The world of a woman.

[Hand Shandy]

Bet she was looking at her phone...

[TheBitch]

Bet she was looking at her phone...

To be fair she wasn't, she's just that fucking dumb.

[littletedwest]

I work in retail. Told the missus if she rings me at work and I don't answer I'll ring back and don't keep ringing unless it's urgent.

Serving a fella other week when she rings three times so I excuse myself " sorry mate it's the Mrs must be urgent"

" hello what's happened?"

" can you bring a pen home?"

 

My customer understood my pain thankfully

[Harry Squatter]

Mine emailed me in work 3 times on Friday asking me where her iPhone charger was and accused me of taking it into work with me. Might have been onto something there but I have a Samsung phone so an iPhone charger is completely useless to me.

 

After pointing this out she accused me of just using the plug bit attaching it my charger wire. I had to reiterate that I had not taken them yet she still insisted on accusing me of it.

 

Got home and she never mentioned it until I asked her and she said it was behind the couch. No apology or fuck all.

[VladimirIlyich]

To be fair she wasn't, she's just that fucking dumb.

[Karl_b]

The latest episode of 'Hide Karl's Stuff' aired this morning.

 

Me: "Have you seen my watch?"

Her: "No"

"I took it off to do the pots last night"

"Have you tried the usual places?"

"Does that mean you've moved it?'

"No"

"Can't find it"

"Have you tried the bread bin?"

"No, why the fuck would I look in a bread bin for a watch? I definitely didn't put it there."

 

Guess where I found it? Why does she do this to me?! I hate losing stuff, even losing something worthless bothers me until I know where it is but she insists on hiding my stuff wherever is nearest to her, rather than put things away properly, for the sake of it being 'tidy'.

 

Argh!

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

The latest episode of 'Hide Karl's Stuff' aired this morning.

 

Me: "Have you seen my watch?"

Her: "No"

"I took it off to do the pots last night"

"Have you tried the usual places?"

"Does that mean you've moved it?'

"No"

"Can't find it"

"Have you tried the bread bin?"

"No, why the fuck would I look in a bread bin for a watch? I definitely didn't put it there."

 

Guess where I found it? Why does she do this to me?! I hate losing stuff, even losing something worthless bothers me until I know where it is but she insists on hiding my stuff wherever is nearest to her, rather than put things away properly, for the sake of it being 'tidy'.

 

Argh!

 

Breadbinned > binbagged

[Paulie Dangerously]

Was at my folks with ToddleD who was watching the really old Tom & Jerrys with my mum and dad. 

 

Me: I love these old ones, the violence is something you'd never get away with now

Mum: Yeah you would, you see worse in cartoons now

Me: Which ones?

Mum: Itchy and Scratchy is far worse

 

 

I think I blew her mind when I told her that I&S is a satire of T&J.  

[Trumo]

The latest episode of 'Hide Karl's Stuff' aired this morning.

 

Me: "Have you seen my watch?"

Her: "No"

"I took it off to do the pots last night"

"Have you tried the usual places?"

"Does that mean you've moved it?'

"No"

"Can't find it"

"Have you tried the bread bin?"

"No, why the fuck would I look in a bread bin for a watch? I definitely didn't put it there."

 

Guess where I found it? Why does she do this to me?! I hate losing stuff, even losing something worthless bothers me until I know where it is but she insists on hiding my stuff wherever is nearest to her, rather than put things away properly, for the sake of it being 'tidy'.

 

Argh!

 

Not that your point isn't relevant but if you can put stuff away in your own pockets, then do it. Huge time-saver and ballache-sparer.

[TheBitch]

Apparently Ozark is "very far fetched".

 

I'm gonna watch it on my own.

[Harry Squatter]

I have a bag I put all my stuff in like wallet, house keys, work pass and travel pass so it never miraculously goes missing. The minute I lend her my house keys I don't see them for weeks.

[manwiththestick]

Apparently Ozark is "very far fetched".

 

I'm gonna watch it on my own.

But she loves The Walking Dead right?

[Mook]

My train into work has been cancelled a couple of times recently.

 

I wander in at 8:35am today (I start at 9), "Was your train on time this morning?"

 

What the fuck do you say to that?

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

My train into work has been cancelled a couple of times recently.

 

I wander in at 8:35am today (I start at 9), "Was your train on time this morning?"

 

What the fuck do you say to that?

 

"Fuck off you insufferable cunt-stain."

[Lee909]

My train into work has been cancelled a couple of times recently.

 

I wander in at 8:35am today (I start at 9), "Was your train on time this morning?"

 

What the fuck do you say to that?

 

 

No it was delayed,I tried getting in at 8 as i need to carry your fat arse through the day as per normal

[Scott_M]

My train into work has been cancelled a couple of times recently.

