One night stands

[Randy Marsh]

Long time ago before I was married me & a mate copped off with 2 girls from Widnes & ended up getting a cab back to one of their houses ( after a discussion about the gains involved versus the cab fare involved ). Once settled , my mate went upstairs with his girl & I got involved on the downstairs couch with mine.

 

About 2 hours later I was awoken from a doze ( after a massively impressive performance obviously ) by my mate looking a bit shaken & saying we needed to get off.

 

As we cleared off he let me know the problem. He said they laid down on the bed & everything had being going fine & then the girl had then stood up by the side of the bed & started a striptease. He sat back for the performance as the shoes came off , the blouse came off , the bra came off , the trousers came off , a bit of fumbling and then her right leg came off.

 

He hadn't a clue what to do & she hadn't mentioned having a prosthetic limb. She gets back on the bed as if it was the most usual thing in the world. He'd lost the urge but not wanting her to think he was a bastard , he did the dirty deed & then again before she had finally fallen asleep.

 

We got a cab & he sat almost catatonic in the back , his only utterance being

' I thought she was a shit dancer '.

 

To add insult to injury our pooled money only got us to town & we had to walk to Walton & Croxteth respectively.

 

Lovely story, pure poetry and definately worthy of a high placing on the league table of one night stand stories.

 

I never knew Heather McCartney was from Widness though

[She Knows It]

Wirral and Widnes seem to be prime locations for this sort of carry on.

[sir roger]

Wirral and Widnes seem to be prime locations for this sort of carry on.

 

Losing legs ?

[Unrighteous]

Ok Ok... As I'm about to go on the ale and am feeling a bit saucy here is one from my travels in Sevilla.

 

Calle Betis in the late spring/early summer is a wonder to behold. The summer abroad art programs in the US start shipping birds(mostly... It's always like 90% birds) around to see some of europe. One of the stops for a few weeks is Sevilla.

 

One bar, in particular, is quite good. It's called Big Ben and I've pulled many-a-yank outta that one.

 

This night in particular, I did my usual. Ordered a pint(which they won't recognise if you order in english... and overcharge anyone who orders a 'beer', 'pint', 'ale', 'cerveza',etc)

 

I chatted up a spanish bird but as I'm not fluent that usually dulls a bit of my pulling wit and it was more of a long shot.

 

Midnight rolls around and it's now the pussy patrol. 35+ 18 year old yank birds come trotting into the place.

 

I say 'hello' to one and they've met a real, honest to goodness, foreigner(I usually am putting on a very heavy accent at this point to sell that since I sound like a half-canadian watered down generic englishman when talking normal). I usually just bullshit and talk about my travels with them or whatnot. Ask a few questions... and generally meet every bird in the joint.

 

I make my pick based on how easy I think she'll be and how cute she is... This one is jocking me very hard and I agree to leave with her, effectively pissing off the other two that were talking to me, and then my girl grabs her mates and off we go(i'm silently cursing that she grabbed her mates! wtf!).

 

We walk one of them back to hers, the next back to where she is staying, and then my bird goes, "Well, I'm just staying right here and you can't come up. It's against the rules." I figured we had enough time in the third part of the walk for me to get her to my hotel in principle then take her there and shag her rotten.

 

Anyway, now I'm just making out with her outside of her 'families'(a host family) flat. I'm gutted but still thinking about the ultimate goal.

 

We are messing around out there for a good 90 minutes and she keeps going, "this is bad, I need to go up" and then finally she's allowed my hand to get into her shorts.

 

Fast forward a bit, and I've her bent over the hood of this yellowish delivery van of some sorts and I'm giving her one out in the open. Risky and awesome.

 

I'm getting ready to finish up when I hear someone coming, I look, and it's a fellow in a yellowish uniform like the van's colour. I try to block it out of my mind, increase my tempo, and finish up.

 

I quickly hike my keks back up and give her a smooch and do a very quick goodbye.

 

Walking past the fellow in the Uniform, "lo siento", I say with a grin.

 

It turned out that it was half five in the morning and apparently he needed that van to get to work.

[Randy Marsh]

Ok Ok... As I'm about to go on the ale and am feeling a bit saucy here is one from my travels in Sevilla.

