little things that annoy the shit out of you

[YorkshireRed]

6 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

People moaning about St Patrick’s day. Especially those crying that people don’t party the same on St George’s day. Nobody is stopping you doing what you want on St George’s day. Paddy’s day is just people going out for a sing and a laugh. Fucking bore off. 
 

 

Any day where we tip a glass towards Patrick Berger is ok by me. 

[Captain Turdseye]

51 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

People moaning about St Patrick’s day. Especially those crying that people don’t party the same on St George’s day. Nobody is stopping you doing what you want on St George’s day. Paddy’s day is just people going out for a sing and a laugh. Fucking bore off. 
 

 

Not moaning but I’ve cancelled my snooker booking and moved it to tomorrow. It’s an ex-servicemen’s club and they’ve got entertainment on. Couldn’t be arsed with the bar being three deep every time I want a drink. I’ll go tomorrow and nobody will be in there. 

[Bobby Hundreds]

Why has Jeremy Vine got his own TV show.  Whose decision was that no wonder we live in the land of dickheads.

[Bjornebye]

8 minutes ago, Bobby Hundreds said:

Why has Jeremy Vine got his own TV show.  Whose decision was that no wonder we live in the land of dickheads.

And two hour afternoon radio 2 slot. The biased two wheeled corrupt Tory cunt 

[Arniepie]

20 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

People moaning about St Patrick’s day. Especially those crying that people don’t party the same on St George’s day. Nobody is stopping you doing what you want on St George’s day. Paddy’s day is just people going out for a sing and a laugh. Fucking bore off. 
 

 

its tends to be gammon fuck nuggets, who think you are not allowed to fly the union jack any more.

[Bjornebye]

18 minutes ago, Arniepie said:

its tends to be gammon fuck nuggets, who think you are not allowed to fly the union jack any more.

It’s amazing isn’t it. There is an article that was top of the mail yesterday about Greenwich council asking a fish shop owner to paint over a mural of a Union Jack next to his shop. If you read further down it’s actually nothing to

do with the Union Jack and more to do with it being a conservation area and the giant fish mural being unsightly. Of course the gammons didn’t get that far and have gone full blown “this is Blighty!!!” Etc. culture wars is easy when one side are truly thick as fuck and looking for any excuse to get offended by the forrins 

[John102]

When I ring my energy company/bank/water company/any other fucking place, and I'm told I have to wait, because they are experiencing unusually high or exceptionally high demand right now. Every fucking time, the lying little shits.

[Mook]

AI pictures of celebrity women all over social media. They look shite & most of the women involved have done genuine revealing photos so what's the point?

 

On top of this, the comments are all full of moronic men going, 'You are beautiful'. Blind twats.

[Captain Turdseye]

On 11/03/2024 at 08:51, Captain Turdseye said:

Bellend taxi drivers. Not even a bluenose, it’s a firm of Indian fellas. Went to play snooker with my boy last night. We were pretty tanked up but I still battered him, so as per the terms of our agreement he had to pay for the taxi home, should be less than a tenner. 
 

I just got in the back of the cab, whipped my phone out and thought nothing more of it. A few minutes later I looked out the window and noticed he’d driven a long way round, we were no more than sixty seconds walk away from the boozer but we’d been driven all the way round town. Thinking back this morning, I still can’t see any way of getting from our starting point to where we were without some kind of shenanigans. It’s not possible. 
 

I’m not one to let these things slide, and I’ve seen this firm have complaints on Facebook about this stuff recently, so I said hang on a minute, how’s it taken us five minutes to get from there to here? Then he said “do you even know where we are?” and that’s when I really saw my arse. Cheeky cunt. I’ve been unsuccessfully driving around this town for a lot longer than this prick. He was clearly thinking because we were pissed and it was dark he could take mad detours and run up the meter. 
 

Argued the rest of the way back with him pulling over a couple of times as if to kick us out of the cab. I’m fucking furious, feel like going on a killing spree AKA one man and his dog. 

This was two weeks ago. I drove us there last week, in part because of the week before. My boy isn’t one for confrontation, so after I’d caused this scene in the cab, he stormed off over to my bird’s mum & dads (which is where he lives in between uni terms) in a drunken huff. All fine the day afterwards of course but I decided to just drive down last week instead and kicked his arse 6-1 when I was sober. 
 

