What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Jose Jones]

8 hours ago, Numero Veinticinco said:

I knew Ed would be a bean-dodger. 

Here’s the thing, despite being told he didn’t need to bring anything, my deviant mate Nick deliberately took a tin of beans.

Nothing else. (I provided the bread and beer on request).

 

So both Ed and Nick had beans, I, being a right thinking person, did not.

I figure in Edward’s case his original thought was in the right place, but he allowed himself to be unduly influenced.

Nicholas is obviously the worst of lost causes.

[Numero Veinticinco]

11 hours ago, Remmie said:

Ed is a wanker for what he's done to your eggs. 

Bad Tory Egg. 

[Bjornebye]

31 minutes ago, Jose Jones said:

Here’s the thing, despite being told he didn’t need to bring anything, my deviant mate Nick deliberately took a tin of beans.

Nothing else. (I provided the bread and beer on request).

 

So both Ed and Nick had beans, I, being a right thinking person, did not.

I figure in Edward’s case his original thought was in the right place, but he allowed himself to be unduly influenced.

Nicholas is obviously the worst of lost causes.

Nicholas can go and fuck himself as far as I’m concerned 

[Pureblood]

Nasty Nick.

[YorkshireRed]

Fucking Ed has ruined my day. If I ever meet him, I’ll ignore the cunt. That’ll show him. 

[heavyrotation]

13 hours ago, belarus said:

Potatoes. Brown toast. Raw bacon. Green seasoning. Jam.

 

How dare you. How VERY dare you!

And no baps/chebs on show. Hands up there to be fair.

[YorkshireRed]

That Ed has really got to me. He’s dominating my thoughts. I’m becoming obsessed. 

[Bjornebye]

Just now, YorkshireRed said:

That Ed has really got to me. He’s dominating my thoughts. I’m becoming obsessed. 

It’s Nicholas I’m focused on. Who takes a ton of beams to their mates house let alone sits and eats them. I’ve contacted the met 

[Remmie]

11 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

That Ed has really got to me. He’s dominating my thoughts. I’m becoming obsessed. 

I think you need a read through Amy's back catalogue to help you out. Did you ever friend her on FB in the end?

[YorkshireRed]

6 minutes ago, Remmie said:

I think you need a read through Amy's back catalogue to help you out. Did you ever friend her on FB in the end?

No, I was worried she’d reject me. My fragile ego couldn’t handle the thought that my feelings for her aren’t reciprocated. 
 

I plan to wait until all her kids are in prison, then offer to duff up one of her enemies in their absence. If that doesn’t win her heart, nothing will.

[Trumo]

20 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

It’s Nicholas I’m focused on. Who takes a ton of beams to their mates house let alone sits and eats them. I’ve contacted the met 

 

Someone who likes the taste of Irn Bru.

[TheHowieLama]

3 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

That Ed has really got to me. He’s dominating my thoughts. I’m becoming obsessed. 

YorkshireEd

[Curly]

On 20/06/2021 at 11:38, YorkshireRed said:

That Ed has really got to me. He’s dominating my thoughts. I’m becoming obsessed. 

 

On 20/06/2021 at 12:00, YorkshireRed said:

No, I was worried she’d reject me. My fragile ego couldn’t handle the thought that my feelings for her aren’t reciprocated. 
 

I plan to wait until all her kids are in prison, then offer to duff up one of her enemies in their absence. If that doesn’t win her heart, nothing will.

I can’t wait to see this pop up on the national news at some point.

 

 

[YorkshireRed]

3 minutes ago, belarus said:

 

I can’t wait to see this pop up on the national news at some point.