 

Calle Betis in the late spring/early summer is a wonder to behold. The summer abroad art programs in the US start shipping birds(mostly... It's always like 90% birds) around to see some of europe. One of the stops for a few weeks is Sevilla.

 

One bar, in particular, is quite good. It's called Big Ben and I've pulled many-a-yank outta that one.

 

This night in particular, I did my usual. Ordered a pint(which they won't recognise if you order in english... and overcharge anyone who orders a 'beer', 'pint', 'ale', 'cerveza',etc)

 

I chatted up a spanish bird but as I'm not fluent that usually dulls a bit of my pulling wit and it was more of a long shot.

 

Midnight rolls around and it's now the pussy patrol. 35+ 18 year old yank birds come trotting into the place.

 

I say 'hello' to one and they've met a real, honest to goodness, foreigner(I usually am putting on a very heavy accent at this point to sell that since I sound like a half-canadian watered down generic englishman when talking normal). I usually just bullshit and talk about my travels with them or whatnot. Ask a few questions... and generally meet every bird in the joint.

 

I make my pick based on how easy I think she'll be and how cute she is... This one is jocking me very hard and I agree to leave with her, effectively pissing off the other two that were talking to me, and then my girl grabs her mates and off we go(i'm silently cursing that she grabbed her mates! wtf!).

 

We walk one of them back to hers, the next back to where she is staying, and then my bird goes, "Well, I'm just staying right here and you can't come up. It's against the rules." I figured we had enough time in the third part of the walk for me to get her to my hotel in principle then take her there and shag her rotten.

 

Anyway, now I'm just making out with her outside of her 'families'(a host family) flat. I'm gutted but still thinking about the ultimate goal.

 

We are messing around out there for a good 90 minutes and she keeps going, "this is bad, I need to go up" and then finally she's allowed my hand to get into her shorts.

 

Fast forward a bit, and I've her bent over the hood of this yellowish delivery van of some sorts and I'm giving her one out in the open. Risky and awesome.

 

I'm getting ready to finish up when I hear someone coming, I look, and it's a fellow in a yellowish uniform like the van's colour. I try to block it out of my mind, increase my tempo, and finish up.

 

I quickly hike my keks back up and give her a smooch and do a very quick goodbye.

 

Walking past the fellow in the Uniform, "lo siento", I say with a grin.

 

It turned out that it was half five in the morning and apparently he needed that van to get to work.

 

*applause*

 

Pure class mate, pure class.

 

An ambition of mine is to pull a yank. Ive heard the yank birds love the english accent, you've got to go all Hugh Grant on them apparently. Id fuckin love a bit of that

[mattyq]

I've only ever had 2. I prefer actually knowing the girl but i'm pretty jelous of the rest of you

[Harry Squatter]

Here's me thinking that I've created a genius 5 page thread ful of great stories of people shagging dirty bitches but what do I find? Chris and PaddyBerger arguing like a married couple. I feel completely demoralised by this.

[Harry Squatter]

Some guy I work with pulled some bird from Flares in Mathew Street, took her back to his, he lives with his parents so he said that they had to do the need downstairs, he bent her over the back of the sofa, lifted her skirt up, ragged her knickers off and started banging her from behind. After ten minutes he tells her that he is going to shoot his load and she says "I want to see your face when you come, I want to see the reaction on your face as it turns me on", he pulls out and shoots his load all over her arse but instead of turning her over he gets out his Trio ticket from his keks which are still round his ankles and shoves it in her face showing his photo. She got off soon after that.

 

My ma caught me on the couch one night with this bird I worked with, it was about 3.30 in the morning and she was on top of me with her back facing me properly going at it. My mum for some reason decided that she needed a drink of water and walked into the front room to see what the noise was. The girl was dead embarassed and never spoke to me ever again. My mum also ignored me for a week until she said "If you want to do that type of thing I think you should get your own flat".

 

When I lived with my brother I pulled some bird who started ging me a blow job on my couch, my brother walks in completely pissed out of his head and this bird is sucking away kneeling on the floor with only her knickers on - I say embarassingly "Alright this is xxxx from work", my brother goes over and shakes her hand and says "pleased to meet you, i'm pissed by the way and going to bed but i'll see you some other time" and gets off without flinching or thinking anything is abnormal. Never saw much of her again either.

