The world of a woman.

[Lurtz]

One of the lads told her it was from tuna fish, but she wasn't sure about, someone else told her it was from dolphin and she believed it! as i said nice girl but thick as shit, she is from Leeds though!

 

Evidently you know my ex. That or there's a high proportion of people from Yorkshire who are as thick as pig shit. Who knew.

[Robbo29]

she is only 20 and she your ex Lurtz! well in big man

[Joe Le Taxi]

20 year old in Leeds?

 

Pics? Number?

[Lucky Pierre]

Some daft bint on my twitter timeline has just re-tweeted this from some fucking cunty 'Scouse Birds' account:

 

'If yer were dead good having salad for lunch but went home an stuffed yer face, yer still get points for trying...and points mean? MORE WINE!'

 

Honestly, words fail me.

And she'll still say "oh but I was dead good this week" in weight watchers.

[Champ]

One of the lads told her it was from tuna fish, but she wasn't sure about, someone else told her it was from dolphin and she believed it! as i said nice girl but thick as shit, she is from Leeds though!

 

Why do some people call tuna tuna fish when you dont say cod fish or haddock fish (I presume)?

[Karl_b]

Why do some people call tuna tuna fish when you dont say cod fish or haddock fish (I presume)?

 

Because you can tune a piano but you can't Tuna Fish!

 

Buahahahahahaha....ooh.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

I took the wife out on a lunch date years ago to Jamie Oliver's in Bath. Only I'd ended up working for 36 hours straight and finished 9 o'clock that morning.

 

By 11 o'clock we're in Bath and she fancies a drink (she hardly drinks) so we go for a 'couple' before our meal.

 

Working 36 hours, no sleep and half a dozen pints of Weston's Organic by 1 o'clock don't make for a great date.

 

Luckily she saw the funny side of it and just sent photos to all her mates of me asleep in the restaurant.

 

Very off topic here. Are you sure you are not my brother?

 

He used to work nights for a distribution firm. There are endless tales of him falling asleep in a mates house after 8 cans and then the obligatory drawing on faces etc.

 

One time he went out with his mates after finishing his shift at 7, started on the ale at 7:30 and then met his mates at 12. Spent all day in this one pub. Went for a piss but ended up trying to AC Slater (which I had told him about when the GF started talking about)

 

He sits down, and blinks. Next thing it is pitch black and he has no fucking idea where he was. Goes for a little wander and he is still in the pub. Tries opening the doors, but they are locked. Tries another door, locked. Pitch black, couldn't find the light switches. Next thing, the landlady is stood there with a can of fly spray and a see through nightie (apparently not the best looking gal) and next to her is her husband, the landlord wielding a baseball bat.

 

Fortunately they recognised our kid from that day and also being a regular and apologised for not waking him up in the bog.

 

He went back the next day and got a free piss up.

 

My Aunt died about 4 years ago and our kid was still working nights and had to travel to Liverpool for her funeral. 1 hour into the get together after the ceremony, cue our kid sat up at a table asleep.

 

Cue all family members having there picture taken with him.

 

I could actually go on because there are many, many more.

 

Woman are mad.

 

Apologies for derailing the thread a little. But it does relate in a small way as I consider our kid to be a tart.

[The Economist]

And she'll still say "oh but I was dead good this week" in weight watchers.

 

Exactly. Fat fucking slags.

[lifetime fan]

Very off topic here. Are you sure you are not my brother?

 

He used to work nights for a distribution firm. There are endless tales of him falling asleep in a mates house after 8 cans and then the obligatory drawing on faces etc.

 

One time he went out with his mates after finishing his shift at 7, started on the ale at 7:30 and then met his mates at 12. Spent all day in this one pub. Went for a piss but ended up trying to AC Slater (which I had told him about when the GF started talking about)

 

He sits down, and blinks. Next thing it is pitch black and he has no fucking idea where he was. Goes for a little wander and he is still in the pub. Tries opening the doors, but they are locked. Tries another door, locked. Pitch black, couldn't find the light switches. Next thing, the landlady is stood there with a can of fly spray and a see through nightie (apparently not the best looking gal) and next to her is her husband, the landlord wielding a baseball bat.

 

Fortunately they recognised our kid from that day and also being a regular and apologised for not waking him up in the bog.

 

He went back the next day and got a free piss up.

 

My Aunt died about 4 years ago and our kid was still working nights and had to travel to Liverpool for her funeral. 1 hour into the get together after the ceremony, cue our kid sat up at a table asleep.

 

Cue all family members having there picture taken with him.

 

I could actually go on because there are many, many more.

 

Woman are mad.

 

Apologies for derailing the thread a little. But it does relate in a small way as I consider our kid to be a tart.

 

 

You name it I've slept there.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

You name it I've slept there.

 

Jimmy Saville's bed.

[Paulie Dangerously]

'I'm a REAL woman with curves. I'm not airbrushed I'm not photograph shopped I eat and I'm happy . Like this if you agree '

 

The only thing you like love is chicken nuggets and icecream. Fuck off

[macc]

 

Jimmy Saville's bed.

 

Nah, he didn't get a chance to sleep. To busy getting bummed!

[brucespanner]

She is quite frankly amazing from tip to boot.

 

As you were.

[dannilou247]

some women give us a bad name!!!

