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Deep Impact vs Armageddon

Chris

By Chris,
in GF - General Forum

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Chris Grand Master

Chris

Posted
Posted

Some of you uneducated fucks might see Deep Impact as the film that succeeded where Armageddon failed. A film so Deep in it's emotional Impact that it tears the heart from Michael Bay's finest hour, and in short a more ponderous, thoughtful and grounded narrative of global doom.

 

Well if you think that you're wrong. And this is why.

 

- Armageddon has Aerosmith singing the finest rock and roll ballad ever

- Armageddon stars Bruce Willis as the best driller in the world who trains to be the world's greatest Astronaut in six weeks

- Deep Impact stars Tea Leonie as the world's worst news anchor ever

- Armageddon has Michael Bay AS DIRECTOR! - Fuckin' NEEEEOWWWW

- Armageddon stars Ben Affleck at the peak of his awesome

- Deep Impact features a black American President (As if...)

- Armageddon stars Steve Buscemi as a space crazy astronaut, playing bucking bronco on a nuclear warhead in the middle of a meteor

- In Deep Impact America doesn't save the world. I mean how unrealistic is that?

- In Deep Impact Jon Faverau dies - buzzkill

- Armageddon features an A-list medley of the John Denver classic "Leavin' on a Jetplane"

- Deep Impact is a series American failures. Not realistic and not box office

- Steve Buscemi's name in Armageddon is "Rockhound"

- Tea Leonie cries all the fucking time. Shut up bitch and help out by learning karate or something.

- In Deep Impact everyone runs and hides in a mountain. Well, I'm hear to tell you something. This is red, white and blue and these colours don't run.

- Ben Affleck uses the line "We all gotta die, right. I'm the one who gets to do it savin' the world"

- Armageddon's spacial effects and zoomy noise sound effects are way better

- The demonising of the meteor is way better in Armageddon.

- Deep Impact makes me want to eat my own shit

- Armageddon has a Ben Affleck/Liv Tyler love scene serenaded by Aerosmith

- Deep Impact has a pre-Rings Frodo who doesn't save shit.

- Deep Impact has virtually no discernible jingoism, or casual racism.

- Armageddon makes me cry

- Armageddon his the line "Yo, Harry. You the man."

- Deep Impact stars Robert Duvall as an asshole who no-one respects

- Deep Impact does not have Jeff Goldblum or Steve Guttenberg or Steven Seagal

 

In conclusion Armageddon is the greatest movie ever made.

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Section_31 Grand Master

Section_31

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Given the choice of running up a hill or getting my arse handed to me on an asteroid I know which I'd prefer.

 

why didn't people run for the hills when they first heard about it? As if you'd wait 18 months to see whether or not some pensioner could blow the thing up before taking to the M6 in search of saftey. It'd be a Moel Famau-fest from word go in my house.

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Cardie Grand Master

Cardie

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why didn't people run for the hills when they first heard about it? As if you'd wait 18 months to see whether or not some pensioner could blow the thing up before taking to the M6 in search of saftey. It'd be a Moel Famau-fest from word go in my house.

 

It's the same in every disaster film, people are stupid to progress the story, Sci Fi channel is the best for ridiculous disaster flicks.

 

In Armageddon people all stay in the cities and don't even contemplate getting out to higher ground, what could they have possibly thought "a bunch of oil drillers going into space to land on an asteroid drill into it, plant nuclear bombs and blow it up from the inside", it can't fail we're saved.

 

It's like that Simpsons episode where they all panic, professor frink show's up with a plan, they buy into it and laugh at the asteroid.....until the rocket misses and destroys the only bridge out of town.

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Remmie Grand Master

Remmie

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Movies with Tidal Waves - Why do you never see any big ocean life caught up in the waves.

 

It would have been far better is Tea Leoni got twatted by a blue whale or Jake Gyllenhal got eaten by a shark when he stepped out of the museum in the day after tomorrow.

They are not tidal waves! They have fuck all to do with the tide. It is a Tsunami. Sorry to be pedantic but it really riles my rhubarb.
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