The world of a woman.

[Evelyn Tentions]

When you have quite a complicated technical task to accomplish. For example I have to install a new piece of kitchen equipment which requires plumbing, wiring and joinery. I was a bit puzzled about how to do it and for a week or so it has been driving me mad. Every time I suggest that this bit of worktop may have to go. No is the answer. Or don't worry Ill phone my brother he will do it.

Finally managed it after about 10 hours of shitting myself with every turn of the jigsaw. She phones and asks and I pronounce task is completed.

Have you hoovered up after you was the reply.

 

 

"Sawing and wiring is mans work. I'll leave the hoovering to you, woman."

 

This response is far safer over the phone than face to face.

[Harry Squatter]

Did a lottery syndicate in work and copied everyone in who put in and the usual people who play but who were off. Some girl comes in and answers the email saying "I would have been so pissed off if you had won". I answered saying "why would you, you would have won six million quid".

 

She then said "oh was I included then?". She got a cob on and told me to stop being sarcastic when I said I had just included her on the email for a laugh.

[Nunavut Patrick]

I got one of those cyclonic Dyson's that never lose suction.

 

If only he could invent a woman with the same feature.

 

not sure if this is embellished, but I am taking a driver course (transport) and the test is next week so we were going over the routes the examiners may take us on. Getting in and out if the test site is tricky and requires a bit of tact, basically manouvering a 53ft trailer in a telephohe box. The instructor was cautining us that the first tirn is the one of the hardest turns on the route.

 

anyhoo, they do train women to drive these things, and the day of the test they were scheduled aboot 2 hours apart. Well, they both arrived at the this spot at the same time, one coming back from the road test portion and the other just going out.

 

They both advanced and therefore took each others space. The one coming back from the road test failed for impeding traffic, the one just going out failed for not yielding.

[A Red]

I cant remember if I posted this in here before but watching Car Share was reminded of a conversation with the mrs.

 

Her: " You know that chicken, you know the biggest one?"

Me: " yes" 

Her: "Well its obsessed with my ring"

Me " WHAT?"

Her: " Yes, everytime i go out to feed the chickens that particular one tries to peck my ring"

Me: " Are you sure?"

Her: "It must be because its so shiny"

Me: "Lets get this clear, we have a chicken that loves your shiny ring and wont leave it alone?"

Her: "Yes, strange isnt it?"

[Trumo]

I guess Beyonce's song was directed at chickens too. "If you liked it then you shoulda pecked the ring on it."

[Anny Road]

"Sawing and wiring is mans work. I'll leave the hoovering to you, woman."

 

 

I hope the response involved an uppercut?

 

 

This response is far safer over the phone than face to face.

To top the lot this morning she said she'd had a quote while I was at work and the bloke said £250. So she thought stuff that I'll just get him to do it.

There is not a scratch or bit out of place and she said it's 'Ok'

Had a Chinese last night and I ordered a mountain of grub in expectancy of a treat. Like fuck. I ended up forking out.

[Bellflower]

Glenn, will you be an Ice Road Trucker ?

[Spy Bee]

It came up on Facebook that a girl I know has just got engaged. I asked her why it said that when she'd been engaged to her fella for 18 months. She eventually told me that they had had an argument, so she blocked him. She blocked her fiance and the man she lives with on Facebook. I think that's fucking genius!

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

It came up on Facebook that a girl I know has just got engaged. I asked her why it said that when she'd been engaged to her fella for 18 months. She eventually told me that they had had an argument, so she blocked him. She blocked her fiance and the man she lives with on Facebook. I think that's fucking genius!

 

I don't know where you learned to spell, but that's not even close to the correct spelling of 'retarded'.

[Trumo]

It came up on Facebook that a girl I know has just got engaged. I asked her why it said that when she'd been engaged to her fella for 18 months. She eventually told me that they had had an argument, so she blocked him. She blocked her fiance and the man she lives with on Facebook. I think that's fucking genius!

 

Keep us updated on the subsequent attention-seeking posts full of made-up bollocks whose points bear zero resemblance to the actual argument.

[lifetime fan]

It came up on Facebook that a girl I know has just got engaged. I asked her why it said that when she'd been engaged to her fella for 18 months. She eventually told me that they had had an argument, so she blocked him. She blocked her fiance and the man she lives with on Facebook. I think that's fucking genius!

I'm not on faceaids so my fiancée blocks me and ignores we in real life.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I've probably said this before but they love a good double standard, if there's a bit of cleaning to be done and she can't be arsed then sound, we'll do it in a bit, even if I wanted it done there and then, no harm in waiting, but you know if SHE'S decided that we should clean and I can't be arsed, well I'm just the worlds worst cunt on the planet, sigh, huff, sigh, huff. I've also noticed that women are quite keen on not accepting repsonsibility for any problem or shit they have ever caused.