[Liam]

That Madrid story is class! Sounds like a classic trip. I thought I had a good story about Birmingham this New Years Eve but it doesnt even nearly compare so I wont waste my time!

[Juniper]

There's a lot of bending over on this thread!

 

fucking 'ell

[Unrighteous]

*applause*

 

Pure class mate, pure class.

 

An ambition of mine is to pull a yank. Ive heard the yank birds love the english accent, you've got to go all Hugh Grant on them apparently. Id fuckin love a bit of that

 

Ta mate... I lived over in the states and Canada for a while and I made a fucking meal out of my accent.

 

It's a beautiful thing when you hear a north american bird say, "Oh, you're english?"

 

It's like... "GOTCHA BITCH!"

[Chris]

Here's me thinking that I've created a genius 5 page thread ful of great stories of people shagging dirty bitches but what do I find? Chris and PaddyBerger arguing like a married couple. I feel completely demoralised by this.

 

Devastated for ya... really.

[Randy Marsh]

That Madrid story is class! Sounds like a classic trip. I thought I had a good story about Birmingham this New Years Eve but it doesnt even nearly compare so I wont waste my time!

 

Liam, you will be offending the whole GF if you do not tell your story!

[Chris]

Liam, you will be offending the whole GF if you do not tell your story!

 

Bro-dude, you still up. Just got in?

[Randy Marsh]

Bro-dude, you still up. Just got in?

 

Yer mate just got back from work. I cant fuckin sleep after working in the club, need a while to chill out. It makes a change because usually when im posting at this time, im fucked out of my face and the posts make little sense. They are atleast readable tonight:smile:

[Unrighteous]

The near-miss from tonight...

 

 

Chris and I went to KRAZHOUSE tonight with two of Chris' female mates(equiv of gay friends as they fuck less than nuns) for a few bevvies and a bit of fun. Anywho, Chris is great at the contact sport part of pulling.. and me being a world class finisher makes this interesting.

 

Now, I'm going to fast forward quite a bit. I see Chris sitting with two birds after I get out of the bog. Fair enough, I walked over and the the bird he isn't talking too is quite cute so I am like, "Sound."

 

Hell, the mate he would have stuck me with on his earlier bird would have cost him a hefty bar tab(she was a fatty).

 

SO, I start to chat up this bird like, "My friend is talking to your friend... How silly" and she is eating it up.

 

(I later found out that these two birds were 17 and I realised at that point that I could have told her I was a race car driver or something instead of the truth and she'd believe me... which is more fun because of the chance of being caught in the lie... obviously)

 

 

Anyway, I see Chris snogging his bird. She's fit, so well in mate... I am still talking to my bird like she's just going to be a mate and she is still eating it up like it's the fucking cure to her wounds.

 

Next thing you know? Chris has invited the two back to mine for refreshments and guitar hero(Code: To fuck our brains out) and they seem quite keen.

 

I'm still acting like the neutered friend untill I strike! I'm now snogging my bird. Chris is snogging his bird.

 

(Fast forward a bit) and I've got my hands in her tights and two fingers up her moist and snuggly.

 

Her twat mate(the third girl) comes over and is still crying(unrelated bullshit) and manages to distract out birds.

 

....

 

...

 

They go off with her but pledge to come back.

 

...

 

...

 

 

Chris' bird comes back.

 

...

...

 

My bird is still a no show... I look for her. Nothing. I look some more, nothing.

 

She had a boyfriend!(or has... whatever) This girl, was from what I understand, all crying about how she was messing around with me whilst she was in a relationship and her blonde mate was crying about how she lost her phone/purse.

 

Way to cockblock, third friend. Both wanted to fuck untill your little interruption.

[Chris]

The near-miss from tonight...

 

 

Chris and I went to KRAZHOUSE tonight with two of Chris' female mates(equiv of gay friends as they fuck less than nuns) for a few bevvies and a bit of fun. Anywho, Chris is great at the contact sport part of pulling.. and me being a world class finisher makes this interesting.

 

Now, I'm going to fast forward quite a bit. I see Chris sitting with two birds after I get out of the bog. Fair enough, I walked over and the the bird he isn't talking too is quite cute so I am like, "Sound."

 

Hell, the mate he would have stuck me with on his earlier bird would have cost him a hefty bar tab(she was a fatty).