 

”A man from the Yorkshire area is wanted for questioning in line with a recent kidnap and torture. Mr Red hired Dylan, the son of his mistress, a miss Amy Lewis, to commit the attacks. Miss Lewis has since hinted on Facebook that there would be retribution for any arrest of her son, by stating:

 

‘They r tryin to set my dylan up agen. That fat slag cunt on news at 10, you know who U r, wouldn’t dare admit it to me, but she’s grassed my dylan to the nation. Wudnt say it to my face though would she’

 

Police are urging Mr Red to come forward and help with enquiries, which are cooked breakfast related

You have seen the future. Five years from now I’ll be posting photos of my prison breakfast from the nearest Slammer to Milton Keynes . The photos will have been taken using a contraband mobile, retrieved from the arse of ‘my Dylan’ on his latest stay for a crime he’s been fitted up for by Amy’s arch enemy, whatever her name is.

 

On the upside, Amy will have promised to wait for me and remain celibate until my release (not including blow jobs and drunken anal sex by the bins in the car park of the local boozer which is fair enough).

 

The breakfast will also be a darn sight better than most of the efforts seen on here. 

 

Love is doing time for my Princess. 

[Bjornebye]

28 minutes ago, belarus said:

 

I can’t wait to see this pop up on the national news at some point.

 

”A man from the Yorkshire area is wanted for questioning in line with a recent kidnap and torture. Mr Red hired Dylan, the son of his mistress, a miss Amy Lewis, to commit the attacks. Miss Lewis has since hinted on Facebook that there would be retribution for any arrest of her son, by stating:

 

‘They r tryin to set my dylan up agen. That fat slag cunt on news at 10, you know who U r, wouldn’t dare admit it to me, but she’s grassed my dylan to the nation. Wudnt say it to my face though would she’

 

Police are urging Mr Red to come forward and help with enquiries, which are cooked breakfast related

"Hez wiv da lesbos now" 

[Captain Turdseye]

I’m meant to be on a diet so I nipped out for breakfast twice this week while nobody was looking. I was feeling pretty fucking down about them until I opened the thread and saw this post…

 

On 30/05/2021 at 11:10, belarus said:

Got inspired by this thread so ordered a late breakfast. 
 

£6.80 all in - one of everything. I’d already eaten so was just after the taste really.

 

There was bacon, but when I opened the box it stood up, walked itself over to the oven and got in to introduce itself to its first ever interaction with heat.

 

First bite on the sausage yielded a lump of hard gristle. Straight to the dog that went.

 

Once the bacon was done it complemented the rest to being average - 6/10. The sausage was fucking filth though and was a 0.5 as a stand-alone, so that takes the score to 4/10. The bacon was raw, so another point off.

 

3/10. Fuming. Weekend ruined 

 

Anyway, said sorry excuses for ‘breakfasts’

 

Breakfast #1. Swapped out the hash browns for an extra sausage. They were cheap, shitty, chippy sausages.  I’m as pro-bean as could possibly be but even I turned my nose up at these. They’d been poured straight from the tin onto the plate. Same for the tomatoes. The mushrooms were OK and the bacon was smoked. They were the only positives. Even the fried bread was shite. 
 

 

 

Breakfast #2. Exact same review as the first one but I forgot to change the hash brows because I was gleefully texting people after seeing the dickhead who laid my flooring sat in there with his arm in a cast and a sling. Try tattooing people “on the side” with one arm, you fucking gobshite. Nice when karma throws a bit of shit on people like that. 

 

[Bjornebye]

 

 

[Elite]

4 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I’m meant to be on a diet so I nipped out for breakfast twice this week while nobody was looking. I was feeling pretty fucking down about them until I opened the thread and saw this post…

 

 

Anyway, said sorry excuses for ‘breakfasts’

 

Breakfast #1. Swapped out the hash browns for an extra sausage. They were cheap, shitty, chippy sausages.  I’m as pro-bean as could possibly be but even I turned my nose up at these. They’d been poured straight from the tin i to the plate. Same for the tomatoes. The mushrooms were OK and the bacon was smoked. They were the only positives. Even the fried bread was shite. 
 

 

 

Breakfast #2. Exact same review as the first one but I forgot to change the hash brows because I was gleefully texting people after  seeing the dickhead who laid my flooring sat in there with his arm in a cast and a sling. Try tattooing people “on the side” with one arm, you fucking gobshite. Nice when karma throws a bit of shit on people like that. 