We’ve just left that pub and got a taxi home tonight, but this time it was a proper cab, so we’re both in the back. We’re both in good spirits tonight even though he’s just lost 8-0 and I’d got my highest ever break. (26. Twenty-Fucking-Six)

 

Within 60 seconds of getting in the taxi it was abundantly clear that he was fucking around and going a different way to run up the meter. If you lived in this town you’d know that there’s no two ways about it. I held my hands up as if to say “told you so” and he held his up to indicate that I was justified in my argument last time. 

 

We spent the rest of the journey home taking it in turns to query his route home in a proper piss taking manner to the point we’re laughing at each other’s sentences in the back of the cab. Fucking cunt company, really.
 

Anyway, last time the driver got a tip off the boy to apologise for my arguing on the way home. This time the boy paid on his card. No tip. A nod of appreciation to me afterwards. Fair enough, I was right last time, even though I might not have gone about it with much subtlety. 
 

26. Twenty-Six. 

[Captain Willard]

I built a shed on my allotment. The fucking jobsworth cunt at the Council is saying it is too big by 2 feet and wants me to demolish it. He’s got his pathetic qualifications on his e mail address. I fucking hate him. 

[YorkshireRed]

3 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

I built a shed on my allotment. The fucking jobsworth cunt at the Council is saying it is too big by 2 feet and wants me to demolish it. He’s got his pathetic qualifications on his e mail address. I fucking hate him. 

Is he a Bachelor of Sheds?

[Bob]

1 hour ago, Captain Willard said:

I built a shed on my allotment. The fucking jobsworth cunt at the Council is saying it is too big by 2 feet and wants me to demolish it. He’s got his pathetic qualifications on his e mail address. I fucking hate him. 

Just do as he says. The last think you want is someone coming and moving those paving slabs under it. Just comply and nobody looks any further.

[Captain Willard]

1 hour ago, YorkshireRed said:

Is he a Bachelor of Sheds?

He’s got a BSC - bloody stupid cunt 

[Champ]

Have we had ‘putting something somewhere for safekeeping and then not being able to find it’ recently?

 

I deliberately took my gym locker band out of my bag and put it somewhere safe when we were going away last week. Can I find the bloody thing? I’ve looked in all the obvious places and the long shot places but there’s no sign of the thing. I hate losing things

[Harry's Lad]

12 minutes ago, Champ said:

Have we had ‘putting something somewhere for safekeeping and then not being able to find it’ recently?

 

I deliberately took my gym locker band out of my bag and put it somewhere safe when we were going away last week. Can I find the bloody thing? I’ve looked in all the obvious places and the long shot places but there’s no sign of the thing. I hate losing things

My Mrs does stuff like that all the time.

Instead of just doing the obvious and only having one safe place she dot's stuff all over the place, usually things that belong to me.

[VladimirIlyich]

49 minutes ago, Harry's Lad said:

My Mrs does stuff like that all the time.

Instead of just doing the obvious and only having one safe place she dot's stuff all over the place, usually things that belong to me.

I think this is largely a 'woman thing.' My Ma' did it for years to my arl fella,my missus has done it in our house and my Son is complaining about his girlfriend doing it with stuff in their house. World of a Woman stuff this Cath. You ladies bring it on yourselves.

[Captain Willard]

As an update on the shed, I’ve sent him a terse e mail saying I will acquiesce. No hello, how are you or thanks or have a nice Easter, none of that.  This alone will convey to the cunt how much I hate him. 

[Champ]

1 hour ago, VladimirIlyich said:

I think this is largely a 'woman thing.' My Ma' did it for years to my arl fella,my missus has done it in our house and my Son is complaining about his girlfriend doing it with stuff in their house. World of a Woman stuff this Cath. You ladies bring it on yourselves.

Er, not in this house 

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Captain Willard said:

As an update on the shed, I’ve sent him a terse e mail saying I will acquiesce. No hello, how are you or thanks or have a nice Easter, none of that.  This alone will convey to the cunt how much I hate him. 

Just send him a picture of a bloodied hammer. 

[Bobby Hundreds]

[YorkshireRed]

1 hour ago, Captain Willard said:

As an update on the shed, I’ve sent him a terse e mail saying I will acquiesce

 
That’s told him good and proper. 

[Harry's Lad]

36 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Just send him a picture of a bloodied hammer. 

He's already disposed of that.

[Captain Willard]

35 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

 
That’s told him good and proper. 

A terse e mail is the English middle class equivalent of a horse’s head in your bed. 

[Bjornebye]

57 minutes ago, Harry's Lad said:

He's already disposed of that.

Serial killers always keep souvenirs. His shed looks like an abattoir. 

[sir roger]

I always imagine the Captain's parlour to be based on Dexter's killing room.