Greatest Opening lines.

[stringvest]

You are standing at the end of a road before a small brick building. Around you is a forest. A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully.

[brucespanner]

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect."

[brucespanner]

'The car is on fire, and there's no driver at the wheel

And the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides

And a dark wind blows'

[PestiRed]

1: In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

2: And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

3: And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.

4: And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

 

Unfortunately it goes badly downhill from this point

[PestiRed]

California, Labor Day weekend. . . early, with ocean fog still in the streets, outlaw motorcyclists wearing chains, shades and greasy Levi's roll out from damp garages, all- night diners and cast-off one-night pads in Frisco, Hollywood, Berdoo and East Oakland, heading for the Monterey peninsula, north of Big Sur. . . The Menace is loose again, the Hell's Angels, the hundred-carat headline, running fast and loud on the early morning freeway, low in the saddle, nobody smiles, jamming crazy through traffic and ninety miles an hour down the center stripe, missing by inches. . . like Genghis Khan on an iron horse, a monster steed with a fiery anus, flat out through the eye of a beer can and up your daughter's leg with no quarter asked and none given; show the squares some class, give em a whiff of those kicks they'll never know. . . Ah, these righteous dudes, they love to screw it on. . . Little Jesus, the Gimp, Chocolate George, Buzzard, Zorro, Hambone, Clean Cut, Tiny, Terry the Tramp, Frenchy, Mouldy Marvin, Mother Miles, Dirty Ed, Chuck the Duck, Fat Freddy, Filthy Phil, Charger Charley the Child Molester, Crazy Cross, Puff, Magoo, Animal and at least a hundred more. . . tense for the action, long hair in the wind, beards and bandanas flapping, earrings, armpits, chain whips, swastikas and stripped-down Harleys flashing chrome as traffic on 101 moves over, nervous, to let the formation pass like a burst of dirty thunder. . .

[MikeC]

California, Labor Day weekend. . . early, with ocean fog still in the streets, outlaw motorcyclists wearing chains, shades and greasy Levi's roll out from damp garages, all- night diners and cast-off one-night pads in Frisco, Hollywood, Berdoo and East Oakland, heading for the Monterey peninsula, north of Big Sur. . . The Menace is loose again, the Hell's Angels, the hundred-carat headline, running fast and loud on the early morning freeway, low in the saddle, nobody smiles, jamming crazy through traffic and ninety miles an hour down the center stripe, missing by inches. . . like Genghis Khan on an iron horse, a monster steed with a fiery anus, flat out through the eye of a beer can and up your daughter's leg with no quarter asked and none given; show the squares some class, give em a whiff of those kicks they'll never know. . . Ah, these righteous dudes, they love to screw it on. . . Little Jesus, the Gimp, Chocolate George, Buzzard, Zorro, Hambone, Clean Cut, Tiny, Terry the Tramp, Frenchy, Mouldy Marvin, Mother Miles, Dirty Ed, Chuck the Duck, Fat Freddy, Filthy Phil, Charger Charley the Child Molester, Crazy Cross, Puff, Magoo, Animal and at least a hundred more. . . tense for the action, long hair in the wind, beards and bandanas flapping, earrings, armpits, chain whips, swastikas and stripped-down Harleys flashing chrome as traffic on 101 moves over, nervous, to let the formation pass like a burst of dirty thunder. . .

 

Ha. Good book that. And I was thinking of "We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like 'I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive...' And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming: 'Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?' "

[Pony Princess]

Dog carcass in alley this morning, tyre tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen it's true face.

[Stu Monty]

Dog carcass in alley this morning, tyre tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen it's true face.

 

Ha, I just whipped out Watchmen to see what the first line was. Not a bad opener.

 

I like this one from Beth Orton:

 

Walking down the central reservation in last night's red dress

I can still smell you on my fingers and taste you on my breath

 

Wonderful stuff. Who hasn't felt like that.

 

Erm, apart from the being in a dress bit.

[Stu Monty]

"I'm sitting on the roof of my house with a shotgun and a six pack of beers". Bloc Party (Hunting for witches)

 

"Born in dead man's town the first kick I took was when I hit the ground" - Springsteen (Born in the USA)

 

"We're just a bunch of Buffalo, getting slaughtered; we're all red indians, we love firewater" - The Crimea

 

"There's a weight over me today, something I have to say, Love you too much to leave, don't like you enough to stay". - Pip & Le Sac

 

"Even now in heaven there are angels carrying savage weapons" - UNKLE - Eye for an Eye

[Alan Sex]

let's fuck! hey baby if you wanna fuck, come along and suck my cock. well let's fuck, let's fuck. open your legs as far as you can, if my dick won't fit i'll use my hand...

 

DOA

[Alan Sex]

It´s the sandwich of love,

one below and one above

In the sandwich of love, crustin´ and grossin´ She hasn´t been laid in days

Now she´s covered in Mayonnaise

She´s a woman with no soul

She´s got a guy in every hole

 

The Mentors

[stringvest]

Hey baby you can be my dog and I will be your tree and you can pee on me

[PestiRed]

Baddie’s bound by ancient codes of decency and secrecy

He understands about stabbing backs and shaking hands

So if or when you’re behind bars or in front of them as you are

Look out for the man who’ll bum your wife and then shake your hand

[AngryOfTuebrook]

There's something happening here

What it is ain't exactly clear

[stringvest]

Son, look at all these people in this restaurant. What d'you think they weigh?

[Redder Lurtz]

"Is she really going out with him?"

[Skidfingers McGonical]

"There's a rumour going round Michael Jackson is dead, chamone mutha fucker chamone" - Wacko Jacko Heart Attacko

 

"Look at the wabs on you, they just can't be ight, you've got boobs that look like massive melons, wan't to hold them, squeeze them" - Scrumptious Jelly Pies

 

"I go out with my mate Peter but he don't drink beer, he likes to drink a vodka tonic and he likes in the rear" - My Mate Peter

 

All songs by Pork Trousers.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

Seriously though I have always like the "Mama just killed a man" from Bohemian Rhapsody.

[PestiRed]

"Teenage dreams so hard to beat"

 

So good that John Peel had them on his headstone, kind of difficult to argue with

[Redder Lurtz]

"Is she really going out with him?"

 

By the way, that's not Joe bloody Jackson.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb and he very nearly deserved it.

[Bruce Spanner]

Tom Araya turns to Kerry King with a glint in his eye 'I think I've got it, you know! Play that riff again'

 

KK *HAMMERS OUT A RIFF FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL*

 

TA 'Auschwitz, the meaning of pain, the way that I want you to die'

 

KK 'Er'

 

TA 'What do you think, it still needs a little work?'

 

KK 'Well it's not a comedy is it, Tom' 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Ha, I just whipped out Watchmen to see what the first line was. Not a bad opener.

 

I like this one from Beth Orton:

 

Walking down the central reservation in last night's red dress

I can still smell you on my fingers and taste you on my breath

 

Wonderful stuff. Who hasn't felt like that.

 

Erm, apart from the being in a dress bit.

That reminds me of Joan Osborne doing the walk of shame in "Right Hand Man"

 

Let me use your toothbrush

Have you got a clean shirt?

My panties in a wad

At the bottom of my purse

[jimmycase]

Deflectors full intensity!

[KMD7]

I can't help about the shape I'm in

I can't sing, I ain't pretty and my legs are thin.