[lifetime fan]

I've probably said this before but they love a good double standard, if there's a bit of cleaning to be done and she can't be arsed then sound, we'll do it in a bit, even if I wanted it done there and then, no harm in waiting, but you know if SHE'S decided that we should clean and I can't be arsed, well I'm just the worlds worst cunt on the planet, sigh, huff, sigh, huff. I've also noticed that women are quite keen on not accepting repsonsibility for any problem or shit they have ever caused.

The cleaning one is a classic mate. If they can't be arsed one day it's because they have to do 'everything' and need some time to themselves.

 

You want to finish watching a Telly programme before putting the wheelie bin out, you know, the wheelie bin that won't be collected until tomorrow fucking morning and the worlds going to end.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

She flipped because a woman on facebook deleted her before she had the chance to delete her, apparently this woman is a real bitch in work, and is always nasty for no reason, I literally had no idea what to say to her when she was crying over it, so I just said 'what does she look like ??', she hated that, she went all dwayne Johnson on me,  'it doesn't matter what she looks like'. 

 

Oh I fucking know it doesn't, I don't care !!!!! I just didn't know what else to say !!!!!

[Ezekiel 25:17]

The cleaning one is a classic mate. If they can't be arsed one day it's because they have to do 'everything' and need some time to themselves.

 

You want to finish watching a Telly programme before putting the wheelie bin out, you know, the wheelie bin that won't be collected until tomorrow fucking morning and the worlds going to end.

 

 

Yep, another classic is if they know you're watching something and start tidying, 'do you want me to help ??', no just finish watching your programme', you then sit there as comfortable as Bin laden waiting for the fucking SAS to burst thorugh the window and attack you, whilst she smashes the dishes about..

[lifetime fan]

Yep, another classic is if they know you're watching something and start tidying, 'do you want me to help ??', no just finish watching your programme', you then sit there as comfortable as Bin laden waiting for the fucking SAS to burst thorugh the window and attack you, whilst she smashes the dishes about..

You sure we're not shagging twins?

[Ranxerox]

I've probably said this before but they love a good double standard, if there's a bit of cleaning to be done and she can't be arsed then sound, we'll do it in a bit, even if I wanted it done there and then, no harm in waiting, but you know if SHE'S decided that we should clean and I can't be arsed, well I'm just the worlds worst cunt on the planet, sigh, huff, sigh, huff. I've also noticed that women are quite keen on not accepting repsonsibility for any problem or shit they have ever caused.

 

Yesterday I had to go have it out with the President of our Minor basketball association about some really ugly shit being stirred up by some parents on my daughters basketball team about our daughter. I asked her if she wanted to come (didn't want her to but figured she would insist) she replies with a casual no. 

 

Later in the evening I beg off of going with her to the dog's vet appointment and I'm painted as the most insensitive prick imaginable for not helping her with the dog. 

[lifetime fan]

I just say 'funny that' in a really sarcastic tone, it pisses her right off.

[Mook]

Had a row with the missus about housework the other night (I do the dishes & any heavy lifting, she does everything else).

 

Seemingly dishes don't count as housework.

 

What the fuck?

[Ranxerox]

I have a mate who is absolutely whipped. Its so bad even my wife has no respect for him. 

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I have a mate who is absolutely whipped. Its so bad even my wife has no respect for him. 

 

 

My best mate is the same, he can't fucking move, he had a bust up with her after being on ale and has had to drink shandy since, nothing stronger, unless she doesn't know about it.

[Bjornebye]

Zeek that description is fucking perfect

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Another favourite, she takes an hour plus to get ready, I take about 15 minutes, obviously  I stay well out the way when she's trying on every item of clothing she's ever bought, go down stairs, mess on my phone, when she FINALLY puts back on the first thing she tried, she'll be loitering by the front door and shout 'are you ready then', wait, what !!!???? I was ready.... !!! oh what's the fucking point let's go.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Women eh? Am I right? Eh? Hmm? Isn't it?

 

Fucking cunts.

[lifetime fan]

Another favourite, she takes an hour plus to get ready, I take about 15 minutes, obviously I stay well out the way when she's trying on every item of clothing she's ever bought, go down stairs, mess on my phone, when she FINALLY puts back on the first thing she tried, she'll be loitering by the front door and shout 'are you ready then', wait, what !!!???? I was ready.... !!! oh what's the fucking point let's go.

If we're going out I like to shave before my shower not after. You'd think it would make sense for her to have a shower when I shave and then me shower when she's doing make up, hair and choosing clothes etc.

 

But no. 'I don't like showering first'. So that's it. No fucking logic to it, I have to shower first.

 

What it does mean is that by the time she's in the shower I'm ready to go and she's going to be another hours at least so I'll just hide downstairs with a beer.