 

As someone without high full English breakfast standards, they both look absolutely shite.

 

Stick to the diet mate, as starvation looks preferable to those efforts.

[YorkshireRed]

3 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I’m meant to be on a diet so I nipped out for breakfast twice this week while nobody was looking. I was feeling pretty fucking down about them until I opened the thread and saw this post…

 

 

Anyway, said sorry excuses for ‘breakfasts’

 

Breakfast #1. Swapped out the hash browns for an extra sausage. They were cheap, shitty, chippy sausages.  I’m as pro-bean as could possibly be but even I turned my nose up at these. They’d been poured straight from the tin i to the plate. Same for the tomatoes. The mushrooms were OK and the bacon was smoked. They were the only positives. Even the fried bread was shite. 
 

Breakfast #2. Exact same review as the first one but I forgot to change the hash brows because I was gleefully texting people after  seeing the dickhead who laid my flooring sat in there with his arm in a cast and a sling. Try tattooing people “on the side” with one arm, you fucking gobshite. Nice when karma throws a bit of shit on people like that. 

The shape of that plate on the second breakfast makes me feel queasy. I suspect eating that breakfast would make me projectile vomit. 
 

Although, for balance….no, I’ve got nothing. Karma didn’t needed to “throw shit” at your tradesman. The breakfast would have been fine wrapped around his unskilled/unreliable noggin. 

[Captain Turdseye]

Definitely sticking to bacon and egg on toast for the three sneaky breakfasts next week. 

[Pidge]

If you asked for your eggs to be cooked like that, you deserve everything you get.

[Bruce Spanner]

[Pureblood]

51 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I’m meant to be on a diet so I nipped out for breakfast twice this week while nobody was looking. I was feeling pretty fucking down about them until I opened the thread and saw this post…

 

 

Anyway, said sorry excuses for ‘breakfasts’

 

Breakfast #1. Swapped out the hash browns for an extra sausage. They were cheap, shitty, chippy sausages.  I’m as pro-bean as could possibly be but even I turned my nose up at these. They’d been poured straight from the tin onto the plate. Same for the tomatoes. The mushrooms were OK and the bacon was smoked. They were the only positives. Even the fried bread was shite. 
 

 

 

Breakfast #2. Exact same review as the first one but I forgot to change the hash brows because I was gleefully texting people after seeing the dickhead who laid my flooring sat in there with his arm in a cast and a sling. Try tattooing people “on the side” with one arm, you fucking gobshite. Nice when karma throws a bit of shit on people like that. 

 

[Curly]

1 hour ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I’m meant to be on a diet so I nipped out for breakfast twice this week while nobody was looking. I was feeling pretty fucking down about them until I opened the thread and saw this post…

 

 

Anyway, said sorry excuses for ‘breakfasts’

 

Breakfast #1. Swapped out the hash browns for an extra sausage. They were cheap, shitty, chippy sausages.  I’m as pro-bean as could possibly be but even I turned my nose up at these. They’d been poured straight from the tin onto the plate. Same for the tomatoes. The mushrooms were OK and the bacon was smoked. They were the only positives. Even the fried bread was shite. 
 

 

 

Breakfast #2. Exact same review as the first one but I forgot to change the hash brows because I was gleefully texting people after seeing the dickhead who laid my flooring sat in there with his arm in a cast and a sling. Try tattooing people “on the side” with one arm, you fucking gobshite. Nice when karma throws a bit of shit on people like that. 

 

If you swap the eggs on the first breakfast with the eggs on the second, then mixed the beans together, maybe have both bits of toast as well as the fried bread, then pour it onto one bigger plate and just lash it all at the wall.

[Evelyn Tentions]

On 21/06/2021 at 03:48, belarus said:

If you swap the eggs on the first breakfast with the eggs on the second, then mixed the beans together, maybe have both bits of toast as well as the fried bread, then pour it onto one bigger plate and just lash it all at the wall.

Why the fuck you'd order again after the first horror show beats me.I'd rather eat the plate than what's on it.