 

SO, I start to chat up this bird like, "My friend is talking to your friend... How silly" and she is eating it up.

 

(I later found out that these two birds were 17 and I realised at that point that I could have told her I was a race car driver or something instead of the truth and she'd believe me... which is more fun because of the chance of being caught in the lie... obviously)

 

 

Anyway, I see Chris snogging his bird. She's fit, so well in mate... I am still talking to my bird like she's just going to be a mate and she is still eating it up like it's the fucking cure to her wounds.

 

Next thing you know? Chris has invited the two back to mine for refreshments and guitar hero(Code: To fuck our brains out) and they seem quite keen.

 

I'm still acting like the neutered friend untill I strike! I'm now snogging my bird. Chris is snogging his bird.

 

(Fast forward a bit) and I've got my hands in her tights and two fingers up her moist and snuggly.

 

Her twat mate(the third girl) comes over and is still crying(unrelated bullshit) and manages to distract out birds.

 

....

 

...

 

They go off with her but pledge to come back.

 

...

 

...

 

 

Chris' bird comes back.

 

...

...

 

My bird is still a no show... I look for her. Nothing. I look some more, nothing.

 

She had a boyfriend!(or has... whatever) This girl, was from what I understand, all crying about how she was messing around with me whilst she was in a relationship and her blonde mate was crying about how she lost her phone/purse.

 

Way to cockblock, third friend. Both wanted to fuck untill your little interruption.

 

Third friend. I wanted to kill the bitch. When you were elsewhere and I was at the bar with my chick (man, I wish i'd got her name never mind her number) I asked the third chick (cunt) "so, are you into guitar hero". She looked at me like i'd just shit in her cereal. Buuuuuuuuung.

[Chris]

And Dude, Sarah Jane fucks less than a nun, seriously. But ruth is fuck tastic. I've played "I have never" before and was roundly defeated. Boyfriend though, and a greart fucking guy at that

[Randy Marsh]

Fuckin gutted for you there Mr Unrighteous. I hate that when your through on goal, empty net, and some stupid bint of a mate decides to blow the whistle for offside. Jealous little slut, probably because she was getting no cock, didnt want her mate to either. There's nothing worse than being let down at the last hurdle. You wouldve got a good night out of er if she was 17 aswell. I find that when they hit that 18, they start having morals.

 

Actually, come to think of it, my sister is 17 and sometimes goes the Kray! Better fuckin not have been her :lol:

[Unrighteous]

Third friend. I wanted to kill the bitch. When you were elsewhere and I was at the bar with my chick (man, I wish i'd got her name never mind her number) I asked the third chick (cunt) "so, are you into guitar hero". She looked at me like i'd just shit in her cereal. Buuuuuuuuung.

 

I would have shagged third mate... She was a cunt but she was a fit cunt. Oh well, Karma suggests that some random bar pull will dry plug her asshole because of that cockblock.

[Chris]

Fuckin gutted for you there Mr Unrighteous. I hate that when your through on goal, empty net, and some stupid bint of a mate decides to blow the whistle for offside. Jealous little slut, probably because she was getting no cock, didnt want her mate to either. There's nothing worse than being let down at the last hurdle. You wouldve got a good night out of er if she was 17 aswell. I find that when they hit that 18, they start having morals.

 

Actually, come to think of it, my sister is 17 and sometimes goes the Kray! Better fuckin not have been her :lol:

 

Bro, dude, bra... alnce totally fingered your sister tonight.

[Unrighteous]

And Dude, Sarah Jane fucks less than a nun, seriously. But ruth is fuck tastic. I've played "I have never" before and was roundly defeated. Boyfriend though, and a greart fucking guy at that

 

I reckon I could pull Ruth. She seemed to dig me quite a bit...

[Randy Marsh]

Bro, dude, bra... alnce totally fingered your sister tonight.

 

Ill be having words with her tomorow!;)

[Unrighteous]

Actually, come to think of it, my sister is 17 and sometimes goes the Kray! Better fuckin not have been her :lol:

 

I totally fingered your sister, mate.

 

Sorry.

[Randy Marsh]

I totally fingered your sister, mate.

 

Sorry.

 

Ill let you off, you seem a sound lad.