What professions have you banged?

[silverlining]

Hang on, I think I know what it is: I don't approach girls, talk to them, or show any interest

 

I'm astonished I have ever had sex sometimes

[lifetime fan]

Where the fuck do you lot meet women? Stable girl?!

 

I think my extraordinarily narrow scope says a lot about me, none of it good.

 

 

Horsey women are filth, proper fucking bitches but filth all the same.

[silverlining]

Yeah I'd say I'm choosy as well but the problem is, so are the women.

 

Thing is, I hate anyone thinking they are superior to me, so cracking on to some fit girl is almost impossible for me. They have to make it very very obvious.

 

I think it's called 'an inferiority complex'

 

I wish I was 18 again. I'd have a word with myself

[lifetime fan]

All in media or advertising. Needy, spoiled and hard work.

 

Apart from the wife who is something to do with IT

 

 

The way to a successful marriage...listening.

[silverlining]

Horsey women are filth, proper fucking bitches but filth all the same.

 

Yeah, I've seen the films. But I don't know where any stables are

[silverlining]

The way to a successful marriage...listening.

 

Fuck you

 

IT Project Manager.

 

Or is it Consultant? Erm...

 

Fuck you!

[lifetime fan]

Yeah, I've seen the films. But I don't know where any stables are

 

Go out for a beer in a country pub of a friday night, they're the really loud ones with their tits out.

[Guest davelfc]

Thing is, I hate anyone thinking they are superior to me, so cracking on to some fit girl is almost impossible for me. They have to make it very very obvious.

 

I think it's called 'an inferiority complex'

 

I wish I was 18 again. I'd have a word with myself

 

No you wouldn't. I say that all the time and I know I'd be as bloody useless as I am now, worse because I'd realise just how useless.

[silverlining]

No you wouldn't. I say that all the time and I know I'd be as bloody useless as I am now, worse because I'd realise just how useless.

 

But it's not an actual lack of confidence. I just can't stand the artifice.

And while it is true that some girls go for 'moody/ mysterious/ difficult/ however you want to jazz it up' the fact is that friendly, nice blokes are less hard work and easier to talk to, and have more success

 

I remember the wise Luke Perry, with his slightly receding quiff, saying 'you attract more flies with honey'

 

Or something. It might not have been flies. And wouldn't shit attract flies more?

 

Anyway. You get his point.

[silverlining]

Go out for a beer in a country pub of a friday night, they're the really loud ones with their tits out.

 

I have lived most of my life in either Liverpool or London.

 

I say Liverpool. I mean Formby. But even The Railway or The Grapes or wherever isn't a 'country pub'

 

I used to think I'd have had loads of ace haystack sex if I'd lived somewhere really country. Like Hightown. Or, er, I dunno...ormskirk

 

Wheres the nearest haystacks to Liverpool?

[lifetime fan]

But it's not an actual lack of confidence. I just can't stand the artifice.

And while it is true that some girls go for 'moody/ mysterious/ difficult/ however you want to jazz it up' the fact is that friendly, nice blokes are less hard work and easier to talk to, and have more success

 

I remember the wise Luke Perry, with his slightly receding quiff, saying 'you attract more flies with honey'

 

Or something. It might not have been flies. And wouldn't shit attract flies more?

 

Anyway. You get his point.

 

You attract more flies with money.

[lifetime fan]

I have lived most of my life in either Liverpool or London.

 

I say Liverpool. I mean Formby. But even The Railway or The Grapes or wherever isn't a 'country pub'

 

I used to think I'd have had loads of ace haystack sex if I'd lived somewhere really country. Like Hightown. Or, er, I dunno...ormskirk

 

Wheres the nearest haystacks to Liverpool?

 

Havn't a fucking clue, I'm near Bristol.

[silverlining]

You attract more flies with money.

 

Money and success. Yup.

[silverlining]

Havn't a fucking clue, I'm near Bristol.

 

Oh, I'm sorry

[RJ Fan club]

 

A Nutritionist sounds like hard work. What was she like?

 

Also, I thought you said a conservative officer for a minute there so almost negged you. Not sure what one of them would be, but just sounded Tory like.

 

Nutritionist defo had the potential to be a royal pain in the arse. She was good girl though.

 

We knew each other through Uni and had the potential to be a couple then, but stayed mates. Then when I moved to the SE she was still in touch with mates and just trained as nutritionist after working HR post uni. We met again because of that.

 

She still liked clubbing it and the drugs that come with that, so she wasn't a super healthfreak.

 

We didn't go out that long, distance really (London to Brighton) but you could tell eating out was fussy as was Soya milk. Fucking soya milk in tea. She did have quite a stock of Snowballs and gin though, make of that what you will.

 

Fair normal bedroom wise, not overly adventurous, but not shy either.

 

I saw last a couple of years ago, she'd lost weight, not that she was carrying much extra. She wasn't. Looked like she'd got into drinking Fucking wheatgrass and whatnot. Shame her tits were boss.

[lifetime fan]

Oh, I'm sorry

 

Don't worry, I said near Bristol.

 

Not in Bristol.

[RJ Fan club]

Oh Brendan, I reckon nearest haystacks are Ince Blundell.

 

I nobbed a bird behind Hightown Cricket Club sightscreen if that counts as a rural outting.

[silverlining]

Oh Brendan, I reckon nearest haystacks are Ince Blundell.

 

I nobbed a bird behind Hightown Cricket Club sightscreen if that counts as a rural outting.

 

I went to school in Thornton with a proper halfwit from Ince Blundell.

 

He infamously defaced the sign once so that underneath 'Ince Blundell' it read 'The Bronx' which is still one of the funniest things I have ever seen

[Magic Sponge]

 

I went to school in Thornton with a proper halfwit from Ince Blundell.

 

He infamously defaced the sign once so that underneath 'Ince Blundell' it read 'The Bronx' which is still one of the funniest things I have ever seen

 

I nobbed a bird who went to Holy Family.

 

One costly fucking taxi ride from West Derby that was.

[VladimirIlyich]

 

Nutritionist defo had the potential to be a royal pain in the arse. She was good girl though.

 

We knew each other through Uni and had the potential to be a couple then, but stayed mates. Then when I moved to the SE she was still in touch with mates and just trained as nutritionist after working HR post uni. We met again because of that.

 

She still liked clubbing it and the drugs that come with that, so she wasn't a super healthfreak.

 

We didn't go out that long, distance really (London to Brighton) but you could tell eating out was fussy as was Soya milk. Fucking soya milk in tea. She did have quite a stock of Snowballs and gin though, make of that what you will.

 

Fair normal bedroom wise, not overly adventurous, but not shy either.

 

I saw last a couple of years ago, she'd lost weight, not that she was carrying much extra. She wasn't. Looked like she'd got into drinking Fucking wheatgrass and whatnot. Shame her tits were boss.

 

A nutrionist would also know that sperm has very few calories in it at all.

[Johnny Cougar]

A Welder.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Go out for a beer in a country pub of a friday night, they're the really loud ones with their tits out.

 

I wasn't being that loud.

[lifetime fan]

I wasn't being that loud.

 

I originally was trying to pull your better looking mate but the beer goggles kicked in.

[lifetime fan]

A Welder.

 

That reminds me, she was at college when I fucked her but she went on to become a motorbike mechanic.

[s(k)aturation]

Hang on, I think I know what it is: I don't approach girls, talk to them, or show any interest

 

I'm astonished I have ever had sex sometimes

 

Same here.

"By accident" is the pretty consistent story of my life.

And that, miraculously, now extends to having fathered two children.