 

I wander in at 8:35am today (I start at 9), "Was your train on time this morning?"

 

What the fuck do you say to that?

Yes.

 

And they say nothing else. That's what I do to people I don't like anyway, give them one word, closed answers so the conversation doesn't continue.

[Mook]

Those types of questions are met with a wall of silence, I think it's important to give people like that a few seconds for their brain catch up to where their mouth is.

[General Dryness]

What the fuck do you say to that?

Same thing as you say every morning mate.

 

"Git your mooth roond ma cock ye fuckin slag ye. And tickle ma baws while yir aboot it. And dinnae think yir gittin any Vaseline roond yir hole the morn, ah'm gaun in fuckin dry."

[Creator Supreme]

Same thing as you say every morning mate.

 

"Git your mooth roond ma cock ye fuckin slag ye. And tickle ma baws while yir aboot it. And dinnae think yir gittin any Vaseline roond yir hole the morn, ah'm gaun in fuckin dry."

Is Mook Jamesie Cotter?

[General Dryness]

Is Mook Jamesie Cotter?

I'm sorry, I speak fluent Irvine Welsh Scottish. I'm sure Mooks life has less heroin and violence than one of Mr Welsh's novels.

 

Only a bit less, obviously.

[Sputnik1]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2017/09/12/men-obese-wives-should-screened-diabetes-experts-say/

 

Men are more likely to develop diabetes if their wife is obese, but women living with overweight men are not at greater risk, new research has found.

 

The first ever sex-specific study to investigate the effect of spousal obesity showed husbands were 21 per cent more likely to become type 2 diabetic, mainly because they share their wives’ poor eating and exercising habits.

 

However, the scientists behind the study could not explain why the reverse appears not also true.

 

They are now calling for men aged 50 and over living with obese women to be screened for disease, which currently affects more than 3.4 million adults in England.

 

 

 

Good luck trying to tell the wife why you’re going for a screening for diabetes

[s(k)aturation]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2017/09/12/men-obese-wives-should-screened-diabetes-experts-say/

 

Men are more likely to develop diabetes if their wife is obese, but women living with overweight men are not at greater risk, new research has found.

 

The first ever sex-specific study to investigate the effect of spousal obesity showed husbands were 21 per cent more likely to become type 2 diabetic, mainly because they share their wives’ poor eating and exercising habits.

 

However, the scientists behind the study could not explain why the reverse appears not also true.

 

They are now calling for men aged 50 and over living with obese women to be screened for disease, which currently affects more than 3.4 million adults in England.

 

 

 

Good luck trying to tell the wife why you’re going for a screening for diabetes

 

 

Hey, Adam, I've found this toffee apple tree.

[Harry Squatter]

Went to my aunties funeral in Ainsdale today and had to drive to the cemetery from there, I didn't know the way so my cousin gave me a lift. Despite my cousin living all her life in Ainsdale and the fact that my uncle was buried in the same place she managed to get lost in her car and we almost missed the burial.

[Harry Squatter]

Went to my aunties funeral in Ainsdale today and had to drive to the cemetery from there, I didn't know the way so my cousin gave me a lift. Despite my cousin living all her life in Ainsdale and the fact that my uncle was buried in the same place she managed to get lost in her car and we almost missed the burial.

[Ranxerox]

We moved last Dec and one reason we ended up where we did was my wife wanted to be able to walk to work. Of course not once did she avail herself of this "must have" feature which severely limited our choice when we were shopping for a home.

 

As it happens I like where we ended up just fine but when teachers had to report back in Sept I goaded her into walking to work one morning. At the end of the day she requested I pick her up. "How did your walk go this AM" I asked expecting to hear complaints about it taking too long etc. What follows was her account. My thoughts at the time are in brackets.

 

"My god don't ever let me do that again (this should be good) When I got to (main road) So and so (some twit she works with) who has a black SUV was driving by in the opposite direction. She stopped and rolled down her window to ask what time we started today. I said I don't know (sounds about right) . She said she was dropping her kids off at daycare first and did I want a ride to school on her way back. I said sure. (Jeezus you never even made it a quarter of the way?) She had to get going as cars were lining up behind her (She backed up traffic to talk? Across the road?) As I'm approaching an entrance to that church a black car turns in front of me, it's so and so ( wait car? Thought it was an SUV?) and I grab the door handle to get in but it's locked. I look at the driver and it's not so and so (jeezus) but some old lady with a worried look on her face who has now stopped half in and half out of the road. (Fucking hell when does the accident happen) I step back and she pulls into the church parking lot and there is some guy there staring at me now, he seems to be waiting for her (probably going to call the cops). I figured he might call the cops so I waved and kept on walking . So and so never did pick me up so I had to go all the way. Crazy huh? (FFS)

 

Needless to say she hasn't tried walking again.