The Ailment thread

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

I've got a slightly chapped lip. It snuck up on me and it's a sure sign that winter is on its way. Time to bust out the aloe vera lip balm, boys. Oh, and treat yourselves to some of those tissues with the aloe vera on them, too. Your little snitch is worth it.

[stringvest]

right thumb nail come off completely since i trapped it in the car door. ant stop picking it. missus hates me. also my arse keeps itching in bed.

Tell your missus to get her finger out and sort it

 

[stringvest]

I've got a slightly chapped lip. It snuck up on me and it's a sure sign that winter is on its way. Time to bust out the aloe vera lip balm, boys. Oh, and treat yourselves to some of those tissues with the aloe vera on them, too. Your little snitch is worth it.

If you kiss Lucas's arse your scabby lip issue will melt away

 

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

If you kiss Lucas's arse your scabby lip issue will melt away

Well, it'll stop me licking them at least.

[stringvest]

What can you get for an itchy sphincter?

Yodel-odelodel-odelay-hoohoo!

 

[Bjornebye]

[General Dryness]

Any of you fuckers had to take Propranolol?

 

Whats proprano, and why are you laughing about it?

 

I've had beta blockers for anxiety, years ago. Horrible fuckers didn't agree with me at all. Gave me the shakes. Next step was lorazepam, which was like a feathery bed. Lovely stuff.

[General Dryness]

Tell your missus to get her finger out and sort it

 

One of my mates worked with a bloke who's favorite practical joke was, when he was in bed with his missus, once the lights were out he'd scratch his hole and then waft his finger around under her nose. She'd be lying there going "what the fuck is that smell", whilst he chuckled quietly to himself.

[stringvest]

One of my mates worked with a bloke who's favorite practical joke was, when he was in bed with his missus, once the lights were out he'd scratch his hole and then waft his finger around under her nose. She'd be lying there going "what the fuck is that smell", whilst he chuckled quietly to himself.

Your mate worked with Julio Iglesias? Fuck me.

 

 

[stringvest]

Did you never watch the Sound of Music?

 

[General Dryness]

Your mate worked with Julio Iglesias? Fuck me.

 

Yeah, he was his sound man. Julio would say "are these drugs any good?" and my mate would say "yeah, they're sound them."

[Captain Turdseye]

My entire right leg is numb and feels like a dead weight. Started off as pins and needles in my foot about a week and a half ago but it's progressed right up to above my arse cheek. I'm limping around, dragging my foot behind me like something out of The Walking Dead. Basic tasks like putting socks on or walking upstairs are becoming harder by the day. I'm an actual retard.

 

Had blood tests done at the doctors, nothing wrong. Got to go for an MRI scan on my back later this week.

 

Now this is the part where Stig or Stringvest tell me it's because of the jeans I've been wearing but I'd like to know if anyone else has had anything like this? What is it? Dog aids?

[Bjornebye]

My entire right leg is numb and feels like a dead weight. Started off as pins and needles in my foot about a week and a half ago but it's progressed right up to above my arse cheek. I'm limping around, dragging my foot behind me like something out of The Walking Dead. Basic tasks like putting socks on or walking upstairs are becoming harder by the day. I'm an actual retard.

 

Had blood tests done at the doctors, nothing wrong. Got to go for an MRI scan on my back later this week.

 

Now this is the part where Stig or Stringvest tell me it's because of the jeans I've been wearing but I'd like to know if anyone else has had anything like this? What is it? Dog aids?

 

True that. 

 

 

Its obvious that whatever fella you bummed last on the night before the symptoms started needlessly though he had to inject you with some sort of rohypnol type drug and your leg is just taking longer to recover from the side effects. 

 

Must have been a night when you didn't wear them cargo jeans mate otherwise he would have known that he defo did not need to drug you before you opened your arse cheeks for him. 

[KopOut]

I get those fuckers at the top of my thighs where they touch, I find sudocream helps but doesn't do too much.

 

Some may have seen this before, but what the hey:

I have 12 radial & 1 continuous stitch in my right eye due to Corneal graft, which stay in for 18 months:

 

4 months ago

 

 

Now

 

Thats a hell of an improvement, you'll be pleased with the result.

 

If you need to chat about eyes, I'm your guy. Been blind twice in my life. 2 Cataract removals, 2 detached retinas, Glaucoma. You see, I was born with eye probs due to contracting german measles while still being carried. Also, my mum took some new fangled drug for morning sickness.

 

 

[Champ]

Thats a hell of an improvement, you'll be pleased with the result.

 

If you need to chat about eyes, I'm your guy. Been blind twice in my life. 2 Cataract removals, 2 detached retinas, Glaucoma. You see, I was born with eye probs due to contracting german measles while still being carried. Also, my mum took some new fangled drug for morning sickness.

 

Thalidomide?

