5oz Caesarean and a forceps delivery they are all well adjusted adults.

 

There is no preparing you for the real thing other than lots of gas and air. Oh..and make sure you give her some too.

[Magic Sponge]

When the time comes, there's no way I'm going to any of those classes.

 

The most that I'll do is clear a landing strip in the front garden for the stalk.

[Fowlers God]

We decided not going as no matter what training or education you received when it happens as parents we where competent enough to know what we should do- instinct.

 

We where more than fine- and have both been and exceeded our expectations as parents cause it was what we where meant to do in life.

 

Congrats anyway fella- you will know yourself whether you need to go or not and don't feel like you will be a bad parent for not attending.

[markcd]

I even went to a prenatal Yoga session with my Mrs - and learned all this massage bollocks... When she was in labour she basically said "don't fucking touch me" - so that was a big waste of time.

 

Oh, and absolutely agree about the birth plan. "Water birth with no pain relief and no interventions at all" turned into epidural and anything they had to take the pain away. At the end of the day, if you have a baby then you've succeeded - fuck all to do with whether you managed to find the whale music CD.

[VladimirIlyich]

I even went to a prenatal Yoga session with my Mrs - and learned all this massage bollocks... When she was in labour she basically said "don't fucking touch me" - so that was a big waste of time.

 

Oh' date=' and absolutely agree about the birth plan. "Water birth with no pain relief and no interventions at all" turned into epidural and anything they had to take the pain away. At the end of the day, if you have a baby then you've succeeded - fuck all to do with whether you managed to find the whale music CD.[/quote']

 

My missus never swears but i think i got called everything under the son with our first one.

Pain relief is essential as women have got a very low pain threshold.

[Tyler Durden]

We had our first class tonight, I was working down south today and left a 2 to get back for 6:30. Obviously some daft twat in a TVR decides to ram a people carrier about 10 mins after I hit the M40 and the motorway was closed for an hour whilst they sorted that. Half an hour later some other muppet decides to flip his car and close the motorway again. I arrive 30 mins late for the appointment, 5 hours after I started.

 

Now I'm not very good with anything medical and when the midwife starts talking about stitches and tearing periniums I get faint, propoer tunnel vision and start sweating. I was seconds from passing out before I got a glass of water and had to sit in the corridor. Didn't cover myself in glory.

 

Anyway, whilst I was in the corridor one of the mothers came out took the chance to have a fag. Unbelieveable - she's due in about a month, can hardly walk because she's so fat (and not because she's preggers), the poor kids got no chance.

 

If your standing in the hallway at the mention of stitches then your best passing on being the birthing partner, I was but said I didn't want to go down the business end during the labour, next thing I'm having to hold her leg while the doctor delivered, it still haunts me 5 months later and I'm not the squeamish type.

[Rico1304]

One of our friends had a baby a few months ago, she had the birthing plan all sorted, candles,plinky plinky music, birth in a pool etc. The time came and she had a 30 hr labour, drugs and plenty of screaming. Afterwards she realised she'd been a bit of twat romanticising the progress and told the wife to get drugs and get them early!

 

The midwife did mention last night that lots of women don't like to be touched at all and basically become scary mofo's. I've realised my place will be do exactly what she tells me, when she tells me.

 

Thanks for all the congrats and advise - it's appreciated. Just wondering whether to start a new thread for the baby sitting rota or just add to the Jimmy Saville thread.