[Joe Le Taxi]

Off the Lad Bible

 

I work at a petrol station, and saw a decent looking brunette (8/10), filling up her wee 98 Micra. I notice she's filling the car with diesel. Thinking I can still be the hero I leg it over... Only to notice she's put about 18 litres in the car. I ask her what in the name of god is she doing putting diesel into that car. "The fuel was low so I just put diesel in it". Diesel I ask again ? Yeah she said.. "I know it's not good for my car because dad told me to never put it in but its cheaper and I wanted to fill the tank". Not a hint of a smile or a laugh to say she was joking. Knowing I'd lose my head, I turn on the heel and just walk away after I realise what I'm dealing with.. Women and cars just... Don't mix.

[brucespanner]

She is quite frankly amazing from tip to boot.

 

As you were.

[Liverpool lad]

Out in Ely for a meal with Mrs Ll and her family last night.

 

There were a pair of trainers slung over a telephone wire, just in view of where we sat in the restaurant.

 

Mrs Ll, not being from Liverpool chirps up that in Liverpool that is the ritual to mark a scally passing away, and they chuck their trainers over a phone line.

 

This puzzled her family and left me pissing myself laughing, with Mrs Ll saying that I told her this ages when we were driving about. God she believes anything. I don't even remember telling her this

[Ginny]

I dipped my pen in company ink. Never dip your pen in company ink. My ex went on the rebound with some guy who sits about 5 seats away from me in work. And kept telling me about it. Then on 'steak and blowjob' day she tells me she's going down the butchers with her new fella. I have hundreds of examples of this insane behaviour with this particular female. I only split up with her 3 months ago and she had this new fella about 2 weeks later and is still with him.

 

The world of a woman is a very bizarre place indeed.

[lifetime fan]

'You don't get jealous enough'.

[manwiththestick]

I dipped my pen in company ink. Never dip your pen in company ink. My ex went on the rebound with some guy who sits about 5 seats away from me in work. And kept telling me about it. Then on 'steak and blowjob' day she tells me she's going down the butchers with her new fella. I have hundreds of examples of this insane behaviour with this particular female. I only split up with her 3 months ago and she had this new fella about 2 weeks later and is still with him.

 

The world of a woman is a very bizarre place indeed.

 

Go out with one of her mates, shag her, bum her, film it or take pics. Make a little montage film with Bobby Brown's "two can play that game" playing over it, post on her Facebook.

[lifetime fan]

I dipped my pen in company ink. Never dip your pen in company ink. My ex went on the rebound with some guy who sits about 5 seats away from me in work. And kept telling me about it. Then on 'steak and blowjob' day she tells me she's going down the butchers with her new fella. I have hundreds of examples of this insane behaviour with this particular female. I only split up with her 3 months ago and she had this new fella about 2 weeks later and is still with him.

 

The world of a woman is a very bizarre place indeed.

 

 

Only ever shag up in work, never down.

[Ginny]

Tell me about it. Big mistake made. The thing is I couldn't give a fuck. At first it pissed me off, it still stings a bit now, male ego and all that shit, but then the less I seem to care the more she keeps coming at me with this shit. I feel sorry for the poor lad she's with because he's probably going to get hurt somewhere down the line. I've been a player in my time and done some selfish things to women but this is next level mind game shit.

 

I pretty much blanked her for 2 weeks straight, which was fun, and she didn't like that. Its all I could do. Immature I know. Then when i decided to acknowledge her as a co-worker she started with the head games again almost straight away.

 

Sometimes with you have to treat them like children. I cant emphasise this enough. Don't bang a bird who you work with. Well, a crazy one anyway.

[chrisbonnie]

the missus has to do some report or other officey shite today. So needless to say, she's in a stinking mood because she's working sunday.

 

i brought the dogs out for 2 hours to give her some peace and quiet while she was working. when i eventually got home i sat at the kitchen table drinking a glass of water. After 5 minutes she says, and i fucking quote. "why do you have to sit there, you've just sat down there all deliberate and all i hear is you drinking water, go up fucking stairs or something"

 

yep, im a big mean bollocks for trying to rehydrate myself after a long walk. I really should be more considerate shouldnt I.

 

fucking moany bint. You just know if that was the other way round we'd have to apologise.

[Paulie Dangerously]

the missus has to do some report or other officey shite today. So needless to say, she's in a stinking mood because she's working sunday.

 

i brought the dogs out for 2 hours to give her some peace and quiet while she was working. when i eventually got home i sat at the kitchen table drinking a glass of water. After 5 minutes she says, and i fucking quote. "why do you have to sit there, you've just sat down there all deliberate and all i hear is you drinking water, go up fucking stairs or something"

 

yep, im a big mean bollocks for trying to rehydrate myself after a long walk. I really should be more considerate shouldnt I.

 

fucking moany bint. You just know if that was the other way round we'd have to apologise.

 

Cunt her in the punch

[Rico1304]

I dipped my pen in company ink. Never dip your pen in company ink. My ex went on the rebound with some guy who sits about 5 seats away from me in work. And kept telling me about it. Then on 'steak and blowjob' day she tells me she's going down the butchers with her new fella. I have hundreds of examples of this insane behaviour with this particular female. I only split up with her 3 months ago and she had this new fella about 2 weeks later and is still with him.

 

The world of a woman is a very bizarre place indeed.

 

Rule #1 - Don't screw the crew.