[Lee909]

My entire right leg is numb and feels like a dead weight. Started off as pins and needles in my foot about a week and a half ago but it's progressed right up to above my arse cheek. I'm limping around, dragging my foot behind me like something out of The Walking Dead. Basic tasks like putting socks on or walking upstairs are becoming harder by the day. I'm an actual retard.

 

Had blood tests done at the doctors, nothing wrong. Got to go for an MRI scan on my back later this week.

 

Now this is the part where Stig or Stringvest tell me it's because of the jeans I've been wearing but I'd like to know if anyone else has had anything like this? What is it? Dog aids?

 

Monkey syphilis is my best guess.

[Trumo]

My entire right leg is numb and feels like a dead weight. Started off as pins and needles in my foot about a week and a half ago but it's progressed right up to above my arse cheek. I'm limping around, dragging my foot behind me like something out of The Walking Dead. Basic tasks like putting socks on or walking upstairs are becoming harder by the day. I'm an actual retard.

 

Had blood tests done at the doctors, nothing wrong. Got to go for an MRI scan on my back later this week.

 

Now this is the part where Stig or Stringvest tell me it's because of the jeans I've been wearing but I'd like to know if anyone else has had anything like this? What is it? Dog aids?

 

When was the last time you saw that 'toy' you'd treated yourself to at Christmas?

[stringvest]

My entire right leg is numb and feels like a dead weight. Started off as pins and needles in my foot about a week and a half ago but it's progressed right up to above my arse cheek. I'm limping around, dragging my foot behind me like something out of The Walking Dead. Basic tasks like putting socks on or walking upstairs are becoming harder by the day. I'm an actual retard.

 

Had blood tests done at the doctors, nothing wrong. Got to go for an MRI scan on my back later this week.

 

Now this is the part where Stig or Stringvest tell me it's because of the jeans I've been wearing but I'd like to know if anyone else has had anything like this? What is it? Dog aids?

 

Sounds like a nerve problem.  Have you broken your spine lately?  Try using less potent suppositories, and remove that Nurofen patch from your taint.  Next!  

[stringvest]

When was the last time you saw that 'toy' you'd treated yourself to at Christmas?

 

This is almost certainly it.  When you last removed it, did it all come out?

[Captain Turdseye]

Stan Collymore would have a fit if he was see to how much you're picking on me, a defenceless cripple.

 

Seriously though, this is the weirdest infliction I've ever had. My ankle and knee joints are killing now because I've been walking like a spaz for 10 days. I can't carry my daughter around because I've got no balance and I've nearly fell down the stairs 7 times in the last 3 days because I dared to venture up them to go for a piss.

[stringvest]

Get yourself back to the docs - sounds like you need an appointment with a specialist pronto.

[General Dryness]

Could be a trapped nerve.

 

I'm surprised Stringy hasn't recommended a course of leeches.

[md1892]

Thats a hell of an improvement, you'll be pleased with the result.

 

If you need to chat about eyes, I'm your guy. Been blind twice in my life. 2 Cataract removals, 2 detached retinas, Glaucoma. You see, I was born with eye probs due to contracting german measles while still being carried. Also, my mum took some new fangled drug for morning sickness.

May take you up on that ! Just experimenting with a solid contact with soft skirt as the transplant left me with an astigmatism, the difference is quite something.

Had the crosslinking in my other eye shortly after to try and halt the keratoconus, which seems to have worked somewhat although driving at night can be a little tasty.

Not nice having some fucker cut the front of your eyeball off while you are awake watching him do it. Certainly puts things in a different perspective and makes you less squeamish, although i still get the odd "Vietnam" style flashback.

[KopOut]

May take you up on that ! Just experimenting with a solid contact with soft skirt as the transplant left me with an astigmatism, the difference is quite something.

Had the crosslinking in my other eye shortly after to try and halt the keratoconus, which seems to have worked somewhat although driving at night can be a little tasty.

Not nice having some fucker cut the front of your eyeball off while you are awake watching him do it. Certainly puts things in a different perspective and makes you less squeamish, although i still get the odd "Vietnam" style flashback.

Jebus, you have been through the works. Good luck with the soft contacts, I can't wear contacts due to a severe Iritis threat. I've learned over the years to just cope with astigmatism (rubella gave me egg shapes eyes and deep sockets - as opposed to normal cylindrical eyeballs.)

 

I certainly appreciate your local anaesthetic perspective on eye surgery, although for me, it was a case of a fucking huge needle jammed into my eyeball post-retinal re-attachment, as they tried to support the operation, with a syringe full of gas, to keep that prick of a retina in place.

 

 

[KopOut]

Thalidomide?

No, no, it wasn't Thalidomide - praise the good lord who MC's the great gig in the sky.

 

It was, however, taken off the market shortly after the trial, which my Mum participated in - way back in 1958.  Thalidomide, I believe, was later.

 

I still reckon that whatever little number she was ingesting, could have upset the delicate balance of nutritives coming at me through the placenta. - or worse still, synergized with the evil Rubella..

 

Anyway, I CAN SEE !!!!!!!!!!! it is quite amazing really.